At a crossraods with my future...

evalencia
evalencia Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hi everyone, I am new to the "club" but I'm relieved to be hear. I've taking care of my father who has recently been dx with lung cancer on his birthday. It's been hard for me and my family. Some members began blaming eachother over who is to be responsible.

Well since I was 16, when my parents divorced, I have been responsible for my dad. I know all of his medical histories. I take him to doctors, I pick up his medicine, and I do his paperwork. It's getting very hard lately because I am the rock that keeps my family together. As long as I ramian firm and postive things seems to run well. But that has been working for me until now.

I am do to go to school 3 hours away from home in the fall and I am breaking. I am terrified of leaving home during a time like this. Help me! what do I? My emotions are spinning and my anxiety is rising. I have been there for my families emotional support and I have always been there for my dad. But now I find myself at a crossroads with my future.

The effects of chimo are beginning to be visible. I feel this is the time when he needs me the most. But I've been accepted to go to school and I've been working for this for years.

I'm scared, I'm worried. What if i get that dreadful 'bad news' or 'something happened' phone call while I am away?

Any thoughts?

JUNE 24, 2010

-Elizabeth

Comments

  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #2
    Hard choice
    Not sure what to tell you. Talk with your family, talk with your dad, talk with friends. You did not state what his prognosis is or where he is at with treatments. Hard decisions to make but make the decisions that are best for you. Your dad might need you, but you are still #1 in your life.
  • webozo
    webozo Member Posts: 82 Member
    #3
    go to school!!!!! go to
    go to school!!!!! go to school, go to school, you can only give to others if you can give to yourself.
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #4
    you're not at the crossroads yet
    Elizabeth, wait a few weeks and then freak out if you need to, but the crossroads that are scaring you are weeks away. Trying not to anticipate future grief is always a good idea.

    How advanced is your father's cancer, and what is his prognosis? When is the chemo regimen scheduled to end? You are right, in that he will need you more the weaker he gets.

    We caregivers are always torn about planning our own futures. We guess and pray, and do the best we can. Don't give up on anything too soon, especially your dreams. Things have a way of working out.
  • onhold
    onhold Member Posts: 23
    #5
    School
    Well, if it were my child I would encourage her to NOT give up her dreams for me. I hope your father feels the same way. After all, as a parent it is my job to see that my child grows up to be a loving, self sufficient, contributing member of society. Ask your dad if he agrees with your opportunity to go away to school. Then, go with a clear conscious.

    You will only be 3 hours away. If you have help for your father on the week days you can come home on week ends to be there with him. And if things do get worse then you should have the option of withdrawing from school or delaying for a semester.

    Best of luck to you.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #6
    Dreams
    Don't put your life on hold. Go to school. Also, don't even try to take all the responsibility for your father's care and your family's emotional well being onto your young shoulders. Let others share in this. Remember, you are the child. I know you have been the responsible one in the family, but you are still the child. Most parents want what is best for their child and I'm sure your father feels that way. He will be proud of you for getting a good education. Your future is important to him, too, even if ( or especially if) it is one without him. When my husband was sick and dying, it was important to him that our sons continue to excel in their lives. He took great joy in each of their job promotions or successes. It was important to him that his illness didn't prevent them from getting on with their lives. Take care, Fay

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