I WANT OUT

Welcome to the board
I am sorry about your situation. We all here to help each other and I understand the difficult time you are going through.
Lack of support probably contributes to your tiredness and anxiety. This board is the best therapist ever and I am sure you will get a lot of love and understanding.
As we all here, I am tired much more than I used to and than regular person, I need to go now.
WElcome and please stay with us.
New Flower

gagee said:

DON'T GIVE UP
Please don't give up. I know what you mean about no support. My husband has been here for me every day and that I thank God for. But.... I have to daughters (44 and 43) and they don't think it is much of a deal having cancer. They didn't come to surgery or even help my husband as he was as scared as I was. We went through this whole thing since Aug. and they have called maybe 4 or 5 times. We had always been there for them and thought they would do the same. My older daughter argued with me today on the phone. I am having a terrible reaction from the Arimidex (5 year pill). I have 10-12 side effects and doc said I might have hot flashes and a little weight gain. Well I also have gained 15 pounds since my surgery in Aug. I don't eat much so it has to be from the pill. My hands are so painful I can't make a fist. My feet hurt that I can't hardly walk. It is in all of my joints. So Friday I finally called and ask to change oncologists. I need some one to explain how long I have to put up with all this.

But please don't give up. Life is to precious. I don't know you but would love to get to know you. Your husband is a jerk to not realize how much you need him. Maybe he is more afraid than you know. If not you can go on. I believe in God and believe he will be there for you. Sometimes it is not when you think he should be but he is there. Please ... Please don't give up.

This room and the chat room have wonderful people to talk with. Most of them are better at commuticating than I am. I am not great at writing but give me a phone and watch out.

Give your life to God and he will help you through this.

All my Prayers and hugs to You,

Diana

Definitely don't give up!
I'm glad you found us and told us how you feel. I think you will discover that you are not alone. My heart goes out to you. I wish i could offer words of wisdom..but I can only offer love and understanding. Even those women who have supportive husbands get depressed..so you have every reason. My husband has been great, but even I get periods of feeling very down. My friend's husband never touched her or kissed her after her diagnosis. He became cold and aloof. She somehow found the guts to leave him and is so much better for it ...unfortunately that's not easy for everyone.
We can't help make life better for you at home, but we can be here with love and support...so keep in touch. Take care. Pat

I kept saying I wanted to run away....
during my active treatment. But, it was pointed out, I will have to take me with me....

Your feelings are normal. I know you have already heard this, but it's true. And cancer is hell on relationships, all of them. No one wants to hear the grisly details, including many spouses. You cannot control your hubby...but you CAN control how his behavior affects YOU. Kick is arse out! If not physically, at least emotionally. YOU are special, NOT him.

As far as the Tamoxifen, or whatever...well, that is a personal choice. I am nearing the end of my 5 years on it, and will take nothing more...even tho my beau is wanting me to switch to the AI's...for 1% control....NO WAY!!!! Cancer got 5 years of my life. NO MORE, if I can help it...

A very dear friend of mine, when I was in the depths, said to me words that I keep with me always: "You need to love and take care of yourself, to set an example for others as to how you insist on being treated".

BIG hugs to you, dear soul....we are here for you...

Hugs, Kathi

I am so sorry to hear all
I am so sorry to hear all that you are going through. It is hard without support of friends and family and then feeling betrayed also. But you have to take care of yourself....remove yourself physically or emotionally from those that hurt you...and fight for your life and it can be good. I know it is easier for me to say you are thinking...but I really believe it. Life will never be the same for any of us.... but it can be a life of our choosing and what we make of it. With all you have been through...you deserve to enjoy some new adventures in life. I am hoping that you will find the support to carry on and search out a new life for yourself... cyber hugs and positive thoughts being sent your way.

I was saddened to read your
I was saddened to read your story, I pray that things will get better for you. I have found that we have to stay strong and positive to make it out of this crazy world of cancer that we didnt sign up for! I know that sounds silly but it really is true. This board is a great release for me and to just read others post makes me realize that I am not alone, so keep on here and hang in there and don't give up!
I am not very good with words, I hope that what we all say will make a difference to you.
I will be praying for you
Hugs Robbin

shelbyhome said:

I was saddened to read your
I was saddened to read your story, I pray that things will get better for you. I have found that we have to stay strong and positive to make it out of this crazy world of cancer that we didnt sign up for! I know that sounds silly but it really is true. This board is a great release for me and to just read others post makes me realize that I am not alone, so keep on here and hang in there and don't give up!
I am not very good with words, I hope that what we all say will make a difference to you.
I will be praying for you
Hugs Robbin

I know many of us have felt as desperate
as you. I am so sorry to hear that you lack a circle of supportive family and friends. But you know what? You have us..."instant Sisters". We're here for you.

