Boyfriend just dumped me... it hurts worse than the cancer worry

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  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #42
    KathyLQ said:

    Higher guidance comes in unexpected ways
    I got an email a week before Christmas saying someone had sent me a note on an inactive dating forum I used before. I responded courteously and told him I wasn't interested. But he had left his phone and I noted in his profile he worked for a crisis hotline.

    I felt the need to call. Just to reach another guy to get his perspective on what I did wrong.

    I realize God knew in advance that I was going to be dumped. I believe he set up a lifeline for me, a guy with crisis line experience to talk to me. I felt his caring, he did help, and has said to call any time. He gave good pointers on how to deal with my anxiety, and how to move on. He's taught me there can be decent guys out there.

    Broken hearts
    Kathy-

    I've lived long enough to have had a few broken hearts in my life. This was all long long ago and I've been married for 36 years now. I don't know what I'd do if someone dumped me when I had breast cancer, or of my husband had been unsupportive during my ordeal. That has to be the absolute worst and my heart goes out to you.

    Thinking back over my life (did a lot of that this past year) I know that every experience I had, good or bad, made me who I am today and I like who I am today. I hope you'll come through this a stronger and wiser woman.

    Oh, and your boyfriend is a jerk.

    Suzanne
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #43
    KathyLQ said:

    Higher guidance comes in unexpected ways
    I got an email a week before Christmas saying someone had sent me a note on an inactive dating forum I used before. I responded courteously and told him I wasn't interested. But he had left his phone and I noted in his profile he worked for a crisis hotline.

    I felt the need to call. Just to reach another guy to get his perspective on what I did wrong.

    I realize God knew in advance that I was going to be dumped. I believe he set up a lifeline for me, a guy with crisis line experience to talk to me. I felt his caring, he did help, and has said to call any time. He gave good pointers on how to deal with my anxiety, and how to move on. He's taught me there can be decent guys out there.

    That's great!
    That was just the kind of experience I was hoping for you. Miracles are everywhere if we are open to them.

    Roseann
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #44
    KathyLQ said:

    Higher guidance comes in unexpected ways
    I got an email a week before Christmas saying someone had sent me a note on an inactive dating forum I used before. I responded courteously and told him I wasn't interested. But he had left his phone and I noted in his profile he worked for a crisis hotline.

    I felt the need to call. Just to reach another guy to get his perspective on what I did wrong.

    I realize God knew in advance that I was going to be dumped. I believe he set up a lifeline for me, a guy with crisis line experience to talk to me. I felt his caring, he did help, and has said to call any time. He gave good pointers on how to deal with my anxiety, and how to move on. He's taught me there can be decent guys out there.

    I have been thinking of you...
    Hoping you days are a bit better...no advice just a cheery thought and HELLO
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #45
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I have been thinking of you...
    Hoping you days are a bit better...no advice just a cheery thought and HELLO

    Kathy, just a note to tell
    Kathy, just a note to tell you what others have said, life does get better. In my first marriage my husband was a miserable abusive man. I was so young and thought he would change so I stayed in the marriage and had 2 children with him. We would break up and he would sweet talk me into coming back to him. I finally got free of him and saw him for the person he was. I didn't know if I would ever want anyone again but I met a wonderful man, a true man. We've been married over 29 years and he's been with me thru thick and thin. He thinks I'm a whole woman and missing a breast hasn't changed his mind. He told me I'm still the same woman that he has loved all these years. Like Moopy has her Joe, I have my wonderful man to help me thru all this. Just wanted to give you some hope that when all the grieving, sadness and anger is past, life will be good. Hang in there!
  • KathyLQ
    KathyLQ Member Posts: 100
    #46
    Sunrae said:

    Kathy, just a note to tell
    Kathy, just a note to tell you what others have said, life does get better. In my first marriage my husband was a miserable abusive man. I was so young and thought he would change so I stayed in the marriage and had 2 children with him. We would break up and he would sweet talk me into coming back to him. I finally got free of him and saw him for the person he was. I didn't know if I would ever want anyone again but I met a wonderful man, a true man. We've been married over 29 years and he's been with me thru thick and thin. He thinks I'm a whole woman and missing a breast hasn't changed his mind. He told me I'm still the same woman that he has loved all these years. Like Moopy has her Joe, I have my wonderful man to help me thru all this. Just wanted to give you some hope that when all the grieving, sadness and anger is past, life will be good. Hang in there!

