To: The Semi;Colon Nation - I Received Disturbing News Tonight - A New 2010 Sundance Update

Sundanceh
Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Well, I had a long ride home tonight after work – just alone again with my thoughts trying to digest the news I was not expecting to hear from my oncologist.

I experienced a very Good High followed by a Low Low – and it all happened in 20 minutes with one phone call from the onc as I was leaving work.

Let me back up just a minute...

Buzzard had opened up a post at Christmas on what we all wanted for the holidays - I wanted "health" for everyone on the Board, or at least Peace and Calm for the holidays.

Personally, all I wanted was a new Golden Retriever puppy for me and my wife. We’ve been working with a couple who’s had us on a waiting list for close to a year – we missed the Christmas litter, but they told us we were still on the list and in line for a new Golden puppy for late January.

And she sent me pictures of this beautiful new furry angel, so golden and so pure – I was smiling ear to ear and had that proud feeling you must get when you are having a baby. I was so proud to finally see this little face and picture him being with us - it became REAL that very instant. I might be a “Papa” again and it was so emotional to think that this guy might be coming to take Sundance’s place. I wasn’t sure if I could ever “love” again, but after seeing that Angel’s face, I fell hook, line, and sinker.

So, I was on a high when I left work and started to drive off the parking lot – and then…I received a call marked Private Call and I pulled over to pick it up, because my onc had been trying to get a hold of me but my phone had gone dead and was just checking voicemails when the call came in. I figured it had to be him, and it was.

What I have not told you, was that I had a follow-up CT scan on Dec29th of 2009. It was supposed to be pre-cautionary and just routine – the onc just wanted to see how things were looking following the DaVinci surgery.

I did not post, because I did not want to waste everyone’s time and I figured the scans would be “all clear.” Especially after just having tumors removed from my lung.

My surgeon had wanted to wait until Mar2010, but the onc wanted it right away, so I went ahead and did it – now, I’m glad that I did.

There’s a NEW spot on my lung now – much bigger than the other ones just removed, which mercifully were benign. I’m not sure how we missed this during the surgery but with all of the hoopla surrounding that surgery, I guess we just missed it. It was not present on the last CT scan just 3 months ago.

So, now we’re back to where I was 7-months ago when I joined the board – another tumor and wondering if it is Cancer or is it just benign like the others? Sort of like “Is it Live or is it Memorex?” That’s for the Ol’Timers who still remember what cassette tapes are, LOL :)

At this point, he is not sure what he is looking at – he has run this back through Dr. D, (Mr. DaVinci) and is waiting to hear back what his opinion is of this new mass. The early talk from our phone conversation today is Radiation to the Lungs (no way as I said in my articles) or another lung surgery – Craig vs DaVinci Part II.

We will probably end up doing a PET scan next after they confer and give me their opinions – if the PET scan lights up, then it’s back to DaVinci for me more than likely, it's the only way to really know and give me an answer one way or the other. I’m still no way over the first round with that machine with my rehab. Still got plenty of healing left to do. Where they put the chest tube hurts so bad, well it just hurts really bad still. All I can do right now is just wait and see.

He told me not to worry – but guess what I worried and thought about it all the way home and as I’m writing this to you. I did not feel sorry for myself, but rather just got sad at again having to deal with this again after 6-years of this BS – as Al Pacino said in Godfather III, “Just when you try and break away, they pull you back in.”

I teared up a little thinking about another surgery and whatever else might or might not come – I got briefly upset and then got the “1000 yard stare” just weighing the options as I creeped along in traffic in my metal coffin (my truck) along with thousands of other drivers, completely oblivious to their presence.

So Buzzard, you can see how your Lung Exray post was “impeccable timing.” Because as you and I and many of us tell folks not to worry about scans and their consequences and live your life, when It comes your turn again to take that spin in the barrel, it again brings forth many memories and stirs up the anxietes of what you could be facing one way or the other and what you have to “wade through” on our individual journies towards Good Health and Wellness.

I thought maybe after 6-years that I could finally catch a break, if only for a short time – and I did, I got 24-days worth this time through. It’s possible that this won’t be Cancer and possibly another benign tumor – probably going to take a surgery to find out for sure though.

I’ll just have to take it one day at a time – it is comforting to have ALL OF YOU to talk about this with tonight – I’m alone again tonight, Kim on the night shift. I have not told her anything yet and don’t plan to for a day or so until I get some info – she is so happy to see those puppy pics, that I can’t rain on her parade tonight…I’m afraid it would just about BUST HER WIDE OPEN. She has been through so much and is at the end of her rope – and she if fighting her own health problems and I don’t want to worry her just yet. I will tell her, so don’t worry about that.

My TV debut was “bumped” here in the Metroplex due to the weather stories – but is schedule to air now on Jan21st, 2010 – so when I get the link, I will post it. I want you to see it more than ever now –it’s a good story.

I’m OK – being able to talk with you tonight gives me some kind of control and empowerment. I realize that once again, I’ve got to go through some more stuff to try and get to where I want to be.

