I WANT OUT

VickiSam

CypressCynthia said:

Depression
I would like to respectfully disagree with your first statement, "I am not depressed." I don't think that we recognize classic depression when we are in the midst of it. But you are tired, feeling alone and abandoned, and planning to commit a slow suicide.

I have been depressed before and honestly didn't think that I was--until I emerged from it like a butterfly from a chrysalis. Please, please, please seek help today! The holidays will exacerbate all of the bad feelings. And please know that you are not alone. I care and these wonderful women here care too. PM me any time! And please let us know how you are doing.


Mayo Clinic Self Assessment for Depression

Iquit .. Please let us know how you are doing today ...
There are so many lovely and caring Warriors here on our ACS board worried about you..
Please let us know.

Strength and Courage

Vicki Sam

HeartofSoul

VickiSam said:

Iquit .. Please let us know how you are doing today ...
There are so many lovely and caring Warriors here on our ACS board worried about you..
Please let us know.

Strength and Courage

Vicki Sam

"Iquit", Im willing to bet
"Iquit", Im willing to bet that if you let the ladies of this Breast cancer community help you, you will feel differently and find a reason why to fight on. Please give them a chance to make a difference.

Sunrae

HeartofSoul said:

"Iquit", Im willing to bet
"Iquit", Im willing to bet that if you let the ladies of this Breast cancer community help you, you will feel differently and find a reason why to fight on. Please give them a chance to make a difference.

Dear Iquit, I don't believe
Dear Iquit, I don't believe you're the type that gives up or you might have already done so. You've been thru the surgeries, chemo and radiation. That's where I almost gave up. You went thru all the treatments by yourself, and that makes you a more courageous woman that you think you are. I've heard that some people get depressed after all that treatment so this may be what's happening to you. Most of us have to take some kind of meds to help us along, and many of us will be taking something for the next 5 years after treatment. Why don't you give it a try and if it doesn't work for you, you can always quit it. At least give it a try. And don't forget about all your strong supportive sisters here on this board, who are pulling and praying for you. As for your husband, he needs to make up his mind whether he's there for you or not. And you may have to decide what you need to do if you decide he's not there for you. Take care of yourself first and keep on fighting. We're here for you.

jnl

chenheart said:

When I saw the title of your
When I saw the title of your post...I thought, yeah! We never wanted IN~ did we?
But...here we all are; fighting for our lives, indeed. And, as you have no doubt noticed, we are an amazing group of kick-**** women who truly "get it". And no, not all of us have supportive, faithful husbands or partners, not all of us have health insurance, or jobs, kids who care, a relationship with God or a chuch we attend. Some of us have to drive hours to treatment, have no one to dry our tears...fill in the blanks. This is scary stuff! I am surprised eveyone of us isn't on some type of anti-anxiety drug! If we don't have the reason/right to be anxious, who does??????

I am truly sorry for all of the hardship and heartbreak and downright callousness you have had to be a part of. As if doing battle with the beast isn't enough!

I am hoping that you know that YOU are of the utmost importance.. and not just to the sisterhood of Kindred Spirits here~ and I send you all of the strength of conviction, courage and cyber hugs to help you make good and right decisions for yourself! Fighting this beast is no walk in the park, as you have certainly seen. But there is good, and laughter, and relief and other positives to be found in spite of it all.

You are NOT alone.

Hugs,
Chen♥

Please do not give up. We
Please do not give up. We have all had a rough fight with bc, but, we have battled the beast and come out the winner. You can do this too.

Life after cancer is wonderful, and, your life will be too. Just fight this and keep on fighting for it.


Hugs, Leeza

pinkkari09

Dear IQuit please don't
Dear IQuit please don't quit. I know exactly how your feeling. I lost a ton of friends and my husband was having an affair also, your not alone. It was really hard at times but I made it through and so will you! Next month will be one year since chemo and my friends are slowly coming around, the ones I lost were scared I was gonna die and didn't want to stay close, it's crazy but people react differently. Now that I'm doing ok they are coming around and apologizing for not being there. My husband ran into the arms of another woman and he can just stay there, I moved out 8 months ago and my life is much better. I've even met a man who treats me like a queen, I never thought a bc survivor could find love and I found the most amazing love, one I've been looking for my whole life. It DOES get better, I promise!! Sometimes we just have to ride the storm out and wait for the sun, and it's all worth it, it really is. This BC journey really tests our strength and the best thing I discovered from having BC is that I know so much more about myself. Please come here often, vent often, cry often, get mad, be happy, whatever you need to do, just do it and hang on sister, were here for you, just as your here for us.
Big Hugs!!
Kari

KathyLQ

You come first
No, you won’t quit.

The only person important in your life right now is YOU. All the decisions you make, make them for you. Don’t do anything erratic, but for pete’s sake, if you don’t want to do HIS laundry today, DON’T.

