What vibes would you get from a wimpish hug (very slight hug) from your oncologist?
Do I also tell you that she told me how busy she is and that she does not have time to go the bathroom. Do I tell you that I was concerned about side affect to Arimidex and she responded that it was not a side effect. Do I tell you that I again sent her an e-mail on November 2 and she never responded. That e-mail told her that the tingling and numbness constantly progressed in the month of October by every 6-9 days. First it was in the right hand, 4 fingers. Then it went to the left hand, all 5 fingers. Tingling/numbness occurred more than 20 times per day and woke me up numerous times when I slept. As of October 31, tingling and numbness now in all finger tips and constant. Once more I told her that she was the expert in Arimidex and wanted to know if this was the beginnings of naprapathy. I also told her in the e-mail that I have seen internist, neurologist, and spine specialist. I also told her that I have had a MRI of the brain, MRI with contrast for the neck, EMG on hands, 7 X-rays and the spine specialist and neurologist are not certain what it is. I show a slight carpal tunnel reaction and two vertebrae are slightly out of alignment but not enough to give me that problem. My hands have a tight grip and no problems with the arms, SHE NEVER RESPONDED. I am now actively seeking a new hematologist as her replacement.
I have great relationships with all my other doctors, namely plastic surgeon, oncologist surgeon, internist, radiation oncologist and gyne. I love all of them dearly. Some are men and some are women doctors. They are caring and reachable and they do hug me at the end of my visit, probably because I bring them homemade goodies from my kitchen and probably because I might remind them of their mother or aunt.
Lots of Strong Hugs,
Janelle
Comments
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hard to say
Is this the only dr in the practice..could you see partner or anything? Perhaps it's just his/her way with everyone..not just you...
espcially since you have good realationship with other doctors0 -
Hmmmm....Don't Really Know
what to think of all of it. I guess my first gut reaction is that she's probably not a "huggy" type person. Some people just don't like hugging others. She probably feels OK touching you when she's examining you because it's part of her "job" and it goes with the territory. Hugs are more intimate, more personal. Maybe she didn't feel comfortable going outside of the boundaries of "doctor" she has set for herself.
I like all of my doctor's as well. Get along well with all of them. But I must say, I've never gotten a hug from any of them! LOL. Of course, I haven't brought them any homemade baked goods either! LOL.
The bottom line is that if you feel you're care wasn't up to your standards, you should find another doctor. It certainly seems she is over worked being that she "doesn't have time to go to the bathroom"! That's a HUGE red flag righ there! The fact that she hasn't returned any of your emails is certainly not a possitive sign either.
I think your doing the right thing by finding a new doctor who can give you the time you deserve and who can listen and answer all of your questions to your satisfaction. Good luck on your search for a new one!
Blessings,
Sally0 -
You probably have no way of
You probably have no way of knowing if this physician is this way only with you, or if she is physically "stand-offish" in general when it comes to hugs...it may be her personal style. Perhaps she has no trouble with examinations, but hugs put things on a more personal plane and she may not feel comfortable with that. If that were the only glitch in your dealings with her, but you were happy with the amount of time and concern she shows you as a valued patient, I would say forget the hugging and simply be her patient! It sadly, doesn't seem so, does it? Seeking a new hemotologist may be in your best interest; it is nice to feel important and part of a team effort! She appears rather dismissive and yes, overworked. I would not want to see someone who never responds to my emails or poo-poo's my questions. If there is someone else you can see, it seems to me that it may indeed be a good move. Ask around~ you are sure to hear of those great Drs who also have a more inclusive personality.
Good luck to you~ and more than that...Feel Better! Neuropathy is no fun, that's for sure!
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
Expectationssal314 said:Hmmmm....Don't Really Know
what to think of all of it. I guess my first gut reaction is that she's probably not a "huggy" type person. Some people just don't like hugging others. She probably feels OK touching you when she's examining you because it's part of her "job" and it goes with the territory. Hugs are more intimate, more personal. Maybe she didn't feel comfortable going outside of the boundaries of "doctor" she has set for herself.
I like all of my doctor's as well. Get along well with all of them. But I must say, I've never gotten a hug from any of them! LOL. Of course, I haven't brought them any homemade baked goods either! LOL.
The bottom line is that if you feel you're care wasn't up to your standards, you should find another doctor. It certainly seems she is over worked being that she "doesn't have time to go to the bathroom"! That's a HUGE red flag righ there! The fact that she hasn't returned any of your emails is certainly not a possitive sign either.
