To: The Semi;Colon Nation - I Received Disturbing News Tonight - A New 2010 Sundance Update

Well, I had a long ride home tonight after work – just alone again with my thoughts trying to digest the news I was not expecting to hear from my oncologist.

I experienced a very Good High followed by a Low Low – and it all happened in 20 minutes with one phone call from the onc as I was leaving work.

Let me back up just a minute...

Buzzard had opened up a post at Christmas on what we all wanted for the holidays - I wanted "health" for everyone on the Board, or at least Peace and Calm for the holidays.

Personally, all I wanted was a new Golden Retriever puppy for me and my wife. We’ve been working with a couple who’s had us on a waiting list for close to a year – we missed the Christmas litter, but they told us we were still on the list and in line for a new Golden puppy for late January.

And she sent me pictures of this beautiful new furry angel, so golden and so pure – I was smiling ear to ear and had that proud feeling you must get when you are having a baby. I was so proud to finally see this little face and picture him being with us - it became REAL that very instant. I might be a “Papa” again and it was so emotional to think that this guy might be coming to take Sundance’s place. I wasn’t sure if I could ever “love” again, but after seeing that Angel’s face, I fell hook, line, and sinker.

So, I was on a high when I left work and started to drive off the parking lot – and then…I received a call marked Private Call and I pulled over to pick it up, because my onc had been trying to get a hold of me but my phone had gone dead and was just checking voicemails when the call came in. I figured it had to be him, and it was.

What I have not told you, was that I had a follow-up CT scan on Dec29th of 2009. It was supposed to be pre-cautionary and just routine – the onc just wanted to see how things were looking following the DaVinci surgery.

I did not post, because I did not want to waste everyone’s time and I figured the scans would be “all clear.” Especially after just having tumors removed from my lung.

My surgeon had wanted to wait until Mar2010, but the onc wanted it right away, so I went ahead and did it – now, I’m glad that I did.

There’s a NEW spot on my lung now – much bigger than the other ones just removed, which mercifully were benign. I’m not sure how we missed this during the surgery but with all of the hoopla surrounding that surgery, I guess we just missed it. It was not present on the last CT scan just 3 months ago.

So, now we’re back to where I was 7-months ago when I joined the board – another tumor and wondering if it is Cancer or is it just benign like the others? Sort of like “Is it Live or is it Memorex?” That’s for the Ol’Timers who still remember what cassette tapes are, LOL

At this point, he is not sure what he is looking at – he has run this back through Dr. D, (Mr. DaVinci) and is waiting to hear back what his opinion is of this new mass. The early talk from our phone conversation today is Radiation to the Lungs (no way as I said in my articles) or another lung surgery – Craig vs DaVinci Part II.

We will probably end up doing a PET scan next after they confer and give me their opinions – if the PET scan lights up, then it’s back to DaVinci for me more than likely, it's the only way to really know and give me an answer one way or the other. I’m still no way over the first round with that machine with my rehab. Still got plenty of healing left to do. Where they put the chest tube hurts so bad, well it just hurts really bad still. All I can do right now is just wait and see.

He told me not to worry – but guess what I worried and thought about it all the way home and as I’m writing this to you. I did not feel sorry for myself, but rather just got sad at again having to deal with this again after 6-years of this BS – as Al Pacino said in Godfather III, “Just when you try and break away, they pull you back in.”

I teared up a little thinking about another surgery and whatever else might or might not come – I got briefly upset and then got the “1000 yard stare” just weighing the options as I creeped along in traffic in my metal coffin (my truck) along with thousands of other drivers, completely oblivious to their presence.

So Buzzard, you can see how your Lung Exray post was “impeccable timing.” Because as you and I and many of us tell folks not to worry about scans and their consequences and live your life, when It comes your turn again to take that spin in the barrel, it again brings forth many memories and stirs up the anxietes of what you could be facing one way or the other and what you have to “wade through” on our individual journies towards Good Health and Wellness.

I thought maybe after 6-years that I could finally catch a break, if only for a short time – and I did, I got 24-days worth this time through. It’s possible that this won’t be Cancer and possibly another benign tumor – probably going to take a surgery to find out for sure though.

I’ll just have to take it one day at a time – it is comforting to have ALL OF YOU to talk about this with tonight – I’m alone again tonight, Kim on the night shift. I have not told her anything yet and don’t plan to for a day or so until I get some info – she is so happy to see those puppy pics, that I can’t rain on her parade tonight…I’m afraid it would just about BUST HER WIDE OPEN. She has been through so much and is at the end of her rope – and she if fighting her own health problems and I don’t want to worry her just yet. I will tell her, so don’t worry about that.

My TV debut was “bumped” here in the Metroplex due to the weather stories – but is schedule to air now on Jan21st, 2010 – so when I get the link, I will post it. I want you to see it more than ever now –it’s a good story.

I’m OK – being able to talk with you tonight gives me some kind of control and empowerment. I realize that once again, I’ve got to go through some more stuff to try and get to where I want to be.

It seems like me and my boy, Phil, just can’t get a break with these lung surgery procedures. So, 6-years and still going like the Energizer Bunny – I always like a good fight and I’m up for this one too – it won’t be overnight as we’ve got to go through “the process” again – and you know how long that can take.

Thanks for listening tonight - everyone keep fighting - I sure am! This $HIT ain't gonna' beat me - one more surgery and then maybe things will settle down - I just can't get enough of this

Semi;Colons ROCK!
-Craig