sad/anxious about body image

mimivac said:

Hair
Ohilly, I do understand your frustration with your hair. It is not just about hair, but, as Derbygirl said, a visual reminder of all you went through. Plus, the reminder is in a place that is "public," in contrast to your breasts. I have some similar issues with my face breaking out terribly around the second week of my chemo. I feel like some kind of leper, like the cancer is manifesting on my face and telling me that it won't leave me alone -- that I will be scarred for life. I think you are doing the right thing by using all of the resources at your disposal to remedy the situation. But beyond that, I would recommend relaxation techniques, meditation, and maybe something like yoga to help with the sadness and anxiety. I don't know if you already go, but therapy may help unlock some of the feelings that are tied up with the hair issue and go a long way to making you feel better no matter what ultimately happens on the outside. I am confident that your hair will grow back thicker in time, but acceptance for the beautiful person that you are is essential no matter what happens. I'll even bet that once your worry and anxiety subsides a bit, it will happen even faster than you think and your hair will be beautiful.

Let us know what they recommend at the beauty salon.

Mimi

tasha_111 said:

Body Image
Yes. I have big problems with Body image (I am totally lop-sided) and the hair issue, it is growing thick but slow, and I look like a werewolf... a MALE werewolf, sideburns, hairy arms and short hair that looks kinda butch. I wake up every morning feeling like ME, then I look in the mirror and nearly die of shock! Marcia, I am still using the socks (Got any spare?) Eil, what ARE you doing to that cat?..great hair by the way. Ohilly, I really hope they can give you some answers when you go to the salon, to us ladies, often, our hairstyle, colour etc etc defines who we think of ourselves to be. There is nothing at all wrong in that, it's what we project to the outside world and what makes US happy. Having it taken away is just mortifying, Men can get away with being bald, or thin in places. It's fashionable - not ill.
Let us know how you get on.
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

cruf said:

hair loss!
Hi Ohilly! I never had chemo so I didn't have the hair loss from that BUT>>> I was on Tamoxifen, then Femara then Aromasin and did have major hair thinning from that. It's not that bad except, I see skin in the front of my head. I think the meds and then the immediate Menapause caused this. I went to the Dermatoligist and she told me there isn't much I could do but try to use Rogain(Menoxidyl). Yes, it's something I will have to do as long as my thin hair bothers me. I think it's working. I've used it about a year now. It's still thin but I do see alot of new growth. It does get expensive. I use the generic from CVS. It's $29.00 for 3 mos. so that's not too bad. The other issue is unwanted hair! I now have hair growth on my face which I never had before. Go figure, loss on top of my head and too much hair on my face! I use Vaniqua for that and that is prescription and Expensive, about $150 from 2 small tubes but they last about 1-1 1/2 mos. each.I have become more aware and vain about how I look that ever before. I go nowhere w/o my hair done and makeup on. I am 8+ years post mastectomy and Tram Flap and 1.5 years post aromasin. So, you're not the only one who is having issues. You just have to do what you can to aleviate the issues and move on.Good luck at the beauty salon. I hope you can get answers and feel better about yourself. Please let us know how it goes. HUGS!!!!!!!!!! Cathy

ohilly said:

thank you, RE
Re, your response touched me. Of course, I feel the same way you do: given what is happening to my hair, I would still go thru all of it again to save my life and give myself the best chance to beat this disease I can. I had a preventive mastectomy on the other side after finding out I am BRCA 1 and do not regret it at all. But just because I don't want to die doesn't mean I don't have a right to be upset about my body.

Someone else on this board gave me the names of three other survivors who had major problems with their hair thinning and still do many years after treatment. I have been communicating with them online, and although it depresses me that they have not found a solution, in a way it does make me feel better that at least I'm not alone. My hair has only been growing at all for 5 1/2 months, so I still have hope it will get better in time. I started parting it on the opposite side which does improve things somewhat. I let you know what the beautician says.

I guess I just want everything to go back to the way it was, and it's a sobering thought that I may have a permanent physical effect from this thing. I guess in the worst case scenario, I can go back to wearing a wig and it's not the end of the world. I actually liked the wig I had and no one could tell.

Thanks again, re (and everyone else) who responded. I hope you all don't think I'm being a baby.

Ohilly

kbc4869 said:

Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about
Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about my crazy hang-ups makes you feel better, than I'm happy to spill. I have so many of them, I had to think about it and choose my favorites; otherwise, we'd be here all night . . .

Before DX I was pretty. Dare I say, I got a lot of attention. Unfortunately, I was so insecure, I never allowed myself to enjoy it or really believe it. So at work, there were a lot of men that would flirt with me, ask me out, and go out of their way to talk to me. Unfortunately, with most of them I was too shy and ackward to ever really get to know them.

So, I get DXed and lose my hair. The hardest thing for me to do was go back to work and have those men that used to throw themselves at me completely ignore me. Well, not even ignore, but uncomfortably and quickly avert their eyes at the sight of me as if I pertried or disgusted them. They stopped saying hello or smiling at me. They'd walk in a different direction or get in another elevator to avoid me having to talk to me. It was like they were afraid that if they were even a little nice to me that I'd think they were still interested. And clearly they no longer were. I think that was one of the hardest things to deal with. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over that.

Second, I got pregnant after treatment, and my "good" breast grew and grew, while my treated breast stayed the same. While I have lost the baby weight, I have one C cupped breast and one DD Cupped breast. I avoid bathing suits and form fitting tops. On occaision I have caught men at work staring intently at my breasts as if trying to determine that yes -- one is much larger than the other. It makes me feel like screaming at the top of my lungs -- "Yes, you assh$le! Your eyes aren't deceiving you! They are not the same size!" I mean, get over it already. They make me feel like I might as well join the circus and learn to spin dishes on my head.

There's weight that doesn't come off like it used to. In five years, there's been 10 years that's drove over my face and peeled off. Tamoxifin has given me "man" skin; it isn't soft like it used to be. I feel and look older than my years.

So, Ohilly, yes -- I'm there with you. If there's a next time around, I want one of those "sexy" cancers where you lose lots of weight and keep your hair.

For what it's worth, I think your hair will grow in thicker again, Ohilly. I can't give you scientific evidence, but my gut tells me it will.

rjjj said:

Good morning Kbc
Those men are not worth your time of day!! Wait until they lose their hair or a loved one of theirs does! then maybe they will have understanding of HUMAN COMPASSION!
people have got teary eyed or look at me with pity when i answer my door without my wig on, and it does leave a sadness inside..some people are even afraid to come over and don't know what to say.
Look at how beautiful you are and still will be! inside and out! That little one of yours is absolutely darling also.
I guess we can't get through this without some physical changes.. but how we are growing on the inside has made us a better and more compassionate woman.
If i could i'd come down there and give these so called "men" a kick in the rump. Your time will come to strut again girl and you just strut right on past them!
God Bless,
Jackie

rjjj said:

Good morning Kbc
Those men are not worth your time of day!! Wait until they lose their hair or a loved one of theirs does! then maybe they will have understanding of HUMAN COMPASSION!
people have got teary eyed or look at me with pity when i answer my door without my wig on, and it does leave a sadness inside..some people are even afraid to come over and don't know what to say.
Look at how beautiful you are and still will be! inside and out! That little one of yours is absolutely darling also.
I guess we can't get through this without some physical changes.. but how we are growing on the inside has made us a better and more compassionate woman.
If i could i'd come down there and give these so called "men" a kick in the rump. Your time will come to strut again girl and you just strut right on past them!
God Bless,
Jackie