I think your doing the right thing by finding a new doctor who can give you the time you deserve and who can listen and answer all of your questions to your satisfaction. Good luck on your search for a new one!
Blessings,
Sally
I had the option of 4 hematologists at my center. I'm not one for hugging so the Eastern spiritual guy and the sensitive ponytail guy in Birkenstocks were out from the get go. Like my surgeon I wanted someone that was experienced and aggressive. I went with the thorough and conscientious guy, up on the latest trials and is frank and direct. That works for me.
Above all else, you need to be comfortable. I wouldn't trouble myself trying to interpret what a hug means, move forward and kick the doctor to the curb and find someone that fits you.
pssst...once upon a time I excelled at overanalyzing. Cancer has reminded me that I got a lot of better things to do with my time.
Best wishes0 -
Some oncs keep standoffish
Some oncs keep standoffish because they can't get too close to patients and continue working. They'd have a mental breakdown. But it sounds like yours is more into her own problems. I've never been hugged by an onc and I've had three. If you aren't comfortable with her it's better you are looking for a replacement.0 -
She is in a Big Practicedisneyfan2008 said:hard to say
Is this the only dr in the practice..could you see partner or anything? Perhaps it's just his/her way with everyone..not just you...
espcially since you have good realationship with other doctors
Even among hematology oncologists, there are specialties. In this big, big practice, there are only 2 more who specialize in breast cancer. I am considering one of them. I am also considering another one in a different practice.
The first time I met with the doctor I was greatly impressed, felt good about her, and liked her. The second visit she was not the same person and my gut told me to be wary of her. I decided to be fair and give her a chance. The third and fourth visit she was fine. The fifth visit gave me doubts and that is also the visit of the hug. I wanted the hug to represent a new relationship between us. Based on conversation of the fifth visit and then her no response to my e-mail, I no longer trust her. The hematology oncologist is my most important doctor and it is important and vital to have good communication between the patient and the doctor. Those are my feelings.0 -
I'm not a hugger...so I act wierd when I get hugged casually....Marcia527 said:Some oncs keep standoffish
Some oncs keep standoffish because they can't get too close to patients and continue working. They'd have a mental breakdown. But it sounds like yours is more into her own problems. I've never been hugged by an onc and I've had three. If you aren't comfortable with her it's better you are looking for a replacement.
BUT as others have said...if this is something that's important to you...well, you MUST be comfortable with your treating doctors!!!
Hugs, Kathi
(Can you imagine me when I'm in The Netherlands...where, at the beginning and the end of each visit, everybody kisses 3 times on the cheek? LOL!)0 -
It has been my observationMarcia527 said:Some oncs keep standoffish
Some oncs keep standoffish because they can't get too close to patients and continue working. They'd have a mental breakdown. But it sounds like yours is more into her own problems. I've never been hugged by an onc and I've had three. If you aren't comfortable with her it's better you are looking for a replacement.
It has been my observation that we all "sense" our world in different ways. I cant comment on her motivations, but when you said you dont feel comfortable and you dont trust her, that is a red flag for me. These are important qualities in a person who is managing your care. I am a person who goes by what "feels" right. My intuition, and every time I ignore it I end up sorry. If something doesnt feel right it probably isnt.
I like my onc but he failed me miserably when I had chemo, he did not know how to manqage my Off the norm symptoms, (not so abnormal on these boards) Right now I am too tired to change and he knows a great deal about cancer. but if I ever need chemo again, NOPE.
My rads onc is a thoughtful, great guy, he gives me hugs all the time. He is a gem. My gyn is a witch with a B she gives me hugs but they are really FAKE. Anyway I was never too huggy but with cancer you get lots of them.
Funny story, not only do the patients get hugs but their husbands too. My husband was dropping off my daughter at a friends house,he was talking to her mother in the kitchen, she went towards my husband who was standing by the door he thought to hug him so he gave her a hug , turns out she was just closing the door. He was a bit embarrassed as he was getting acustomed to the huggy thing as standard procedure(he's not too huggy either) and was just going along. We laugh about it now!0 -
I completely understandcarkris said:It has been my observation
It has been my observation that we all "sense" our world in different ways. I cant comment on her motivations, but when you said you dont feel comfortable and you dont trust her, that is a red flag for me. These are important qualities in a person who is managing your care. I am a person who goes by what "feels" right. My intuition, and every time I ignore it I end up sorry. If something doesnt feel right it probably isnt.
