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After Cancer.... Now What?

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

I know that we mostly post about our fight during our cancer treatment but I dont see a lot of postings about the fight we go through after we won the war. So far so good on my bone scan, CT scans, Colonoscopy, and blood work. Dont get me wrong, I thank god every day that my cancer is gone but I still have so many issues.
Fatigue
Memory and concentration changes
Pain
Nervous system changes (neuropathy)
Mouth or teeth problems
Changes in weight and eating habits
Bladder or bowel control problems
bowel problems

It just seems to be a everyday fight. Does anyone else have any after cancer issues?

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

then at times I will get a hot flash and sweat like a pig!! LOL

pluckey's picture
pluckey
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

you too? Dang, I thought I was going thru menopause..AGAIN. I mentioned it to my Gyne and she didn't make a correclation to chemo side affect....hmm

taipei
Posts: 33
Joined: Aug 2008

Hi Brooks: So glad you post this one, I don't post but, I do read most of you guys post, once a while I answer to particular one, because my spelling is bad. I was dx of cc Jun 2003, many surgeries, and about 3 years of chemo, last treatment was Dec 2007, NED since then, big thanks to GOD. "then at times I will get a hot flash and sweat like a pig" is same with me, are you take any medication or some cream for that? Saw a Gynecology few months ago, she gave me some estradiol gel(Divigel) to use, but I have not use yet, I am 66 years old, don't know I should use or not. Please help me out on this one. Thank you, you all are gret.

Winnie in Houston

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

now in recurrence l regret didn't enjoy enough those days because same issues as you are having, so my suggestion is ;after cancer enjoy you are NED all the issues will improve soon, !.
Cheer up!

pepebcn's picture
pepebcn
Posts: 6352
Joined: Aug 2010

all these issues ( that l had too) , are all of them real? can some of them be part of our post traumatic syndrome ? now l realize that in my case some
of them they where!
Hope it help you!

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I was asked the other day by someone who knew my story, if I was now living like I was dieing? I told her no, I just pretty much work. I was one of the unlucky ones I guess that didnt have that big revelation when I got DX'd. After fighting for over 2 yrs, I am left with alot of what you are describing: pain, big time Fatigue, neuropathy bad in my feet, horrible bowl problems, and yes it does seem like a fight everyday.

My partner and I think others dont get it, they keep saying you have so much to be thankful for, and please dont get me wrong because I am very thankful that my cancer is gone and continue to pray it never comes back, but I have alot of hard days. I am able to work 50+ hours a week, but when I get home I am pretty much shot, I dont sleep well, and that just compounds things, by friday I am in bed within 20 minutes of getting home for the day.

I dont seem to have any interest in doing anything, I think its mostly because I dont have the energy. But who knows, live just isnt the same anymore and I cant seem to put my finger on it to pin point it or fix it. Just drives me crazy, and believe me its a short drive for me.

Thanks for this post, guess I needed to vent some. I hate complaining when so many are worse off than me. So thanks again Brooks for this post.

HUGS
Beth

pluckey's picture
pluckey
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

Brooks
I'm struggling very much with the "after cancer"

Physically, very minor complaints - turning into a lardazz and my concentration issues and hot flashes.

Mentally, a whole other story. I cry all the time. I am in a constant state of panic, mostly because of Money, bills, etc...that stress alone is sending me over the edge

As a result, I feel guilty and horrible for not being all love and light and positive and perky for the miracle that i am. I feel like I'm letting down all the people that cared for me, prayed for me, cried for me, etc..by not being this saintly happy person.

During some of the darkest times of my illness, I was overwhelmed by the love and goodness that carried me through it. I really felt I was in a state of Grace.

Now, I feel like a bitchy middle-aged dump of a schlump who is now poor. I hate being like this.

I so badly need to find my way and I don't know how to do it.

I made an appointment at a local Cancer Support Center with a counselor....she mentioned that it's like we're experienceing Post Traumatic Distress Syndrome....

