Not sure where to turn to help my Father.

taodum
taodum Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hello, all I am brand new to this and I am reaching for advice, and direction. My father is terminal with bone cancer, his diagnosis came Christmas Eve, and he started chemo (which was the only option) and is not doing well. I am looking at the end stages, but do not know how to financially cope with this. Right now he is staying with a friend but this will not work out for much longer. He already receives disability from the state, and his medical care is taken care of by the VA- but are there programs to help with housing? Optimally he, and myself would like him here at my home with me, but we have no place to put him without adding on a room, which we cannot financially manage right now. This has all happened so fast, I'm confused, frustrated, hurting..... if anyone can offer suggestions, we live in Maine.

Thank you,
bewildered daughter

Comments

  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #2
    taodum
    Do you really need to add a room to the house to accommodate dad? The reason I am asking is you said he is "end stage", which means, unfortunately, and I am so very sorry, that he may not be with us long. I would think converting the living room or family room or a dining room into a bedroom for dad would be your answer. Is it inconvenient, of course, but to have your dad with you for the time he has left would be so good for all involved. If you have children, could they double or triple up giving up their room for your dad? Adding on to a home could be a year long project, moving stuff around might be just the ticket for you. You can always put your stuff in storage and some screens/dividers from places like Pier1 or Potterybarn would give some privacy.

    You could always move dad into your room and put a sofa bed in the living room/dining room for yourself to sleep. Just a thought.

    Take care - Tina
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Help?
    I am very sorry to hear about your dad. This is a very hard time. If your father is end stage, talk to hospice. They can look at your home and make some suggestions. You may want a hospital bed. They can provide that as well. A curtain or screen across a family room might be a good solution. See if there is a hospice facility near by. You could visit daily, spending as much time as you want. Also, I like to remind caregivers that it is very important to take care of yourself. See what options might be available. Then pick the one that is best for all concerned. Fay
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #4
    grandmafay said:

    Help?
    I am very sorry to hear about your dad. This is a very hard time. If your father is end stage, talk to hospice. They can look at your home and make some suggestions. You may want a hospital bed. They can provide that as well. A curtain or screen across a family room might be a good solution. See if there is a hospice facility near by. You could visit daily, spending as much time as you want. Also, I like to remind caregivers that it is very important to take care of yourself. See what options might be available. Then pick the one that is best for all concerned. Fay

    Hospice
    Dear Daughter,
    I agree, it is time for you to call hospice. These people are wonderful. They will help all of you. God bless you your dad and family at this time. Keep us updated.
    Tina
  • chumley
    chumley Member Posts: 5
    #5
    Tina Blondek said:

    Hospice
    Dear Daughter,
    I agree, it is time for you to call hospice. These people are wonderful. They will help all of you. God bless you your dad and family at this time. Keep us updated.
    Tina

    Tina is right
    Hospice will help. Normally the doctor recommends it if the illness is terminal. It was difficult for my father to understand because he thought he was going to get better. Ask the VA and there should be a social worker that should answer your concerns. Be strong for your father and yourself.
    Chum
  • mdnikki
    mdnikki Member Posts: 34
    #6
    I can so understand what you
    I can so understand what you are going through. We are faced with the same issues with my mother, prior to her diagnosis she lived alone in a senior apt complex. She has been in the hospital /rehab since March but they are preparring her to come "home" and begin her chemo..she hasn't even started it yet.

    Its so frustrating that there is no guidance even from the social workers at the facilities she has been in.

    I know this wasn't helpful for you but our situation turned so quickly as well...I just wanted to tell you..you are not alone with your concerns...
  • mel0891
    mel0891 Member Posts: 5
    #7
    same situation
    My father is also at the end stages of his cancer. I lived alone before moving my dad in with me. I have two spare bedrooms but we put the hospital bed provided by hospice in the living room. He felt too closed in when in the rooms. I sleep on the couch every night. Yes, my house looks like a complete mess right now, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know he is comfortable being in the living room. He has a large window to look out of and when people come visit, everyone can sit comfortably on the couch instead of trying to cram into a room or take turns sitting in a room with him.

    Definitely get hospice involved!! They are amazing and will provide and suggest so many things you might not even be thinking of right now. They can also get any medications he might need within the same day or right the next morning. I could not do this without them.

    I understand your financial concerns as well. My dad filed for disability a few weeks before he became bed-ridden and we just got a letter saying he was approved and will receive his first check in August!! VA is paying for medical things, but the cost of living is tight. I have had to take un-paid medical leave from my job. We are using everything we have plus digging into savings......but it's worth it. I have so many friends and co-workers that are providing food and a few groceries here and there, and that has been a tremendous help.

    I hope this all was a little help. I'm still learning of resources myself. Don't think there isn't a way.....there always is. Best of luck to you. And cherish every moment with your dad!!!

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