Fear

No but............................

you need a hobby...sincerely, you need something to dwell on besides all that is going on in your world. I am not trying to be a butt here, I am thinking that you may need to re focus on some things that are more important than the things you can do nothing about.....Sassy, let me ask you something...you need to have a barrier between you and what is causing all the anxiety in you. Please just hear me out...imagine a shield completely encircling you that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and you have the only key that allows entrance into or out of this shield...You have to realize that the brain and its electrical signals control all impulses and thoughts..What you have to do is to figure out how you can control the signals sent to it...Once the brain shuts down its neuro-transmitters that create seratonin or happy juices if you will it will not start back again unless it medically enhanced, prozac,zoloft, etc does that. It medically "restarts" the neuro-transmitters allowing you to laugh, grin, and not dwell on gloom and doom, it simply allows you to live again, outside your shield. Being on it for such a long period it seems that it has become mute as having the ability to do what its intended to do for you.
I am a very controlling individual and through this disease I lost all control of everything going on in my life, it was more devastating to me than the disease itself. After many long weeks of not having control over anything, I decided to use Flourextine (prozac) to see if it would help with my feeling of helplessness. It did, and after I started to feel better I made myself aware that no matter what happened there was nothing I could do to change it, but with the knowledge (that I got all in here) I learned about my disease, I learned that I could be an advocate to myself and others to help in this journey and also to direct treatment regimens to myself, thus getting back some control that I had lost. But, I had to reroute my way of thinking, you see the glass is either half full or half empty, unless you break it, then its there no more to worry about...
The blood in the stool, besides a cork is there anything you can do ? Yes, you can take the bull by the horns and tell them that whatever it is, you want it taken care of asap, then that will be done, then move on to the next item...
Life has a tendency to try and overwhelm us. Most of the time its with joy,warmth, and good feelings so we openly allow it to come in (that's your shield) so when life throws us a barrage of unwanted feelings all we have to do is close the shield, allowing nothing in.....
Take a notepad and jot down all things that need to be done, but jot them down slowly and there will be your list of things to accomplish...between these things, give yourself a gift or reward of some type so that every time you get a task finished, you receive a token for it. That involuntarily gets your brain thinking Ummm, good stuff coming, that in turn is a great exercise in returning the good electrical signals that we need to improve our though processes back to where we enjoy life, instead of dreading it.
When life starts to get to rough to manage, take a notepad and a pen and start writing down all that bothers you, if you want to curse then write that down as well, if you want to attack something then write that down as well...purge yourself of all that feels bad to you. After you do this (and it could take several hours) then take it to the garbage can and set it on fire. All your feelings will go up with the smoke, and its over. Do this as many times as necessary, you will find your niche that works for you, all you have to do is want to find it....Love and Patience for you and yours, Buzz