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Has Cancer Been ALL Bad For You?

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

We all either face the effects of cancer or are caregivers to those who do. I think it's safe to say that cancer is not one the the best things that has happened to us.

Have you found something positive that has come out of your cancer diagnosis that you may not have realized if you were not diagnosed with cancer? If so, would you care to share?

I have found that cancer has given me an even greater appreciation for the simpler things in life. The bird chirping, the sunrise/sunset, the way light highlights my wife's face...

cbcardb12
Posts: 85
Joined: Mar 2009

he traveled 10 months out of every year. We had truly been leading separate lives, and when he did come home and attempted to resume his role of "man of the house" there was usually a lot of strain because I had become used to running things. While he was away, we would talk on the phone a few times everyday, but for not more than 10 or 15 minutes. Now that he is home, I realize just how much fun he is, how much I truly love him and want to be with him. We go out together all the time, lay in bed to the wee hours talking about nothing and everything, and I really appreciate what we have. We talked about this subject not to long ago, and I told him that I felt that his illness, in a strange way has given us a new opportunity. We just celebrated our 26 anniversay and we are having the best time of our lives!

Carolyn

zenmonk
Posts: 198
Joined: Nov 2009

I get the feeling someone was trying to get my attention. Now that they have it, I am ready for whats next. Spiritually it has been great!

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

For Me and even worse for angel thats all i have to say about that.

michelle

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

I cannot say I've enjoyed any of this and I'd gladly wake up from this 'bad dream', but I have been used over and over to bring hope to others. Also, this experience pushed me to find ways to help in our community. Mentoring was the first way I got involved. Now I'm volunteering at a free medical clinic in our poor county. Staffed by and paid for by Christians, the Rapha Clinic sees anyone without insurance. I do some paperwork and help provide goodie bags to give out as the patients leave. I'm making cross bookmarks (needlework) this week to put into the bags. I'm also their 'staff phlebotomist) and am needed almost every Thursday night.

Brenda3.16
Posts: 211
Joined: May 2009

I also have learned to appreciate the simple things in life. I have realized that so many things I thought were important my whole life really mean nothing.

I also would like to wake up from this "bad dream" as Diane said. I think about it every day, and lately have been waking up in the middle of the night and worrying about things.

It will be a year next month since my DX with stage IV CC. I feel bad that I am still not operable. I try to focus on being thankful that I have tolerated chemo , am still able to work full time at a job that I love , am able to spend quality time with my 14 year old daughter. We are going skiing today ! We got a foot of snow and do not have school today.

Brenda

Brenda3.16
Posts: 211
Joined: May 2009

I also have learned to appreciate the simple things in life. I have realized that so many things I thought were important my whole life really mean nothing.

I also would like to wake up from this "bad dream" as Diane said. I think about it every day, and lately have been waking up in the middle of the night and worrying about things.

It will be a year next month since my DX with stage IV CC. I feel bad that I am still not operable. I try to focus on being thankful that I have tolerated chemo , am still able to work full time at a job that I love , am able to spend quality time with my 14 year old daughter. We are going skiing today ! We got a foot of snow and do not have school today.

Brenda

lcarper2
Posts: 638
Joined: Dec 2009

it sucks no matter how you look at it.

bdee
Posts: 305
Joined: Feb 2009

Amen to that. I can't think of a single thing positive that has come out of this. My husband worries himself sick over me, I can't work anymore at a job I loved, we can't travel as much because my doctor said no time off from treatments, I know I'm going to be dead before my oldest grand child graduates from high school (unless a miracle happens), I've long since lost my faith in a God, I'm stuck at home most of the time with nausea or diarrhea, the sun hurts my skin, so I can't garden (something I loved to do), my eyes have gotten weaker so I can't read as much and I HATE most television, I used to go see my parents every other weekend, now I haven't seen them in months. I can go on more, but I won't bore you with things that if you think about it, some or most of you have the same problems.

