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dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Hey everyone,

Yes its me Beth, I dont get on here as much as I would like, but I am always checking in and keeping everyone new and old in my prayers.

Just a recap, I am stage 4, been almost 2 yrs out of treatment and still NED (Keeping fingers crossed, scans coming up), I work in law enforcement as a supervisor, extremely stressful, recently transferred from AZ to Texas, and dealing with the loss of my step son 8 months ago, and now my 19 yr old daughter is living with us with my 18 month old grandson (marriage didnt work, needlessly to say I have a lot of stress in my life. I worry beyond words that the cancer will come back (yes I know I shouldnt but when someone figures out how not to worry, please let me know how you did it).

I have my scans coming in next Monday, i am a bit worried, I have been sick a lot, having been losing weight without really trying, probably due to stress, well I am hoping that is all it is. 6 months ago I had my scans they were clear, well 3 months ago my ONC decided to just do blood work, I was against that but listened to him anyway, blood work looked good he said but my CEA did go up, ever so slightly but it did go up. So now 3 months later I am going to have a CT scan, and I ask for prayers that I get clear results.

Now to my question, I recently had the opportunity to ask for a compassionate transfer to a less stressful job, in the same area, just out of the detention setting (I run a 1800 bed facility, with over 35 officers), in order to do this I needed a letter from my doctor, well my mental health counselor wrote one without hesitation, my primary care doctor wrote one too, but my ONC said NO, that I wasnt in treatment so he wouldnt write it, now this info comes to me via a message not straight from his mouth. I was so upset I was crying, thinking this could really mess up my chance to get this transfer and it still may. I see him next monday and I am going to ask him myself why??? Maybe he misunderstood what I was asking, or maybe he thought I would be transferring out of state, I dont know, but I was totally blown away. My ONC in AZ would have done it in a heart beat. Please correct me if I am wrong but doesnt reducing STRESS a good thing for a person that is classifed as stage 4???

I am thinking of firing him, and I wanted to know what ya'll thought, am I being to sensitive or am I wrong?

Thanks for listening.

HUGS
Beth

thxmiker's picture
thxmiker
Posts: 1282
Joined: Oct 2010

Why not ask your previous Onc? Just a thought.

If you feel that this job is to much at this point in time, then your Doc, and Onc should back you up. It is for your well being, and other's well being that you are at top performance. Not to say things will change and you will be able to take on more then.

Best Always, mike

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

That idea did cross my mind, but my last ONC is in AZ and I now live in TX, and mostly because this is time sensitive, I dont think I would have the time to get it done, but I may have to resort to that.

Thanks

HUGS
Beth

luvmum
Posts: 457
Joined: Dec 2010

I personally think stress will cause weaker immune system which is not good for ca patients. Health is far more important than a challenging job! My friend has had recurrence due to stressful job (medical doctor) and in the end, she decided to quit her job for better health.

All the best to your coming CT scan! NED forever!
Best wishes,
Dora

janie1
Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

I'd have to believe your onc misunderstood. In the meantime, don't worry (easy said...i know), but that sounds like it can be worked out. If for some reason there is resistance from the current onc, Mike has a good suggestion...get the first onc involved. Let us know.

janie1
Posts: 753
Joined: Apr 2011

I'd have to believe your onc misunderstood. In the meantime, don't worry (easy said...i know), but that sounds like it can be worked out. If for some reason there is resistance from the current onc, Mike has a good suggestion...get the first onc involved. Let us know.

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I have been so sick for the past few months, I just cant seem to get better, its draining and exhausting. I just need to catch a break, and I had hoped this would be it, I just hope this request will still go forward. I submitted all the paperwork this morning, so please keep your fingers crossed for me. And thank you for the well wishes on my scans, I have been worried something aweful, I cant wait to have some peace..

HUGS
Beth

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

Here any doctor would sign the letter !,.Just to put an example here if you are stage 4 They give you automatically disability for work and start to pay you the full retirement ! . Just tell it to the doc! haha!.
Hugs Beth.

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I'd try and sit down and type him up a letter going over all the facts in a no-nonsense manner. Sometimes the written word carries alot more weight and gets someone's attention rather than speaking; it can be easy to tune it or dial out of the conversation.

I'm sure the stress has been eating you up - it seems after we get cancer we don't seem to have the stamina to "lead or manage" our positions, especially if they are managerial. We just had that "oomph" taken out of us - we can still work but having all of that responsibility can sometimes be more than we need to handle. This certainly sounds like its the case.