Anyways, I hope you find your way too, Brooks. When you think of all of us who have fought/are fighting so hard, I feel like I owe it to all of you and those around me to live well and be a role model of After Cancer...KWIM?? (know what I mean?)

Peggy

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Are you still going to this counselor? Is it helping do you think? And do you think its best to get a counselor that deals with cancer stuff?

HUGS
Beth

pluckey's picture
pluckey
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

nope, haven't gone yet, made an appot last week. I think I have to change it already because I ahve to go to a funeral the same day about 3 hours from home. I better not let it slip.....

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

Peggy,
You put is so well. I want to be up, I am very grateful-yet-well you must know how we feel.
But how can we be a role model if we don't even know what we should feel like.

I still get angry, I am afraid, I still have phycisal issues and more are popping up each day. I don't want to go back and be the same person I was before, yet that is exactly who I want to be-but I don't even remember who that was.

A friend who has survived Hodgkins and got her 10 year diploma and now battles breat cancer said the first year after treatment is the worst, then gradually it gets better. I want "it" to be better now because I am affraid I will waste my time I have. But what is "it".

I do wonder when will the clouds clear and I get to play in the sun again.

Thanks for the post Brooks, and thanks Peggy for your honesty.
Jan

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

It's obvious that cancer touches each one of us differently.

It is a PTSD I think for all of us, but each of us have varying degrees.

You're right though... even though the tumor and any signs of cancer itself is gone, it sure does leave residual problems, doesn't it?

I am still fatigued. I find it hard to finish tasks. I have to take frequent breaks to finish stuff off.

My memory, I'm finding is improving. Yay for that.

I still have neuropathy. Something I suppose I'll have forever, and so be it.

My teeth need work. Definitely. I can't afford it and I have no dental ins.

My finances suck. It's to the point I can't even make my monthly payments on credit cards and medical bills. I'll be able to catch up since I've gone back to work, but being out of work for even 6 weeks has killed us. We have no savings, and that was blown last year when we found the cancer with surgery and time off then. We still our 401Ks and other retirement, so that's still a good thing. This I'm guessing is one of those big bumps in the road.

I thought a month or so ago that my bowels had finally figured out how to work as a team with siggy (sigmoid) gone, but they again have proven me wrong. LOL

I find I just laugh. If I didn't, I'd cry.

Love and Hugs,

Holly

coolvdub's picture
coolvdub
Posts: 410
Joined: Aug 2009

Brooks,

You are not alone on this one. I stayed home today because I just seem to be in a funk lately. I for the most part feel really well physically, considering all that I have been through the last year and four months. That being said, I am constantly tired, the neuropathy is a bear and this bag really bites. I have missed so much time from work it's not even funny, I know that it can't be helped, but it still bothers me. I have a lot to be thankful for, but I'm wrestling with what to do with the rest of my working life. I have a great job and pay, but I just don't feel fufilled by it. I want to make some sort of a difference in this world and leave it a better place, just not sure what direction to go with it. I feel guilty constantly for having it so good, while others are still fighting for their lives. I think I really need to go see a pyschiatrist or pyschologist to ge a handle on all this.

Don

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Hot Flashes and instant sweats
Tired most of the time(can take a 2-5 hr nap at any time)
Not much short term memory but also no concentration issues
Stiff, sore, and did I say stiff
neuropathy lots of sand between my pads of my feet
can't make any large scale money decisions -house,land,etc...
hate asking someone to help me
no bowel issues
constant over the shoulder thoughts
life is good right now but not knowing how long right now will last is a pisser
One of my main concerns is that it doesn't bother me anymore if I were to die (I am not giving up, it just seems to be a mute point for me anymore..and I hope that is a plus for me because the fear is just not there.....
intimacy is an issue
I am alive and I fought like hell to be alive.....just really not sure how much I am gonna continue to do to prevent it from taking over....I am seriously thinking about quality of life issues....I am alive and the only reason now is for my family...I hate cancer, I hate chemo, and I hate to see families suffering because of it...sorry bout the vent...not done but I'll end for now.......Buzz