Debbie in Arkansas

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

You have lived long enough to HAVE grandchildren. I hope to see my youngest graduate from college. I gave up the job of my dreams a year ago and will probably never work again. You don't travel AS MUCH? Hmmmm....that means you get to travel some, right? I'm 46 and home all day because I can't get around by myself, can't swim even indoors (my passion) because of illness issues right now.....I'm just saying...I have a WONDERFUL life.

My husband worries and I want to take that from him, but he has been so wonderful to me. We are closer now than ever. My sons have learned some wonderful life lessens, even if they won't have their mom around as long as they want. I will leave them with wonderful memories. I enjoy the sunshine from inside most of the time now. I sit in the window and turn my face to the sun; I love it.

I could go on but it is the same list that most of you could name if you tried hard enough. I make it a rule (my only rule with this ridiculus disease) to have FUN every.single.day. No exceptions. No matter how sick I am there is a way to enjoy some of the day.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

Kimby

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

Cancer has been a big slap up the side of my head. It did get my attention. I now have no fear of croaking. I still hope I can be out on the tractor disking in a food plot for the deer and other wildlife. Have a quick heart attack with just enough time to reach down to turn the tractor off.

My values have changed. I used to be obsessed with leaving my kids a big pile of cash. Now, not so much.

It has brought my wife of 45 years and I much closer. She has crohns disease, and now I think I have better understanding of what she has gone through and her obsession with bowel movements.

I no longer sweat the small crap in life. As a former drunk I learned the “let go and let God” approach to problems. Now I practice it for real.

Another strange thing is all the poison they have put into me has put my arthritis in remission.

You are right Phil, there are positives. I think I am happier with myself. When you are happy, you treat those around you better.

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2117
Joined: Oct 2009

I find absolutely nothing positive with this disease. It sucks the life out of you both physically and financially. Tina

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

It gets you down to basics. I am reading a book that was posted here about a man who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and is still alive 14 years later. Before cancer he was a doctor specializing in brain scan activity in conjunction with human behavior. Needless to say he prided himself on his intellect and clinical position. He said when he became aware of his condition that all of that faded away and he learned to appreciate the simple things in life and suddenly status and money meant nothing. He said there were simple little things about his wife that were attractive that he never took the time to notice before and that the possibility of his own mortality lifted the veil from his eyes.
I feel the exact same way. I feel more of a bond with my fellow man. I`ve found that strangers seem to no longer feel like strangers. I just feel like we are all in the human condition together. It`s funny - I have been diagnosed with a terminal illness but I feel more alive than I ever have. I enjoy things that I previously neglected and take time to notice the simple things. Before I felt like I was just coasting through life and now living seems like it`s own reward. Obviously the goal is to live a lenghty life but the veil has been lifted and no matter what happens, I think quality is more important than quantity. With this peace and my faith I am hopeful, but prepared for whatever comes. I saw an internet blogger who claimed to be a healer and whether she was legitimate or not she stated something that struck a cord with me and made sense. She said in order for your body to heal properly you need to conquer the fear of death.

RickMurtagh's picture
RickMurtagh
Posts: 584
Joined: Feb 2010

That being said, my wife found out her job was moving to another state the same day I got the cancer diagnosis. Her last day of work was the day before my first chemo/radiation treatment. She has been able to be with me every step of the way and for every appointment. Fortunately I lost my job in Sept. 09. Fortunately? Yup - now we can spend as much time as we want together, doing anything or nothing. While this can't go on forever and we might have to sell the house and move to find work, it is nice to have a best friend there right beside, along for the ride.

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

Thanks for starting this dicussion. You never fail to get wheels churning and are not afraid to stir things up on occassion but the board would not be the same without you.

Eric

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

Re that faith healer's remark on fear of death:

Check out Hebrews 2:14-15

Sounds like she's got a good point.

Jaylo969
Posts: 827
Joined: Jan 2010

but the lessons we learn are great. I came face to face with my own mortality and came out of it with a peace that is hard to describe.I know that like a jug of milk I have an expiration date....but it is not today.So I seize this day and lovin' every minute of it.The little nit picky things don't matter anymore.I have pushed them aside and walked away from them. Such stuff like keeping the house immaculate...Ha! When the furrballs from my cats become more like tumbleweeds, then I vacuum.That wasn't the case before. I was OCD but now I realize who really gives a crap about dust and stuff? Also, I have learned to say no to people who are always draining me & my little bit of energy. I have caller ID and I use it!