I was a manager of a Quality Assurance team and it was very stressful with all the changes that happen in an Information Technology (IT) department. Since then, I still do the testing but without a whole group of people to have to manage, just myself. I've found this to be more than enough.

And while I was managing, my manager really held me to the fire and kept the heat up and I'm convinced that this helped my 2nd recurrence. It was just miserable most days, because she made it that way.

So, I think the less stress can only be better for "us."

I would try faxing your letter over to your doc and try this again - maybe he was too dismissive before.

I do so hope your scans will be just fine. Can't see anything happening to you going 2 years out, but will over here in your corner hoping for the best.

Love/Craig

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Thanks for the advise. I see my ONC on Monday after my scans and believe me we are going to have a real talk. I am hoping he misunderstood, because I like him and would hate to fire him.

My supervisor has been very supportive, he actually wrote a letter on my behalf recommending the transfer, it was awesome, hey I should let you read it:

SUBJECT: SDDO Janie Bennett's Request for Compassionate Transfer

Supervisory Detention and Deportation Officer (SDDO) Janie Bennett is requesting a Compassionate Intra-Field Office transfer to the San Antonio Resident Office or the Field Office.

SDDO Bennett is one ofthe finest SDDOs working within Immigration and Customs Enforcement. She completes all tasks in an outstanding manner and at times, does much more than is expected of her. She knows docket control inside and out and her work ethic is second to none.
Her leadership abilities are outstanding as well. Her ability to work with the employees and motive them to complete their mission is excellent. She takes the time to know the employees and communicates very well with them.

The environment at the South Texas Detention Complex (STDC) is very stressful. For a SDDO, the stressful nature is compounded by the complex cases and the large number of employees assigned to each SDDO. I am not saying SDDO Bennett cannot handle the stress; however, she has had some serious medical issues. Working under this much stress is detrimental to her health and it would be better for here to not be working in a detained environment.

Although her leaving the facility will be a tremendous loss to STDC, it is more important for her health to move to a non-detained setting. I am therefore recommending approval of this request to transfer from STDC to the Field Office or the Resident Office.

I was blown away when I read it, it made me feel better about the decision I had made, I am the type to never ask for something I didnt deserve, and well he made me feel that I have worked enough and do deserve it.

SO I am keeping my fingers crossed, and praying real hard for good clear scans..

Love ya Buddy
HUGS
Beth aka Janie

luvmylife's picture
luvmylife
Posts: 80
Joined: Jun 2010

Beth,

Any healthcare professional should have more compassion for a cancer pt with a stage IV diagnosis. I am hoping that your onc misunderstood your request. It is true that stage IV automatically makes you eligible for disability so why would he begrudge you a less stressful working environment? Something is wrong and he needs to be shown the compassion button or the DOOR!!!

Praying for a clean scan.

God Bless you and good luck with your situation.

Jan

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

THAT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! be shown the compassion button or the DOOR! I literally cried like a baby when I found out he said no, I was at the range (have to qualify with my gun every 3 months) thank goodness I had already finished or I would have probably shot crappy.

Thank you for your prayers, I so truly appreciate them and need them.

HUGS
Beth

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4885
Joined: May 2005

I hope he misunderstood what you are asking for. It certainly is not out of the realm of reasonable requests. I would possibly try it again and bring up the stress factor. Otherwise I would consult your previous oncologist.
Hope scans go well.
hugs
-phil

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I thought it was a reasonable request, but guess he did not. I will see him Monday and find out what he was thinking.

thanks
HUGS
Beth

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Long time no see hope you are doing well my friend...

HUGS
Beth

pete43lost_at_sea's picture
pete43lost_at_sea
Posts: 3908
Joined: Nov 2010

dear beth,

i pray your clear.

I hope you get the letter from onc and the more relaxing job.

set some reachable goals and put the uncertaintly we all have to an end.

enjoy your gradchild.

love,

pete

idlehunters's picture
idlehunters
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

Good to see your name pop up!!! Sure do miss you around here. I talked to Wendy today..she tell you? Anyway.... not so long ago you and me were feakin' over another situation we both had in common .....remember the outcome??? I do... you were doing all this stressing and it all turned out fine...just fine. Don't let these scans do that to you...YOU WILL BE FINE!!! Quit stressin. CEA goin up a tiny bit.... I know how that gnaws in the back of your head BUT.you are still way low in the normal limit.... It's all good girlfriend..ya feel me??????

