The emotional side of cancer when going thru treatment.

emotional
My home email is ejward@ameritech.net. My mom is 1 year + into stage 4 ovarian/primary peritoneal cancer. It is very emotional. I would love to chat via email. It might be easier than logging in to the board and following messages.

Eileen Ward

eward said:

moms
By the way, our moms are about the same age. My mom is 64. She was healthy before this diagnosis.

Dear Kelly
Your Mom's story is a common one. You should read Bonnie's story. I think it was a year before her doctor's figured it out. My mother's doc. missed it too. He was devastated when he found out she had cancer. Most of the women here had numerous mis-diagnoses. Ovarian cancer is tricky as there is no screening. By the time women show symptoms, it has spread. The other issue is that the symptoms that tend to present are gastrointestinal because it's on the outside of the bowel. Gastrointestinal doctors are not inclined to think of ovaries as a cause of bowel distress...... I also always thought that if I went for my annual exam, my ovaries were being checked. Boy was I wrong. I can't believe there is no education for women about that. I was furious when I found out. Then I learned how hard this is to detect, and realized that my mother's doc really cared and was devastated. This is no one's fault. This is ovarian cancer, and I am very sorry your mother has it. I also learned that I needed to move through my anger into accept mode and take action mode...because that was what my mother needed. She was angry too and had much more reason than I to be and I made a commitment to her to help as much as I could and I saw that my anger was not helping at all. I remember wanting to rip the head off the surgeon when I first met him. I thought he was too direct and mean....then I realized he needed to be honest with us, and he has ended up being the best advocate ever. Anger is part of grief and a normal reaction. You will have other responses as well, all of which are part of this process. Please come to this board and check in often. The wisdom here is amazing. I am sorry you have to be here though.....

Hissy_Fitz said:

Kelly....your anger is
Kelly....your anger is totally justified. The bad thing is that it's equally non-productive. None of us can change what has already happened, so instead we focus (as soon as we can) on the fight at hand. And it is quite a battle, believe me. Some of the ladies here have been fighting it for years. Many have had multiple rounds of chemo and several recurrences.

My CA 125 was 4000 before surgery and I had a lot of bloating due to fluid buildup (called ascites). The chemo will stop the fluid buildup and the surgery will take care of what's in there now. I had my surgery first, then 6 infusions of Carboplatin and Taxol, each three weeks apart. My CA 125 is now 4.8 and my last scan showed no evidence of disease. I also had the fluid drained off just prior to surgery. Maybe you could ask your mom's doctor about that. It gives immediate relief and is quite painless.

I cried a LOT when I was first diagnosed - probably the first couple of months. I was preparing to have what I thought was a diseased gall bladder removed and BAM....got hit instead with a diagnosis of late state ovarian cancer. That was Sept 17, 2009. But I got thru surgery and chemo and for now at least, I am in remission. Only time will tell the rest of my story. I just keep reminding myself that I'm not going to die today, so there is no need to worry about it right this minute. And I pray a lot.

PS....a little wine doesn't hurt, either.

Carlene

Emergency Room Cancer
My family practitioner called Ovarian an Emergency Room Cancer. That is where I was diagnosed. He said just what Carlene said and that most women get so tired of knowing something is wrong but not getting an answer, they go to the ER. More education would help. I had 3 rounds of Chemo because my counts were so high and they did drain fluid off my stomach before surgery. What a relief that was. Surgery went well and then I had more Chemo. I have been in remission 9 months now. Anger helped bring the tears, that helped the healing of my emotions. Wish you and your mom the best
Lori

kikiz said:

Emergency Room Cancer
My family practitioner called Ovarian an Emergency Room Cancer. That is where I was diagnosed. He said just what Carlene said and that most women get so tired of knowing something is wrong but not getting an answer, they go to the ER. More education would help. I had 3 rounds of Chemo because my counts were so high and they did drain fluid off my stomach before surgery. What a relief that was. Surgery went well and then I had more Chemo. I have been in remission 9 months now. Anger helped bring the tears, that helped the healing of my emotions. Wish you and your mom the best
Lori

ER, yes
me too. I was misdiagnosed with irritable bowel. One doctor told me maybe I was just depressed! Finally I went to the ER after 5 days of a bowel obstruction.

Dear Kelly, I am 62, not
Dear Kelly, I am 62, not much younger than your mom and my story is similar which is so common with this disease. I thought I was just having some indigestion problems when I was handed the diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Needless to say it was almost to much to absorb. The hard part for me was telling my 85-year old mother. I didn't even get the chance to tell my son who was out of town on vacation. I ended up in the ER that day because my heart went out of rhythm so a family member had to break the news to my son, who flew to my bedside at the ER. So initially I dealt with this with shock, sorrow and fear. The gastroenterologist who read my CT scan told me nothing could be done because it had spread to my stomach. That day, March 16, 2010 has to be the worst day of my life. Somehow maybe through denial, I made it to the appointment with my ob/oncologist who told me there was hope. I told him what the gastro man said and he told me that is why you are here; I am not a gastroenterologist. And the cancer was not in my stomach. Since than I have had chemo than surgery and I will be starting my chemo again. The surgeon stated he removed 95% of the cancer and gives me hope for a future. So how have I dealt with all this? I'd say primarily with a lot of hope, support from family and friends and some denial. I try not to look ahead. It is hard but living in the moment is so important. There is so much to deal with that a person doesn't really have much time to look ahead. My best to your mom and to you. As a caretaker you have a vital role in your mom's treatment. Thank God for the angels in my life who basically did everything for me when I could not see beyond my diagnosis. Luv, Karen