I WANT OUT

chenheart said:

When I saw the title of your
When I saw the title of your post...I thought, yeah! We never wanted IN~ did we?
But...here we all are; fighting for our lives, indeed. And, as you have no doubt noticed, we are an amazing group of kick-**** women who truly "get it". And no, not all of us have supportive, faithful husbands or partners, not all of us have health insurance, or jobs, kids who care, a relationship with God or a chuch we attend. Some of us have to drive hours to treatment, have no one to dry our tears...fill in the blanks. This is scary stuff! I am surprised eveyone of us isn't on some type of anti-anxiety drug! If we don't have the reason/right to be anxious, who does??????

I am truly sorry for all of the hardship and heartbreak and downright callousness you have had to be a part of. As if doing battle with the beast isn't enough!

I am hoping that you know that YOU are of the utmost importance.. and not just to the sisterhood of Kindred Spirits here~ and I send you all of the strength of conviction, courage and cyber hugs to help you make good and right decisions for yourself! Fighting this beast is no walk in the park, as you have certainly seen. But there is good, and laughter, and relief and other positives to be found in spite of it all.

You are NOT alone.

Hugs,
Chen♥

Please do not give up. We
Please do not give up. We have all had a rough fight with bc, but, we have battled the beast and come out the winner. You can do this too.

Life after cancer is wonderful, and, your life will be too. Just fight this and keep on fighting for it.


Hugs, Leeza

You come first
No, you won’t quit.

The only person important in your life right now is YOU. All the decisions you make, make them for you. Don’t do anything erratic, but for pete’s sake, if you don’t want to do HIS laundry today, DON’T.

I am going to recommend that you get the book “Breast Cancer Husband”, by Marc Silver. It’s written for your partner. (I loved it too.) I’m not sure you’ll be able to get him to read it… but having it there will be a closer step.

What has to happen is that you find a “cause”. Something to make your life meaningful. I was going to suggest you form a support group, because it would give you “something to do”. But I see that you’re already in several, perhaps. Are they doing for you what you need? If not, VOLUNTEER to take on a project within them. Sometimes it takes the giving to be able to receive back what you need.

We can’t know your husband, don’t know how long you’ve been married to him, or how he previously felt about you. Did he think you were attractive before?

Put yourself first, as these examples. Clean up your space, not His. Get your own groceries, not His. Do your own laundry, not His. But be actively doing something else, such that he won’t think you’re being lazy. Find some clubs to join. You don’t say whether you have hair, but if you need to, buy a wig. One of my best friends stayed active through her chemotherapy by wearing wigs. I thought they were great. Go to the library to read books. Go walk the Mall just to get exercise (wear your wig). Walk the neighborhood. Clean the closets, do garage sales.

Now, if He starts asking why you’re not doing his laundry, say “I’ve been really busy, and it would really help me if you could do your own laundry tonight.” Don’t say do your own laundry forever. And then go to do something that makes you look busy. Don’t hesitate to leave the house right in front of him, so that he knows you’re doing something. Don’t make a scene. It’s not doing something against him, it’s doing something for Yourself.

Find a place to Volunteer. Something you’d like to do. Don’t pick something you hate. Doesn’t have to be the food bank, it could be volunteering at a hospital where you are learning something yourself. It will have your husband wondering what the heck you are doing. But he’ll see that you are doing something. When he seems to be asking you for something, respond with “honey, I had thought about some things we could do today, and I really would like it if you’d take me out to dinner.” Don’t expect the response you want, but you’ve put out a message. Become the broken record. Next time he says something similar, say it again, “honey, I had thought about what it would be nice to do today, and I really would like to go walk the beach with you today.” Have a backup plan. When he ignores you, don’t sulk. Know in advance where you might go YOURSELF when he turns you down. Go outside and call a friend to see if she’d like to go have coffee with you. Go walk the mall for exercise. Go to the Library or book store, that is a good place to get your mind off things. Bring a library book home, and read it. Or read the Sunday paper thoroughly in front of him. Just be DOING THINGS. Get on the internet, find some online chat groups. Yahoo messenger, PalTalk. MSN Messenger, those sorts of chat groups can put you in instant touch with people to talk to. Most allow microphones and even web cams. You only do what you’re comfortable with. You can find email groups to join on line in areas that interest you. Kind of like having a hobby.

I spend time nearly each day on a chat forum. I have people I can talk to in various countries that know me by an anonymous ID. But it allows me to let go once in a while.
No, you’re not going to quit, not yet. We’re here to talk to, and there is much you can do to volunteer and be active. But doing it because it’s doing it for YOU. Remember, yourself first. Like the airlines say, put on your own breathing mask first, before you help others.

smalldoggroomer said:

I'm so very sorry for what
I'm so very sorry for what you are going through, but you have found the right place to come. we will be here for you when ever and what ever you need. I'm sorry about your husband being a jerk.. I know if it was me I would take charge and kick him to the curb. i pray you don't give up on life. It is good even though you are in a bad spot now. Do you have Kids? You didn't say what kind of breast cancer you have. I have Inflammatory breast cancer. They tell me it is the worst kind to have. But I have already decided I will live until I am ninety nine. Maybe your Dr can adjust your Meds it sounds like they may not be doing there job right for you. I hope you are feeling better come here often we will be here waiting for you. I hope you like having sisters because you was just adopted be about 5000 of them. I'm the old one!! Take care darlin Kay, We care how you feel.

