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phoebe1017's picture
phoebe1017
Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2009

I know I haven't updated everyone on Michael's condition but I've been a bit overwhelmed with everything that is happening. I had hospice come and they are going to have a nurse come twice a week to check on us.

It's hard for me to decide how much to share about what is happening with Michael. His decline has been very swift and painful for me.

It is hard to find a balance with the pain meds. If I give him the amount of medication the hospice wants me to give him, he is completely unresponsive which means I can't get him to eat or drink anything. If I decrease the meds, he is somewhat lucid and can recognize people and communicate a bit. But with that comes the problem if him trying to get out of bed on his own and he is still somewhat disoriented and very weak. Unfortunately the decision is going to be out of my hands very quickly. It is becoming increasingly difficult for him to swallow pills. I will probably have to give him a fentanyl patch tomorrow.

This disease is wretched!

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Phoebe,

My heart is heavy for you and what you're going through with Michael. What you wrote sounds like what I just saw in my father in law. I just got back from spending the day at my in-laws' house. My father in law is in the very advanced stages of Alzheimer's. My mother in law had to go somewhere today, so I went and stayed with "Pa". What you said about the meds controlling if he sleeps or is more lucid and tries to get up sounds familiar. If he were to get up, he'd fall down. I was worried while I was alone with him that he might try to get up, but he didn't, thankfully. I sat by his side most of the time. Hopefully, someone from hospice care will be coming in tomorrow to help.

Some similarities here, but definitely different as my father in law is 81 years old and has Alzheimer's not cancer (although he also recently had merkel cell cancer).

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Yes, this disease is so very wretched!
I am praying for you right now as I type this. My dear, this is probably the hardest thing in life you'll ever have to go through. I wish I could snap and make everything better, but such is life sometimes. Life can be so very hard.
I'm praying for comfort for Michael and for you...strength, restful nights, and courage to face the days.

Hugs,
Lisa

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Dear Phoebe,
My words are inadequate. I think of you often and say a pray for you and Michael when I think of the two of you. You obviously love Michael so much and you are taking great care of him. I am so sorry this horrible disease has taken this path.

With aloha,
Kathleen

MelanieT's picture
MelanieT
Posts: 188
Joined: Nov 2009

I am so sorry for all this disease is and what it does to all of us, caregivers included. I will continue to pray for you both and know we are all here...

Loves,
mel

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

wishing things to be different knowing that they may not. I am so upset to see some of my friends in this way......Phoebe, Michael, we all love you both.......Love and Hope, Clift

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

I remember my beau laying flat...and disoriented...and in pain...

SUCH a tough road for you to hoe, dear soul!!!! Does he have a feeding tube in place yet? If so, one of my patient partners had his meds push thru it...made things MUCH easier!

Know that I am sending prayers for you both...

Hugs, Kathi

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

I think alot of the end at times, and know one day I will be in that place Michael is in, and know how hard my hubby will have it, watching me go through this, and I hope to make it easy as possible, and sure don't want to suffer, he knows my wants, but do the pain meds help the pain? I don't want to be in pain is all, don't care if I'm lucid or not, as long as I'm not saying stupid things. I know how hard this is for you, both my parents were taken from cancer, and it's not easy to watch. I'm sorry for you Lisa as well to watch your FIL go through Alzheimers, such a terrible disease, which took my grandmother.

You will both in my prayers, I hope something more comes up for Michael to bring him to feeling better, and my positive vibes are with you, it's a scary time, and really rough hearing all this news this month with a few of our brothers and sisters, I am really saddened.

Hugsss!
~Donna

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Both of you have been on everyone's minds non-stop since your post - everyone is saddened by all of this news and it's frustrating to stand by and not be able to help. As Buzzard said, when one of us hurts - we all hurt.

We love you and will keep hoping and praying for you both. Thank you so much for keeping us posted - I know how difficult it must be, as you say, to know what to disclose and what not to.

