sad/anxious about body image

Jadie

kbc4869 said:

Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about
Ok, Ohilly. If hearing about my crazy hang-ups makes you feel better, than I'm happy to spill. I have so many of them, I had to think about it and choose my favorites; otherwise, we'd be here all night . . .

Before DX I was pretty. Dare I say, I got a lot of attention. Unfortunately, I was so insecure, I never allowed myself to enjoy it or really believe it. So at work, there were a lot of men that would flirt with me, ask me out, and go out of their way to talk to me. Unfortunately, with most of them I was too shy and ackward to ever really get to know them.

So, I get DXed and lose my hair. The hardest thing for me to do was go back to work and have those men that used to throw themselves at me completely ignore me. Well, not even ignore, but uncomfortably and quickly avert their eyes at the sight of me as if I pertried or disgusted them. They stopped saying hello or smiling at me. They'd walk in a different direction or get in another elevator to avoid me having to talk to me. It was like they were afraid that if they were even a little nice to me that I'd think they were still interested. And clearly they no longer were. I think that was one of the hardest things to deal with. I'm not sure if I'll ever get over that.

Second, I got pregnant after treatment, and my "good" breast grew and grew, while my treated breast stayed the same. While I have lost the baby weight, I have one C cupped breast and one DD Cupped breast. I avoid bathing suits and form fitting tops. On occaision I have caught men at work staring intently at my breasts as if trying to determine that yes -- one is much larger than the other. It makes me feel like screaming at the top of my lungs -- "Yes, you assh$le! Your eyes aren't deceiving you! They are not the same size!" I mean, get over it already. They make me feel like I might as well join the circus and learn to spin dishes on my head.

There's weight that doesn't come off like it used to. In five years, there's been 10 years that's drove over my face and peeled off. Tamoxifin has given me "man" skin; it isn't soft like it used to be. I feel and look older than my years.

So, Ohilly, yes -- I'm there with you. If there's a next time around, I want one of those "sexy" cancers where you lose lots of weight and keep your hair.

For what it's worth, I think your hair will grow in thicker again, Ohilly. I can't give you scientific evidence, but my gut tells me it will.

KBC, Mimi and Ohilly
Hi KBC

I know all to well the feelings you have when someone looks at your breast and you can almost hear them thinking, which one, left or right, oh I see it's the smaller one. I hated that, so I opted to have reconstruction on the left (lumpectomy side) and reduction on the right side. Most of all I wanted to do something just for me. It worked. I feel so much better about myself. I love the results of the surgery. My insurance paid it all except $20. Just a thought I wanted to share with you. You are a beautiful woman no matter what.

Mimi you do find a new normal thats for sure. As time passes you will find your self slipping back into the normal of everyday living and you will feel very much a part of it.

Ohilly Give it time. I too think your hair will return to normal. Please don't go somewhere where they will make you think that they will help and just charge you out the ying yang for it. Try, try, try to quit stressing over it. Stress is not good.

Hugs to all of you
Jadie