I like my onc but he failed me miserably when I had chemo, he did not know how to manqage my Off the norm symptoms, (not so abnormal on these boards) Right now I am too tired to change and he knows a great deal about cancer. but if I ever need chemo again, NOPE.
My rads onc is a thoughtful, great guy, he gives me hugs all the time. He is a gem. My gyn is a witch with a B she gives me hugs but they are really FAKE. Anyway I was never too huggy but with cancer you get lots of them.
Funny story, not only do the patients get hugs but their husbands too. My husband was dropping off my daughter at a friends house,he was talking to her mother in the kitchen, she went towards my husband who was standing by the door he thought to hug him so he gave her a hug , turns out she was just closing the door. He was a bit embarrassed as he was getting acustomed to the huggy thing as standard procedure(he's not too huggy either) and was just going along. We laugh about it now!
I had very direct and famous oncologist who was recommended by my breast surgeon. The oncologist was insensitive and offered aggressive treatment, which I accepted and had my Chemo treatment there. Time was very critical for me and I thought that track record was more important than personality. Unfortunately that oncologist treated cancer, not patients. One year later when I needed to discuss anti-estrogen therapy the lack of communications made me very unsatisfied and I fired this doctor and find a new one.
Weather or not get hug it is up to my doctors, but staying in touch and easy communications by different means, including phone, e-mails, letters are the crucial element for me.
Good luck,
New Flower0 -
I see how much times have changed...New Flower said:I completely understand
I had very direct and famous oncologist who was recommended by my breast surgeon. The oncologist was insensitive and offered aggressive treatment, which I accepted and had my Chemo treatment there. Time was very critical for me and I thought that track record was more important than personality. Unfortunately that oncologist treated cancer, not patients. One year later when I needed to discuss anti-estrogen therapy the lack of communications made me very unsatisfied and I fired this doctor and find a new one.
Weather or not get hug it is up to my doctors, but staying in touch and easy communications by different means, including phone, e-mails, letters are the crucial element for me.
Good luck,
New Flower
5 years ago, when I was in treatment, I did not have any of my treating dr's e-mails...they didn't offer, I didn't ask....I felt if I had a question, I would call the office. To this day, I respect the time of my oncologist to the place that I will send questions to her via her receptionist or n/p. I always get my answers in a timely manner..
IMHO: Just remember that doctors have a time after hours for themselves. To recharge so that they can face another day. If it is an emergency, state it as such, but don't abuse e-mail to get 'free' answers to things that really need to be discussed at length during an appropriate office visit. My doctor now will respond to my e-mail, but I am charged a small consultation fee for it. It's only fair, since he needs to take his time for me.
That's my 2 cents....from the wierd old lady...who washes the underwear of a wonderful, over-worked doctor who shared his e-mail address too much...sigh...
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Hugs..
If the only reason you are considering a change in your doctor is the ackward hug, I might mention that all of us have a different need for personal space. Professional training often discourages physical contact between the medical provider and the patient.As a health care provider, I am very cautious about touching or hugging patients. The meaning of touch is very individual..however, it seems you have other reasons for doubting that your doc is the one for you.Listen to your gut and ask around for recommendations. It is very important that you feel comfortable and have a trusting relationship with your docs.
Hugs, K0 -
Sounds like the wrong doc for you.Different Ballgame said:She is in a Big Practice
Even among hematology oncologists, there are specialties. In this big, big practice, there are only 2 more who specialize in breast cancer. I am considering one of them. I am also considering another one in a different practice.
The first time I met with the doctor I was greatly impressed, felt good about her, and liked her. The second visit she was not the same person and my gut told me to be wary of her. I decided to be fair and give her a chance. The third and fourth visit she was fine. The fifth visit gave me doubts and that is also the visit of the hug. I wanted the hug to represent a new relationship between us. Based on conversation of the fifth visit and then her no response to my e-mail, I no longer trust her. The hematology oncologist is my most important doctor and it is important and vital to have good communication between the patient and the doctor. Those are my feelings.
The last thing you need right now is to have a doctor you don't trust. Our healing depends on feeling that the people who provide our treatments care about us. It sounds like she has issues and I would definately ask for a different doctor. Good for you for not putting up with bad health care.
