Scared, relieved and feeling guilty

sbmly53

As you all know, my sister and I have been caregivers to our parents since mid-August when Dad was dx'd with lung cancer. Mom is end stage COPD. My sis does it weekdays and me, weekends. She was just dx'd with atrial fibrillation (sp) and is still waiting for help for an MRI of breast (no insurance).

I just got off the phone with her. She is just, I don't know - fried, melting down, killing herself. She had a major meltdown today, got on the phone with Dad's caseworker (VA). He's getting an emergency request for Respite. Hopefully, it will be by Monday. I live more than an hour away and work full time, with no time off left. My parents have no idea about my BC, I just couldn't have them worry about me at this stage of their lives. And now, my sister's health (and life) are on the line.

Dad begged us to let him stay home, but he needs full time care - he has a feeding tube - and he is becoming confused. Yesterday, he went outside in his boxers, it is freezing here, he hides money and can't find it, etc.....

So we know this is necessary, but we are so scared that the end will come when he is not at home as he wished. Our goal is to rest and rejuvinate, bring him back home and start over. Hope it happens that way.

Thank you, my dear friends - sisters, it helps so much to put hopes and fears into words, to express feelings to those who understand.

Sue

New Flower

Sue sorry
my mother in a law is in very similar condition: goes outside, hides money and keep looking, cannot find and blame others ...
WE hired her an aid who cooks, and stays with her for 6-8 hours a day.
Your Dad probably entitled to some assistance at home. It usually works better.
Hugs

CypressCynthia

You are going through so
You are going through so much. Please take care of yourself too. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

jo jo

Wow Sue you and your family
Wow Sue you and your family are really going thru it...and im sorry you have to make thoughs tough decisions but your doing it with love and doing whatever you can and thats all you can do, so dont feel guilty...but you have to take care of yourself too!
You and your family will all be in my thoughts and prayers!

ladyg

I don't know
if this will help you feel any better but I will tell you about it. I have a friend who's husband has Alzheimers. He got to the point that she could not take care of him anymore as she is 76 yrs. old. She struggled with putting him into a foster care home for many months. Finally she did and it is working out for her and for him. He is actually doing better because he eats well there and when he wss at home he wouldn't. Sometimes things work out better than you expect.

Hugs,
Georgia

smalldoggroomer

Dear Sue, I'm sorry for what
Dear Sue, I'm sorry for what you are going thought. I know how hard it is to become your parents care giver. It is very hard to make decisions about your parents. And then to have them beg you. My heart goes out to you and your sister. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.

Lighthouse_7

smalldoggroomer said:

Dear Sue, I'm sorry for what
Dear Sue, I'm sorry for what you are going thought. I know how hard it is to become your parents care giver. It is very hard to make decisions about your parents. And then to have them beg you. My heart goes out to you and your sister. You are all in my prayers and thoughts.

Dear Sue,
You and your
Dear Sue,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers too.
I also pray for strength to get through this and I hope everything works out.
Hugs,
Wanda

missrenee

Lighthouse_7 said:

Dear Sue,
You and your
Dear Sue,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers too.
I also pray for strength to get through this and I hope everything works out.
Hugs,
Wanda

Oh, Sue--you have a lot to deal with
As if dealing with your own situation weren't enough. I'm sure everything will work out with your parents--exactly the way it's supposed to. Sometimes we just have to make the best decisions we can, and then put the rest in the hands of God. He seems to be able to take care of the details.

See you soon.
Hugs, Renee

Jean 0609

Oh Sue,
Sorry to hear all that is going on. Sending prayers to you and your entire family. Hugs, Jean

KathiM

Aw, Sue....I am hugging you so tight.....
I am dealing with a fading parent, too....it's so scary to realize they are no longer safe. And, to have your mom, who is dealing with her own stuff, having that to deal with, too.

I moved my mom to a 'retirement community'. She was living alone, and no longer safe. She has a beautiful apartment, 3 hot meals a day, a van to shuttle her around....soooo much better. But, it comes at a price...there are 'friends' that say that I am awful. BUT there are other children, in my situation, that say it's the best for everyone!!!!!

BIG hugs to you, dearheart....PM me if you need...

Hugs from a 'been there/done that'.....Kathi

Gabe N Abby Mom

Your shoulders must be a lot
Your shoulders must be a lot bigger than they look, because they are carrying a big load. I hope the respite for your dad takes some of that load off and that you get some respite too.

Hugs,

Linda

pbrndm5

Prayers
Praying for all of your family. You are in my thoughts
Denise

Kat11

pbrndm5 said:

Prayers
Praying for all of your family. You are in my thoughts
Denise

Oh my gosh Sue, your plate
Oh my gosh Sue, your plate is sure full. You are stronger than you think. God bless both you and your sister. I know how hard it is to be a caregiver and you and your sister both having to deal with your own health problems on top of it all. Don't feel guilty, your doing your best.
Kathy ~

DebbyM

CypressCynthia said:

You are going through so
You are going through so much. Please take care of yourself too. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry that you are
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Sending prayers and strength.


Hugs, Debby