sad/anxious about body image

ohilly
ohilly Member Posts: 441
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have been writing many posts about my hair. Can those of you had issues about your body image after bc please respond and share your experiences with me? I think it would make me feel better. For some reason, my hair, which grew back everywhere but is thin and you can see thru in the front, really bothers me. I keep on thinking what if it never grows back the same and it makes me sad and anxious to think about a permanent change in my body like that. For some reasons, my breasts (I had a double mastectomy) don't bother me at all. So go figure.

I am trying to be proactive: I made an appointment with a beauty salon that specializes in chemo patients and am going on Friday for them to look at my hair and give me some feedback.

Anyway, I have to go because I have to take my daughter to school.

Ohilly
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Comments

  • Derbygirl
    Derbygirl Member Posts: 198
    Glad that you're going to a
    Glad that you're going to a salon because I know how worried you are about the hair problem and I would feel the same. My hair came in thick but it's growing very slowly. Life after treatment ends is very different from what it was before diagnosis. Unfortunately the hair thing is a visual reminder of what has happend to us. Looking forward to hearing about your salon trip. Good luck!
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Hair
    Ohilly, I do understand your frustration with your hair. It is not just about hair, but, as Derbygirl said, a visual reminder of all you went through. Plus, the reminder is in a place that is "public," in contrast to your breasts. I have some similar issues with my face breaking out terribly around the second week of my chemo. I feel like some kind of leper, like the cancer is manifesting on my face and telling me that it won't leave me alone -- that I will be scarred for life. I think you are doing the right thing by using all of the resources at your disposal to remedy the situation. But beyond that, I would recommend relaxation techniques, meditation, and maybe something like yoga to help with the sadness and anxiety. I don't know if you already go, but therapy may help unlock some of the feelings that are tied up with the hair issue and go a long way to making you feel better no matter what ultimately happens on the outside. I am confident that your hair will grow back thicker in time, but acceptance for the beautiful person that you are is essential no matter what happens. I'll even bet that once your worry and anxiety subsides a bit, it will happen even faster than you think and your hair will be beautiful.

    Let us know what they recommend at the beauty salon.

    Mimi
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    mimivac said:

    Hair
    Ohilly, I do understand your frustration with your hair. It is not just about hair, but, as Derbygirl said, a visual reminder of all you went through. Plus, the reminder is in a place that is "public," in contrast to your breasts. I have some similar issues with my face breaking out terribly around the second week of my chemo. I feel like some kind of leper, like the cancer is manifesting on my face and telling me that it won't leave me alone -- that I will be scarred for life. I think you are doing the right thing by using all of the resources at your disposal to remedy the situation. But beyond that, I would recommend relaxation techniques, meditation, and maybe something like yoga to help with the sadness and anxiety. I don't know if you already go, but therapy may help unlock some of the feelings that are tied up with the hair issue and go a long way to making you feel better no matter what ultimately happens on the outside. I am confident that your hair will grow back thicker in time, but acceptance for the beautiful person that you are is essential no matter what happens. I'll even bet that once your worry and anxiety subsides a bit, it will happen even faster than you think and your hair will be beautiful.

    Let us know what they recommend at the beauty salon.

    Mimi

    I hope the above post did
    I hope the above post did not sound patronizing. I am not trying to minimize what you are going through, and sadness and anxiety are certainly legitimate responses. We all feel those things with this awful disease and what it does to us. But for me, I think it's important to have those feelings, accept and acknowledge them and then, at some point, come to a place of peace with whatever situation you are in. I can't say that I'm completely at peace either (far from it), so I am not trying to be a hypocrite, just wishing for you the best of what I aspire to.

    Mimi
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    crowning glory
    Ohilly, Mimi is right---our hair is very visible to others and we see it every time we look in a mirror. I totally understand your anxiety. I too though believe that your hair will eventually be restored to its original splendor.

    Have you tried using a product called Nioxin? It is formulated to stimulate hair re-growth. Some salons, New-U, and hair supply salons in the mall sell it. Its a little pricey but not too bad. My husband bought some for me because my hair re-grew a bit slow and it seemed to work. It has ingredients in it that clear clogged pores and stimulate the hair follicle.