Roseann0 -
I am very respectful of a doctor's time and will not waste it. When I visit the doctor, I have type written questions. In my second visit I asked her how reachable was she. She responded that she was very reachable. The doctor gave me her e-mail as a means of communication on my 5th visit so I could bypass the nurses. I was given wrong information by the nurse that could have been very damaging to me. Thank goodness I had also double checked with my internist.KathiM said:I see how much times have changed...
5 years ago, when I was in treatment, I did not have any of my treating dr's e-mails...they didn't offer, I didn't ask....I felt if I had a question, I would call the office. To this day, I respect the time of my oncologist to the place that I will send questions to her via her receptionist or n/p. I always get my answers in a timely manner..
IMHO: Just remember that doctors have a time after hours for themselves. To recharge so that they can face another day. If it is an emergency, state it as such, but don't abuse e-mail to get 'free' answers to things that really need to be discussed at length during an appropriate office visit. My doctor now will respond to my e-mail, but I am charged a small consultation fee for it. It's only fair, since he needs to take his time for me.
That's my 2 cents....from the wierd old lady...who washes the underwear of a wonderful, over-worked doctor who shared his e-mail address too much...sigh...
Hugs, Kathi
The doctors at my hospital are on the internet at their own pace. I do not expect an immediate feedback but I would think that within a week a reply should be forthcoming, especially when dealing with nerves.
Kathi, I have a high respect for my doctors and the long hours that they work. I don'r know how they do it.
Hugs,
Janelle0 -
The hug was one more signKayNYC said:Hugs..
If the only reason you are considering a change in your doctor is the ackward hug, I might mention that all of us have a different need for personal space. Professional training often discourages physical contact between the medical provider and the patient.As a health care provider, I am very cautious about touching or hugging patients. The meaning of touch is very individual..however, it seems you have other reasons for doubting that your doc is the one for you.Listen to your gut and ask around for recommendations. It is very important that you feel comfortable and have a trusting relationship with your docs.
Hugs, K
I am not looking to change a doctor because of a hug, but like a handshake that is weak, i wonder about the lack of feeling when being hugged. What kind of person is she? To me it was one more sign about the doctor's personality or character. I decided to be fair and give her a chance.
Something is not right and I cannot identify it, so I am going to run quickly. How could I be so impressed with her and happy that she is my doctor on my first visit and then on the second visit, she was not the same person? That bothered me.
Hugs,
Janelle0 -
Sorry, Janelle....Different Ballgame said:I am very respectful of a doctor's time and will not waste it. When I visit the doctor, I have type written questions. In my second visit I asked her how reachable was she. She responded that she was very reachable. The doctor gave me her e-mail as a means of communication on my 5th visit so I could bypass the nurses. I was given wrong information by the nurse that could have been very damaging to me. Thank goodness I had also double checked with my internist.
The doctors at my hospital are on the internet at their own pace. I do not expect an immediate feedback but I would think that within a week a reply should be forthcoming, especially when dealing with nerves.
Kathi, I have a high respect for my doctors and the long hours that they work. I don'r know how they do it.
Hugs,
Janelle
Was not implying you were not respectful...
Just making a general comment...how things are different than they were for me...actually truly responding to New's comment about how being in touch with her team is so important to her....
I do know a bit more about how these people do it....they sacrifice family time, or their own time and health. Yes, sadly...that is not the case for all, some are not so...honest, shall I say, but the ones I call my friends are really involved with trying to give the best patient care they can. My one friend, a GP, said "You know, Kathi, with all the new reporting they expect us to do, we have to place ourselves even further away from our patients...just to get thru the paperwork on the patient load we are expected to carry".....
So, Janelle, no offense intended, sorry if I made it sound that way to you.
As I said earlier up, you MUST have a treatment team you feel good with...if you and this doctor don't mesh (she may have been told by others in the team to stop being so friendly, or she just lost a patient, or she is being sued...you don't and won't know...) then you definately SHOULD find someone you feel more comfortable with...
Sorry for the misunderstand, it was not my intent...
Kathi0 -
I Love A HugDifferent Ballgame said:The hug was one more sign
I am not looking to change a doctor because of a hug, but like a handshake that is weak, i wonder about the lack of feeling when being hugged. What kind of person is she? To me it was one more sign about the doctor's personality or character. I decided to be fair and give her a chance.