I'm still gonna send some prayers and good vibes your way...never can have too much of that! I will be in Arlington Oct 23rd for a Cowboys game. They are playing St. Louis. Mark your calendar. I will be by to see you guys and Craig. We can celebrate you STILL being NED then...unless you make it to CP9 earlier that month?????????

You take care

Jennie

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I miss you too, my life has been a whirl wind, but I do check in often and read just dont post as much. I know I know, I try my best, but my gut is giving me bad vibes on this one, maybe because it the longest period without a scan and the last time that happened in 2008, the cancer had come back. Then just being sick all the time, I know stress is a factor, and I am trying to reduce that as much as I can.

Oct 23rd that would be great, but we live about 6 hours south of Dallas, would you be able to make that? Or maybe we can make a visit up to Austin and we could meet there. Suzie lives in Austin we could all meet up, that would be cool. Not sure about CP9 going to d omy best though. Will keep you posted. How is Chuck doing? How was your vacation?

No Wendy didnt mention that you two talked, but I have been so busy and sick, I cant even remember yesterday..LOL

Love ya
HUGS
Beth

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

First things, first. I am praying you have clear scans! No more cancer for you! Secondly, I think you should definitely ask the oncologist why he wouldn't sign for you. I have a feeling you will get the signature!

*hugs*
Gail

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6153
Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry about your job and the stress it is causing you. It sounds like your doctor just misunderstood what you were asking for, especially if the other doctors were so eager to give you the letters you needed. If they don't give you the letter, you might want to consider getting another doctor like you said, or going to your previous one like others suggested. I'm sure that your scan will come out fine and the weight loss is due to all the events going on in your life and the stress. Maybe you need some ativan or xanax to help you. Don't try going this alone. Good luck with your scan and let us know when your doctor says you are still clear. :)

Kim

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I am hoping it was a misunderstanding, will find out on Monday, I see him after I have my scans, and then he will call me with the results, weird I know but he wanted to do it this way, I think mostly because I live so far away, that he thought it would be easier to take one day to do the blood work, scan and then see him and then he could call me with the results. Thank you for your prayers I will take them.

I cant take the Xanax, they kick my butt and I just want to sleep, but I think I will ask my doctor about the ativan, not sure if I have ever tried that one. I like Valum but not sure I can get that one either, but I will ask.

HUGS
Beth

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Beth,

It's really good to hear from you- you've been missed! I thought of you the other day cause my brother in law just read "The Shack" and I remember that you were the one who recommended that book to me.
Anyhow, I'm bummed to hear that you've been so stressed and feeling sick. I'm praying for ya, girl!
I think if I were you I'd take a copy of the letter your supervisor wrote to show your onc on Monday. Before you whip it out, don't be accusatory because people always get on the defensive then & that might not go well for you. Sweetly tell him of your situation and maybe even play dumb pretending that you hadn't heard of his "NO" (you said you heard of it through someone else, right?) Explain and ask & if he tells you yes- great! If he then tells you no, then whip out the letter from the supervisor and other if you have another letter also. Explain how his "no" makes you feel & that you don't believe it matters if you're currently not in treatment- that you're still classified as stage IV and you greatly need a reduction in stress for your overall health and wellbeing. I'll be praying that things go your way with that & also for your scan to be okay.
Keep in touch with us here, okay?

Hugs to you-
Lisa :)

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Thanks hon, yep I see him Monday after my scans, I am mad honestly but I will be calm and first find out if there was a misunderstanding, good idea about the letter I will bring it, and the one my counselor wrote too. I was just blown away by the NO answer, I cant come up with one reason why an ONC wouldnt want a stage 4 person to reduce stress?

I miss everyone here too, my life has been so crazy, but I am thank I have a life to have all this craziness. I will try to be around more, I havent taken any time for BETH in a long time and that is about to change.

I did get a temp assignment for 45 days while higher management decides on my request for the transfer. I hear I am probably going to get it, but there is no promises. I will keep you posted.

Are you going to make it to CP9? I am going to try, need to start looking at airfare. I strongly recommend it, it was the most awesome feeling to be around others that can totally relate to what you have been through without all the explaining...just a great time all around..

Hope your feeling Lisa...keeping you in my prayers hon..

HUGS
Beth

Scambuster's picture
Scambuster
Posts: 973
Joined: Nov 2009

HI Beth,

I would read the riot act to your ONC guys. Make it his problem and you don;t get a result, just change him out.

On another note re stress, it is also important to learn how to manage it. Most people allow external things to cause them stress so there is a some kind of agreement that we all accept to be stressed. You getting so upset about the Doctors refusal is a prime example.

