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You Might Be A Cancer Survivor If ........

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

You might be a cancer survivor if -

You commonly use the abbreviations - dx, hx, rx, sx, tx - and you have never been to medical school.

You can rattle off the brand names and generic names of medications and their uses faster than the nurse can.

You can convert MLs to Ounces.

Boost and Ensure are entrees.

Your expelled gas can carry a tune.

You get excited because your poop was brown or because your urine was light yellow.

Eltina21's picture
Eltina21
Posts: 174
Joined: May 2010

Great humor. Thanks. I definitely can relate to these.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4885
Joined: May 2005

You might be a cancer survivor if - you die from something else!
;-)

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

Well, I proudly wear a BAG of honor, tho what it contains may not be deemed by some as honorable, it IS an indication of life; a sacrifice made in hopes of beating the BEAST .....steve

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

You know when you need a second opinion when:

While waiting in the exam room you notice brochures for a funeral home next to the free samples of Miralax.

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

you actually know the meaning of NED....not a guy from a movie

mags

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

Would also make me wonder whats in that free sample of Miralax.....steve

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

....and one more, using the name of a toy, playdough, as a description of the goal in the bathroom...

ROFLMAO!!!

Hugs, Kathi

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

You know your radiation treatments are being done in a “down home” country hospital when the radiation tech puts his lunch on your *** to warm it up while you get zapped.

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

These are hilarious -- you brightened my day.

Here's my two -- from yesterday alone (I could make quite a list from the last 7.5 years!).

*You know you are a cancer survivor when you have had drugs from A (Avastin) to Z (Zometa)

and

*You know you are a cancer survivor when you know how to flick the IV tube, like the nurses do, to get rid of those little bubbles

Tara

elizabethgd
Posts: 146
Joined: May 2009

Thanks for the humor I really needed some chuckles.. I don't post much,, but appreciate what everyone has to say...

khl8
Posts: 810
Joined: Nov 2009

You bend over to pick something up off the floor and have a flashback!!

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6151
Joined: Feb 2009

This is gross but has happened to me since. You think you are passing gas and then discover - opps it's not :)

Kim

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

Kim,
We be calling them sharts.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6151
Joined: Feb 2009

Oh Kerry you are too funny. I have to remember that one :)

Kim

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

only funny when you have them!!!

Brooks

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

Your trash cans are labeled Regular, Recycle, and Medical Waste.

You refuse to leave the treatment center until the nurse remembers to use the heparin and flushes your port.

The drug store drive-thru knows your car by sight and has the medications ready without any questions.

You know exactly down-to-the-minute when your pump will run out of 5-Fu.

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

And, then again, all of what you say is true!!!!

....You check sunscreen labels to make sure they are safe for hair folicles!

For the CRC survivor: When traveling, you ALWAYS check the bathroom first for a supply of toilet paper and seat covers!!!!

Hugs, Kathi

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

I agree with Kim but on a different angle. I hate it when you make a mad dash across the house jumping over things, pushing kids out of the way, almost knocking down the bathroom door while pulling down your pants while in the air jumping onto the toilet only to hear just a little “Poof” sound. Is that it? I ran like hell for a little fart?

Brooks

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

Brooks,
How well I remember this last Christmas. My 2 sons and their families were all here. This farm house only has 2 baths and I just had to tell them that our bath was off limits. There were a few times I had to clean the damn floor. Hang in there as the problem is now gone for me.

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

Came to sheit and only farted.....Hope your producing some solid ones there Brooks.....steve

(I well remember when I'd never know what was gonna come out;now only my stoma knows)

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

That's hilarious, only because I think we've all been there! But you don't DARE assume the NEXT one will also just be gas!
mary

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

Kim I have those moments also....always in yoga and dare not fart just in case it's more.

Kathi how bout you enter a public building and immediately search out possible bathroom sites....how busy are they...can you find one that's isolated and for sure check paper availability. I even travel with moist little bum wipes for the nasty little surprises..

gosh I hope no "normal" people read these forums....they would think we are poop possessed....teheheh

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Others, the mind....

But we semi-colons KNOW which part it is!!! (Don't we now?)

HUgs, Kathi

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

and sit down gently......

RickMurtagh's picture
RickMurtagh
Posts: 584
Joined: Feb 2010

we are poop obsessed!

