Some women.....grrrr

cindycflynn said:

Dot
That is just horrible!!!

Have you talked to your husband about how that made you feel? Even if you can't do anything about her behavior, which is so bad I can't even put words to it, you should hopefully be able to get reassurance from your husband that he would not disrespect you by taking her up on any offer she might make.

While it's true that this is also hard on him, it is much harder on you and you neet to work together to get through this battle.

You ARE a beautiful woman, and I hope that you don't let some floozy make you feel any less so just because she has no consideration for others.

HUGZ,
Cindy

I am sorry this happened.
I am sorry this happened. But, I think the number one person and thing you should do, is talk to your husband. He NEVER should have allowed her to sit on his lap. And, if she did, to remove her instantly. He needs to understand how it made you feel, let alone it just isn't acceptable behavior for a husband and wife. If my husband allowed that, I would knock him silly. Ok, I really wouldn't, but, he would certainly hear the wrath of a woman from me, for a LONG time. I realize our spouses have gone thru bc too, but, we actually had to GO thru it! One of the most important things a couple can have is respect for each other, and, your husband disrespected you by letting her sit on his lap. Obviously, the other woman's hubby pays her no attention, so, she seeks it elsewhere. Talk to your hubby, what he let her do just isn't right! So, rather than just blame the stupid woman, your hubby deserves half of the blame too.

Hugs, Leeza

You Rock
You are the same person you were before but better! On top of all the incredible things you were before breast cancer so rudely interrupted your life, you are now, on top of it all- a survivor! This woman clearly thinks so lowly of herself that she must prey on other women's husbands. Obviously the "free" market hasn't given her any luck. Forget the breast cancer part of all of this-she's an idiot. YOU are the queen!
(and everyone's right, talk to your hubby-he's still here-he loves you.)

dyaneb123 said:

well Dot the woman is
well Dot the woman is obviously twisted...knowing what you've been through to deliberately try to stick it to you that way was SICK.....I hope your hubby gets that and is as disgusted by her actions as we all are.....

She is not worth thinking
She is not worth thinking about. Talk this over with your husband. tell him how this made you feel. Remember it was not him it was her.

Sounds like the other
Sounds like the other woman's husband will take care of her. Don't feel you are a freak, you aren't.

Marcia527 said:

Sounds like the other
Sounds like the other woman's husband will take care of her. Don't feel you are a freak, you aren't.

pretty is as pretty does
She's not as you say "very attractive." Attractive behaves better than that. Can you imagine a marriage where her husband has to come pull her off of another man's lap???

She's yukky and she's got issues, and the world is filled with people like her. You have more strength and courage in your little toe than she has in her whole being.

Talk to your husband. You will feel better soon.

You rock.

Victoria

Dot - You Deserve Better!
I agree isthe DebbieM, It takes two to tango, and your hubby owes you an apology big time. She is boviously a very sick woman that would use another's battle for life to build herself up. UGGGH! I can hardly take hearing things like this. I have had boyfriends who weren't much better. It hurts, and it shouldn't be allowed to happen. If he really cares about you he should apologize without being prompted to do so. It was totally wrong, and there is no excuse that could ever make it right. If a man can't get a woman off his lap, he has no legs to stand on. (I like puns ... my illness, lol)

Beuty isn't physical. I think true beauty is a spiritual thing that some of us learn through the hard times, like battling big beast "C". You have more beauty in you than that floozy could even comprehend. Hold your head high and know where you stand. Doesn't matter who works for who, or belongs to any organization. This is bigger than that stuff. It is a question of who belongs with who, and who is stepping into another's territory.

I hope you will post the outcome of all this. It is something you ahould not have to bear. You have been through enough, and all of us on this board appreciate what that entails. We are here for you, and will do anything it takes to give you encouragement and support.

Why are you trying to cover yourself when your husband is around? He is your life-mate, you shouldn't have to cover anything from him. Don't be ashamed of any scars or imperfectons. If he had to go through something he didn't particularily care for, tough noogies dude, you didn't want to go through it either. Tough times should bring people close together, not farther apart.

So why do you think your husband would have taken the floozy up on her play? Do you trust your husband? I am one of those that doesn't think that there can be love without trust. I hope you will have a hear-to-heart with dear hubby, and let him know where you are at, and discover where he is at.

ARRGGGH! This whole episode has me so angry at your hubby! You don't deserve that kind of treatment! The last thing you should have to worry about is hubby's fedelity. I want to kick something (okay, I'm on esstrogen blocking drugs, and it is producing a temper in me ... shows up in the darndest places!) If hubby isn't supportive, I promise to send cyber-optimal kick to an optimal place! And what makes you think that this kind of activity has happened before? You obviously have suspicions about this woman. (Geeze - Do I have to allow her into my gender? barf ...)

Dot - don't know where you are at, but can you hear my GRRRRR? You are beautiful, sister. Don't you ever, ever doubt it. But like the adage goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If hubby cannot see your true beauty - he is a blind man in a blind world. You, on the other hand, are a seeing woman who has the capacity to see beauty in whatever world life puts you in. You have the best gift God can give. Don't waste it. Use it and be even happier than a two-timeing married floozy can make you miserable. You will be in my mind, and hope you will post outcomes. You will also be in my prayers. God is a God of strength and comfort. He will do more for you than any of us ever could. But each to their own. Stay strong Dot. There are far better days to come.

Sharon (aka flakey flake)

roseann4 said:

Men!
Hi Dot,

As much as we want to blame the other woman (and she certainly is inappropriate and insensitive), men have strong egos to feed. He was thinking of himself and not you which I know is disappointing. I also believe he had no attention of hurting you. I think you handled it beautifully by bringing it to his attention. I would ask that he stay by your side at any future events she attends. That should put a crimp in her plans.