I am going to recommend that you get the book “Breast Cancer Husband”, by Marc Silver. It’s written for your partner. (I loved it too.) I’m not sure you’ll be able to get him to read it… but having it there will be a closer step.

What has to happen is that you find a “cause”. Something to make your life meaningful. I was going to suggest you form a support group, because it would give you “something to do”. But I see that you’re already in several, perhaps. Are they doing for you what you need? If not, VOLUNTEER to take on a project within them. Sometimes it takes the giving to be able to receive back what you need.

We can’t know your husband, don’t know how long you’ve been married to him, or how he previously felt about you. Did he think you were attractive before?

Put yourself first, as these examples. Clean up your space, not His. Get your own groceries, not His. Do your own laundry, not His. But be actively doing something else, such that he won’t think you’re being lazy. Find some clubs to join. You don’t say whether you have hair, but if you need to, buy a wig. One of my best friends stayed active through her chemotherapy by wearing wigs. I thought they were great. Go to the library to read books. Go walk the Mall just to get exercise (wear your wig). Walk the neighborhood. Clean the closets, do garage sales.

Now, if He starts asking why you’re not doing his laundry, say “I’ve been really busy, and it would really help me if you could do your own laundry tonight.” Don’t say do your own laundry forever. And then go to do something that makes you look busy. Don’t hesitate to leave the house right in front of him, so that he knows you’re doing something. Don’t make a scene. It’s not doing something against him, it’s doing something for Yourself.

Find a place to Volunteer. Something you’d like to do. Don’t pick something you hate. Doesn’t have to be the food bank, it could be volunteering at a hospital where you are learning something yourself. It will have your husband wondering what the heck you are doing. But he’ll see that you are doing something. When he seems to be asking you for something, respond with “honey, I had thought about some things we could do today, and I really would like it if you’d take me out to dinner.” Don’t expect the response you want, but you’ve put out a message. Become the broken record. Next time he says something similar, say it again, “honey, I had thought about what it would be nice to do today, and I really would like to go walk the beach with you today.” Have a backup plan. When he ignores you, don’t sulk. Know in advance where you might go YOURSELF when he turns you down. Go outside and call a friend to see if she’d like to go have coffee with you. Go walk the mall for exercise. Go to the Library or book store, that is a good place to get your mind off things. Bring a library book home, and read it. Or read the Sunday paper thoroughly in front of him. Just be DOING THINGS. Get on the internet, find some online chat groups. Yahoo messenger, PalTalk. MSN Messenger, those sorts of chat groups can put you in instant touch with people to talk to. Most allow microphones and even web cams. You only do what you’re comfortable with. You can find email groups to join on line in areas that interest you. Kind of like having a hobby.

I spend time nearly each day on a chat forum. I have people I can talk to in various countries that know me by an anonymous ID. But it allows me to let go once in a while.
No, you’re not going to quit, not yet. We’re here to talk to, and there is much you can do to volunteer and be active. But doing it because it’s doing it for YOU. Remember, yourself first. Like the airlines say, put on your own breathing mask first, before you help others.

Pinkpower

Im not the first to say it
Im not the first to say it and Im sure I wont be the last, PLEASE DO NOT QUIT! I pray that soon you WILL find someone who gives a dam, besides us here. Dont lose the faith. If I have learned anything from my battle against BC is never give up, never loss my faith. Sending you a strong hug and blessing that only our Lord can give you, may he wrap his arms around you and keep you warm, may he strike down those who have hurt you with his vengance, may the next year bring you fisical, mental and spiritual health.

With all my heart and love

Lupe

DianeBC

smalldoggroomer said:

I'm so very sorry for what
I'm so very sorry for what you are going through, but you have found the right place to come. we will be here for you when ever and what ever you need. I'm sorry about your husband being a jerk.. I know if it was me I would take charge and kick him to the curb. i pray you don't give up on life. It is good even though you are in a bad spot now. Do you have Kids? You didn't say what kind of breast cancer you have. I have Inflammatory breast cancer. They tell me it is the worst kind to have. But I have already decided I will live until I am ninety nine. Maybe your Dr can adjust your Meds it sounds like they may not be doing there job right for you. I hope you are feeling better come here often we will be here waiting for you. I hope you like having sisters because you was just adopted be about 5000 of them. I'm the old one!! Take care darlin Kay, We care how you feel.

I am sending you hope,
I am sending you hope, strength and lots of prayers.


Diane

Mama G

Pinkpower said:

Im not the first to say it
Im not the first to say it and Im sure I wont be the last, PLEASE DO NOT QUIT! I pray that soon you WILL find someone who gives a dam, besides us here. Dont lose the faith. If I have learned anything from my battle against BC is never give up, never loss my faith. Sending you a strong hug and blessing that only our Lord can give you, may he wrap his arms around you and keep you warm, may he strike down those who have hurt you with his vengance, may the next year bring you fisical, mental and spiritual health.

