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To: The Semi;Colon Nation - I Received Disturbing News Tonight - A New 2010 Sundance Update

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Well, I had a long ride home tonight after work – just alone again with my thoughts trying to digest the news I was not expecting to hear from my oncologist.

I experienced a very Good High followed by a Low Low – and it all happened in 20 minutes with one phone call from the onc as I was leaving work.

Let me back up just a minute...

Buzzard had opened up a post at Christmas on what we all wanted for the holidays - I wanted "health" for everyone on the Board, or at least Peace and Calm for the holidays.

Personally, all I wanted was a new Golden Retriever puppy for me and my wife. We’ve been working with a couple who’s had us on a waiting list for close to a year – we missed the Christmas litter, but they told us we were still on the list and in line for a new Golden puppy for late January.

And she sent me pictures of this beautiful new furry angel, so golden and so pure – I was smiling ear to ear and had that proud feeling you must get when you are having a baby. I was so proud to finally see this little face and picture him being with us - it became REAL that very instant. I might be a “Papa” again and it was so emotional to think that this guy might be coming to take Sundance’s place. I wasn’t sure if I could ever “love” again, but after seeing that Angel’s face, I fell hook, line, and sinker.

So, I was on a high when I left work and started to drive off the parking lot – and then…I received a call marked Private Call and I pulled over to pick it up, because my onc had been trying to get a hold of me but my phone had gone dead and was just checking voicemails when the call came in. I figured it had to be him, and it was.

What I have not told you, was that I had a follow-up CT scan on Dec29th of 2009. It was supposed to be pre-cautionary and just routine – the onc just wanted to see how things were looking following the DaVinci surgery.

I did not post, because I did not want to waste everyone’s time and I figured the scans would be “all clear.” Especially after just having tumors removed from my lung.

My surgeon had wanted to wait until Mar2010, but the onc wanted it right away, so I went ahead and did it – now, I’m glad that I did.

There’s a NEW spot on my lung now – much bigger than the other ones just removed, which mercifully were benign. I’m not sure how we missed this during the surgery but with all of the hoopla surrounding that surgery, I guess we just missed it. It was not present on the last CT scan just 3 months ago.

So, now we’re back to where I was 7-months ago when I joined the board – another tumor and wondering if it is Cancer or is it just benign like the others? Sort of like “Is it Live or is it Memorex?” That’s for the Ol’Timers who still remember what cassette tapes are, LOL :)

At this point, he is not sure what he is looking at – he has run this back through Dr. D, (Mr. DaVinci) and is waiting to hear back what his opinion is of this new mass. The early talk from our phone conversation today is Radiation to the Lungs (no way as I said in my articles) or another lung surgery – Craig vs DaVinci Part II.

We will probably end up doing a PET scan next after they confer and give me their opinions – if the PET scan lights up, then it’s back to DaVinci for me more than likely, it's the only way to really know and give me an answer one way or the other. I’m still no way over the first round with that machine with my rehab. Still got plenty of healing left to do. Where they put the chest tube hurts so bad, well it just hurts really bad still. All I can do right now is just wait and see.

He told me not to worry – but guess what I worried and thought about it all the way home and as I’m writing this to you. I did not feel sorry for myself, but rather just got sad at again having to deal with this again after 6-years of this BS – as Al Pacino said in Godfather III, “Just when you try and break away, they pull you back in.”

I teared up a little thinking about another surgery and whatever else might or might not come – I got briefly upset and then got the “1000 yard stare” just weighing the options as I creeped along in traffic in my metal coffin (my truck) along with thousands of other drivers, completely oblivious to their presence.

So Buzzard, you can see how your Lung Exray post was “impeccable timing.” Because as you and I and many of us tell folks not to worry about scans and their consequences and live your life, when It comes your turn again to take that spin in the barrel, it again brings forth many memories and stirs up the anxietes of what you could be facing one way or the other and what you have to “wade through” on our individual journies towards Good Health and Wellness.

I thought maybe after 6-years that I could finally catch a break, if only for a short time – and I did, I got 24-days worth this time through. It’s possible that this won’t be Cancer and possibly another benign tumor – probably going to take a surgery to find out for sure though.

