Scared, relieved and feeling guilty

sbmly53
sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
As you all know, my sister and I have been caregivers to our parents since mid-August when Dad was dx'd with lung cancer. Mom is end stage COPD. My sis does it weekdays and me, weekends. She was just dx'd with atrial fibrillation (sp) and is still waiting for help for an MRI of breast (no insurance).

I just got off the phone with her. She is just, I don't know - fried, melting down, killing herself. She had a major meltdown today, got on the phone with Dad's caseworker (VA). He's getting an emergency request for Respite. Hopefully, it will be by Monday. I live more than an hour away and work full time, with no time off left. My parents have no idea about my BC, I just couldn't have them worry about me at this stage of their lives. And now, my sister's health (and life) are on the line.

Dad begged us to let him stay home, but he needs full time care - he has a feeding tube - and he is becoming confused. Yesterday, he went outside in his boxers, it is freezing here, he hides money and can't find it, etc.....

So we know this is necessary, but we are so scared that the end will come when he is not at home as he wished. Our goal is to rest and rejuvinate, bring him back home and start over. Hope it happens that way.

Thank you, my dear friends - sisters, it helps so much to put hopes and fears into words, to express feelings to those who understand.

Sue

Comments

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #2
    Sue sorry
    my mother in a law is in very similar condition: goes outside, hides money and keep looking, cannot find and blame others ...
    WE hired her an aid who cooks, and stays with her for 6-8 hours a day.
    Your Dad probably entitled to some assistance at home. It usually works better.
    Hugs
  • CypressCynthia
    CypressCynthia Member Posts: 4,014 Member
    #3
    You are going through so
    You are going through so much. Please take care of yourself too. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175 Member
    #4
    Wow Sue you and your family
    Wow Sue you and your family are really going thru it...and im sorry you have to make thoughs tough decisions but your doing it with love and doing whatever you can and thats all you can do, so dont feel guilty...but you have to take care of yourself too!
    You and your family will all be in my thoughts and prayers!
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #5
    I don't know
    if this will help you feel any better but I will tell you about it. I have a friend who's husband has Alzheimers. He got to the point that she could not take care of him anymore as she is 76 yrs. old. She struggled with putting him into a foster care home for many months. Finally she did and it is working out for her and for him. He is actually doing better because he eats well there and when he wss at home he wouldn't. Sometimes things work out better than you expect.

    Hugs,
    Georgia
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #6
    Dear Sue, I'm sorry for what
    Dear Sue, I'm sorry for what you are going thought. I know how hard it is to become your parents care giver. It is very hard to make decisions about your parents. And then to have them beg you. My heart goes out to you and your sister. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.
  • Lighthouse_7
    Lighthouse_7 Member Posts: 1,566 Member
    #7
    smalldoggroomer said:

    Dear Sue, I'm sorry for what
    Dear Sue, I'm sorry for what you are going thought. I know how hard it is to become your parents care giver. It is very hard to make decisions about your parents. And then to have them beg you. My heart goes out to you and your sister. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.

    Dear Sue,
    You and your
    Dear Sue,
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers too.
    I also pray for strength to get through this and I hope everything works out.
    Hugs,
    Wanda
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #8
    Lighthouse_7 said:

    Dear Sue,
    You and your
    Dear Sue,
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers too.
    I also pray for strength to get through this and I hope everything works out.
    Hugs,
    Wanda

    Oh, Sue--you have a lot to deal with
    As if dealing with your own situation weren't enough. I'm sure everything will work out with your parents--exactly the way it's supposed to. Sometimes we just have to make the best decisions we can, and then put the rest in the hands of God. He seems to be able to take care of the details.

    See you soon.
    Hugs, Renee
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #9
    Oh Sue,
    Sorry to hear all that is going on. Sending prayers to you and your entire family. Hugs, Jean
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #10
    Aw, Sue....I am hugging you so tight.....
    I am dealing with a fading parent, too....it's so scary to realize they are no longer safe. And, to have your mom, who is dealing with her own stuff, having that to deal with, too.

    I moved my mom to a 'retirement community'. She was living alone, and no longer safe. She has a beautiful apartment, 3 hot meals a day, a van to shuttle her around....soooo much better. But, it comes at a price...there are 'friends' that say that I am awful. BUT there are other children, in my situation, that say it's the best for everyone!!!!!

    BIG hugs to you, dearheart....PM me if you need...

    Hugs from a 'been there/done that'.....Kathi
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #11
    Your shoulders must be a lot
    Your shoulders must be a lot bigger than they look, because they are carrying a big load. I hope the respite for your dad takes some of that load off and that you get some respite too.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • pbrndm5
    pbrndm5 Member Posts: 83
    #12
    Prayers
    Praying for all of your family. You are in my thoughts
    Denise
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #13
    pbrndm5 said:

    Prayers
    Praying for all of your family. You are in my thoughts
    Denise

    Oh my gosh Sue, your plate
    Oh my gosh Sue, your plate is sure full. You are stronger than you think. God bless both you and your sister. I know how hard it is to be a caregiver and you and your sister both having to deal with your own health problems on top of it all. Don't feel guilty, your doing your best.
    Kathy ~
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #14
    CypressCynthia said:

    You are going through so
    You are going through so much. Please take care of yourself too. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I am so sorry that you are
    I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Sending prayers and strength.


    Hugs, Debby

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