Two Years Today

It's been two years today since I lost my husband Terry. I have learned
...that I can go on and still have his memories close.
...that he loved me very much and made sure everything was prepared for me even
...when hospice pushed me to make his arrangements, it wasn't cruel as I first thought but something I needed to be prepared for and have time to prepare for
...those days that Terry lashed out at me - it wasn't really to hurt me, but because I was the one that was there
...everything I did, every decision I made I feel fine with because I did what was best for Terry at the time
...those days (like today) when it feels really hard, his presence is still there
...it is okay to take as long as needed to clean the house (I was actually pushed by hosting a baby shower at my house)
...it is okay to still cry
...who I can count on (on one hand with fingers left over)
...I am stronger today because of what I went through with Terry

Terry was the best thing that ever happened to me and my daughter. We had 21 years of marriage together before his death and were together for 26 years. My daughter is a strong young woman because of the values instilled by her "dad" Terry. I hope that one day his children can feel like I am still family but I am not going to hold my breath.

Terry died at 5:35 a.m. on June 30, 2008 and it still feels like just yesterday. They say you will find your soulmate at some point in life and I did with Terry.

To all the caregivers out there, there is the phrase of "time heals all" well I can tell you it is getting better but it takes one day at a time and patience.

I wish everyone only the best. Paula