My Burden..
Evoling_butterfly
Member Posts: 57
I went to my doctor yesterday and we decided to stop my chemo treatments due to the side effects I was having. So I was motivated and anxious for the next step(surgery). So we talked I told him due my strong history and other factors I want a bilateral mastectomy and he agreed. So he sends me up to see the surgeon..I was glad to move on from chemo but what woman really wants to get their breasts removed..But I was excited in a way cause it's a means to an end. I want to be one of those beautiful ladies saying their 10 years cancer free..So I going up to see the surgeon thanking the wonderful nurse Miranda for treating me like a good friend..So I make it upstairs and I am sitting in the waiting room. I sat next to one lady and we started to talk..She kept saying how young I was and finally we exchanged numbers and she was called to the back.. So another lady walks in and I noticed that she was also a patient of my med. oncologist.,So she sits next to me and I can tell she has alot on her mind..So she starts talking and she told me she had a lumpectomy but our doctor wanted her to get a unilateral mastectomy. So I told her what I was getting and her next words were "You're 31 and you never been married. Why would you do that and the cancer can come back anyway." So here I sit with an older lady and she's taking what little joy I had away from me.She threw all of my insecurities right in my face.. And I know she was hurting but why hurt me.. So I gave her my 'happy' smile and told her,'I can't worry about a husband I don't have..I have a six year old son that I want to be here to raise..The whole incident just hurts my feelings, maybe it just my fear of the surgery(Nov. 1,2010).
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Comments
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Do what is right for you
Why is that all it takes is one person to set our minds wondering if we are doing the right thing??? My husband of all people said to me well I hope your going to get them both removed then you have bigger ones>>>> what did you just say to me?? where do you get off with that?? Me the one who went thru hell and back to save your little butt..and to this day now still working so we have medical insurance, he has rhuematoid arthiritis and is all crippled up. He just blew all the special feelings I had for him out of the water...anyway I did what I did for me, my peace of mind and well being, not for his!!! So please do not let a stranger make you feel bad about anything EVER!!!0 -
Oh Butterfly--I'm so sorryupnorthlive57 said:Do what is right for you
Why is that all it takes is one person to set our minds wondering if we are doing the right thing??? My husband of all people said to me well I hope your going to get them both removed then you have bigger ones>>>> what did you just say to me?? where do you get off with that?? Me the one who went thru hell and back to save your little butt..and to this day now still working so we have medical insurance, he has rhuematoid arthiritis and is all crippled up. He just blew all the special feelings I had for him out of the water...anyway I did what I did for me, my peace of mind and well being, not for his!!! So please do not let a stranger make you feel bad about anything EVER!!!
Even though she may have been hurting, that was very insensitive and just wrong. You do what's right for you. I was a single mom for years so I totally get that you want to be around for your child. In my opinion, they're just decoration. You sound like you have a loving, kind heart and when you meet the right partner, the fact that you have or don't have breasts won't matter.
Stay strong, keep the course, listen to your experts and follow your heart.
Hugs and prayers, Renee0 -
I love your answermissrenee said:Oh Butterfly--I'm so sorry
Even though she may have been hurting, that was very insensitive and just wrong. You do what's right for you. I was a single mom for years so I totally get that you want to be around for your child. In my opinion, they're just decoration. You sound like you have a loving, kind heart and when you meet the right partner, the fact that you have or don't have breasts won't matter.
Stay strong, keep the course, listen to your experts and follow your heart.
Hugs and prayers, Renee
and it just makes so much sense to worry about being around for the child that you do have instead of the husband you don't. The right man is going to fall in love with your sass and spirit and your loving heart. It doesn't matter what body parts you do or don't have.
I, too, can be so easily derailed by a thoughtless heartless comment and end up doubting my decisions and resolve.
Follow your path, be strong, and come here for pep talks:)
xoxo
Victoria0 -
It's sad
It's sad enough that we have to be here in the first place. Then to have someone come along and say something totally insensitive is just dumb. As Chen always says you're "doing what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do". Your priorities are totally straight, worrying about your son and wanting to be there for him, rather than worrying about a future husband who if he can't accept you scars, lumps, boobs or no boobs and all then he wouldn't be worth choosing for a husband anyway.
I'm sorry she hurt your feelings and so good of you to understand that she was hurting, but you're a strong beautiful warrior who's doing whats right for you and your son.
Stay strong and prayers and angels will be with you on Nov 1st.
marge0 -
I am so impressed by your
I am so impressed by your compassion. Here you sit in the waiting room, feeling strong and confident in your decision, she takes that from you, yet you have the compassion to see and understand her pain. You are one kick@** warrior!
Your response was absolutely right. It's so important to focus on what is (your son) instead of the what if's (some guy you'll meet later).
