Any middle school teachers? What do you tell parents and students?

work
arbojenn, I am not a teacher and can't advise you on your situation, but I wanted to welcome you to the site. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with recurrent breast cancer and work issues at the same time. The parents here seem unreasonable. Yes, it's nice to have your child's teacher remain in class the whole school year, but things happen, people get sick or pregnant all the time. These people need to be reasonable. Your medical issues are your business and you don't have to come up with a detailed explanation. If it were me, I would make the plans I needed to take optimal care of myself and then give a short explanation focusing on what will happen in the classroom (a substitute will take over from such and such date, etc). Then tune out the problem parents and take care of yourself.

This is a great site to come to vent about anything, so please do so.

Mimi

I was not a teacher, but I
I was not a teacher, but I worked in the band room at a middle school for 15 years. I was working there when I had my uterine cancer. I wasn't sure what to tell the kids either. I was going to be gone for 2 to 3 months and I needed to give some explanation. Just saying health issues leaves them to their own imagination and rumors would have run amok. I opted to tell them the basics, surgery and radiation, maybe chemo (that turned out a no) and to let them know that I was going to be fine and would be back. They asked questions, would I lose my hair during treatment, would I be sick from radiation, etc. I answered them honestly. The parents were super supportive. Two even shared my job as volunteers (my position was paid by the band boosters, not the school district),
But I know what you mean about how some parents react. When my daughter was in grade school, her teacher was 6 months pregnant at the beginning of the year and went on leave in December and didn't return that year. I was delighted for her and so were most of the other parents. But there were a few that had a fit, went on and on about she should have planned it so that she gave birth at the end of the year and could return in September or she should just have not done the year, how unfair she was to the kids, etc. I thought they were **** and said so (more tactfully). That being said, we had a teacher the following year that had cancer and had to leave mid year for treatment. These same parents were totally supportive of him, as was everyone else. So my opinion is that most, if not all, of the parents will be sympathetic and supportive. I would be as upfront with them as you are comfortable with. And if there is bad reactions, that's their problem. You have enough to deal with.
I think, though, that the major feeling is with the unreasonable parents, that a pregnancy was a choice, but illness is not.
Hope this helps.
Stef

Welcome to this site as I am
Welcome to this site as I am new here too, but, am enjoying reading all of the posts. I would think that being up front and honest with the students would be the best approach. After all, they are the ones that you are dealing with day to day. Kids can be great!

good advice
welcome to the best group of people you can find. Looks like you have already received a bunch of good advice from a few of us already. I cannot add anything about teaching school, but you will know your own level of fatigue and always pay attention when your body tells you it's time to rest. And yes, I agree on laying it all out on the table for the kids, they are smarter that most people give them credit for and they will do fine.
Good luck with all to come

=^..^=

I am a Speech Language
I am a Speech Language Pathologist. I work in an elementary school with K-4th grade. I was diagnosed in the summer of 07. We had just initiated a new dress code for the District which prohibited anything worn on the head for students or teachers. I had a very supportive Principal who allowed me to wear hats, but I expected a lot of questions from students because the dress code had been contoversial. To my surprise only 2 out of 40 students on my caseload at that school asked me anything. One was a 4th grade girl who is very "fashion-conscious". I just said that I had cancer and the medicine to help me get better made my hair fall out, so the Principal gave me permission to wear hats. That was sufficient for her. The other student surprised me. He was also a 4th grader, but one of those "tough guys" who give the intentional impression that they could care less what goes on with anyone else. When school started up I noticed that he was watching me very closely, but he did not say anything, and I just went about business as usual, waiting for him to bring up the subject if he wanted to. One day when it was just the 2 of us in the room, he asked me if he could say something, so I said yes, expecting him to make a smart remark about why I was out of dress code, or something. Instead he very cautiously said, "you have cancer, don't you?" I said, "yes, how did you know?" He said his cousin had died from cancer the year before. We had a very informative conversation. We learned a lot about each other, and he was very much better behaved in my class the whole year. He became one of my great supporters (if only when no one else could see or hear him). My approach with students and teachers alike was basically to wait till I was asked, then to be brief and to the point. I had a mastectomy over the Christmas break and was on leave for the month of January. I told the Principal and a few teachers I felt comfortable talking to, and I told my students I was having surgery and there would be a sub. for a month. Other than the boy mentioned above, none of the students really had much to say about it. I don't have as many dealings with parents as classroom teachers do, so most of the parents did not know.

That's my experience. I think if I was working with middle school students I would briefly and truthfully tell them what to expect and why. I think kids can handle more than we think they can. I hope you have the support of your administrators and colleagues. If you have their support, parents can be referred to them if the parents have a problem.