Since my takedown I travel with a day pack filled with a complete change of clothes, depends, guards for men, wipes, calmoseptine (a barrier), tucks. Immodium, GasEx and Lomotil - everything I need to survive in the wild. Still I like it better than my emergency pack I used to carry when I had my ileo - I just had way too many opportunities to use that one.

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hilarious! These are so funny, but true! The one where you passed gas while out somewhere or in the car and it doesn't feel like it was just gas... that worried ride home in the car, trying to sit on just one buttcheek in case, then racing to the bathroom- relief- nothing came out! (I've also had the reverse too- such fun).

These are funny and embarrasing (that one too- we've all had to em BARR *** more than we'd like- "Okay, next? Who else wants to take a look?!" lol!
It's nice that we can laugh about it all with each other. We'd cry if we couldn't find someone to share it all with and laugh about it.

Have a great day, everyone!
Lisa

GOOFYLADIE's picture
GOOFYLADIE
Posts: 233
Joined: Aug 2009

Your crackin a smile, not saying a word, because you know you can relate to most; if not all the above comments!!!
Make it a great day all!
Goofyladie (Cass)

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

you wake to the smell of your wifes halitosis.............and it is great !!!!!

Kathryn_in_MN's picture
Kathryn_in_MN
Posts: 1258
Joined: Sep 2009

These are all great. Thanks everyone for the laughs!

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

You are absolutely elated that you have NOT lost any weight.

You know how to push the correct buttons on your chemo pump to "add more volume" when it is beeping and the nurse is nowhere to be found.

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

You know that 5FU is not a bad word.

I think this was originally posted by geotina somewhere else on the board. But this is funny. I don't care who you are. This is funny.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6151
Joined: Feb 2009

Yeah I have thought about that many times while receiving it. Actually then it did mean that :)

Kim

mik3
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2010

When I complained about all the bad things that 5FU caused the technician said "That's why they call it FU". Now I could laugh.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6151
Joined: Feb 2009

You take Metamucil to bind things up, but also take the immodium on the days we can't stop going, probiotics to make sure that we stay regular, prune juice to keep things moving, and your diet has changed because you need all that fiber to keep you bulked up.

Kim

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

~Remember when your mother said "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?

Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

qwe
Posts: 125
Joined: Jan 2009

LMAO!!!!!!!!

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2589
Joined: Jun 2006

hahah keep em coming pooh heads.....

you might be a cancer survivor if even a simple ice cream cone is enough fat to give you intestinal cramps for five hours.

you might be cancer survivor if you ever use the "cancer Card" and dodge out of doing something that you don't want to do by saying......oh I don't think I could do that....or I usually have a nap at that time, or i usually like to be in bed by 7

mags

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

Your definition of "getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.

SemiColon2009
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2010

You can count your chemo treatments by looking at the tree rings in your finger and toe nails.

This is one of those you have to have "been there done that" to think it is funny but it works for me.

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 185
Joined: Jan 2010

Your definition of an "All Nighter" means you slept through all night without having to get up for a bathroom excursion.

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

If your underwear has more skids in it than a downhill ski slope.

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Thanks for the BIG laughs!!

Hugs, Kathi

Geetar_Dave's picture
Geetar_Dave
Posts: 7
Joined: May 2010

We've been having a good time in our family laughing about chemo farts. Well, I guess I laugh more than my wife or two boys when we are in a closed vehicle! The smell can be ungodly. I borrow a line from ZZ Top: "It's in him, and it's got to come out."

We were travelling through a construction zone yesterday, with the smells of diesel fumes and asphalt, and my 14-year old asks me if I thought a nearby dump truck had been on chemo. Man, I ain't that bad, am I??? LOL

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

I can relate to these!

I just realized I already replied to this post back in May. That's another one that tells you you're a cancer survivor... poor memory due to chemo brain- my memory is absolutely horrible now- funny, but very sad.

Lisa

khl8
Posts: 810
Joined: Nov 2009

Amen to the chemo brain, however lately I have been telling people that I am suffering from CRS..... Can't remember sh*&!
That is of course when I can remember the acronym and not stand there saying " I suffer from???? wait, what's is called again, XRS, SRS, NO I got it CRS!!!!
Kathy

Lifeisajourney
Posts: 217
Joined: Apr 2010

who carries clean underwear, lomotil and vaseoline in my purse. No one, other than my husband, and this wonderful, funny group would understand. Thanks. And I blame every mental mistake on chemo brain, and proud of it. Sounds better than senior moment.....Pat

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