Cancer is a beast but the beast can be fought and beaten down.

-Pat

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

It changed my entire life and after thinking about it has destroyed 2 years of mine and my families life. I think I was fine before and I am fine now, but to give cancer credit for anything is not flyin' here..........Cancer is a POS and will remain that way for me and mine the rest of our lives. It takes without remorse or guilt....

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

You met a bunch of great people on this site. Maybe you could have done without ever "knowing" any of us, but I doubt it.
:-)

ittapp's picture
ittapp
Posts: 385
Joined: Jun 2009

I was DX in May so it is still pretty raw to me, having said that I must admit that money no longer means anything to me. My husband was laid off from a job making a very very high income right before my DX, we went from living large to barely getting by, we sold most of what we own and are now a one car family. It was my daughters birthday last week and she wanted to go eat at a Hibatchi rest. I had to save for this, we went as a family along with her best friend. It was the most enjoyable dinner, so appreciative to be able to get out, and the food was so good. Before we ate out when and wherever we wanted, always taking it totally for granted. Now I see the LITTLE things in life that I overlooked before.We spend time as a family watching cheap movies, and playing tag football to have fun. We don't need to spend money to enjoy life. cancer still sucks in every other way imaginable but it has made me see things differently. Patti

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

I am not giving cancer itself credit for anything. Cancer is nasty and i think we can all agree that nobody wants it and it is a destroyer. What I am saying is that the beauty is not in cancer, it is in the realization of our own mortality. Alot of people go through life planning for the future without really living in the present. Although our circumstances are unfortunate, we are forced to believe in a tomorrow but focus on the present. If that is the case, then we might as well enjoy the ride instead of focusing on the negative. Cancer is already a nasty, mean, unforgiving foe to begin with and we all hate it but I choose to net let it rule my life. The more you let it consume your mind, the more invasive it can become in your body. Stress affects your immune system. It`s not at all about what cancer has done for me, it`s about what I have learned in spite of it and how life is more important than the disease itself. It`s about conquering the beast, not embracing it. I am not implying that anybody here embraces it and I hope I have not Offended anybody by this post. We are allowed to feel however we want to feel without judgment. I`m just stating my take on it.

Eric

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Cancer has given me my "voice" to speak up for my needs.
Cancer has given me permission to put myself first when I need to without guilt.
Cancer has given me a focus for my passion for health.
Cancer has given me courage to try new things like triathlons.
Cancer has given me renewed vigor to follow my dreams.
Cancer has given me permission to rid myself of the extraneous that pulls me down be it negative people, activities etc.
Cancer has given me the Semi-Colons!!

peace, emily

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Is why I love ya Em!
peace
-p

JR's picture
JR
Posts: 140
Joined: May 2009

I have learned how many people actually care about me. My lovely wife has always been there for me, and even more now. My father comes to visit regularly, where I would only see him a couple of times a year before. My sisters have traveled to see me several times. I found out that I work for one of the most caring and giving bosses on the planet.

I get emotional over almost everything, but thats nothing new. And I to have a greater appreciation for the simpler things. My dog playing, conversations wit my grand kids, etc.

BUT, CANCER STILL BLOWS !!!

John

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

I have learned what my husband has been preaching for 30 years, if it doesn't matter, forget it. Live to make you happy and in turn every one will be happy around you. Cancer scared the hell out of me, but I have done everything in my power to not let it take over my body. Thanks to Emily, I take better care of my body and thanks to the Anti Cancer book that Eric mentioned, I know that I am in the right direction. I have always been a doer, and never really rested just kept moving cleaning, ironing, organizing. Now, I move on the treadmill as I read a good book and listen to my IPOD. Work can kiss my >>>>>>.

I am so happy with my life right now and most importantly....with Me.