I hope you have regained the confidence that you are doing what is right for you!
Hugs to you,
Linda0 -
Hey...
You can't let one bad/crab apple get to you... I had a bilateral mastectomy last Dec and have heard plenty of rude comments... Here is the latest one...this is what the receptionist said to me at my doctors office yesterday (I went in for scar revision)... she said that another mastectomy patient was talking about her surgery and opened her top and showed her. So the receptionist says to me "PLEASE don't show me your scars, yuck!! She then makes this awful facial expression... which got me to thinking, is that how people see me now?? But really who cares... I got rid of the beast and that is all that really matters....
I realize I am a lot older than you and am also married.... but regardless it is still a difficult thing for a woman of any age to go through...
I am also a firm believer that if someone loves you they love you for you and not your breasts...
Comments/opinions as you probably already know are like as**s .... everyone has one!!
Have a great day and remember we are here 24/7 just in case you need some more ra ra sis boom bah!! Stay positive!
Big hugs,
Dot0 -
Please
don't let someone else's negativity get you down! We are all different and what's right for one may not be right for someone else. I had a partial mastectomy because that's what was right for me. That being said, for whatever it may be worth to you, I don't think that whether you have breasts or not defines you as a woman anyway. Why would anyone ever want to be with a man that defined you simply because of your breasts? Dear Evolving Butterfly, you are already a beautiful butterfly and always will be!
Hugs,
Michele0 -
Thanks
Thanks to everyone..I was feeling sensitive about the whole thing so much so that I haven't told my family that I am getting bilateral mastectomy. Mainly, because I just didn't want to hear the doubts..I just needed reassurance nothing else.So with tears I say thank you thank you thank you..Who need a man anyway... GOD that was a joke
!!! 0 -
Some are just ignorantEvoling_butterfly said:Thanks
Thanks to everyone..I was feeling sensitive about the whole thing so much so that I haven't told my family that I am getting bilateral mastectomy. Mainly, because I just didn't want to hear the doubts..I just needed reassurance nothing else.So with tears I say thank you thank you thank you..Who need a man anyway... GOD that was a joke!!!
I don't know why some people have to open their trap. This decision is between you and the doctor, no one else. If you ask her what her opinion is then yeah give it. Why should any woman consider what any man would think or feel when making such an important decision as this. Whatever YOU decide will be right for you. You will do fine during and after surgery.
Dot
I personally think scars are sexy. My scars don't bother me I feel like it's the price I paid to fight, and I'm still standing.0 -
What?
Ya know what Sweety, just take what you can use and let the rest go. They can make you knew ones if you decide you want them. Those two adorable children you have, don't care about whether or not you have the originals, they want you, and they want you around for a long time. It just isn't right that someone so young has to deal with all this ****, I am going to keep you close in prayer. Stay strong, love and hugs...alison
ps A real man won't even notice, he'll think you are the most beautifull thing he's ever seen.0 -
Some people need to think
Some people need to think before they speak, I had a few rude comments and you just have to do what you have to do and not let someones voice make you feel rotten..... A man is going to love you for you and not what you look like and besides I had reconstrution and it doesn't look horrible it looks different than the real ones but they tried to kill you so why would you want them!!! You will do fine, just believe in you! Prayers for Nov.1 and as you lay your head on your pillow that day just remember that angels are there with you, I always tell my family "may angels sleep on your pillow" so may they on yours. Hugs:)0 -
I'm so sorry
that she took your joy of making a decision that was so difficult in the first place to bringing up your insecurities. You said it - you have a 6 year old son who needs his mom so why not go ahead with your plans. I'm sorry the chemo cocktail had so many side effects that you had to stop but I'm assuming that your dr wanted to try to shrink the tumor. I had bilateral mastectomy first then chemo. I just had #4 of 6 Taxotere/Cytoxan. You are younger than my 2 children but hopefully with your surgery you'll have the rest of your life to spend with your child and his children and if some day you get married, so be it. Have you considered reconstruction? I'm 61 so I've opted none at this time. Believe in yourself and you'll be fine.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
You are a strong, bravecahjah75 said:I'm so sorry
that she took your joy of making a decision that was so difficult in the first place to bringing up your insecurities. You said it - you have a 6 year old son who needs his mom so why not go ahead with your plans. I'm sorry the chemo cocktail had so many side effects that you had to stop but I'm assuming that your dr wanted to try to shrink the tumor. I had bilateral mastectomy first then chemo. I just had #4 of 6 Taxotere/Cytoxan. You are younger than my 2 children but hopefully with your surgery you'll have the rest of your life to spend with your child and his children and if some day you get married, so be it. Have you considered reconstruction? I'm 61 so I've opted none at this time. Believe in yourself and you'll be fine.