    You should google it. Good luck and keep us posted.
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    I had a problem with body
    I had a problem with body image at first. I did not have the left side removed so there is quite a difference between the two. Sometimes I wish both were gone, at least I'd be even. At first I stuffed the empty side with socks. Now I just wear a sports bra and don't worry about it. I figure no ones looking at me anyway. We all fret over something.
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    Marcia527 said:

    I had a problem with body
    I had a problem with body image at first. I did not have the left side removed so there is quite a difference between the two. Sometimes I wish both were gone, at least I'd be even. At first I stuffed the empty side with socks. Now I just wear a sports bra and don't worry about it. I figure no ones looking at me anyway. We all fret over something.

    Body Image
    Yes. I have big problems with Body image (I am totally lop-sided) and the hair issue, it is growing thick but slow, and I look like a werewolf... a MALE werewolf, sideburns, hairy arms and short hair that looks kinda butch. I wake up every morning feeling like ME, then I look in the mirror and nearly die of shock! Marcia, I am still using the socks (Got any spare?) Eil, what ARE you doing to that cat?..great hair by the way. Ohilly, I really hope they can give you some answers when you go to the salon, to us ladies, often, our hairstyle, colour etc etc defines who we think of ourselves to be. There is nothing at all wrong in that, it's what we project to the outside world and what makes US happy. Having it taken away is just mortifying, Men can get away with being bald, or thin in places. It's fashionable - not ill.
    Let us know how you get on.
    Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    tasha_111 said:

    Body Image
    Yes. I have big problems with Body image (I am totally lop-sided) and the hair issue, it is growing thick but slow, and I look like a werewolf... a MALE werewolf, sideburns, hairy arms and short hair that looks kinda butch. I wake up every morning feeling like ME, then I look in the mirror and nearly die of shock! Marcia, I am still using the socks (Got any spare?) Eil, what ARE you doing to that cat?..great hair by the way. Ohilly, I really hope they can give you some answers when you go to the salon, to us ladies, often, our hairstyle, colour etc etc defines who we think of ourselves to be. There is nothing at all wrong in that, it's what we project to the outside world and what makes US happy. Having it taken away is just mortifying, Men can get away with being bald, or thin in places. It's fashionable - not ill.
    Let us know how you get on.
    Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Julia
    I solved the mirror problem by getting rid of them. Well, couldn't do anything about the bathroom one. My problem is when I see pictures of me. I don't have any spare socks, they all have mates but I do have a spare tire you can have.
  • cruf
    cruf Member Posts: 908
    hair loss!
    Hi Ohilly! I never had chemo so I didn't have the hair loss from that BUT>>> I was on Tamoxifen, then Femara then Aromasin and did have major hair thinning from that. It's not that bad except, I see skin in the front of my head. I think the meds and then the immediate Menapause caused this. I went to the Dermatoligist and she told me there isn't much I could do but try to use Rogain(Menoxidyl). Yes, it's something I will have to do as long as my thin hair bothers me. I think it's working. I've used it about a year now. It's still thin but I do see alot of new growth. It does get expensive. I use the generic from CVS. It's $29.00 for 3 mos. so that's not too bad. The other issue is unwanted hair! I now have hair growth on my face which I never had before. Go figure, loss on top of my head and too much hair on my face! I use Vaniqua for that and that is prescription and Expensive, about $150 from 2 small tubes but they last about 1-1 1/2 mos. each.I have become more aware and vain about how I look that ever before. I go nowhere w/o my hair done and makeup on. I am 8+ years post mastectomy and Tram Flap and 1.5 years post aromasin. So, you're not the only one who is having issues. You just have to do what you can to aleviate the issues and move on.Good luck at the beauty salon. I hope you can get answers and feel better about yourself. Please let us know how it goes. HUGS!!!!!!!!!! Cathy
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    Body Image
    Lets see Ohilly where do I start, there is the 75 lbs I gained after a year of chemo and meds (only managed to lose and keep off 30 of it and i struggle to do that). There is the lumpectomy scar and nipple that juts the the left on the left side and the lack of a breast at all on the right side. Oh yes and lets not forget how the lymphedema has caused my upper left arm to swell which is unsightly to some degree and my hand to do the same. On some days my hand cramps a lot and I look like I have a claw rather than a hand. Those are just a few of the things that come right to mind when you ask what cancer has done to me. Well my dear, the worst of them is the arm cause it hurts the rest is just was it is. I love my remaining boob even with my jutting nipple.:-) My missing boob I am having restored this month, the weight will be a struggle forever. It all comes down to would I do it all over again and be left as I am, for me the answer is a resounding YES!

