My sister is losing her battle
My youngest sister has been battling breast cancer for 16 years but now I think the end is near. She's in the hospital now on oxygen and having a hard time breathing. Last night she had a mini stroke so she can't talk. They have her hands strapped down because at night she gets anxious and last night she ripped our her IV. She has been having internal bleeding from a fall she had last week. They can't seem to get it to stop. She's had several transfusions and is still getting blood.
The cancer has spread to her lungs and her spine. They were going to do radiation to relieve some of the pain in her spine but now I don't think the radiologist will do it. She can't get anymore chemo because she has too many complications. I'm pretty sure my brother-in-law is getting ready to call hospice in if he hasn't already. He's been so great through all of this. He's been by her side day and night for weeks.
My Mom, my brother & my other sister will be going there tomorrow. Everyone is from different states. Unfortunately, I can't be there. I'm taking care of my husband who has lung cancer. He can get around but he's lost so much weight and I'm worried about his mental attitude so I think it's more important to stay with him to make sure he's okay and is eating. I'm afraid to leave him for any length of time. He just finished treatment for throat cancer and now he has to go for lung surgery if his pulmonary function tests show he's able to have it. He hasn't decided if he wants surgery and I'm wondering if he'll survive it at this point since he had lots of complications with just the biopsy.
I did talk with my sister on the phone even though she couldn't talk back. I told her how much I loved her and thanked her for giving me a gift she didn't even know she gave me - faith. Her unwavering faith in God showed me the way. I will always be thankful to her for it. It's been the greatest gift anyone could receive. I feel guilty about not being by her side right now. I'm hoping she understands. I have so many conflicting emotions. I don't want her to suffer anymore but I don't want to lose her either. I'm just asking God to help us all get through this and to take her into his arms and love her and make her whole again.
Can anyone suggest anything more I can or should do? My Mom is 86 and she is taking this very hard. I am hoping that she doesn't have a heart attack or stroke over it. It's hard to lose a child no matter how old they are.
Your advice would really be appreciated.
Skipper
Comments
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Skipper my heart
goes out to you. I'm the oldest of 4 girls and the 3rd to get bc. I'm so sorry that your sister has suffered so much but you are where you need to be right now. Taking care of your husband has to be your first priority. I'm glad you were able to talk with your sister on the phone and she knows you love her. Be at peace with yourself that you did what you could. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
So very sorry
I am so sorry for all that is happening with you. I cannot even imagine how you must be feeling with all you are going through. I know God is watching over you all. It sounds like your sister is a very special person. I am sure she would want you to take care of your husband in the same way her husband has cared for her. I wish I could do more to help you. I will be praying for you, your husband, sister and Mom and all the family. God Bless
(((Hugs))) Janice0 -
Skipper,
My heart goes out
Skipper,
My heart goes out to you. Four years ago my father was dying from acute leukemia and my brother from Lou Gehrig's disease. My mom suffered so much from the loss of her husband and only son within 4 months of one another. At the same time my sister was diagnosed with BC.
I had the same conversation with my brother that you did with your sister; he couldn't talk either. We each have our time to be released from this world. I firmly believe that God knows when that moment is and it is all in His hands. I hope you live close to your Mom, but if not, just make sure you talk to her often and let her know you love her. My Mom went home in February of this year, just 3 weeks before I found I had cancer. She never knew, which I think was a blessing.
It is wonderful that your sister shared with you 'The Blessed Hope'. You know that your parting is temporary and you will be reunited again.
I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
Chickadee0 -
Skipper,Chickadee1955 said:Skipper,
My heart goes out
Skipper,
My heart goes out to you. Four years ago my father was dying from acute leukemia and my brother from Lou Gehrig's disease. My mom suffered so much from the loss of her husband and only son within 4 months of one another. At the same time my sister was diagnosed with BC.
I had the same conversation with my brother that you did with your sister; he couldn't talk either. We each have our time to be released from this world. I firmly believe that God knows when that moment is and it is all in His hands. I hope you live close to your Mom, but if not, just make sure you talk to her often and let her know you love her. My Mom went home in February of this year, just 3 weeks before I found I had cancer. She never knew, which I think was a blessing.
It is wonderful that your sister shared with you 'The Blessed Hope'. You know that your parting is temporary and you will be reunited again.