SueRelays
Posts: 489
Joined: Dec 2009

Hey Nana...can I ask you a separate question...since you are juicing? I just bought one, with everyone recommendations on here:). Just curious, I know you should drink it as soon as you make it, but is it still good if you make some in the morning and take to work??? Although I'm not back at work yet, and love your comment regardint it...I may still have to return, and would hate not being able to drink my veggies!!!

pluckey's picture
pluckey
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

i think my feelings on this question most closely resembles John's answer.
Even with my job loss, piles of medical bills and shrinking savings, I don't stay awake at night because of it..like i would have pre-cancer.

My biggest change is my gratitude and awe at the power of prayer. the incredible prayer warriors around me and my family have been so eye opening and humbling to me. Seeing my siblings so much has been great and reconnecting with several friends from different periods of my life has been amazing and wonderful.

and, to echo John.. Cancer still blows!!!

peggy

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Many people who I would have thought would answer one way had totally different responses. I'm really surprised.

Eric, thanks for your comment. Yeah, I can rock the boat but all of our boats have been rocked by cancer.

Attitude is EVERYTHING

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

That I can't hate anything, or anyone, sure I can complain, but Hate is a strong word for me now, and although I got cancer, it's just another thing that the lord has set me on my plate to fight. I feel like I wasn't the woman I used to be, especially being intimate, and less to do with my kids, getting hard getting to all their activities, hard to drive on narcotics at times, but I really don't let it try to take me over and change me, it's just trying to adjust to a new life for me, eating better, and no more junk, I don't force to eat what I eat on my kids, it's like I have to buy different things for them and them there's my cancer part of the fridge, like my frest fruits, yogurts and all that. I can't wait for the sping and summer to produce more of those cool looking hybrids...we will also be planting for our garden as well, lots of eggplant, and squash, and lots of tiger, pink tomatoes, all these different things Burpees has out now! I don't think of cancer as an enemy, just a kick in the pants I should have been eating like this before, and taking better care of myself, seeing a dr more often, llike I should have beem I may have caught this sucker early, so I'm part to blame for this.

But I have accepted my fate, and not afraid to go, I'm more worried for my kids when I go, as I know how devasted they will be. But I'm not ready to go anytime soon, I'm trying to keep on this!

Hugsss!
~Donna

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Yes, very strong word that is thrown around so casually. Many people wake up, head off to work and never return. The end. I feel I had a wake up call. I'm lucky!

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

I hate cancer. It has robbed my family of so much. It's a tough time right now and I hate cancer more everyday. We are in financial ruin. I made significantly more income than my husband and 6 mos before my diagnosis we drained our savings to buy our dream house. Now that I can't work we can no longer afford the house and have no savings.

However, there have been blessings. My community has provided meals (they just started up again), rides to treatments, a Relay team has 'adopted' me and will be providing the catering for my sons high school graduation this spring....more and more.

My youngest son is the (very) local basketball star. He has had television interviews and multiple interviews for newspapers in the region. Here is a recent quote from one of the newspaper interviews.

"Everyone has someone or something in their life that leads them or inspires them. Tyler said his biggest inspiration in his life is his mother. 'She has helped make me a much stronger person by being strong through her staying tough. She has had a very hard time, but has remained optimistic and has fought harder than anyone I know. She is the true meaning of perseverance. She will not let cancer bring her down and doesn't let it change her life either. She works hard at being at all my games and being my number one fan. I know she is always there for me. She is indeed my hero.' "

I can think of no greater honor or blessing. I love my life.

Outwit. Outlast. Outplay.

Kimby

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

Out of the mouths of babes...you think they don't notice, but they do, and he said it so eloquently! what a babydoll!

My daughter didn't know look I looked at her twitter, and read one of her comments, where she said "Why can't God listen to me, like when I say I wish my moms cancer was gone, and then POOF it goes away!" I thought that was so sweet. But it also makes her on a non-believer in her, thinking he isn't listening to her, and I tell her, he is, because I'm still here. :)

Hugsss!
~Donna

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Your daughter is questioning her faith. That's normal. She is lucky to have you there to support her and remind her of Jesus' love. God is there even if he doesn't always give us the answer we want in the way that we want it. Keep up the good work, Mom!