    Ohilly I hope your salon appointment is a success and they are able to help you. I too have very thick hair that came back in thin. It took at least 6 months for it to begin to thicken again, now it is back to normal. Good luck Ohilly!


    Many many (((((((HUGS)))))))

    RE
  • ohilly
    ohilly Member Posts: 441
    RE said:

    Body Image
    Lets see Ohilly where do I start, there is the 75 lbs I gained after a year of chemo and meds (only managed to lose and keep off 30 of it and i struggle to do that). There is the lumpectomy scar and nipple that juts the the left on the left side and the lack of a breast at all on the right side. Oh yes and lets not forget how the lymphedema has caused my upper left arm to swell which is unsightly to some degree and my hand to do the same. On some days my hand cramps a lot and I look like I have a claw rather than a hand. Those are just a few of the things that come right to mind when you ask what cancer has done to me. Well my dear, the worst of them is the arm cause it hurts the rest is just was it is. I love my remaining boob even with my jutting nipple.:-) My missing boob I am having restored this month, the weight will be a struggle forever. It all comes down to would I do it all over again and be left as I am, for me the answer is a resounding YES!

    Ohilly I hope your salon appointment is a success and they are able to help you. I too have very thick hair that came back in thin. It took at least 6 months for it to begin to thicken again, now it is back to normal. Good luck Ohilly!


    Many many (((((((HUGS)))))))

    RE

    thank you, RE
    Re, your response touched me. Of course, I feel the same way you do: given what is happening to my hair, I would still go thru all of it again to save my life and give myself the best chance to beat this disease I can. I had a preventive mastectomy on the other side after finding out I am BRCA 1 and do not regret it at all. But just because I don't want to die doesn't mean I don't have a right to be upset about my body.

    Someone else on this board gave me the names of three other survivors who had major problems with their hair thinning and still do many years after treatment. I have been communicating with them online, and although it depresses me that they have not found a solution, in a way it does make me feel better that at least I'm not alone. My hair has only been growing at all for 5 1/2 months, so I still have hope it will get better in time. I started parting it on the opposite side which does improve things somewhat. I let you know what the beautician says.

    I guess I just want everything to go back to the way it was, and it's a sobering thought that I may have a permanent physical effect from this thing. I guess in the worst case scenario, I can go back to wearing a wig and it's not the end of the world. I actually liked the wig I had and no one could tell.

    Thanks again, re (and everyone else) who responded. I hope you all don't think I'm being a baby.

    Ohilly
  • Jadie
    Jadie Member Posts: 723
    cruf said:

    hair loss!
    Hi Ohilly! I never had chemo so I didn't have the hair loss from that BUT>>> I was on Tamoxifen, then Femara then Aromasin and did have major hair thinning from that. It's not that bad except, I see skin in the front of my head. I think the meds and then the immediate Menapause caused this. I went to the Dermatoligist and she told me there isn't much I could do but try to use Rogain(Menoxidyl). Yes, it's something I will have to do as long as my thin hair bothers me. I think it's working. I've used it about a year now. It's still thin but I do see alot of new growth. It does get expensive. I use the generic from CVS. It's $29.00 for 3 mos. so that's not too bad. The other issue is unwanted hair! I now have hair growth on my face which I never had before. Go figure, loss on top of my head and too much hair on my face! I use Vaniqua for that and that is prescription and Expensive, about $150 from 2 small tubes but they last about 1-1 1/2 mos. each.I have become more aware and vain about how I look that ever before. I go nowhere w/o my hair done and makeup on. I am 8+ years post mastectomy and Tram Flap and 1.5 years post aromasin. So, you're not the only one who is having issues. You just have to do what you can to aleviate the issues and move on.Good luck at the beauty salon. I hope you can get answers and feel better about yourself. Please let us know how it goes. HUGS!!!!!!!!!! Cathy