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

I know I know....we are surviving....it is so lacking gratitude and grace to whine. It will be frightening for new members but some days (like today) I just despair) some days I think....why don't I just kill myself and get this damned thing over with. Sometimes I am so afraid and ashamed.....a crappy wife....so apparently self absorbed. sometimes i can bring the light to shine but sometimes as Buzz says the over the shoulder glance is sooo strong....where is the beast. I am tired, I hurt, I don't sleep////blah blah

interesting topic...sometimes the fight is easier....now it's just like waiting for the axe to fall

sorry.......end of rant

maggie

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

Boy have you hit the mail on the head for me Maggie...
"it is so lacking gratitude and grace to whine....Sometimes I am so afraid and ashamed"

This book has been extremely helpful, and just this morning I read the chapter on guilt and shame and I realized what was sending me into the long dark deep spiral today. The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You, Karla McLaren.

So I have been apologizing over and over, mostly to me today, and that action helps relieve the load. Incredibly quickly and lightly at times. I have had to apologize to others also when I feel I've done something wrong to them. I apologize today to me, and to my loved ones around me, who of course feel me, for feeling whiny, not grateful for what I have but sad for what I have lost, and for being afraid of what might come. I just send it out there, focus on my intent to do my best (and that's not perfection) and feel my integrity keeping me whole with my spine straight while sitting quietly.

all the best, Leslie

pluckey's picture
pluckey
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

maggie, yes to this

it is so lacking gratitude and grace to whine. It will be frightening for new members but some days (like today) I just despair) some days I think....why don't I just kill myself and get this damned thing over with. Sometimes I am so afraid and ashamed.....a crappy wife....so apparently self absorbed. sometimes i can bring the light to shine

it's such an ugly cycle of feelings

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

what you say about waiting for the axe to fall is such an elephant on your back..and no one seems to understand, all they say is, well just live for now...well I say easier said than done...

sorry venting again..

Beth

glinka65
Posts: 132
Joined: Feb 2009

you hit it on the head every time bud!!!!! you type what i think and i thank you!!!!

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

You know, I started to write a reply to this post with the same tone you all have. Then I got mad at myself for the negative thinking and erased it. Please don’t take that statement in the wrong way. Venting is good. Just not for me today.

Does this cancer crap suck. Hell yes! But today I got the tractor out of the barn. I took a dead 25 foot evergreen in the back yard and just pushed the damn thing over and up out of the ground. Then filled the tractor bucket with dirt and filled the hole where the tree was. Damn, big boy Tonka toys are fun.

Maybe because I am already a mostly dead old guy, I just look at it different than you younger folks. From family history I should only make it to mid 70s anyway. Hell, with this crap I have been rode hard and put away wet. I’m sure it’s already taken a few years off my final score.

I believe in an after life and I have gotten to the point that if I die from this crap I win.
If I continue to do well with it and croak of something else I win. I also give myself the option to take myself out any time I want to. I have never even come close to the 3rd option. For me it is important that option is there. It makes me feel in control not the damn cancer. I have 17 years of retirement under my belt, so I figure I am ahead in the game of life.

I do know that once I get reconnected, I am going to make every doc answer “whats it buy me and what is it going to cost me in money, time and pain” to every damn treatment they want to do to me. Yep, quality of life is going to be my main point of view.

Kerry

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

I need a tonka truck, but Mr Handsome would probably not let me drive it!!! And I don't live in a log cabin-mansion house or have enough dirt to push over my dead peach tree. But I do have some dirt and I do have a plastic trash can (thanks to recommendations from Buzzard) so I will kick the trash can clear across the yard!!!
You all are the greatest!
Jan

Fight for my love
Posts: 1530
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Brooks,my husband's follow up came out good and the oncologist uses word of NED.My husband also has most of the problems you listed,but he is getting better by each passing day.I think your body does need time to recuperate from the nasty chemo.Just take your time and enjoy everyday,you will get there.Best wishes to you,take care.