I was going to also suggest if it's possible to reach out, even if you don't feel like it and befriend other women who have experienced cancer through perhaps, a support group in your area. Go out for coffee or a movie. Small things help. Also maybe reach out at your church.

You're situation with your husband certainly doesn't help. Maybe at some point you'll need to confront him and his intentions. If he's not going to respect your marriage, do you want to stay?

So many of us get "knocked down" by life situations that were out of our control. But we do have some control over making some changes to try and move from where we don't want to be to a place that's better. It does take work but you, and everyone here is worth it. YOU are a person a great worth...we all are.

Please feel free to PM me anytime you'd like. You're not alone.

God's peace,

Sylvia

Scotch Freckles said:

Hey Chen
Are you still up Claudia?

Chatroom
Why nobody never in the chatroom?
It can be very helpful and fun.

amoccia53160 said:

Hang in there
I know this isn't what you want to hear. Sounds like you are hopeless and depressed and could use a change or increase in your antidepressant. Ativan is not a long term solution. Only for acute anxiety. It is painful for a husband to be unfaithful.....I have experienced it too. Don't let your angry feelings for his behavior harm you anymore. I don't believe you are stage 4? This disease is treatable. Sorry for your lack of support from others. I really feel if you treat the depression and take the anti-hormonals you will do just fine. Your plate is full now. My favorite sayings are "God is good all the time" and "Pull yourself up by panties and get going!" Keep us posted. We are here for you and every life is worth saving. xxoo Annette

I too am sorry
Know you are not alone in the suffering you are going through many of us have had the same struggles and side effects from all the treatments so know "YOU ARE NOT ALONE".
I finally came to this site with the same feelings of LITTLE HOPE and lots of physical pain that was driving me insane. Yes I too wanted OUT because suffering day in and day out was breaking me and then throw in a relationship that we have to fight for as well as fighting for LIFE.
Kathryn it has been 14 years now for me and like you I still wonder when things are going to go my way 2 steps forward and it always seems like 10 steps back. I found way to simplify things since I realize we are the ones who truly complicate our lives with our thoughts and our ways. I gave up on caring about allot of things and with that I also gave up on some friendships that were too much work. I still have my relationship after all the years but I have to say it has taken shape to something I never thought I would want but I have found LOVING is just that much more important.
Life was never perfect before and yes it has always been difficult for me since I am not a conformist so things aren't always easy. I do know looking back that I have finally become the person I dreamed of and that truly is all that matters to me since I have worked so hard to change allot of things about me.
WE do not know how long we have in this world and I know how much QUALITY to our lives can make such a difference so never stop fighting for that. Once again I have to add that PAIN does not cause depression but depression can cause pain. Interesting don't you think.
I think too giving up on the future and living in the moment has changed everything for me.
Keeping you close at heart,
Tara
Oh and about chat I still cannot get into the room though I have talked to Society about and i have to wonder how many others cannot change the nickname so they can sign in and access the chat.

Scotch Freckles said:

You can't quit
Iquit, I went to read your profile and didn't find any information as to your age, your cancer, and anything else. Your profile and life are not complete until you fill in the blanks. My mother always told us "No one every promised you a rose garden." I read the posts frequently and wonder how any of these women have made it through the hell they have endured. My journey was not the hell as a lot of these strong women's journey. You have to decided whether you mean enough to yourself to stand up and say hell no I won't let this cancer get to me. Life is too short, make a new life, move on, the world does not stop over one individuals grief, disappointments in life, and pain. I can guarantee life does not stop. I haven't posted for a couple of weeks because my husband of 36 years suddendly died. He didn't have a choice it just happened. You have a choice to fight and make a better life for yourself. Stand up, take control, it won't be easy, we are all here to help you along, and if your close enough to any of us, you can bet your sweet booties one of us will be there physically to help. So give your life 5 years of Tamoxifin, give life a chance, give yourself a chance.

With the grace of God no one walks alone. I send you my warm wishes and strength of support.

Kathryn

Warm hugs to you, Kathryn!!!!
And, you know, when you are up to it....come visit me in Holland...we can both go discover our roots!!!

BIG hugs, Kathi