stageIV kidney cancer without treatment

I had my right kidney removed in 2002. In 2009 2 spots were found on the lungs and 2 spots in the thyroid. because there were four areas involved surgery was out. sutent was discussed and i have a bottle on hold but was told not to use it yet. now we are just watching it to see how fast it is growing. i am just sitting waiting for the cancer to get worse. this is mentally tiring and i feel every headache, every pain, or any symptom at all is the cancer growing. I see the onocoligist every 6 weeks and every 3 months i have a scan. how can i stop worrying how long i will live. the doctor says to save all our guns (such as the sutent) for the end when we really need it. but i cant help but feel that it would be better to attack it when the cancer is small. does anyone have any experince with this.