    Hair
    Hi Curf

    Will insurance cover Vaniqua? Does it work?

    Thanks
    Jadie
  • cruf
    cruf Member Posts: 908
    Jadie said:

    Hair
    Hi Curf

    Will insurance cover Vaniqua? Does it work?

    Thanks
    Jadie

    Vaniqua
    No, my insurance doesn't cover it. They say it is cosmetic. Yes, it works by slowing down growth. It doesn't stop it. You still need to trim or pluck or wax but not as often. I think it's worth the money. HUGS!! Cathy
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    ohilly said:

    thank you, RE
    Re, your response touched me. Of course, I feel the same way you do: given what is happening to my hair, I would still go thru all of it again to save my life and give myself the best chance to beat this disease I can. I had a preventive mastectomy on the other side after finding out I am BRCA 1 and do not regret it at all. But just because I don't want to die doesn't mean I don't have a right to be upset about my body.

    Someone else on this board gave me the names of three other survivors who had major problems with their hair thinning and still do many years after treatment. I have been communicating with them online, and although it depresses me that they have not found a solution, in a way it does make me feel better that at least I'm not alone. My hair has only been growing at all for 5 1/2 months, so I still have hope it will get better in time. I started parting it on the opposite side which does improve things somewhat. I let you know what the beautician says.

    I guess I just want everything to go back to the way it was, and it's a sobering thought that I may have a permanent physical effect from this thing. I guess in the worst case scenario, I can go back to wearing a wig and it's not the end of the world. I actually liked the wig I had and no one could tell.

    Thanks again, re (and everyone else) who responded. I hope you all don't think I'm being a baby.

    Ohilly

    NOT AT ALL
    You are not being a baby, for heavens sakes we have all been through the mill and being frustrated or pouting ocassionally is just fine! I have a friend who never had chemo but who's hair is so thin you can see her entire scalp. She has a wig she wears now and then just to make her feel better. No problem Ohilly, you can vent any old time you want to!!!

    RE
  • kbc4869
    kbc4869 Member Posts: 159
    Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about
    Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about my crazy hang-ups makes you feel better, than I'm happy to spill. I have so many of them, I had to think about it and choose my favorites; otherwise, we'd be here all night . . .

    Before DX I was pretty. Dare I say, I got a lot of attention. Unfortunately, I was so insecure, I never allowed myself to enjoy it or really believe it. So at work, there were a lot of men that would flirt with me, ask me out, and go out of their way to talk to me. Unfortunately, with most of them I was too shy and ackward to ever really get to know them.

    So, I get DXed and lose my hair. The hardest thing for me to do was go back to work and have those men that used to throw themselves at me completely ignore me. Well, not even ignore, but uncomfortably and quickly avert their eyes at the sight of me as if I pertried or disgusted them. They stopped saying hello or smiling at me. They'd walk in a different direction or get in another elevator to avoid me having to talk to me. It was like they were afraid that if they were even a little nice to me that I'd think they were still interested. And clearly they no longer were. I think that was one of the hardest things to deal with. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over that.

    Second, I got pregnant after treatment, and my "good" breast grew and grew, while my treated breast stayed the same. While I have lost the baby weight, I have one C cupped breast and one DD Cupped breast. I avoid bathing suits and form fitting tops. On occaision I have caught men at work staring intently at my breasts as if trying to determine that yes -- one is much larger than the other. It makes me feel like screaming at the top of my lungs -- "Yes, you assh$le! Your eyes aren't deceiving you! They are not the same size!" I mean, get over it already. They make me feel like I might as well join the circus and learn to spin dishes on my head.