Something is not right and I cannot identify it, so I am going to run quickly. How could I be so impressed with her and happy that she is my doctor on my first visit and then on the second visit, she was not the same person? That bothered me.
Hugs,
Janelle
I Thought at first my Onc was a Sadist for what he was putting me through.
I Love the man, and every time I see him I hug him!
The first time I think after chemo, he was in shock because I was in tears in his office crying and telling him that he was lying to me and that I could'nt take it!
Too MANY side efects....I did'nt do as well as most do!
Then he found out that my body was allergic, I was his Biggest pain in the a..!
It took a minute to get to feeling that he was for me and not against me.
He made sure that he would find a different way to deal with it....because I'm tripple Neg not to many options.
And he did indeed, It was hard and pain staking but we both worked together to get to the end of treatment no matter how many side efects and visits, at least six times a week too his office.
When I saw my Onc, after my visit, I always gave him a hug, and he shares a BIG hug & smile and I Truly appreciate his smarts and taking care of me and making sure I have another day!
However there are no gauranties and that if I have a reacurance, most likely, he will only be able to treat my symptoms.....no cure!
However I beleave that I'm in good shape my margins were clear and did chemo and rads, hey I feel possitive that I have a bright future.
Thats my Docs oppinon only! for my case, there are so many different types of breast cancer, and for me this is my cards that have been delt.
Tripple neg, for me sucks, however the Big Docs are coming up with something that will be able to help me and my other sisters!
Got to always have hope and a strong will to make your life the BEST ever.
Take care my sisters....BIG HUGS GOING TO MY ONC : ) KARIE0 -
Faith, loved this advice andExpectations
I had the option of 4 hematologists at my center. I'm not one for hugging so the Eastern spiritual guy and the sensitive ponytail guy in Birkenstocks were out from the get go. Like my surgeon I wanted someone that was experienced and aggressive. I went with the thorough and conscientious guy, up on the latest trials and is frank and direct. That works for me.
Above all else, you need to be comfortable. I wouldn't trouble myself trying to interpret what a hug means, move forward and kick the doctor to the curb and find someone that fits you.
pssst...once upon a time I excelled at overanalyzing. Cancer has reminded me that I got a lot of better things to do with my time.
Best wishes
Faith, loved this advice and got a good belly laugh in the process. I, too, had a phd in overanalyzing and am still trying to redirect THAT energy
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Janelle, I think you'reDifferent Ballgame said:The hug was one more sign
I am not looking to change a doctor because of a hug, but like a handshake that is weak, i wonder about the lack of feeling when being hugged. What kind of person is she? To me it was one more sign about the doctor's personality or character. I decided to be fair and give her a chance.
Something is not right and I cannot identify it, so I am going to run quickly. How could I be so impressed with her and happy that she is my doctor on my first visit and then on the second visit, she was not the same person? That bothered me.
Hugs,
Janelle
Janelle, I think you're right in investigating other doc options. The girls are right in that you have to feel great with your team for treatment -- all treatments. Your energy should be funneled into getting better not worrying about how the Doctor is doing or second guessing her! She should be the one concerned about giving you a crappy hug ha!!
Search for the right fit!!
BLessings and strong hugs too,
Stace0 -
HUmmmmmmm
Just going to throw my two cents worth in.......(I have worked in the medical profession my entire life.....)I strongly urge anyone who is not comfortable with their physicians to change to another........TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! Working with doctors taught me, they are only human....NOT defending bad ones by any means.....I am a huggy type of person, but learned not to offer hugs to patients for the very reasons we are discussing...(but always responded with one if offered to me)..not EVERYONE wants that.....My oncologist is a man of few words, but he is brilliant, (this coming from my other three physicians) so I over look his lack of bedside manner. Another oncologist in the same practice is a "hand holder, huggy type"..personally I don't want that....Also I was given email addresses but I have always called the office......I found this was the best way to communicate...
Lastly, if you want to know side effects of drugs.......Contact your pharmacist...THEY are the ones who are always up to date on drugs.....you can then take their findings to your physician. Also, you can contact the manufacturer of the paticular drug, in your case Arimidex....They ask and want information on side effects...and tell you if these are common to the particualar drug you are taking.....also look at the print out the pharmacy gives you on Armidex........this should tell you of SOME of the possible side effects so you can see if they relate to you.
If you're not comfortable with this physican, change, again, trust your gut! No one knows us better than we know ourselves!
I wish you well
Nancy0
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