I've never stood in a CareGiver role, so I think that all of you are the bravest and best I've seen.

Wretched is right.

All of our hopes and prayers to you both
-Craig

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

Phoebe, I'm so very sorry for all you and Michael are going through. I do keep you in prayer and have asked others to pray.

I remember when Angel was dying, his wife was heartbroken because the medication did not control the pain. She had to go it alone until the last morning! I am very happy to hear that Michael seems to not be in a lot of pain. I'm sure you would love to be able to talk with him during this time, and like Lisa said, this is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but you'll get through it and someday these visions will be replaced with happy memories.

Are your mother and sister there with you and can they stay? Oh I wish I could just come and let you cry on my shoulder.

Praying that Michael remains pain free and that his crossing into eternity comes quickly.

In love,
Diane

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

But i know all to well what you are going threw and what lies ahead , My worry also was angels pain but it was out of my hands.. I stayed close and told him often I love you sometimes he would respond and say i love you too other times he could not. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

michelle

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6222
Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry that you are going through this. You are in a difficult situation with the pills, but hope that he is just comfortable. My heart and prayers go to you, husband and family. This has to be very difficult on you as well. May God comfort you.

Kim

Patteee's picture
Patteee
Posts: 950
Joined: Jul 2009

I remain so sorry and so sad that both of you are having to go through this. You two are never far from my thoughts and always in my prayers. I hope the upcoming days are peaceful, painfree and full of light.

abmb's picture
abmb
Posts: 311
Joined: Sep 2009

Phoebe, I am so sorry to hear of Michael's declining health. I am sure that you are doing what you can to help Michael be comfortable and this has to be the roughest time for you. I will pray that God be there for you and guide you through all the decisions that you will have to make. God Bless. Margaret

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Phoebe,

I am so sorry for what you and Michael are going through. I know it must seem like everything is spinning out of your control right now. I wish I could do something to change things. I will definitely pray for comfort and peace during this painful transition.

*hugs*
Gail

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

My heart goes out to you both. Thank you so much for sharing what you do share; it's enough. There are times when I wish I had a magic wand to make things different. This is one of those times.

love, Leslie

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry and am holding you and Michael in the light at this moment.
Audrey

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

Phoebe, I remembered you and Michael in prayer last night and this morning. May God bring comfort to you both.

In love,
Diane

phoebe1017's picture
phoebe1017
Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2009

I can't thank you all enough for your love and support. Michael was just diagnosed back in August so I haven't been on this site for very long but I am still in awe of the outpouring of genuine care and concern. I have nothing but hate for this awful disease but it gave me the opportunity to experience a deep and unexplainable connection with many kind and loving people.

Michael's condition is a little worse each day. My sons and I sit with him and talk to him even though he is no long able to respond. We try and make him as comfortable as possible and let him know that he is OK and that we will be OK.....that's the best I can do at this point.

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Phoebe, Keep talking to him, he can hear you and can feel your love. Tell him that he has a lot of very special people thinking of him every moment of the day. You're doing a wonderful job by staying with him. He's a lucky man to have you and the boys so he will not pass alone. His job may be done here but he's needed in Heaven. Tell him Brooks from San Diego sends his love.

Life is funny sometimes
Brooks

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2117
Joined: Oct 2009

Ditto what Brooks said but from George and Tina in Livonia, Michigan.

lcarper2
Posts: 638
Joined: Dec 2009

please don't lose site of your health and well being I know it is hard you want to take care of mike and than there are the children and then there is his family and your family to tend to . Been a caregiver for my parents and you can get run down and sick very easy. I think you said hospice was comming in My advise is when they are there you need to get out of the house take the kids for a hambuger or run errands but you need to get away if only for 30 min. it will help you with the stress you will have later down the road. I am praying for you and the family.