It seems like me and my boy, Phil, just can’t get a break with these lung surgery procedures. So, 6-years and still going like the Energizer Bunny – I always like a good fight and I’m up for this one too – it won’t be overnight as we’ve got to go through “the process” again – and you know how long that can take.

Thanks for listening tonight - everyone keep fighting - I sure am! This $HIT ain't gonna' beat me - one more surgery and then maybe things will settle down - I just can't get enough of this :)

Semi;Colons ROCK!
-Craig
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Comments

  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    Craig...You know I don't believe in luck or coincidence.....
    so Im gonna leave it at that...You know what Im thinking....you got everyone in your corner bud.......Love and Hope, Buzz
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942
    Craig
    I'm not going to get upset. I'm going to pray and ask God to let this be a benign cyst or something totally harmless. Just a pocket of scar tissue or from healing.

    Please let me know when you'll be having the PET so I can pray during that time! We love you so very much and want good things, good times for our dear friend.

    So, when will we get to see your new baby?


    Diane
  • luv3jay
    luv3jay Member Posts: 533
    Hey Craig! I'm sorry to
    Hey Craig! I'm sorry to hear about this latest news. You have inspired me so much. It seems as though there aren't many of us *lung met* patients as there are liver mets, so I always found such hope in you and Phil's fight! As you know I had VATS x4 on my left lung back in August but there were too many in the right lung to operate. So we did more chemo. We had really good success with that, so he put me on 4 more treatments of chemo which I STRUGGLED to make it through! Now I waiting to be rescanned on Friday but since Monday is a holiday, I have to wait until wed the 20th for the results. Its my hope that things dimished further or at least stayed the same so I can get back in the OR for the right lung. So, my dear brother, I know EXACTLY what you are feeling right now. All I can ask is that you be strong! I too lost one of my beloved German Shepherds a little over a year ago and even though I still had one (and 3 kids) our house just seemed empty without Jagr. But it was such a struggle for me to think about getting a puppy because it was always in the back of my mind as to whether I would be around to raise him. But I stepped out on faith and hence...we have DUSTY!!! So I have Jordan, Jaime, Joshua, Jaelyn, Jagr (may he rest in peace) and DUSTY! LOL! Anyway, all of that is to say, just take one day at a time, live in faith, live on purpose and know that I am praying for you every step of the way. Be blessed my friend.

    -Sheri
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673
    Craig,
    I am so sorry to hear

    Craig,

    I am so sorry to hear this, but hope it is benign like your other spots. I am cheering for you + good results! Waiting is the hardest part of all this.
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
    AnneCan said:

    Craig,
    I am so sorry to hear

    Craig,

    I am so sorry to hear this, but hope it is benign like your other spots. I am cheering for you + good results! Waiting is the hardest part of all this.

    Hi Craig.
    I am so sorry to hear this news but remember it could always be a lot worse. Yes, it upset me to hear this but I know that you will get through this as you have before. Hold tight and fight! We are with you in our daily thoughts and prayers. We love you!

    Lizzy
  • lcarper2
    lcarper2 Member Posts: 635
    update
    I am praying for you in the yet another chapter in the book of kicking cancers butt. You have given me so much hope since I joined this wonderful family. There is times when I am having a bad day and we all know with cancer you have good days and bad days and days that just suck but if I am having a suckie day I log on to here and read some of the post from others and it will lift me up and get me into a better mood. You have alot of strength and the power of believing that a higher power is in control. Please know you are loved and being prayed for claim the healing now and the rest will be a piece of cake...
  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980
    I truly believe that everything will be okay
    Hi Craig, It's your Semi;Colon brother from another mother here to try to get your mind off of that scan, If not for a day or two but at least for tonight. What I'm thinking it's scare tissue from the last surgery. If it was cancer and was that large I would think that your onc would be able to tell. It just don’t make sense that it would be anything else so soon. That's coming from Dr Brooks so it should be as good as gold. You get that puppy because you don’t let this run your life... You live it to the fullest and that little puppy is the key. I don’t know what I would do without my dog Curly to be with me everyday. She seems to know when I'm upset or having a bad day as she's curled up at my feet as I write this. I truly believe that everything will be okay. I know it's hard at times but we're here for you and you can PM me anytime. As you said "Semi;Colons ROCK!" It because we stick together and we're always here for each other. Your job in this world is far from over. Keep being YOU!!!

    We love you Craig

    Brooks
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Oh, no.
    Craig,

    I'm SO sorry to read this. As others have already stated, I do believe it's gong to be okay, but I HATE for you to have to go through the worry and the pain and all the mess that goes with this. I will be praying it's benign.

    My heart is hurting a lot right now, because I just purely love you. You're such a wonderful man and a great friend to all of us here.

    Please keep us posted and know that we are always ready to support you in this fight.

    *hugs*
    Gail

    P.S. Give my love to your wife, as well.
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    Craig
    I am pulling for you, Bud. You are a true fighter and you can go another round. Just sit down and listen to our own CD that you made for all of us. I know,Christmas is over. So what? It's great music.