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

Kimby

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

WOW! What a fantastic son + tribute to you. You obviously have done a fabulous job so far of raising your son! You must be so proud! I hope this tough time passes for you quickly + I am really glad you have such great community support. I love your motto "outwit outlast outplay" + remind myself with it frequently.

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Yes, I'm very proud of him. Thank you for the kind words. I decided on the "Outwit. Outplay. Outlast." after my onc told me at this point I just need to outlast the cancer. First to quit loses. I'm no quitter!

Kimby

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

A good motto Kimby. You certainly are NOT a quitter.
I'm glad you didn't pick "I'll have what's behind door #2 Monty"

Fight for my love
Posts: 1530
Joined: Jun 2009

I hate cancer for sure.I hate to see someone I love most in this world suffering from it.But just because we run into this crisis,I think my husband and I are bonded together tighter,our marriage became stronger and we love and treasure each other more.

It also allowed me to know so many good people in this forum.

Like everybody else,I treasure and cherish every moment in my life and I really appreciate everything I have and stop worring about what I don't have.

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

As Buzzard said, I don't want to give cancer credit for anything. The past two and a half years of my life and my family's life have been majorly stressful with the diagnosis, every side effect of treatment, waiting for each every scan (of which I've lost count how many I've had), not being able to make future plans while wondering and worrying how sick I'm going to be, or if I'll even make it.

With all that said... can some good things come out of bad? Yes. Many bad things have happened, but I am choosing to try to focus and remind myself of some good. Roses grow and bloom after storms- after a cold winter of looking bare and ugly. There's the old saying of when life throws you lemons, then make lemonade. Obviously, it's not just as easy as that.

I am now a stay at home mom. The summer before my diagnosis, I was realllly suffering with my mixed emotions of being a working mom and I remember talking to God in my prayers, saying "Lord, I just can't do this anymore. I don't want to go back to work in the fall." I loved my teaching job, but hated the stress of feeling like I was giving my all to my students, then being too tired in the evenings to give my all to my own children. I hated the fact that my own kids had to go to an after school center every day and that my youngest complained that I never read to her (awful to admit as a teacher, but I found I was too tired to read my kids in the evening because I had been reading to other kids all day long and was worn out). So, I got sick and had to quit my job (watch what you wish for/pray for- lol!) I realize, as sad as it is, that I would not have had the opportunity otherwise to ever quit my job- we would probably lose my house if I weren't now still making 80% of my former income through disability. In spite of my illness, I am so very glad that I am able to be home now with and for the kids.

Prior to getting cancer, I tended to be someone who kept to myself & didn't reach out to others around me for more indepth friendships. I had many good acquaintences at work and church, but not really anyone I could call a close friend. When I got my stage IV diagnosis, I was overwhelmed by the number of people at work, church, and other places around me who reached out to me. Many, of course, probably just felt sorry for me and said the perfunctory things, brought me a meal, etc. I still am grateful for them, however, several real and strong friendships started at that point in time. I have several new friendships that I believe will last a lifetime (and beyond :)

I value people, time, and interactions with people much, much more now. I take the time to try to get to know people around me more now. Life and friendships are a gift, and I certainly don't take them for granted anymore.

"Religious warning"... (some of you may want to stop reading at this point- lol- but I hope you continue)... I know that, for me anyhow, having this horrid illness has strengthened my faith. I know for some people, it might have the opposite effect, but not for me. My beliefs on this are: I believe that God didn't cause my cancer, but since he allows us freedom of choice in this world, anyone can be affected good or bad by the state of the world in which we live in. If God intervened in everything, it'd be like we were just puppets on strings. I believe that God can choose to heal people & that sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. I believe I have had a couple of small miracles (if there's such thing as "small" miracles)along the way, but I do still have cancer. I would never claim to understand the why to why some people get healed and others don't, but I do truly believe that God can take something bad and allow some good to come out of it. Maybe not all things that come out of turn to good, as I will never understand what good comes out of someone losing their wife, mother, etc., BUT I do know that the way I act, speak, behave, or influence others while I'm going through fighting cancer, will definitely affect others. If I'm bitterly blaming God, complain all the time, give up my fight, etc., that would be a negative outcome. If I'm still giving praise to God through pain and frustrations, trying to stay positive, sharing information with others, etc, that that would obviously have a positive outcome. I want to be known and remembered as someone who "made roses out of rain".
I know this certainly isn't in tune with everyone else's beliefs or feelings, but I thought it would be alright to share this, given that the thread was kind of a philosophical one.