    There's weight that doesn't come off like it used to. In five years, there's been 10 years that's drove over my face and peeled off. Tamoxifin has given me "man" skin; it isn't soft like it used to be. I feel and look older than my years.

    So, Ohilly, yes -- I'm there with you. If there's a next time around, I want one of those "sexy" cancers where you lose lots of weight and keep your hair.

    For what it's worth, I think your hair will grow in thicker again, Ohilly. I can't give you scientific evidence, but my gut tells me it will.
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    kbc4869 said:

    Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about
    Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about my crazy hang-ups makes you feel better, than I'm happy to spill. I have so many of them, I had to think about it and choose my favorites; otherwise, we'd be here all night . . .

    Before DX I was pretty. Dare I say, I got a lot of attention. Unfortunately, I was so insecure, I never allowed myself to enjoy it or really believe it. So at work, there were a lot of men that would flirt with me, ask me out, and go out of their way to talk to me. Unfortunately, with most of them I was too shy and ackward to ever really get to know them.

    So, I get DXed and lose my hair. The hardest thing for me to do was go back to work and have those men that used to throw themselves at me completely ignore me. Well, not even ignore, but uncomfortably and quickly avert their eyes at the sight of me as if I pertried or disgusted them. They stopped saying hello or smiling at me. They'd walk in a different direction or get in another elevator to avoid me having to talk to me. It was like they were afraid that if they were even a little nice to me that I'd think they were still interested. And clearly they no longer were. I think that was one of the hardest things to deal with. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over that.

    Second, I got pregnant after treatment, and my "good" breast grew and grew, while my treated breast stayed the same. While I have lost the baby weight, I have one C cupped breast and one DD Cupped breast. I avoid bathing suits and form fitting tops. On occaision I have caught men at work staring intently at my breasts as if trying to determine that yes -- one is much larger than the other. It makes me feel like screaming at the top of my lungs -- "Yes, you assh$le! Your eyes aren't deceiving you! They are not the same size!" I mean, get over it already. They make me feel like I might as well join the circus and learn to spin dishes on my head.

    There's weight that doesn't come off like it used to. In five years, there's been 10 years that's drove over my face and peeled off. Tamoxifin has given me "man" skin; it isn't soft like it used to be. I feel and look older than my years.

    So, Ohilly, yes -- I'm there with you. If there's a next time around, I want one of those "sexy" cancers where you lose lots of weight and keep your hair.

    For what it's worth, I think your hair will grow in thicker again, Ohilly. I can't give you scientific evidence, but my gut tells me it will.

    Kbc
    You are still pretty!! And those a$$holes at work are crazy and shallow. People think they are immune to disease until they get one, too. It happens to most people in this world; it just happens to hit some of us earlier.

    My major hangup is the feeling that I am not part of the "real world" of "normal people" anymore. Well, I've come to realize that there is no real and no normal. Everyone is dealing with, has dealt with, or will deal with a catastrophe in their lives and feel isolated.

    You are fabulous, Ohilly and kbc and don't forget it.

    Mimi
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    kbc4869 said:

    Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about
    Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about my crazy hang-ups makes you feel better, than I'm happy to spill. I have so many of them, I had to think about it and choose my favorites; otherwise, we'd be here all night . . .

    Before DX I was pretty. Dare I say, I got a lot of attention. Unfortunately, I was so insecure, I never allowed myself to enjoy it or really believe it. So at work, there were a lot of men that would flirt with me, ask me out, and go out of their way to talk to me. Unfortunately, with most of them I was too shy and ackward to ever really get to know them.

    So, I get DXed and lose my hair. The hardest thing for me to do was go back to work and have those men that used to throw themselves at me completely ignore me. Well, not even ignore, but uncomfortably and quickly avert their eyes at the sight of me as if I pertried or disgusted them. They stopped saying hello or smiling at me. They'd walk in a different direction or get in another elevator to avoid me having to talk to me. It was like they were afraid that if they were even a little nice to me that I'd think they were still interested. And clearly they no longer were. I think that was one of the hardest things to deal with. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over that.