Patteee's picture
Patteee
Posts: 950
Joined: Jul 2009

sing to him- "Michael row the boat ashore..." comes to mind :)

I am so glad you feel us around you holding you and Michael close.

krf's picture
krf
Posts: 99
Joined: Dec 2009

You and Michael are never far from my thoughts. I am so sorry for your suffering, so glad Michael has such love and care at this time, and so angry at this disease that is causing such pain.
Love and peace to you and your family.

Kim

sfmarie's picture
sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

Phoebe, I am sorry to hear of this news. I am keeping you and Michael in my prayers. I pray that we find a cure for this disease in 2010. It is such a monster.

ann2008's picture
ann2008
Posts: 119
Joined: Nov 2009

My prayers are with you and your family. This time is hard right now but do remember to take care of yourself. Take a break when Hospice is there like someone said. Ann

chicoturner's picture
chicoturner
Posts: 285
Joined: Apr 2009

My prayers and thoughts are with you. I pray for your peace thought this.
Jean

melissaincali's picture
melissaincali
Posts: 34
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Phoebe,
I think you joined the board at about the time that I became a little less active with my husband's fight being closer to the end. Just wanted to let you know I feel your pain and ache for you. My husband passed away at age 34 right before Christmas. I thought I would want/need a break from this stupid cancer world, but I find myself still checking the board once a week to check on the people who were so supportive and kind this past year.

Unfortunately, I have been where you are. Please know my prayers are with you and your family. Also, please PM me or let me know if you have any questions or if I can help you in anyway.
Melissa

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

I haven`t been posting that much lately but I have been following your posts and waiting to hear the updates. I am truly sorry to hear that type of news. You are a real trooper and Michael sounds like a great guy. This disease is wretched and the whole thing stinks. It sucks to go through it and probably sucks even more for our loved ones to watch it happen to us.
I`ll keep you and Michael in my prayers.

Eric

claud1951's picture
claud1951
Posts: 429
Joined: Jun 2007

My thoughts and prayers are with Michael and you and family.
Cancer surely does suck!

Claudia

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

Phoebe, I just wanted you to know that y'all are never far from my mind and always in my prayers.

Diane

ittapp's picture
ittapp
Posts: 385
Joined: Jun 2009

I pray for you and your family daily. Patti

phoebe1017's picture
phoebe1017
Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2009

Michael lost the battle this morning around 9:30 AM. Me and my boys were at his side. I didn't think I had so many tears left in me but the tears are still coming and I wonder if they will subside....

abmb's picture
abmb
Posts: 311
Joined: Sep 2009

Phoebe, I am so sorry to hear of Michael's passing. I can't even imagine how you feel right now. Just know that Michael is now at Peace and no longer suffering from this terrible disease. I will keep you and your boys in my Prayers. Again I am so sorry. God Bless you and help you through this difficult time. Margaret

amyb15's picture
amyb15
Posts: 109
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Pheobe;
I am fairly new at posting but have been following all of your posts. I was very sorry to heat about your husbands passing. You were the best caregiver you could be, he was lucky for that. i hate this disease and wonder why there is no cure yet when there is so much modern medicine and science.
I am also a relative of someone with stage 4 cc. She was 42 and was diagnsed in 3/09. It comes as a toatl shock and is all consuming. I am so very sorry for you and you sons. You are at the top of my prayer list tonight
Amy

kapper48's picture
kapper48
Posts: 85
Joined: Aug 2008

Phoebe
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Michael. You and your boys are in my thoughts and prayers.
Pat

Mike49's picture
Mike49
Posts: 269
Joined: Nov 2008

I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your children. Anytime you need to talk, I am here.

Sincerely,
Jenny

phoebe1017's picture
phoebe1017
Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2009

Michael lost the battle this morning around 9:30 AM. Me and my boys were at his side. I didn't think I had so many tears left in me but the tears are still coming and I wonder if they will subside....