With all my heart and love

Lupe

I was getting ready to post an "I WANT OUT!!", too.
I am going through a really rough time right now and can identify easily. If this is the new NORMAL I don't know if I can adjust. I find myself obsessing and worrying about dying. I know we have so much to live for, but going through all of this and realizing it's only going to get worse makes me want to give up, too. Reading all the responses makes me feel better, though. So many of you are going through so much worse side effects than I am and have such positive attitudes. I usually do, but maybe it's the weather, the season, or the pain, but I'm really bummed. Thanks for posting and I hope you're doing better now. Please write and let us know. God bless.

Noel

VickiSam said:

Iquit .. Please let us know how you are doing today ...
There are so many lovely and caring Warriors here on our ACS board worried about you..
Please let us know.

Strength and Courage

Vicki Sam

No, you can't quit! If you
No, you can't quit! If you do, the beast wins, and, I know you don't want that. We will help you if you feel weak, just let us.

Praying for you,



Noel

Findingout

Mama G said:

I was getting ready to post an "I WANT OUT!!", too.
I am going through a really rough time right now and can identify easily. If this is the new NORMAL I don't know if I can adjust. I find myself obsessing and worrying about dying. I know we have so much to live for, but going through all of this and realizing it's only going to get worse makes me want to give up, too. Reading all the responses makes me feel better, though. So many of you are going through so much worse side effects than I am and have such positive attitudes. I usually do, but maybe it's the weather, the season, or the pain, but I'm really bummed. Thanks for posting and I hope you're doing better now. Please write and let us know. God bless.

Don't give up
I've just started this whole process.. looking forward to the New Year with mastectomy, chemo, tamoxifen for 5 yrs, radiation... it's all mind boggling and surreal. But I agree that the holidays are a killer. I can't believe how my mood dropped as Christmas approached. It's hard to get through... not a season of joy and cozy family evenings around the fire - just dread, anticipation and a silent house. Still, life is precious, and priceless, and if you seek love with an open heart, it can come from the most unexpected places. So Don't give up. You are IMPORTANT, UNIQUE and YOU MATTER. Please try and change your self talk to words like these. Go to places where people are; look at the beautiful sky; write poems; guide your spirit to a better place... find hope. God Bless you.

Betsy13

wow...
I just read exactly how I feel. It is so nice to know that I am not alone. I have no support either. My job actually told me that I could take no more time off. There is no support group. Friends? What are they? Family...I have a family?

I can't control them...I can only control me and my thoughts and my hopes and my dreams. I can find a new job...I can find a new family, well, ok, maybe not, but they do not have to be a part of my life, friends...yep, I'm making new ones.

Am I always this up every day? No. I take it a day at a time. Sometimes, an hour at a time, or a minute at a time. I've already decided I'm finishing this year (I'm a teacher) and looking for another job next year. I now have a new principal who is very supportive, unfortunately, the way I was treated last year did me in. I deserve better.

My husband did support me. I am sorry yours didn't, but remember, you deserve better.

I chose not to take Tamoxifen either. Mine was at the advice of my onc. At times I don't want to prolong my life either. But then I look at my incredible children, 17 and 19, who were there for me. I want to be there for them. I am not very particular about who I let in my life. I no longer have expectations of any kind. Sick and tired of being let down. Just done with it. This beast forces you off the roller coaster called life while everyone else just continues on their merry way...until their own beast forces them off...FINALLY they get it, but guess what? It's too late. You have moved on. You are strong. Stronger than you ever thought you could be. Life is too precious. Do NOT give up.

You may be only one person in this world, but please don't forget that you are the world to one person. Find that one.

Betsy

Annette 11

Mama G said:

I was getting ready to post an "I WANT OUT!!", too.
I am going through a really rough time right now and can identify easily. If this is the new NORMAL I don't know if I can adjust. I find myself obsessing and worrying about dying. I know we have so much to live for, but going through all of this and realizing it's only going to get worse makes me want to give up, too. Reading all the responses makes me feel better, though. So many of you are going through so much worse side effects than I am and have such positive attitudes. I usually do, but maybe it's the weather, the season, or the pain, but I'm really bummed. Thanks for posting and I hope you're doing better now. Please write and let us know. God bless.

Mama G
I feel so bad you are feeling sooo bad. Yes you do have alot to live for and things will get better. Hang in there sister.
Hugs,
Annette

Annette 11

Don't qive up!
It is so tough! Friends are not always there for us. I do know that and I don't know why. That has happened to me also. My family (immediate) has been very loving and supportive, not the case with extended family who live elsewhere. But you have to depend on yourself and determend to be strong for yourself. Life will get better, believing that now is hard but you will come thru this but you must know there is a better life waiting for you.
We are here...please keep us posted.