I’ll just have to take it one day at a time – it is comforting to have ALL OF YOU to talk about this with tonight – I’m alone again tonight, Kim on the night shift. I have not told her anything yet and don’t plan to for a day or so until I get some info – she is so happy to see those puppy pics, that I can’t rain on her parade tonight…I’m afraid it would just about BUST HER WIDE OPEN. She has been through so much and is at the end of her rope – and she if fighting her own health problems and I don’t want to worry her just yet. I will tell her, so don’t worry about that.

My TV debut was “bumped” here in the Metroplex due to the weather stories – but is schedule to air now on Jan21st, 2010 – so when I get the link, I will post it. I want you to see it more than ever now –it’s a good story.

I’m OK – being able to talk with you tonight gives me some kind of control and empowerment. I realize that once again, I’ve got to go through some more stuff to try and get to where I want to be.

It seems like me and my boy, Phil, just can’t get a break with these lung surgery procedures. So, 6-years and still going like the Energizer Bunny – I always like a good fight and I’m up for this one too – it won’t be overnight as we’ve got to go through “the process” again – and you know how long that can take.

Thanks for listening tonight - everyone keep fighting - I sure am! This $HIT ain't gonna' beat me - one more surgery and then maybe things will settle down - I just can't get enough of this :)

Semi;Colons ROCK!
-Craig

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

so Im gonna leave it at that...You know what Im thinking....you got everyone in your corner bud.......Love and Hope, Buzz

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

I'm not going to get upset. I'm going to pray and ask God to let this be a benign cyst or something totally harmless. Just a pocket of scar tissue or from healing.

Please let me know when you'll be having the PET so I can pray during that time! We love you so very much and want good things, good times for our dear friend.

So, when will we get to see your new baby?


Diane

luv3jay's picture
luv3jay
Posts: 534
Joined: May 2009

Hey Craig! I'm sorry to hear about this latest news. You have inspired me so much. It seems as though there aren't many of us *lung met* patients as there are liver mets, so I always found such hope in you and Phil's fight! As you know I had VATS x4 on my left lung back in August but there were too many in the right lung to operate. So we did more chemo. We had really good success with that, so he put me on 4 more treatments of chemo which I STRUGGLED to make it through! Now I waiting to be rescanned on Friday but since Monday is a holiday, I have to wait until wed the 20th for the results. Its my hope that things dimished further or at least stayed the same so I can get back in the OR for the right lung. So, my dear brother, I know EXACTLY what you are feeling right now. All I can ask is that you be strong! I too lost one of my beloved German Shepherds a little over a year ago and even though I still had one (and 3 kids) our house just seemed empty without Jagr. But it was such a struggle for me to think about getting a puppy because it was always in the back of my mind as to whether I would be around to raise him. But I stepped out on faith and hence...we have DUSTY!!! So I have Jordan, Jaime, Joshua, Jaelyn, Jagr (may he rest in peace) and DUSTY! LOL! Anyway, all of that is to say, just take one day at a time, live in faith, live on purpose and know that I am praying for you every step of the way. Be blessed my friend.

-Sheri

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

Craig,

I am so sorry to hear this, but hope it is benign like your other spots. I am cheering for you + good results! Waiting is the hardest part of all this.

lizzydavis's picture
lizzydavis
Posts: 893
Joined: May 2009

I am so sorry to hear this news but remember it could always be a lot worse. Yes, it upset me to hear this but I know that you will get through this as you have before. Hold tight and fight! We are with you in our daily thoughts and prayers. We love you!

Lizzy

lcarper2
Posts: 638
Joined: Dec 2009

I am praying for you in the yet another chapter in the book of kicking cancers butt. You have given me so much hope since I joined this wonderful family. There is times when I am having a bad day and we all know with cancer you have good days and bad days and days that just suck but if I am having a suckie day I log on to here and read some of the post from others and it will lift me up and get me into a better mood. You have alot of strength and the power of believing that a higher power is in control. Please know you are loved and being prayed for claim the healing now and the rest will be a piece of cake...

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Craig, It's your Semi;Colon brother from another mother here to try to get your mind off of that scan, If not for a day or two but at least for tonight. What I'm thinking it's scare tissue from the last surgery. If it was cancer and was that large I would think that your onc would be able to tell. It just don’t make sense that it would be anything else so soon. That's coming from Dr Brooks so it should be as good as gold. You get that puppy because you don’t let this run your life... You live it to the fullest and that little puppy is the key. I don’t know what I would do without my dog Curly to be with me everyday. She seems to know when I'm upset or having a bad day as she's curled up at my feet as I write this. I truly believe that everything will be okay. I know it's hard at times but we're here for you and you can PM me anytime. As you said "Semi;Colons ROCK!" It because we stick together and we're always here for each other. Your job in this world is far from over. Keep being YOU!!!