I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
Chickadee
My heart and
Skipper,
My heart and prayers are with you and your family. Just tell your mom that you love her. As a mom, that is what I would want to hear.
Stef0 -
Sending prayersChickadee1955 said:Skipper,
My heart goes out
Skipper,
My heart goes out to you. Four years ago my father was dying from acute leukemia and my brother from Lou Gehrig's disease. My mom suffered so much from the loss of her husband and only son within 4 months of one another. At the same time my sister was diagnosed with BC.
I had the same conversation with my brother that you did with your sister; he couldn't talk either. We each have our time to be released from this world. I firmly believe that God knows when that moment is and it is all in His hands. I hope you live close to your Mom, but if not, just make sure you talk to her often and let her know you love her. My Mom went home in February of this year, just 3 weeks before I found I had cancer. She never knew, which I think was a blessing.
It is wonderful that your sister shared with you 'The Blessed Hope'. You know that your parting is temporary and you will be reunited again.
I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
Chickadee
I had the same conversation with my mother...she couldn't talk either and I couldn't get there to be with her. Your sister understands that you need to be with your husband right now. It sounds to me like you have been a wonderful, supportive sister to her over the years so you have nothing to feel guilty about. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family thru this difficult time.
Hugs, Sally0 -
I feel so bad for you.
I was in a simialr situation but in my case I was the one in treatment when my neice was losing her battle. I so wanted to be there with her and my sister but I couldn't. I did get to talk to my neice on the phone and she was giving me support trying to help me through. She passed when I had 3 rads treatments left. My rad onc did the 3 treatments in 2 days so that I was able to go and be with my sister. My mother and daughter were there to give support until I got there. I felt the same as you that I should have been there sooner but my sister knew I would come as soon as I could.
I will keep you in my thoughts and wish the best for your husband.
Hugs
Georgia0 -
I am so sorry Skipper.ladyg said:I feel so bad for you.
I was in a simialr situation but in my case I was the one in treatment when my neice was losing her battle. I so wanted to be there with her and my sister but I couldn't. I did get to talk to my neice on the phone and she was giving me support trying to help me through. She passed when I had 3 rads treatments left. My rad onc did the 3 treatments in 2 days so that I was able to go and be with my sister. My mother and daughter were there to give support until I got there. I felt the same as you that I should have been there sooner but my sister knew I would come as soon as I could.
I will keep you in my thoughts and wish the best for your husband.
Hugs
Georgia
I am so sorry Skipper. Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family.0 -
SkipperKylez said:I am so sorry Skipper.
I am so sorry Skipper. Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family.
You are really going through it at the moment. My thoughts are with you and your family and especially you and your Mom. Take care of yourself.0 -
So very sorry.sausageroll said:Skipper
You are really going through it at the moment. My thoughts are with you and your family and especially you and your Mom. Take care of yourself.
You are facing so much right now, I hope you will find a way to nurture youself. There is nothing more to say other than I care and will pray for you and your family.
Roseann0 -
My heart goes out to you and your family,
I am so very sorry for what is happening. You are were you should be with your husband. I'm glad you talked to your sister on the phone. She knows you love her. My heart breaks for you. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. It sounds like you have a wonderful loving family. God bless you all. Kay.0 -
so sorry Skipper
I can feel your pain and I am so sorry you have to go through this, especially while caring for your husband too.
Nine years ago I lost my brother to cancer. He lived in Australia so my mom, who was 80 at the time, my sister and I traveled to Australia to be with him. The rest of the family stayed behind because the trip was just too expensive for us all to go. What I remember comforting him were letters and cards that we brought along, also phone calls. I think that being there is important but keeping your family stable is more important right now.
I remember my dad especially feeling bad since he couldn't fly but on the night my brother passed he felt a strong presence with him. He told us the story when we called him to tell him that Michael was gone. He said he felt a calming peace come over him and he knew his only son had passed but he didn't feel sadness at that moment, he felt so much love coming to him as if there was no time or space between him and my brother.
Please be good to yourself and know that no matter what you sister knows you love her and being there for your mom is number one. My mom never did get over the shock of losing her son and now she has also passed on. There are no words to comfort a grieving motherbut she is blessed to have you and your other family members at her side.