I am sending you hope,
I am sending you hope, strength and lots of prayers.


Diane

VickiSam said:

Iquit .. Please let us know how you are doing today ...
There are so many lovely and caring Warriors here on our ACS board worried about you..
Please let us know.

Strength and Courage

Vicki Sam

No, you can't quit! If you
No, you can't quit! If you do, the beast wins, and, I know you don't want that. We will help you if you feel weak, just let us.

Praying for you,



Noel

wow...
I just read exactly how I feel. It is so nice to know that I am not alone. I have no support either. My job actually told me that I could take no more time off. There is no support group. Friends? What are they? Family...I have a family?

I can't control them...I can only control me and my thoughts and my hopes and my dreams. I can find a new job...I can find a new family, well, ok, maybe not, but they do not have to be a part of my life, friends...yep, I'm making new ones.

Am I always this up every day? No. I take it a day at a time. Sometimes, an hour at a time, or a minute at a time. I've already decided I'm finishing this year (I'm a teacher) and looking for another job next year. I now have a new principal who is very supportive, unfortunately, the way I was treated last year did me in. I deserve better.

My husband did support me. I am sorry yours didn't, but remember, you deserve better.

I chose not to take Tamoxifen either. Mine was at the advice of my onc. At times I don't want to prolong my life either. But then I look at my incredible children, 17 and 19, who were there for me. I want to be there for them. I am not very particular about who I let in my life. I no longer have expectations of any kind. Sick and tired of being let down. Just done with it. This beast forces you off the roller coaster called life while everyone else just continues on their merry way...until their own beast forces them off...FINALLY they get it, but guess what? It's too late. You have moved on. You are strong. Stronger than you ever thought you could be. Life is too precious. Do NOT give up.

You may be only one person in this world, but please don't forget that you are the world to one person. Find that one.

Betsy

Don't qive up!
It is so tough! Friends are not always there for us. I do know that and I don't know why. That has happened to me also. My family (immediate) has been very loving and supportive, not the case with extended family who live elsewhere. But you have to depend on yourself and determend to be strong for yourself. Life will get better, believing that now is hard but you will come thru this but you must know there is a better life waiting for you.
We are here...please keep us posted.

ONLY YOU can do this.........
I am sorry things have gone so poorly for you but........there's always a but......only you can take care of yourself while dealing with breast cancer.....PUT YOURSELF FIRST!!!! For once in your life, be selfish.......think about YOU! That's usually hard to do for women.....we always put ourselves last. I, too, had friends disappear when I was diagnosed...it hurt at first but as time went by, I realized they weren't true friends to begin with......I have a fantastic husband, grown kids, grandchildren and TRUE FRIENDS....They all were and are truly wonderful.....My female gynecologist gave me a good "talking to" when I was first diagnosed in April 2009...the very first thing she told me is exactly what I just said.....TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FIRST AND FOREMOST!!!! Learn to be selfish while dealing with this disease. You sound very depressed.....you have a right to be depressed....this is a sucky hand we've been dealt.

But I want you to think about this......there is life after breast cancer.......I promise! There's hundreds of us on this board who I think would agree with that statement....... I am almost to my two year anniversary of being diagnosed.....went through lumpectomy, chemo and radiation....I am triple negative.....very agressive form...I have had all the treatment available for triple negative...not a candidate for Tamoxifen, Herception, etc...I NEVER EVER thought I would feel "normal" again.....Guess what? I'm there!!!! I can go whole days without thinking....."Oh my God, I had breast cancer!" Don't misunderstand........it always lurks in the back of my mind but it doesn't define me anymore......I won't let it.....to much life to live! That old saying....."IT's darkest right before the dawn" is true.....we just have to hang in there until we see the light.......it's not easy but I have faith you can do it.......I know, trust me I know, things seem very bleak right now but it will get better..time is the only thing that helps....I can't speak for the situation with your husband.....personally, I'd tell him to take a very long hike! But, that's just me..

In the end, it's all up to you.....your choice to refuse any more treatment or to choose to fight with all your might......personally, I wanted all and everything to prevent this horrible disease from returning......My best friend in the world is fighting terminal brain cancer........I watch her fight with everything in her....I know beyond a shadown of a doubt she'd trade places with anyone of us in a heartbeat! She knows she doesn't have long but she NEVER GIVES UP.....she has been a true inspiration to me.

Please hang in there.........it can and does get better and easier to deal with.....
Peace be with you and I wish better days for you.....
Nancy

I know how you feel. Just
I know how you feel. Just yesterday I was telling my husband I wish I had never gotten treated. I told him life is too hard and that I just want it to be over. I too have just finished treatment for triple negative. The chemo, mastectomy, radiation...all of it is hard. The only difference is I had a wonderful network of family and friends. Many people who prayed for me and gave me support. Even my husband has been great. But I still feel life is too hard to go through this. Never knowing if it is going to come back, or what lies ahead. I too think I am very depressed and I guess when you get this depressed everything looks crazy awful.

I do have a great faith in God and I pray to Him...plead with Him to get me through this. To restore my joy. He has done it several times before and I know He will do it again. So, I guess what I am saying is get on your knees and pray as I am praying for you right now. Maybe I am feeling this way now so I can tell you from the heart I know how you feel and so does God. He wants you to depend on Him...He will never let you down.

Pat