    Thank you everyone
    Sunrae, thank you. And thank you to everyone else. Just when I think I'm making emotional headway... it comes back. Every time I move something I brought, the flashback, the memories. I wonder if there is a support line somewhere, where I can just talk. Ideas?
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #47
    KathyLQ said:

    the sacrafice of the mastectomy
    He is using his crutch of PTSS, after 40 years, to explain his duplicity.
    I believe it was the event of my mastectomy and the cancer. He ran. So don't ever say that mastectomies won't destroy a relationship, because it just did. Our relationship was hot before my surgery. I did meet him before I found out I had cancer.

    He even joined a clinical study with the University, 'helping her heal', and he said he was trying to learn how to be more loving and helping me through the cancer. They wouldn't let him join the study unless we had been together for 6 months. The University was slow to start the study, 2 months out. A dime short and a day late.

    He said he still loved me, but he couldn't live with me, he wanted to live alone. Why did God put me through this? I'm not that strong. I'm crying as I write this. I can't stay at my daughters. I have no home, except my old one which would put me right back with my Ex husband. I can't think of how I will finish my reconstruction.
    I feel so alone and hurt. I wish I'd been hit by a truck. The only thing keeping me here is the knowledge that I'd hurt my daughter if I did anything. She's gold and all I have.

    So, you were only together
    So, you were only together for 4 months? It is obvious how you are hurting, but, in only a few months, you didn't know what a creep this guy was. Now you do. You don't need someone like him in your life. I wish you the best and hope that you find happiness with a real man, not a loser like this.


    Hugs, Megan
  • walterta
    walterta Member Posts: 31
    #48
    My prayers are with you, it
    My prayers are with you, it is hard enough to deal with what you are going through. You need support now from your friends and family. It sounds like this guy does not deserve you.
  • KathyLQ
    KathyLQ Member Posts: 100
    #49
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I have been thinking of you...
    Hoping you days are a bit better...no advice just a cheery thought and HELLO

    Disneyfan
    Disney, thank you for coming multiple times to just give a simple 'I'm thinking of you'.

    And to everyone else giving me your understanding and all the words which will hopefully get my good sense back in order.
  • KathyLQ
    KathyLQ Member Posts: 100
    #50
    KathiM said:

    You HAVE been hit by a truck....
    He figuratively did just that....

    I'm glad you found something bright in your life...you daughter! AND YOUR life!!!!

    As others have said, it may seem that life is over right now, but didn't you survive your divorce? You must know that there is life after a breakup...

    But right now, think essentials...why not at your daughter's? Make a list...at least in the short run...

    My ex- actually lived with us for a small bit of time when he lost his house to bankruptcy, until he got back on track and found an appartment. We laid down strict ground rules...it was DEFINATELY NOT a husband/wife thing...wierd, but he had no other place to go...and he was good with our girls...

    SURE it hurts! OF COURSE you have tears!!! That is normal and natural. BUT you cannot change that you did what you had to (mastectomy) to save your life. If you feel strongly about trying to make it work with this guy, then see a couple's counselor...and be honest...

    There are many ways to solve problems. Getting a good cry in helps in the short run. I allowed (still do) myself pity parties of up to 24 hours, and then go on...

    Hugs, Kathi

    Kathi
    Kathyi, gosh, I think I exceeded your 24 hour pity party limit!