As tough as it is- make as many roses out of the rain that you can.

Blessings,
Lisa

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

in my opinion, the price is too high to pay!!!!I did not go thru weeks of radiation, chemo, a 6 1/2 hour operation and now more chemo to be taught anything except my lifestlye led to this, which I knew anyway. While it brought my mortality before my eyes like nothing else and my diet has changed for the better and I probably appreciate life more, nevertheless THE COST (the pain, neuropathy, fatigue, weight loss, etc) was too high for me to give any positive spin to having my cancer. Admittedly we are all unique individuals and this is solely my response to Phil's provocative posting, like you I am trying my best to stay alive and live my life as best I can. Wishing goods results for all.....steve

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

The price is not too high for me. I have struggled for 2 1/2 years with treatments failing me, unsuccessful surgeries, radiation to the liver (everyday for 5 weeks) and celiac lymph nodes (everyday for 5 weeks), multiple complications that nearly took my life.

I am willing to continue on: to face the fear, pain and ugliness, to have my son's learn these lessons. I will continue to sign up for every study, regardless of the personal cost, in the hopes that they will learn something to save one of my children or someone else.

My life is not too much to give for my children. Like you, JMHO. I respect your opinion, also.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

Kimby

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Ya Cancer sucks but it has also been a blessing to me and my family. I found some things I lost.

#1 I found out that my oldest son Cody (15) is one of the most caring people you can ever meet.
#2 I found out that my daughter Alex (12) likes to lay in my bed at the end of the day and just talk to her dad ABOUT ANYTHING!! LOL
#3 I found out that my youngest son Hunter (4) loves to make his dad laugh.
#4 I found out that my wife Tammy is the strongest and most wonderful person in the world and I'm so lucky to have her.
#5 I found out that my brother Joel will jump on the first flight to be with his brother when needed. He'll also call up to 12 times a day checking in on me. LOL, Gotta love him!!!
#6 I found out that after all these years that family is the best
#7 I found out who my TRUE friends are.
#8 I found a lot of really great new friends.
#9 I found out that life is not judged on how much money you made.
#10 I found myself..

This is only 10 things I have found. I could go on all day but I didn't want to drive you all nuts!

Life is funny sometimes
Brooks

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

This cancer brought our whole family closer together. They are taking care of me, after all the years I been taking care of me, and my 13 year old always points that out, Cheyenne..she said "Mom, it's our turn to take care of you" and that makes me cry, since the moms are supposed to take care of them, when Im supposed to take care of them, but they want to take care of, and its taking me alot to accept help. I feel half of what I used to be, not being able to do enough.

Hugsss!
~Donna

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

You're/WE'RE lucky to have her. She's has what I call a "Old Soul". Not many 12 year olds I enjoy talking too. But something is spicial about this kid!!!

Sending my love
Brooks

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

...Cheyenne adores you as well Brooks, not alot of people try and reach out and talk to her, an adult, but she thinks you're so funny and sweet and appreciates you!