Prayers to you and your family,R0 -
Thank You All
Thank you all for your comforting comments. You can't imagine how much it means to me to have your support. My Mom & other Sister will be seeing my baby sister this evening. They are going right from the airport. I hope she can hang on until they get there. I'm so sad not to be with the rest of my family. My husband isn't very affectionate but he is saddened by my sister's situation. I don't know if I can even get a hug from him at this point. He is slowly distancing himself from me. I think he feels he is dying or he is very scared about his own situation. I don't know. He doesn't want to talk about it. Today or Monday we will get results of his pulmonary function tests. It will show if he is a surgery candidate or not. Then it will be up to him if he decides to go with the surgery. I am praying that God guides him in his decision. I will support whatever he decides good or bad.
I'm sorry for rambling. I have a lot on my mind today. I just wanted to make sure that I thanked everyone for their replies. God bless you all.
Skipper0 -
Skipper I am so sorry forskipper85 said:Thank You All
Thank you all for your comforting comments. You can't imagine how much it means to me to have your support. My Mom & other Sister will be seeing my baby sister this evening. They are going right from the airport. I hope she can hang on until they get there. I'm so sad not to be with the rest of my family. My husband isn't very affectionate but he is saddened by my sister's situation. I don't know if I can even get a hug from him at this point. He is slowly distancing himself from me. I think he feels he is dying or he is very scared about his own situation. I don't know. He doesn't want to talk about it. Today or Monday we will get results of his pulmonary function tests. It will show if he is a surgery candidate or not. Then it will be up to him if he decides to go with the surgery. I am praying that God guides him in his decision. I will support whatever he decides good or bad.
I'm sorry for rambling. I have a lot on my mind today. I just wanted to make sure that I thanked everyone for their replies. God bless you all.
Skipper
Skipper I am so sorry for you and your family. I think your husband needs you but I'm so glad that you're going to see your sister. May God be with all of you.
Hugs,
Wanda0 -
Skipper, please try to stayskipper85 said:Thank You All
Thank you all for your comforting comments. You can't imagine how much it means to me to have your support. My Mom & other Sister will be seeing my baby sister this evening. They are going right from the airport. I hope she can hang on until they get there. I'm so sad not to be with the rest of my family. My husband isn't very affectionate but he is saddened by my sister's situation. I don't know if I can even get a hug from him at this point. He is slowly distancing himself from me. I think he feels he is dying or he is very scared about his own situation. I don't know. He doesn't want to talk about it. Today or Monday we will get results of his pulmonary function tests. It will show if he is a surgery candidate or not. Then it will be up to him if he decides to go with the surgery. I am praying that God guides him in his decision. I will support whatever he decides good or bad.
I'm sorry for rambling. I have a lot on my mind today. I just wanted to make sure that I thanked everyone for their replies. God bless you all.
Skipper
Skipper, please try to stay strong God will show you the way. I am praying for you and your family. Remember prayer does and will change things!!
Sparkle0 -
just wanted to give you asparkle1 said:Skipper, please try to stay
Skipper, please try to stay strong God will show you the way. I am praying for you and your family. Remember prayer does and will change things!!
Sparkle
just wanted to give you a virtual hug, so sorry you are going through this.0 -
Keep faith
You're Sister knows how much you love her and I'm sure she knows you're dealing with your husband. That was beautiful to tell her such lovely things on the phone. Her faith will most definitely sustain her when the time comes to embrace her Lord...there will be no death, only everlasting life.
If you can't physically be there for your Mom, maybe you can call her frequently to offer consolation.
I'll be praying for your sister, you and your husband as well as all the family.
Hugs,
Sylvia0 -
Hospice is the way to go....sea60 said:Keep faith
You're Sister knows how much you love her and I'm sure she knows you're dealing with your husband. That was beautiful to tell her such lovely things on the phone. Her faith will most definitely sustain her when the time comes to embrace her Lord...there will be no death, only everlasting life.
If you can't physically be there for your Mom, maybe you can call her frequently to offer consolation.
I'll be praying for your sister, you and your husband as well as all the family.
Hugs,
Sylvia
literally! They are so compassionate and they specialize on making everyone comfortable and painfree. They can help your family in so many ways! Do it NOW!!!0
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