I hope this helps, seof.

lynn1950 said:

Teacher too
I teach K-12 Gifted and Talented and was diagnosed in Feb. 08. I had a wonderful reading group of 6th graders and their love and support ( I asked them to send me jokes while I was out of school) really helped me. A week before my surgery (in April) I drove us 4 hours to hear Greg Mortenson speak (we had just read 3 Cups of Tea) and they met Greg who gave them autographed books. We slept in a Catholic Church and returned home the next day. The kids were and are absolutely wonderful (they gave me a clown wig to wear in the fall when I returned to school bald) and the parents and the school district have been so supportive it breaks my heart. Each situation is different, so you can go with your gut instinct. Lynn

I can't answer your
I can't answer your questions, I'm just beginning this journey...but I have found excellent info on this site . Read the info about your dx and continue asking questions. Someone here has been through the same experience and will be able to help.
Good luck
Dee

chenheart said:

Bumping this up to add to
Bumping this up to add to the thread about teachers! Hope it helps!

I teach 5th grade science and writing
and started the year with a full head of hair. My class and parents have been extremely supportive! I am so blessed. I told them from the start and the amazing thing was that there were 4 parents who had been already affected by cancer in some way. One of the girls in my class had lost her mom the year before to cancer. So I think God put me in that room for a purpose. Today was our first day back from Christmas break and I showed them my 1/2 inch hair growth and they all cheered and clapped for me!

lovelylola said:

Thanks for bumping this up Chen
I head back to school tomorrow and spent several days debating on whether or not to go "au naturale". It's so hot (yes, I know you midwesters and easterners are jealous) and muggy here in Hawaii right now and I haven't used a scarf, wig or hat the entire winter break. I have decided not to use one any more. I have about 1/4" of hair now, even not finished with chemo and I'm OK with it. Checked with co-workers and the principal and everyone is in support. I'm in the junior high and if any of the kids ask, I'll answer honestly. One of the other counselors said they might not even ask as now I'm "stylin" We've actually got another teacher whose hair is almost as short by choice. To all the school people out there, hope the 2nd semester is kind to you. Lola

I too am a teacher
I have been teaching high school math for 27 years. Last year was my first year teaching 7th grade accelerated students plus pre-calc and calc students. I was honest with all of my students and their parents right from the start. They were incredibly supportive. My school raised $5000 last year for Susan G. Komen in honor of me. My classes got to pick which wig I would wear the next week. My calc class actually sent me two wigs as a gift. I started this school year by leaving every day during my planning periods for 38 radiation treatments. My school proclaimed Oct. 21 "Kathy Ferris" day in honr of my last treatment. I thought I was done. My hair had come back and my treatments were done. However, I have started chemo again because some of the cancer cells have moved to the bones in my back, not uncommon. Again, my kids and school are right behind me. From last Thursday to last night, my hair has left me once again. Today was my first day with a new wig. My students have been absolutely phenomenal and supportive. 4 of my calculus girls got their hair cut over xmas break and donated their hair to Locks of Love in my name. Many of my 7th grade parents have told me that I am teaching their children how to face adversity head on with dignity. One mother said "...you are showing that there is nothing to be ashamed of and in the future should (name) ever face this, she will remember how you faced this. Thank you for a life lesson that will make her a better person. God bless you..." Many say I have a great attitude. I say I just have plain Lebanese stubbornness. The support system you create can be as powerful as the medicine we receive. May all of you have a wonderful second semester.

Take care,
Kathy

kathyDDD said:

I too am a teacher
I have been teaching high school math for 27 years. Last year was my first year teaching 7th grade accelerated students plus pre-calc and calc students. I was honest with all of my students and their parents right from the start. They were incredibly supportive. My school raised $5000 last year for Susan G. Komen in honor of me. My classes got to pick which wig I would wear the next week. My calc class actually sent me two wigs as a gift. I started this school year by leaving every day during my planning periods for 38 radiation treatments. My school proclaimed Oct. 21 "Kathy Ferris" day in honr of my last treatment. I thought I was done. My hair had come back and my treatments were done. However, I have started chemo again because some of the cancer cells have moved to the bones in my back, not uncommon. Again, my kids and school are right behind me. From last Thursday to last night, my hair has left me once again. Today was my first day with a new wig. My students have been absolutely phenomenal and supportive. 4 of my calculus girls got their hair cut over xmas break and donated their hair to Locks of Love in my name. Many of my 7th grade parents have told me that I am teaching their children how to face adversity head on with dignity. One mother said "...you are showing that there is nothing to be ashamed of and in the future should (name) ever face this, she will remember how you faced this. Thank you for a life lesson that will make her a better person. God bless you..." Many say I have a great attitude. I say I just have plain Lebanese stubbornness. The support system you create can be as powerful as the medicine we receive. May all of you have a wonderful second semester.

Take care,
Kathy

Thanks Chen and Kathy!
I was the one that recently asked about teaching. I told my department today that it was on to chemo for me and I admit, I shed a few tears. I plan on calling all my students together and telling them at once. I don't think I could get through giving the talk to seven classes. I'm just going to make sure I take an Ativan, because I didn't today and I was verrrry anxious and teary. I think I'm going to get them all together next Monday. One of my fellow teachers said, "We can be there with you if you want. You don't have to do this by yourself." How wonderful.