    I have this saying, give it 3 days. Even that will not be enough.
    When you've loved unconditionally, you can't just squash it. I'm sure God doesn't go around squashing his unconditional love.
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #51
    Sunrae said:

    Kathy, just a note to tell
    Kathy, just a note to tell you what others have said, life does get better. In my first marriage my husband was a miserable abusive man. I was so young and thought he would change so I stayed in the marriage and had 2 children with him. We would break up and he would sweet talk me into coming back to him. I finally got free of him and saw him for the person he was. I didn't know if I would ever want anyone again but I met a wonderful man, a true man. We've been married over 29 years and he's been with me thru thick and thin. He thinks I'm a whole woman and missing a breast hasn't changed his mind. He told me I'm still the same woman that he has loved all these years. Like Moopy has her Joe, I have my wonderful man to help me thru all this. Just wanted to give you some hope that when all the grieving, sadness and anger is past, life will be good. Hang in there!

    Sunrae
    good to hear some guys are great...
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #52
    KathyLQ said:

    I don't know what I'm going to do.
    I come here, because I'm anonymous. And I know you all are friends who can hear me cry and vent. I've cried so much that my head is splitting. I got about 2 hours of sleep the night he told me, cause there was no way to make myself sleep. My daughter was wise in that she wouldn't let me drive to her place. She brought her truck, my car was packed also. We got everything out.

    Just in my mind, I wanted to burn his place. Ok, that's out, now I can get back to real. I cried nearly the whole way to my daughter's house. I also cried because I was leaving the new town I had learned by being with him. I've wanted to die. I'm not kidding. How can a guy be so cruel?

    It would be a long list of things I did for him, no need for that list here. He kept me there though the holidays so he wouldn't be lonely, I can see that now. He also needed someone to help him do a colonoscopy 10 days before Christmas. I changed his bedsheets twice in the night and washed in his washing machine and drove to the drug to get bed liners. He used me. The ahole. Doesn't help me now. I still love him, that feeling doesn't just turn off instantly. It hurt's so bad. I want to hurt back so bad. But I come here instead to vent and cry.

    I agree 100% with what the
    I agree 100% with what the other sisters have written. You are so much better off to be rid of him. You will be fine!


    Hugs, Jan
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #53
    RE said:

    EXCUSE ME??
    Kathy I am deeply sorry that this is happening to you and I know it hurts, but step back a moment and realize that a man who give a woman fighting for her life one day to move out of his life is not the kind of man you deserve. This is not about him anyway, it is about you and about you making it to tomorrow and beyond, he does not deserve you! Pick yourself up and know that you are worth much and this is his loss! For those of us who walk this path each day is a gift, one we have earned and one we should not waste on someone who does not realize that. I agree you need to do something special for yourself, know that you are of great value!

    Wishing you all the best,

    RE

    Love what you wrote RE! I
    Love what you wrote RE! I can't add anything to it.


    Hugs and best wishes to you,

    Debby
  • Jennifer1961
    Jennifer1961 Member Posts: 137
    #54
    terrible!
    You are right, this sucks, sucks, sucks. I'm sorry the man you were with turned out to be like this. Hold tight to your sisters, daughters and friends, they will get you through this, that what us girls do. Are there are some good guys out there, keep your eyes and ears open. You know deep down you are better off without him. Can you imagine the kind of person that could live with themselves after doing something like this to you? He is empty and ugly inside. I pity him and the pathetic life he lives. Be nice to yourself you deserve it!
  • Charliebutts
    Charliebutts Member Posts: 9
    #55
    natly15 said:

    Good riddance to bad blood.
    Good riddance to bad blood. As one of the gals said, he obviously cannot keep those marriage vows, "in sickness and in health". Iknow it hurts and I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with him and cancer. Life does suck sometimes, but life doesn't always suck and there will be better days, they are just not here today. Take care of yourself, You are the #1 concern, and thank God his true colors came out now so that you do not have to deal with anymore of his ugliness. This could be your blessing in disguise. Enjoy your daughter and all those who really love you. Hugs to you.

    Good
    I don 't know you but I am so glad you are gone from him he never was any good. You are luckily he never would have been breast or no breast he is a waste
  • Charliebutts
    Charliebutts Member Posts: 9
    #56
    KathyLQ said:

    Roseann
    "If you were in a relationship that doesn't look like that it was not what you deserve. I believe God ended it for you. You deserve love. You can't find the right person while hanging onto the wrong person."

    I don't know how to fall out of love.

    What love got
    You are out, just leave you are spending too much on this. What about you?

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