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

I feel guilty if I have a moment where I hate my life or feel sorry for myself for any reason. Which I know is not right since beating cancer does not give you a free pass on those things, it should though LOL. I definitely felt a let down once chemo stopped, because at least when you are going through that, you are actively fighting cancer, you are doing something about it. I felt such fear when I stopped the chemo that it was the only thing stopping the cancer from taking over my body. Thankfully I was wrong about that part. I DO feel lucky most days. I remember when my mom was going through her colon cancer journey and feeling sad, she would always say "I just want my life back." Well I got my life back. But I definitely have my bad days. I hate that Live Like You Are Dying song, what a load of crap, who can live up to that every single day of their life?

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I am so glad I am not the only one who is going through stuff like this. I was so feeling like I was crazy or something. I guess I have to figure out what my New Life is going to be like. Maybe I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get off my arzz and start living. Again easier said than done....

HUGS
Beth

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Beth.. I dont think it's feeling sorry for our selfs. I think it's something else

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

I just wish I knew what that something else is????

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Yep! And I didn't even have to go through chemo. I have the usual stress from it, wondering if it'll come back, anxiety over scans and bloodwork (CEA coming up on Friday). I find myself being more reflective than before.

I do feel like I have more compassion for others going through serious illness now, and I have a special mission to reach out to cancer patients.

As for the physical, the poochy tummy could definitely go. I feel like my stomach muscles are gone. Cannot get that thing in shape! I also have the daily, persistent pain and periodic hospitializations for that and the partial blockages.

All in all, I'm doing pretty well, but I've certainly been touched by the Beast, and it's a mark not easily removed.

*hugs*
Gail

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Just wanted to know if I was the only one with what seems to be so many problems. Hell yes I'm happy to be alive to kick some more butt and help the others fight!! Need to spend a day with Kerry and knock something down or maybe drive over a car. Gotta love each and every one of you.

Brooks

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Very interesting responses on this thread...love to read everyone's perspective on this subject.

I don't see the responses as Negative, but rather as one of self-reflection and getting in touch with how one really feels.

And during the journey when you are in battle, things always look their darkest than when you've walked across the other side and can look back and reflect on what happened, what you did and what you've become.

Attitudes and opinions change also - this is especially true the longer the journey continues. I see things much differently in Year 6 than I did in my first year.

And the generations we were born into certainly make a difference...different times made different people. As men, we are programmed to be hard core and show no emotion and just show toughness and hardness. I can certainly be as hard as anyone and talk chit all day long. But for me, it's been important to take a look at myself and realize that I have feelings as well on a different level and am able to acknowledge that publically and I don't feel it makes me any less of a man or a fighter.

Enough years have gone by that I am now slowly seeing the reality of how things are and how they might turn out to be - I still have to work for a living and that takes alot of quality time off the table. I seem to fight Cancer and then return to work. Sometimes, that seems fruitless and not self-fulfilling but I gotta' keep cornbread on the table and the lightbulbs plugged in, or we've really got problems.

I wish I could just walk away, fight my fight and then spend the rest of my life helping others and make more contributions to society with the days I've been provided. In and around work, I have been doing this.

I think that once we get through this, we think things might go easier on us, but we know that is not the case. We have to fight very hard to get back to where we were - which is where the normal folks are living - our days are just a little more challenging than your average bear, as Yogi Bear used to say.

To answer your questions Brooks - what do we do After? We just get up and go after it again, for it's the hope of another day that is like the carrot on the stick, ever leading us forward, in hopes of better times.

And in and around all of this, we get a good slice of life in whatever form - we savor and enjoy it and then we get back to the business at hand.

-Craig

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

make your millions + you can do whatever you want.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

Yep, and ever since I stopped working I feel worse

My feet hurt
My hands, arms and shoulders hurt
My stomach is bloated
I have gas, that my 2 year old grand daughter says "poochi Nana," as she hold her nose. Dang Papa!
My short term memory is now horrible
My tummy is sore, can't just sit up anymore, or get up easily.