We love you Craig

Brooks

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Craig,

I'm SO sorry to read this. As others have already stated, I do believe it's gong to be okay, but I HATE for you to have to go through the worry and the pain and all the mess that goes with this. I will be praying it's benign.

My heart is hurting a lot right now, because I just purely love you. You're such a wonderful man and a great friend to all of us here.

Please keep us posted and know that we are always ready to support you in this fight.

*hugs*
Gail

P.S. Give my love to your wife, as well.

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

I am pulling for you, Bud. You are a true fighter and you can go another round. Just sit down and listen to our own CD that you made for all of us. I know,Christmas is over. So what? It's great music.

Many hugs and loads of good thoughts. Vicki

idlehunters's picture
idlehunters
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

I love you , man! I know you are going to be just fine. My situation just seems like nothing compared to yours. A little *** met or *** break....wtf! YOU baby...are in my prayers...my thoughts. Kimby was lurking on the boards tonite. She sent me a PM when she read my post and said she was praying for me and I was special to her. That really made me feel good. She did not speak of her own health. just knowing she is lurking tells me she is feeling better. So everyone know...she is still checking on us!!!! We are family...that is what we do. Love to you all.

jennie

JDuke's picture
JDuke
Posts: 443
Joined: Nov 2009

it saddens me to hear the news about the scan results, because the uncertainty and waiting is so undermining of our energy and attitude. Try not to worry. Focus your attention on that sweet new addition that you are going to be blessed with. Let happy anticipation displace any negative thoughts that try to creep in. I will be praying for nothing but good news. Can't wait to see some pictures. :)
Take care,
Joanne

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

Craig, I haven't posted a lot, but I do read.
You are such a caring person and an inspiration to many here. I'm thinking and praying for you and also hoping that it's benign.
Audrey

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

Craig,
I will be praying for you! Praying it is only leftovers from the surgery. Please keep us posted. I will pray for your wife also, this stuff is so hard on those we love. Please take care.
Jan

k1
Posts: 220
Joined: Dec 2009

So sorry to hear about the scan results. Happy to hear about the puppy.

K1

ittapp's picture
ittapp
Posts: 385
Joined: Jun 2009

Craig, I am with Brooks, I think it must be scar tissue. I am sorry that you have to deal with this so soon after your surgery but I have a good feeling about this. You go and get that puppy, he will bring you so much joy, and keep your mind off of cancer and surgeries. I know you will be ok and like you said if it takes another surgery well then it takes another surgery! Patti

mom_2_3
Posts: 965
Joined: Nov 2008

Craig,

You bring so much light and hope and love to the board. I love your empathy and the loving messages that you post here. I am praying and hoping that this new spin you have just encountered turns out to be nothing after all. Wishing you all the best....

Amy

John23's picture
John23
Posts: 2140
Joined: Jan 2007

Hey, it's probably just an M&M you scarfed down during the Holiday fest,
not to worry, man! I've had "spots" come and go, and new ones appear,
and disappear....

It probably happens to "normal people" all the time, but without scans,
they never even know about 'em.

Kinda' like high blood pressure, ehh? People live their entire lives with
high blood pressure, never a problem..Well... until the doc tells them they have
a problem.... the other ones that don't see a doc? They're still here, with high BP
and all.....

Just like those spots.... maybe we all have 'em... who knows.

Too many damned tests, iffn' you ask me.

Healthy thoughts, man.....

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

You will soon be a papa!!! I had a golden, from a breeder but he was the 'runt'...grew to a beautiful adult, complete with tail and leg feathers. ...He was my best friend for a very, very long time!!! What a grand breed...and, as puppies, they are such cute balls of fur...feet too big for the rest of them...

I am sending up prayers that this latest challenge is not the beast...I LOVE your attitude! I got so MAD and cancer the second time around!!!! How DARE it challenge me yet again!!!