    Second, I got pregnant after treatment, and my "good" breast grew and grew, while my treated breast stayed the same. While I have lost the baby weight, I have one C cupped breast and one DD Cupped breast. I avoid bathing suits and form fitting tops. On occaision I have caught men at work staring intently at my breasts as if trying to determine that yes -- one is much larger than the other. It makes me feel like screaming at the top of my lungs -- "Yes, you assh$le! Your eyes aren't deceiving you! They are not the same size!" I mean, get over it already. They make me feel like I might as well join the circus and learn to spin dishes on my head.

    There's weight that doesn't come off like it used to. In five years, there's been 10 years that's drove over my face and peeled off. Tamoxifin has given me "man" skin; it isn't soft like it used to be. I feel and look older than my years.

    So, Ohilly, yes -- I'm there with you. If there's a next time around, I want one of those "sexy" cancers where you lose lots of weight and keep your hair.

    For what it's worth, I think your hair will grow in thicker again, Ohilly. I can't give you scientific evidence, but my gut tells me it will.

    Good morning Kbc
    Those men are not worth your time of day!! Wait until they lose their hair or a loved one of theirs does! then maybe they will have understanding of HUMAN COMPASSION!
    people have got teary eyed or look at me with pity when i answer my door without my wig on, and it does leave a sadness inside..some people are even afraid to come over and don't know what to say.
    Look at how beautiful you are and still will be! inside and out! That little one of yours is absolutely darling also.
    I guess we can't get through this without some physical changes.. but how we are growing on the inside has made us a better and more compassionate woman.
    If i could i'd come down there and give these so called "men" a kick in the rump. Your time will come to strut again girl and you just strut right on past them!
    God Bless,
    Jackie
  • creampuff91344
    creampuff91344 Member Posts: 988
    rjjj said:

    Good morning Kbc
    Those men are not worth your time of day!! Wait until they lose their hair or a loved one of theirs does! then maybe they will have understanding of HUMAN COMPASSION!
    people have got teary eyed or look at me with pity when i answer my door without my wig on, and it does leave a sadness inside..some people are even afraid to come over and don't know what to say.
    Look at how beautiful you are and still will be! inside and out! That little one of yours is absolutely darling also.
    I guess we can't get through this without some physical changes.. but how we are growing on the inside has made us a better and more compassionate woman.
    If i could i'd come down there and give these so called "men" a kick in the rump. Your time will come to strut again girl and you just strut right on past them!
    God Bless,
    Jackie

    Ohilly, I can certainly
    Ohilly, I can certainly understand your concern regarding hair, and body image, and want to let you know that eventually you come to grips with what is, not what could be. I surely don't want to sound like this is an issue not worth worrying about, as we all have gone through the sequence of events following chemo, hair loss, hair growth, and body resculpting. Just wanted to share a story with you. Hair has been my strongest point all of my life, and I always had lots of it, long, decently colored, and curled. However, over the years the hairstyle got shorter, the gray started to sneak in, and Clairol became my best friend. Then can chemo....needless to say we all dread the words hair loss, and just wait for the day when the first hairs peak through the scalp. I completed chemo in August 2008, and have now enough hair on my head to cover the scalp, almost. This past week my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with a trip and overnight hotel stay. I asked him what he wanted for his anniversary, and he said, "I would like for you to ditch the wig, and just go on this trip being your normal, beautiful self". Can you believe this....here I am trying to put forth the image I thought he was more comfortable with by wearing a wig, and he wanted to see the real me. I visited my local salon, had a quick trim, and lots of gel applied. Off we went to spend the most wonderful anniversary we had ever had. I hope you get answers to your questions regarding your hair, but please know that those we are closest to sometimes just don't put that much emphasis on things. We live with the loss daily, and I, for one, am not going to spend one more minute worrying about what this disease has taken from me. I am going to focus on what makes myself and those around me happy. Good luck on your quest to find that happiness. You will be in my prayers.