Mama G

Annette 11 said:

Don't qive up!
It is so tough! Friends are not always there for us. I do know that and I don't know why. That has happened to me also. My family (immediate) has been very loving and supportive, not the case with extended family who live elsewhere. But you have to depend on yourself and determend to be strong for yourself. Life will get better, believing that now is hard but you will come thru this but you must know there is a better life waiting for you.
We are here...please keep us posted.

two words....
CANCER SUCKS!

MAJW

ONLY YOU can do this.........
I am sorry things have gone so poorly for you but........there's always a but......only you can take care of yourself while dealing with breast cancer.....PUT YOURSELF FIRST!!!! For once in your life, be selfish.......think about YOU! That's usually hard to do for women.....we always put ourselves last. I, too, had friends disappear when I was diagnosed...it hurt at first but as time went by, I realized they weren't true friends to begin with......I have a fantastic husband, grown kids, grandchildren and TRUE FRIENDS....They all were and are truly wonderful.....My female gynecologist gave me a good "talking to" when I was first diagnosed in April 2009...the very first thing she told me is exactly what I just said.....TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FIRST AND FOREMOST!!!! Learn to be selfish while dealing with this disease. You sound very depressed.....you have a right to be depressed....this is a sucky hand we've been dealt.

But I want you to think about this......there is life after breast cancer.......I promise! There's hundreds of us on this board who I think would agree with that statement....... I am almost to my two year anniversary of being diagnosed.....went through lumpectomy, chemo and radiation....I am triple negative.....very agressive form...I have had all the treatment available for triple negative...not a candidate for Tamoxifen, Herception, etc...I NEVER EVER thought I would feel "normal" again.....Guess what? I'm there!!!! I can go whole days without thinking....."Oh my God, I had breast cancer!" Don't misunderstand........it always lurks in the back of my mind but it doesn't define me anymore......I won't let it.....to much life to live! That old saying....."IT's darkest right before the dawn" is true.....we just have to hang in there until we see the light.......it's not easy but I have faith you can do it.......I know, trust me I know, things seem very bleak right now but it will get better..time is the only thing that helps....I can't speak for the situation with your husband.....personally, I'd tell him to take a very long hike! But, that's just me..

In the end, it's all up to you.....your choice to refuse any more treatment or to choose to fight with all your might......personally, I wanted all and everything to prevent this horrible disease from returning......My best friend in the world is fighting terminal brain cancer........I watch her fight with everything in her....I know beyond a shadown of a doubt she'd trade places with anyone of us in a heartbeat! She knows she doesn't have long but she NEVER GIVES UP.....she has been a true inspiration to me.

Please hang in there.........it can and does get better and easier to deal with.....
Peace be with you and I wish better days for you.....
Nancy

divalocs3

One Monkey Don't Stop No Show...
As the old saying goes...

I know how you feel. You feel hopeless and alone, but hang in there. There are other fish in the sea and even if you don't meet anyone else for a time, know that you are not alone. You are worth each and every day that you live. You have a purpose here on this earth. Forget those who leave and don't stay and try not to dwell on hubby. Another old saying???? What goes around comes around... you reap what you sow.

You're worth the fight!

I've been stage IV since 5/2005.

pdv

I know how you feel. Just
I know how you feel. Just yesterday I was telling my husband I wish I had never gotten treated. I told him life is too hard and that I just want it to be over. I too have just finished treatment for triple negative. The chemo, mastectomy, radiation...all of it is hard. The only difference is I had a wonderful network of family and friends. Many people who prayed for me and gave me support. Even my husband has been great. But I still feel life is too hard to go through this. Never knowing if it is going to come back, or what lies ahead. I too think I am very depressed and I guess when you get this depressed everything looks crazy awful.

I do have a great faith in God and I pray to Him...plead with Him to get me through this. To restore my joy. He has done it several times before and I know He will do it again. So, I guess what I am saying is get on your knees and pray as I am praying for you right now. Maybe I am feeling this way now so I can tell you from the heart I know how you feel and so does God. He wants you to depend on Him...He will never let you down.

Pat

betsymorgan

Look at all the people pulling for you
and who don't want you to quit. Depression is awful (and you might be depressed...did you know that an antidepressant like Effexor can help with side effects of Tamoxifen like hot flashes?) , and can make so many other things seem so much worse. Don't give up your control: it's easy to do when you get slammed with the diagnosis of breast cancer, but try to control the things around you that you can. You will feel better about yourself, and you are the most important person to you. Take care of you before you take care of anyone else. All the people on this board care about you and are your support. You've done the right thing by reaching out. Keep up the good work.

sending you hope--
betsy m