BIG hugs, Kathi

pokismom's picture
pokismom
Posts: 153
Joined: Jul 2009

Oh Craig, how devastating this kind of news can be to you, I am so sorry but I know that you will pull thru this just fine. You are without a doubt one of the bravest, strong minded person I have met! Dont let this ruin your wonderful puppy news! I know it'll be a great pup, so full of life and love, perfect for you and Kim. Keep the faith!
Much love,
Donna

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

I am hoping and praying that this one is benine too take care congrats on your new puppy

michelle

khl8
Posts: 810
Joined: Nov 2009

Keeping my fingers crossed for you and saying a prayer!
Kathy

Fight for my love
Posts: 1530
Joined: Jun 2009

I am not happy that you have to go through another surgery again,to me,this is called "frequently", then you have to suffer the pain again.But it is still the best way to get rid of the tumor,then no choices.I think you will be ok.I actually have been praying for everybody on the board everyday,especially for you to have a long and healthy life.I believe in my faith and I am sure you will be fine.Take care.

Paula G.'s picture
Paula G.
Posts: 596
Joined: Apr 2009

That is really all I can say. I hope that it is nothing. You have been through so very much. All of you have. I am thinking and hoping it is nothing. Best to you Craig, Paula

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

I too agree with Brooks. Scar tissue. Benign little bugger. Prayers are still being said though for both you and Kim.

I seen that cute little ball of fur in your expressions page. What a cutie!!

CanadaSue's picture
CanadaSue
Posts: 340
Joined: Apr 2006

Craig,

I will be praying that this spot turns out to be benign.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Kim!

((((HUGS))))

Sue

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

I feel my heart breaking...I know it maybe could be something like scar tissue, or something Benign, but to hear that you may have to go through all that pain again with the DaVinci has got me all choked up, I am tearing up as we speak, you just started work, you just started feeling better, and now this!! If it's not one thing it's another! this cancer can soooooo piss you off!!

You know I love you brother, and am always here for you. Please don't despair yet, as maybe they will find out what it is before they put you through all that again, maybe a biopsy can tell them something more, and they won't have to do that surgery again. I sure hope so.

How happy I was looking at that beautiful baby puppy! you have something now to be oh so strong for! and your wife loves you, and even though it's hurtful to hear and see you go through this, we're all rooting for you, that this will be nothing, and if it is, you will get through this, your wife will always be there for you, give her big hugs and love for me, I'll be waiting to hear more on this, and wanting to call you soon!

Hugsss and Love with a Roarrrrrrrrrrr!!!
~Donna

KATE58's picture
KATE58
Posts: 300
Joined: Nov 2009

MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU CRAIG
GOD BLESS
kATE

KATE58's picture
KATE58
Posts: 300
Joined: Nov 2009

MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU CRAIG
GOD BLESS
kATE

SandyL
Posts: 220
Joined: Feb 2009

with news like this, but I'm on the same wagon as Brooks. Think scar tissue and try not to worry about the C word. It wasn't C in your lungs before and probably not this time either. Mostly because of the speed with which it has shown up. Think positive, as only you can do, and enjoy that loveable little guy you're about to get. He needs your full attention if Golden's are anything like Labrador puppies. They need attention full time!
Hugs and prayers for you.
Sandy

lizbiz's picture
lizbiz
Posts: 121
Joined: Aug 2008

My deepest prayers and a great big hug goes out to you. I (like you and everyone else) really hope this is benign.

Try to keep on rockin' and find joy in your new little one.

Hugs,
Elizabeth

sfmarie's picture
sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

That is a great description! I too will pray that what they see is nothing but benign.
You've got a big fan club here, so we are all pulling for you.
I won't go into all the sappy stuff like how great you are :)
Now, that puppy is going to keep you super busy! And I am sure he will love you as much as you will love him. We got an Australian Shepard puppy in Sep. and he's nothing but love, energy and trouble! Any tips to stop digging and chewing up shoes is greatly appreciated.
I know someone up there is looking out for you. Keeping you in my prayers as always. Marie

abmb's picture
abmb
Posts: 311
Joined: Sep 2009

Craig, I always read your posts, you are always there to give everyone support. I am only a caregiver, my husband does not go on this site, so I tell him everything you have been through and how you are there for everyone. You are a true fighter and I do pray for you and everyone else suffering from this terrible disease. I do hope to read later in the month, that everything is all well, and your spot is benign again. Keep your thoughts on that golden ball of fur and when you feel low, just look at his picture, it will make you smile. Dogs are like that. We have 6 dogs and I know they are alot of work, but with out them to keep my husband company all day, I believe he would have really sunk into a depression. You take care and God Bless. Margaret

amcp
Posts: 251
Joined: Jan 2009

Craig you are such an inspiration to everyone. You are so thoughtful, considerate, and kind. You are always there for everyone. You are such a special person and I am saddened to hear your news but like others will hope and especially pray that this is benign or scar tissure. Hang in and keep fighting. We are all here for you and here to help in any way we can. I always included your name on my prayer list on Frank's caringbridge journal. I ask all our friends to pray for you. So know that they are and will continue to be lots of prayers said on your behalf. Keep the faith.
Love ya,
Anna and Frank