On a more important note, we as women put much too much emphasis on things we all lose with age. I'm turning 60 this year and still consider myself to be attractive. However age changes beauty, and if I went by normal social prejudges I wouldn't go out of the house. My husband is a handsome man and he travels for business so he has lots of opportunities to be with other women if he chooses. I honestly don't worry about it. If that happened, I would miss him but I would go on with my life. It is very full with lots of people who love me. I believe when men wander it has to do with them their lack of confidence and has little to do with their wives. I read a book once called, "Men Are Just Desert". Anyone can live a healthy happy life without desert even though it is enjoyable when we have it.

I can see by your picture that you are a lovely woman and I can tell by your posting that you are sensitive and loving. Focus on that. I truly believe that what men are attracted to is our confidence as much as our appearance. Please focus on you and the rest should work out.

Roseann

I will never forget 3 Women as Long as I live...
All one has to do is remember some of the most beautful women in the world have had to battle the big C. I will never forget 14 years ago as I was going through the fight there was a celebrity and her name was Linda McCartney and she died from her own disease. All the money in the world, all of her healthy lifestyles couldn't save her...
The second one was a woman who did a biography documentry because she was the woman from the Belles an English duo I think that sang my favorite song when I was in my early teens. I layed on my couch sicker than a dog and she was telling her life story. As I watched her one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen still not realizing the Belle connection she had battled breast cancer 4 times. She was the Head of the Cancer Association in my area in Vancouver BC and her story touched me like I had never been touched. 3 or 4 years later I spoke at a Living Well With Cancer conference and I had the thrill of my life I got to meet her because she was attending the conference, she didn't speak. I noticed something about her that she had not had reconstruction and she wore very dark colours and she was the most beautiful woman probably still the same woman she ever was.
The third woman I will never forget was Oprah and she was had been a model and lost her body to cancer. It touched me incredible to hear this beautiful woman say that she never felt more like a woman than she did right this very moment in time. It was like she was finally in touch with her soul and there was nothing like it no beauty product, or high life could do it...
Beauty is not in how we look.
My God reading the stories above one realizes how many of us struggle in our relationships when the battle of cancer should be enough...
Wow incredible strength and courage in you all and that is the beauty of a woman.
Tara

Dot53 said:

Thank you my pink sisters for supporting me...
I don't have sisters of my own anymore so I knew that I could come here to vent and you would support and understand me.. I took your advice and told my husband that I saw what she did and asked why he didn't tell her to get off... he said that she asked him if she could sit on his lap... I asked what his response was and he said he couldn't remember... not sure I believe that.....

Anyway, the end result was that he said it was her husbands fault for allowing her to drink too much.. (unbelieveable I know). My response was.."I have had to much on a few occasions but would never do a thing like that to you or to another woman"... he thought I was making too much out of the whole thing..I thought maybe he was right until I read your responses this morning..

On the plus side he did apologize and told me that me that he loved me for me.. but to be honest.. now I will always wonder if this damn cancer has changed that.. I too am on hormone blockers and feel very emotional all time so I can't seem to stop this darn crying everytime I think about it...

I wish I could say that I will never have to see this woman again but I will have to deal with her at future work functions.. any advice on how I should handle it?

Thank you all so much...
Dotxx

When you see her at
When you see her at functions be a lady, be sure of yourself, and try not to stoop to negative comments. She has her own set of problems she will have to deal with. If you think your husband is not being honest maybe marriage counseling would help. I know the hormones aren't helping but when in doubt think about Kennedy's wife. She had so much class. Can't think of her first name...Jacqueline-had to google it. In life we have choices to make. Make one that in future years you will look back and know you made the right one. This is just my opinion. Who am I anyway. Do what you think is best.

24242 said:

I will never forget 3 Women as Long as I live...
All one has to do is remember some of the most beautful women in the world have had to battle the big C. I will never forget 14 years ago as I was going through the fight there was a celebrity and her name was Linda McCartney and she died from her own disease. All the money in the world, all of her healthy lifestyles couldn't save her...
The second one was a woman who did a biography documentry because she was the woman from the Belles an English duo I think that sang my favorite song when I was in my early teens. I layed on my couch sicker than a dog and she was telling her life story. As I watched her one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen still not realizing the Belle connection she had battled breast cancer 4 times. She was the Head of the Cancer Association in my area in Vancouver BC and her story touched me like I had never been touched. 3 or 4 years later I spoke at a Living Well With Cancer conference and I had the thrill of my life I got to meet her because she was attending the conference, she didn't speak. I noticed something about her that she had not had reconstruction and she wore very dark colours and she was the most beautiful woman probably still the same woman she ever was.
The third woman I will never forget was Oprah and she was had been a model and lost her body to cancer. It touched me incredible to hear this beautiful woman say that she never felt more like a woman than she did right this very moment in time. It was like she was finally in touch with her soul and there was nothing like it no beauty product, or high life could do it...
Beauty is not in how we look.
My God reading the stories above one realizes how many of us struggle in our relationships when the battle of cancer should be enough...
Wow incredible strength and courage in you all and that is the beauty of a woman.
Tara

Well
I think your focus should be on your husband, not that woman. If anything, feel sorry for her that she has to make a fool of herself to gain attention. Like someone posted, it takes TWO to tango, so, your husband is just as guilty. He said she asked if she could sit on his lap and he couldn't remember his reply. Um, his reply should have been NO without a second of hesitation. I am sorry Dot, but, it seems your husband needs to step up to the plate here. No woman will flirt or do anything with another man or another woman's husband unless they are encouraged or allowed to. Noone likes rejection and if a man/husband rejects a woman's flirting and advances, they will move on, not continue. I really think the blame lays with your husband. He is the one you should worry about. Sorry