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

in my heart, and grieve as well for your loss. Thank you again for sharing all your updates with us. It is a special bond to be together doing the good and the tough times.

much love, Leslie

heatherstar70's picture
heatherstar70
Posts: 39
Joined: Sep 2009

i am so sad to hear of your loss.. i hate this disease so much.. i am at a loss for words.. i will pray for you and your family.. i hope god gives you peace. and i know he will.. my thoughts are with you through this difficult time..

Heather

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Phoebe,

I feel crushed to hear this news. I am glad that you and the boys were at his side when it happened. I'm wrapping my arms around you in thought and in prayer.

May God carry you through this difficult time-
Lisa

Paula G.'s picture
Paula G.
Posts: 596
Joined: Apr 2009

Oh Pheobe I am so sorry. Tears are just rolling down my face. Please Know that you and your family are in my prayers. I have so many mixed feelings. This board has helped me so much. I do get attached to the people here and it is so hard to hear this. Paula

phoebe1017's picture
phoebe1017
Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2009

Michael lost the battle this morning around 9:30 AM. Me and my boys were at his side. I didn't think I had so many tears left in me but the tears are still coming and I wonder if they will subside....

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I am so very sorry for Michaels passing. I feel a terrible loss for our family here, and for your family also. I can only offer my sympathies and condolences to you and your family during this time. I know that you will keep Michael in your memory and that the boys will become young great and kind men, just as he seemed to be. He will be missed dearly and time will help you and the boys get through this. I will keep your family in my prayers and my offer to help in anything you need is always there. Much love from my family to yours...

Always Love and Hope, Clift

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Dear Phoebe.. I'm so sorry for your loss. You and the boys did the right thing 100%. I hope and pray that when I pass it's at home with my wife and kids by my side and knowing I am not alone and that I'm loved. What a way to go you guys!!! He's needed in Heaven now to show the rest of us the way. Dear; Michael.. Hold the door open for me, See you again someday my friend, I love you!! RIP

Brooks

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, Michael. You and your family have been in my thoughts and in my heart for the past several days. I am so very sorry. The pain is palpable. I will continue to hold you and your boys in the Light.
Audrey

Patteee's picture
Patteee
Posts: 950
Joined: Jul 2009

and now my tears fall
for
your loss and ache deep within
for
your boys and what they have been through and the loss they will always feel
for
Michael- a smile Phoebe- because he is free now, free from pain and in the hands of a loving and giving Lord
it is not the ending any of us wanted for him, or for you, or for your children
please remember what you told Michael over and over and over
"we will be OK"

deep hugs and warmth from Minneapolis,

Patteee

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2117
Joined: Oct 2009

I hate this disease and what it does to families. I am so sorry. I had hoped and hoped and hoped but it was not to be. You are so courageous and must have loved Michael so much, you did everything in your power to help him. He was a very lucky man to have you. With much love and sorrow - Tina

Kathryn_in_MN's picture
Kathryn_in_MN
Posts: 1258
Joined: Sep 2009

I am so sorry for your loss.

What can anyone say? It is so hard to see good people dieing too young from this awful disease. I hope you find some comfort knowing he is out of his pain now. My wish for you is that each day the hurt is less, and time brings you more and more smiles at good memories, to replace the pain and tears of saying goodbye. You and your family are in my prayers.

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of Michael. You and your boys are in my prayers. I think we all hate this disease that has taken someone away from us. May God grant you peace as you and your boys face the days ahead.

banma
Posts: 9
Joined: Jan 2010

May you & the boys draw strength from your memories of Michael.

Death comes for all of us, but only the lucky are surrounded by loved ones.

lcarper2
Posts: 638
Joined: Dec 2009

I am sorry for your loss but I am rejoicing in the fact that he is with cancer no more he is free of what burdened him and he is in the arms of the Lord , we are left to cry and wonder why some one so young had to leave this earth so early , the Bible tells us that when it is time for us to go it is because there is something in the future that we are being spared of. I didn't know you that long but it was long enough to know you loved your husband and will miss him forever. Please know I am praying for you and your family.

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