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

ahhhh Craig that is crap

I am so sorry you have to face this again and again

hold our hands

mags

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2121
Joined: Oct 2009

I don't know what to say, so soon after this past surgery which I understand kicked your butt pretty good. Well this just sucks. Fingers and toes crossed that this is a benign thing or just scar tissue and they will confirm this without any further surgery. Take Care - Tina

karguy's picture
karguy
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

I hope it is just a scar,I'll be praying for you.Remember,we never give up.Good luck with the puppy,he will be good for you.I will pray for you.

Anonymous user (not verified)

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lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Craig,

I'm praying right now that it will be nothing- maybe just scar tissue from healing. So you're aware, I've heard scar tissue or areas healing can light up on PET scans. So that means to not instantly be upset or alarmed if something does light up. Discuss that possibility w/ your onc ahead of time & how they'd be able to determine the difference. I wonder if MRI would give any more information than the CT did.
Since it's so soon since your surgery, I think it would be surprising if it were really anything cancerous.

Focus on that new beautiful puppy you're getting!
Hope you have a restful night- God bless!

Lisa

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Dear Craig, wonderful Craig,

I am so sorry to hear this, I know what a blow it must have felt like to hear this news. You are an amazing, strong man and I like to hear you say things will again settle down for you. We are all with you!!!

Aloha,
Kathleen

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4907
Joined: May 2005

Sorry, I can't get that out of my head....
You wrote:
"There’s a NEW spot on my lung now – much bigger than the other ones just removed, which mercifully were benign. I’m not sure how we missed this during the surgery but with all of the hoopla surrounding that surgery, I guess we just missed it. It was not present on the last CT scan just 3 months ago."

It sounds to me that you may just be growing these benign things in there.
I feel for you Craig, I know how it is with one thing after another but you are someone who has the ability to get through this.
I hope it turns out to be a big nothing and you can return to some sort of normalcy soon.
-phil

serrana
Posts: 163
Joined: Apr 2009

Hi Craig
I had EXACTLY the same thing happen to me last year ( 2008) when after I had a lung met removed my onc ordered scans a few weeks later and yes there was another spot that lit up!!!I was crushed!
My surgeon had a fit and said that scans should never be done that soon after a thoracotomy as there are post procedure glucose uptake effects that look like mets on scans.My second surgeon and his resident agreed.
The onc insisted it was a met.
I went on Folfiri and Avastin and it shrunk.
The surgeons said yep of course it shrunk because it was healing tissue that was being reabsorbed.
The onc said of course it shrunk because it was a met.
They argued about it for 4 months. THere is an article on www.pubmed.gov re post thoracotomy FDG effects that are false positives.
Then when I stopped 6 months of chemo it hadn't disappeared and started to get bigger.
They did an endoscopic ultrasound biopsy and yep it was a met.
Onc 1, Surgeons 0.
So that is why I went for a second thoracotomy last August.
Since then I have been clear on scans.....
Rollercoaster isn't it!!!
Glad you will have a new Sundance to hug during this scary time.
I just noticed you pm'd me in September....sorry I didn't respond
I am not good at web boards.
Stay in touch, God is with you and will not forsake you.
Serrana

robinvan's picture
robinvan
Posts: 1014
Joined: May 2007

I'm so sorry to hear about this scan result. I'm with Phil and the others in hoping that it is benign or perhaps a post-surgery "thing".

I'm with you as you proceed through the further tests and procedures to figure this out.

Peace and blessings... Rob; in Vancouver

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

in this battle. You're an amxing man Craig, with tons of guts and strength and you;ll beat this too, afterall, you have a pup to train...Steve

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6554
Joined: Feb 2009

You are going to be fine. Sounds like you have some very amazing doctors and they are going to do all they can to get rid of the tumor and get you well again. Thinking and praying for you.

Kim

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