    Judy
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143

    Ohilly, I can certainly
    Ohilly, I can certainly understand your concern regarding hair, and body image, and want to let you know that eventually you come to grips with what is, not what could be. I surely don't want to sound like this is an issue not worth worrying about, as we all have gone through the sequence of events following chemo, hair loss, hair growth, and body resculpting. Just wanted to share a story with you. Hair has been my strongest point all of my life, and I always had lots of it, long, decently colored, and curled. However, over the years the hairstyle got shorter, the gray started to sneak in, and Clairol became my best friend. Then can chemo....needless to say we all dread the words hair loss, and just wait for the day when the first hairs peak through the scalp. I completed chemo in August 2008, and have now enough hair on my head to cover the scalp, almost. This past week my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with a trip and overnight hotel stay. I asked him what he wanted for his anniversary, and he said, "I would like for you to ditch the wig, and just go on this trip being your normal, beautiful self". Can you believe this....here I am trying to put forth the image I thought he was more comfortable with by wearing a wig, and he wanted to see the real me. I visited my local salon, had a quick trim, and lots of gel applied. Off we went to spend the most wonderful anniversary we had ever had. I hope you get answers to your questions regarding your hair, but please know that those we are closest to sometimes just don't put that much emphasis on things. We live with the loss daily, and I, for one, am not going to spend one more minute worrying about what this disease has taken from me. I am going to focus on what makes myself and those around me happy. Good luck on your quest to find that happiness. You will be in my prayers.

    Judy

    Beautiful post, Judy
    Well said. But I had to laugh at "body resculpting" -- sounds like a class at my gym.
  • kbc4869
    kbc4869 Member Posts: 159
    rjjj said:

    Good morning Kbc
    Those men are not worth your time of day!! Wait until they lose their hair or a loved one of theirs does! then maybe they will have understanding of HUMAN COMPASSION!
    people have got teary eyed or look at me with pity when i answer my door without my wig on, and it does leave a sadness inside..some people are even afraid to come over and don't know what to say.
    Look at how beautiful you are and still will be! inside and out! That little one of yours is absolutely darling also.
    I guess we can't get through this without some physical changes.. but how we are growing on the inside has made us a better and more compassionate woman.
    If i could i'd come down there and give these so called "men" a kick in the rump. Your time will come to strut again girl and you just strut right on past them!
    God Bless,
    Jackie

    Thanks for the kind words,
    Thanks for the kind words, Mimi and Jackie. There is a happy ending to the story . . . 6 months after TX, I met a great guy, we fell in love, got married, and had a baby. So, that restored some of my faith in the male species :)

    The point being that we all have our hangups.And I'm glad we can talk about them. Some things we can change; others we can't. Guess we just need to be kinder to ourselves. I'm working on that one myself.

    Love to all.
    K
  • ohilly
    ohilly Member Posts: 441
    kbc4869 said:

    Thanks for the kind words,
    Thanks for the kind words, Mimi and Jackie. There is a happy ending to the story . . . 6 months after TX, I met a great guy, we fell in love, got married, and had a baby. So, that restored some of my faith in the male species :)

    The point being that we all have our hangups.And I'm glad we can talk about them. Some things we can change; others we can't. Guess we just need to be kinder to ourselves. I'm working on that one myself.

    Love to all.
    K

    thanks, but I can't help but still worry
    All of you are so kind, and I can see I'm not the only one with body images. However, today I found out something that upset me even more! I had thought the thinning hair thing was only in the front, but my daughter pointed out to me (she didn't mean to upset me on purpose of course) that the top, which of course I can't see, also has some thin spots. I bought a mirror and looked, and was horrified!

    Tomorrow I have an appointment at a beauty salon that specializes in chemo survivors. I will let you know what they say. Another question (but maybe the beauty salon will answer it): if your hair grows longer, will you be able to camoflage the thinning spots? I know my reaction is very extreme, but I feel disfigured.

    Ohilly