{{hugs}} Char
You are a strong, brave intelligent young woman who has every reason in the world to make your own decisions. People do say some awful things, and as someone said, when talking to someone about your fight, take the advice you want and leave the rest. Good luck, honey, in all your future treatments.0 -
I dont think she meant to beGayleMc said:You are a strong, brave
You are a strong, brave intelligent young woman who has every reason in the world to make your own decisions. People do say some awful things, and as someone said, when talking to someone about your fight, take the advice you want and leave the rest. Good luck, honey, in all your future treatments.
I dont think she meant to be hurtful. some people really dont have it together. I bet she cant conceive of being without breasts. some people are really attached to those critters. I miss my breasts but not if they were going to kill me. I wish that I had a bilateral mastectomy, I had a unilateral and was looking into a propholactic when I got diagnosed with the second breast cancer. the second one was a worse cancer than the first. I do not have a strong family history either. EB I dont want you to have any regrets, like me, if you have a strong feeling aobut it, do it! (just my opinion) remember many women do it even when they havet been diagnosed. the new term pre survivor. I know someone like that can shake your confidence but you are a strong lady and like the other ladies have said you have your priorities straight!!!0 -
I think that woman
just followed the old saying "Open mouth, insert foot". She sure didn't think before she spoke. Maybe her mouth runs faster than her brain. Just ignore people like that and don't question yourself. You are making the right decision for you.
Hugs,
Georgia0 -
you do what is right for you!!
I am new here....and this post was from long ago...but needed to comment. Don't feel let down please...I totally understand where you are cominig from. Especially with a young child. I am 46 and almost 5 years out from my cancer diagnosis/treatment. I found the lump myself and luckily was only at Stage 1, but with a young daughter, and as a single mom...I too opted for a bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstruction...and have never regretted it for a second. I did it for the same reason...to be there to watch my child grow up...and to ease my worries down the road....it was the right thing for me...and it sounds like you made the right decisiohn for you...everyone is different. I struggle too now, dating and hoping I will find the right person who loves me as I am...with my scars...it's tough...but I am now healthy and will watch my daughter grow...and nothing is more important than that. I will keep yoiu in my toughts and prayers...Renay0 -
someJustRenay said:you do what is right for you!!
I am new here....and this post was from long ago...but needed to comment. Don't feel let down please...I totally understand where you are cominig from. Especially with a young child. I am 46 and almost 5 years out from my cancer diagnosis/treatment. I found the lump myself and luckily was only at Stage 1, but with a young daughter, and as a single mom...I too opted for a bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstruction...and have never regretted it for a second. I did it for the same reason...to be there to watch my child grow up...and to ease my worries down the road....it was the right thing for me...and it sounds like you made the right decisiohn for you...everyone is different. I struggle too now, dating and hoping I will find the right person who loves me as I am...with my scars...it's tough...but I am now healthy and will watch my daughter grow...and nothing is more important than that. I will keep yoiu in my toughts and prayers...Renay
Like some have said "it is your decision".
I was 44 when I was diagnosed with BC and a single mom with a 5 year old son and opted for a bilateral mastectomy so I will be around for my son.
My mother told me that I didn't need to do both or even one. She didn't know how I felt. I didn't want it to come back in the other breast. Thank god my mother was there when the breast surgeon told me that a mastectomy was the only option and if I wanted a bilateral she would stand behind me in my decision. My mother never heard the surgeon say those words--my sister did so at least I had someone to back me up in what was said at that appointment.
It is your decision because it is what is best for you to give you peace of mind.
Good luck with your surgery. Your son will be there to support you in any way just like mine was.
Hugs,
Margo0 -
You ARE one of those beautiful ladies!
I'm sorry that happened to you. It seems there are always going to be negative comments and opinions from friends, family and strangers. Not one of these people know how YOU feel! I hope you will not let this insensitive comment hurt you or take away your joy. You will make the right decision for yourself and I wish you nothing short of a completely blissful life with or without a husband in the future!0 -
It amazes me what some
It amazes me what some people say to patients. They work in a place where they should be trained to think before speaking. I, for one, don't think scars are ugly. They are victory medals. And as someone else mentioned, if you want new breasts later, you can get them.0 -
You Are Awesome!!
You handled that situation with such grace! I think I would have had some choice words for that woman... and they wouldn't have been very nice!
Someone, whether it's cancer so another issue, is always gonna disagree with your choice. You have to just go ahead and do what feels right for you and gives you peace!! Don't let someone else's opinion sway what your heart is telling you is right for you!!
As far as the husband thing goes... I think your answer was right on! And... whenever you meet that someone special, they won't care if your boobies are the real deal or not! They will love you for you, not your boobs!! And if they don't, you don't want them anyway!
Don't let anyone steel your joy!! Keep fighting with that beautiful smile on your face!!
Blessings,
Sally0
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