    Many hugs and loads of good thoughts. Vicki
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479
    Craig, I haven't posted a
    Craig, I haven't posted a lot, but I do read.
    You are such a caring person and an inspiration to many here. I'm thinking and praying for you and also hoping that it's benign.
    Audrey
  • idlehunters
    idlehunters Member Posts: 1,787
    VickiCO said:

    Craig
    I am pulling for you, Bud. You are a true fighter and you can go another round. Just sit down and listen to our own CD that you made for all of us. I know,Christmas is over. So what? It's great music.

    Many hugs and loads of good thoughts. Vicki

    CRAIG
    I love you , man! I know you are going to be just fine. My situation just seems like nothing compared to yours. A little **** met or **** break....wtf! YOU baby...are in my prayers...my thoughts. Kimby was lurking on the boards tonite. She sent me a PM when she read my post and said she was praying for me and I was special to her. That really made me feel good. She did not speak of her own health. just knowing she is lurking tells me she is feeling better. So everyone know...she is still checking on us!!!! We are family...that is what we do. Love to you all.

    jennie
  • thready
    thready Member Posts: 474
    Fellow Texan
    Craig,
    I will be praying for you! Praying it is only leftovers from the surgery. Please keep us posted. I will pray for your wife also, this stuff is so hard on those we love. Please take care.
    Jan
  • JDuke
    JDuke Member Posts: 438
    VickiCO said:

    Craig
    I am pulling for you, Bud. You are a true fighter and you can go another round. Just sit down and listen to our own CD that you made for all of us. I know,Christmas is over. So what? It's great music.

    Many hugs and loads of good thoughts. Vicki

    Craig
    it saddens me to hear the news about the scan results, because the uncertainty and waiting is so undermining of our energy and attitude. Try not to worry. Focus your attention on that sweet new addition that you are going to be blessed with. Let happy anticipation displace any negative thoughts that try to creep in. I will be praying for nothing but good news. Can't wait to see some pictures. :)
    Take care,
    Joanne
  • k1
    k1 Member Posts: 220
    so sorry
    So sorry to hear about the scan results. Happy to hear about the puppy.

    K1
  • ittapp
    ittapp Member Posts: 383
    Craig, I am with Brooks, I
    Craig, I am with Brooks, I think it must be scar tissue. I am sorry that you have to deal with this so soon after your surgery but I have a good feeling about this. You go and get that puppy, he will bring you so much joy, and keep your mind off of cancer and surgeries. I know you will be ok and like you said if it takes another surgery well then it takes another surgery! Patti
  • mom_2_3
    mom_2_3 Member Posts: 952
    Light and love
    Craig,

    You bring so much light and hope and love to the board. I love your empathy and the loving messages that you post here. I am praying and hoping that this new spin you have just encountered turns out to be nothing after all. Wishing you all the best....

    Amy
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122
    M&M
    Hey, it's probably just an M&M you scarfed down during the Holiday fest,
    not to worry, man! I've had "spots" come and go, and new ones appear,
    and disappear....

    It probably happens to "normal people" all the time, but without scans,
    they never even know about 'em.

    Kinda' like high blood pressure, ehh? People live their entire lives with
    high blood pressure, never a problem..Well... until the doc tells them they have
    a problem.... the other ones that don't see a doc? They're still here, with high BP
    and all.....

    Just like those spots.... maybe we all have 'em... who knows.

    Too many damned tests, iffn' you ask me.


    Healthy thoughts, man.....
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028
    Craig.....keep focused on the ball of fur, put away the worry...
    You will soon be a papa!!! I had a golden, from a breeder but he was the 'runt'...grew to a beautiful adult, complete with tail and leg feathers. ...He was my best friend for a very, very long time!!! What a grand breed...and, as puppies, they are such cute balls of fur...feet too big for the rest of them...

    I am sending up prayers that this latest challenge is not the beast...I LOVE your attitude! I got so MAD and cancer the second time around!!!! How DARE it challenge me yet again!!!

    BIG hugs, Kathi
  • pokismom
    pokismom Member Posts: 153
    My prayers are for you tonight!
    Oh Craig, how devastating this kind of news can be to you, I am so sorry but I know that you will pull thru this just fine. You are without a doubt one of the bravest, strong minded person I have met! Dont let this ruin your wonderful puppy news! I know it'll be a great pup, so full of life and love, perfect for you and Kim. Keep the faith!
    Much love,
    Donna
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165
    pokismom said:

    My prayers are for you tonight!
    Oh Craig, how devastating this kind of news can be to you, I am so sorry but I know that you will pull thru this just fine. You are without a doubt one of the bravest, strong minded person I have met! Dont let this ruin your wonderful puppy news! I know it'll be a great pup, so full of life and love, perfect for you and Kim. Keep the faith!
    Much love,
    Donna

    Craig
    I am hoping and praying that this one is benine too take care congrats on your new puppy


    michelle