My back hurts.

I am stiff, and my eye sight sucks. I cough all night and can't sleep.

The only thing holding up is my face.

But, I am glad to be alive!

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

Yes all those emotions run through us and we get to ride the ups and downs and hopefully we mostly respond rather than react.

Craig

"spend the rest of my life helping others and make more contributions to society with the days I've been provided. In and around work, I have been doing this."

you have helped me lots, and others here to, and mnay I haven't met, so you are fulfilling your calling to help. Thank you

Kerry

Gonna hook up the brush hog when I heal some more after the port placement today and cut swaths of weeds and sagebrush. So satisfying!

all the best, Leslie

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

must be the percocet....:-)

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

Heck, I just want to say "after cancer" and have it be about me.

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1721
Joined: Nov 2001

Long term survival summed up in six words.......Ron.

ktlcs's picture
ktlcs
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

I know you've all been through a lot..more than anyone should have to, and I pray you never have to again but..

A different perspective
I am not sick
I have my money
I have my memory
I do not pysically ache all over

The cancer took my husband..I have nothing

Lifeisajourney
Posts: 217
Joined: Apr 2010

this has been a helpfull thread for me, because sometimes you think you are the only one feeling this way. I also wrote a long reply yesterday, erased it and read the new thoughts today and the one from ktlcs hit home the most, what if I lost my spouse, child, grandchild, that would be the worst, more than my mortality. So thanks, that put it back in perspective for me. Also, I just think our ages have something to do with how we handle this horror, I would probably be reacting different if I were 40 and not 67. I will handle the pain in my side, dr. appointments today, colonoscopy next month, 6 month c scans and onc appoint end of Oct. much better for reading your thoughts, Thanks again. Pat

shmurciakova's picture
shmurciakova
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

I just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your pain. I know that my husband means the world to me and helped me so much throughout my struggle with "the beast". I am sure your husband felt the same way and was very grateful to have you. So, you have that..You made a difference in his life. I hope things get easier for you as time goes by.

christinecarl's picture
christinecarl
Posts: 545
Joined: Sep 2009

Wow your post really made me think. I am very sorry for your loss. If I were to rate the worst things that have ever happened to me in my life, my own cancer would come in 3rd place. Watching my mom die from colon cancer was a million times worse then anything I went through with my own colon cancer. I guess in part because when you are sick you think eventually your pain will end and you will be in Heaven, but when you lose someone you really love, your pain goes on forever. Or at least until you see them again in Heaven, which can feel like forever until that happens. I wish I could give you a hug. I was just thinking today, that I feel I have reached that point in my life where God starts taking more people away from me, then giving them to me. A sad time. My sincere sympathy to you. Stay strong my friend.

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

Kathy,

I admire you so much + am grateful always that you are a part of this community. I am guessing your husband would be so proud of you; you are here regularly helping all of us. Take good care.

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

I'm so sorry.

*hugs*
Gail

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

(Oh, no it's that dammed perky broad again!!!!)

I was told, at that point, I had 6 months to live....

Yes, there are many physical changes I still deal with (sorry, y'all, but it's true). Some days, knowing that I'm going to pay, I indulge in a 'sin' food...yogurt, a big frosty glass of milk.

My 'key to happiness' is acceptance. And knowing when and where I can push the envelope. (At Sail Amsterdam, I was on a small tug boat, with a smaller toilet, and on the water for 5 hours. I nibbled stuff, but didn't eat much...didn't want to have a problem).

My fav expression, and mantra on those days I hate all that has happened to me, is 'It is what it is'. Living, even with my 'quirks', is better than the alternative...

In the 6 years since hearing those words, I have met many wonderful (and some not so wonderful) people. I have had to say goodbye to my daughter, my ex-, my beau's mom and dad. I became caregiver to my beau as he lay dying in the hospital from a bad heart and bad medicine. I am now having to deal with my mom's safety, she can no longer live alone.