Hugsss!
~Donna

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Your post reminds me of an article I read about Michael J. Fox. Loosely quoted he said, "For everything this disease has taken from me, bigger and better have replaced it." It touched me and made me realize the same.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

Kimby

ADKer's picture
ADKer
Posts: 150
Joined: Aug 2008

But there have been some positive changes in my life. Lisa - I have to say that I probably post less than I would otherwise because so many of your posts are so similar to what I might say. I cannot work. Although I feel pretty well, the time demanded for dr appointments and treatment is too great; I worked for myself and it cannot be done part-time. For many years, I struggled with trying to balance work and parenting and I don't believe I did a good job of it. Work probably suffered more but the whole struggle was just very frustrating for me. Fortunately, I also struggled to keep in effect disability insurance that I bought almost 20 years ago so I can not work without dire financial consequences. Not working has relieved a lot of stress and allowed me to feel that I am more available for whatever my teenagers need. They may not appreciate the extra attention, but I do. I also have to say that the stress on me was so great that something had to give. I certainly wish that it had been something less life threatening, or that I had had the fortitude to do whatever was required to destress before being forced to.

The reality is that I will likely not be here for my daughters in the future, and as they struggle with the work/parenthood stress. I would trade in a New York minute any benefit to me for the opportunity to continue to be here for my daughters.

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msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

"I would trade in a New York minute any benefit to me for the opportunity to continue to be here for my daughters"
mary

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HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

I'm still quite bitter that cancer took away my dad when I was only 23. It robbed my children from having a wonderful grandfather and for them to know him.

I've always known that I've had a great husband, and I know he's even stronger in emotions and spirit than I thought. I have great kids who treat me no different now that I've been diagnosed and I'm grateful for that. My kids' friends are also great sources of friendship and love. Cancer has taken away my peace of mind and thoughts that I'll live to ripe old age. I have a feeling it's going to be a financial struggle to pay the co-pays of my physicians, pathologists, lab work, anesthetists, chemo and scans.

I have a boss who will do anything to make sure I'm alright. Any time off I need, I get.

I have a mom who I know loves me. I have siblings who check up on me frequently to make sure I don't need anything. This hasn't changed since my diagnoses.

I'm much more secure in my spirituality. I give God credit for that. I'm not afraid to die, but don't really want to. I'm selfish and want to spend as much time with my family as I can. I want to see grandkids before I go.

Like JR said, I know how many people actually care about me. I also have a greater appreciation for simpler things in life.

Cancer sucks and always will. Its sucks financial security as well as emotional security right out of us.

tiny one
Posts: 467
Joined: Jan 2009

I am amazed at how mild my side effects were from the chemo I received. I am truly lucky, my husband has been so supportive of me the whole time. I am permanently retired. I have found through my support group a second family. My husband and I travel as we can, we don't put things off.

Hatshepsut's picture
Hatshepsut
Posts: 340
Joined: Nov 2006

I admire those of you who have the calm to find positives in the colon cancer experience. I'm reminded of that old saying: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Unfortunately, in my case (as a caregiver for my husband), I have yet to be able to find any sugar to add to the lemon juice. We are now three years and nine months into this fight and I still find myself devastated by my husband's diagnosis and by the many health challenges he faces.

I admit that I came to this battle with a lot of baggage. My father died of multiple myeloma many years ago. He was a gentle and truly kind man. He suffered mightily and lost his life not only because of the cancer but because of a dysfunctional system of health care delivery. It was decades ago and we had no health insurance and little money. Although, admittedly, a lot of the promises for financial assistance from pharmaceutical companies and health care providers today are a chimera, imagine what it was like to face that awful disease so long ago with no hope for help. My family never recovered from that experience. Never.

While I can't bring myself to say that anything about my husband's colon cancer has been good, I can say that we have found some kindness in the world that I/we didn't expect: an oncologist whose soft speech and gentle reassurance buoys us on truly bad days; a prominent surgeon who makes house calls rather than have my weak husband struggle to travel to his office; a charge nurse who throws her arms around us for comfort and solace; a family pet who wraps herself around my husband's body to protect him from an enemy she knows is there but she can't possibly understand; a friend to writes me e-mail notes about politics and books but understands when I'm too tender to talk about cancer.

Hatshepsut

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sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

And agree with everyone! Cancer sucks the life out of you, and those around you. At the same time, it makes you appreciate the little things in life and the true meaning in life. However, I would not wish this horrific disease on anyone!

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