My suggestion here is to get help to learn how to manage stress and that way you can reduce your stress on 'your' terms, rather than have to reorganize the world around you to reduce your stress. I hope this makes sense and in no way am I inferring your work is not a major stress generator, but you know that some people work in these high pressure jobs and situations and never get flustered. It is an art which we all need to learn.

My stress levels have gone way down now. I simply choose not to get upset about things. If I don't finish the work, I just leave it for the following day, delegate it or just let it go. I ask myself, will anyone die ? Will the world end if I don't do this or that ? The answer is invariably NO.

Hope this helps in some way and we look FWD to hearing good results all around from you.

Regds
Scam

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Oh yes you make perfect sense, and thank you for your post. I can say I have honestly tried to do this, however I am sure I can try harder. I completely understand, for the most part no one will die in my business but almost every action or lack of action on my peers or subordinates could land me in jail or jobless, so that is where a lot of my stress comes from. I am the first to admit I am my own worst enemy, I expect alot because I give alot, Okay enough with the excuses I am coming up with, your right, I need to get help in doing exactly what you said.

And I am not 100 percent sure that this transfer will be the answer. I am really thankful for your post, I am going to copy and paste it and keep it to reread, thank you...

HUGS
Beth

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

It is so nice to see you here! I am so sorry you have so much stress in your life, + that your daughter's marriage didn't work out.

I am wondering how many doctors' notes you need? I would think 2 would be lots. Anyway, good luck with this + your scan.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

You can't change a stage IV diagnosis, in remission or not! That is why you qualify for SS easily and why ,y ONC gave me a letter to try Amy get some VA benefits. I am also in remission, stage 4.

Stress at home, just go to your room and tell hubby to stay out :). If there is one.

At work. We we have to learn to shut it off.

Hope your results are NED!!! Hugs!!!

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Hello Hon, good to be here...working on getting rid of the stress, need to focus on Beth more and not everyone else in my life...the request only requires 2 letters, but if I were the one looking at the request I would wonder why an ONC didnt provide a letter, maybe that is because I know about cancer, I dont know. I just wanted ever chance of getting this transfer. But like Scam pointed out I have to change too, or it wont matter where I am if I am the same....

How are you doing?

HUGS
Beth

Paula G.'s picture
Paula G.
Posts: 596
Joined: Apr 2009

I have to agree with everyone. Stress isn't good for anyone and it sounds like you have a bunch going on. Hope you will be able to scale it back a bit and good luck on your scan. Paula

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

Beth, praying for clear scans for you. I, too, am hoping that your onc just misunderstood. I'm sure (I hope) he'll understand once you have a face-to-face with him. and no, you are not being too sensitive or wrong...you only want the support you deserve from your doctor.

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

for your prayers, I have that face to face on Monday, I will let you all know...

HUGS
Beth

plh4gail's picture
plh4gail
Posts: 1238
Joined: Oct 2010

I'm sorry Beth...I'm sooo late coming in with this. If you havent fired the onc yet I think you should talk with him in person. Get to the bottom of why he said no then if the answer is the same you will know for sure why you fired him and feel more at ease with why you're looking for a new one.

Love, Gail

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

no worries, and thank you for your post. I am going to have a long talk with him on Monday, and if I dont get the answers I want I will be looking for another ONC.

HUGS
Beth

AncientTiger's picture
AncientTiger
Posts: 130
Joined: Mar 2011

I'm sure there have been studies and research done on this, and I'm sure there IS a correlation between stress and cancer.

I'm career law enforcement dispatch Beth, so I have an idea of the stress you deal with. Working shift work, sleeping odd hours, and high stress on TOP of having 3 kiddies and a wife... yeah, I can definitely relate. I hope you can get your transfer, and if not I hope you can find a good "release" valve for the pressures you're facing at work. Experiment around with different past times until you find something that makes you go "Ahhhhh-hhhhhhh" at the end of the day. Make sure your family understands that it's something you NEED and maybe even get their help. Give yourself little treats each day, doesn't even have to be anything extravagant, just some little thing that makes you smile and gives you a quick warm-n-fuzzy feeling.

I suspect that your onc misunderstood as well, and I hope your scans come back clean as a whistle :D

BettyJoM's picture
BettyJoM
Posts: 86
Joined: May 2011

I would make sure he totally understands your position and then if he maintains his opinion not to write the letter, then I would fire him without question.
There are too many oncologists out there to put up with that. My opinion
Betty Jo

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