BUT, I have seen grand things, and things that bring joy to my soul. I have met many warriors, as well as movers and shakers. In the final analysis yes, it truely IS 'All about me'!!!!

BIG hugs to all of you....special hugs for those of you that are struggling...attend a Colonpalooza one time...you will be so inspired!!!!

Hugs, Kathi

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

Ron if you are still on this thread,,,,could you please help me to understand what you mean by " it's only the depth that varies"

thanks mate,

mags

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

I took it to mean that it's the depth of pain that only varies, but not 100% sure.

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1721
Joined: Nov 2001

Old aussie saying mate"I'm always in the S''t it's just the depth that varies" :) Ron.

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

G'day.....ron...You Aussies crack me up...gotta love that expression....hahaha

mags

ninetoes's picture
ninetoes
Posts: 81
Joined: Jun 2009

Yes I do, I just figured I should keep my mouth shut and be happy. My 1 year check in April was good, colonoscopy found small polyp, removed and blood work ok. I don't go back for 6 months.

But,

Fatigue, neuropathy, weight problems, short term memory problems, bowel problems, and just feel down. This posting has helped me, just to know I'm not alone. I don't post much, but I do read almost every day. There are so many people worse off than me, so why do I feel the way I do? As you, I do thank God I'm cancer free for now, but man, some days are hard.

Dave

shmurciakova's picture
shmurciakova
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

Hi there,
I was diagnosed over 8 years ago and have been NED for almost 6 years. I still deal with what I believe to be PTSD. It has affected how I act and what I am willing to put up with (very little). I am often depressed and sometimes I am angry. I know that I should be grateful for every day that I am fortunate enough to have on this earth, and I am for the most part. However, I still do sweat the small stuff (too much). A lot of people say that after a cancer diagnosis they are able to put things into perspective and "not sweat the small stuff" and "live life to the fullest", etc. etc. I don't think that my cancer diagnosis changed any of these things. Life goes on, we still have to deal with the same B.S. we dealt with before (like work for example). Some days I really get out there and seize the day...but I still sit on my butt on some sunny days, etc.
When I look back on it now it seems like a time warp. Like I woke up all of a sudden one day and I was 40, not 30. I am most grateful to be alive and know that the odds were very bad to say the least. I still deal with some things though (watery eye from 5-FU, pooping more than the average bear, anxiety, OCD). Now I feel like I am just rambling, but what I am trying to say is that it isn't all roses and although my perspective has changed and I am doing all the things that I did before, I know I can never go back to the carefree existence that I led before I had cancer. However, I am moving on, slowly but surely.
-Susan H.

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

you know today I thought....I will start a new thread...I will apologize for being weak and negative....but when i continue to read others posts....it gives me such comfort to know you are feeling the same things....

I do apologize anyway.... I have never made 2 years without another cancer....I am right ready to be tested....my liver surgeon isn`t hopeful...it`s been raining steadily for days...I get WEIRD and scared....I don`t think I am afraid to die....there is more to it than that and I am not wise enough to know what it is....is it constant threat

thank you to all who have responded. I too hate the LIve like You are Dying Song....I too am not sure how to live life to the fullest....I am not wise or enlightened.....

I thank you all for your response and pray that we not judge one another

mags

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Dont apologize, you are so not alone....

HUGS
Beth

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Dearest Maggie May

You are not a negative person - you are a person who is searching for the answers to a cancer life, plain and simple. You are certainly not weak - you told me that too one time.

Texas is calling you home, darlin'. You can have your summer home in Canada, and your winter home here in TX. Fredericksburg would suit you to a T.

I've got a great big ol' spot in my heart (and it's not cancer, LOL) just for you and we all care about you.

If we can't get our feelings out here without being pounced upon, there is literally nowhere else to do so. As you and Kimby told me when talking feelings, "Does not make you weak - it makes you strong."

Now, smile with me and as you also tell me "Take my hand."

Love/Craig

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