So afraid.

Hondo said:

Mary
We all double post at times, just glad to have you here

Double Post Double Post
I never double post

I never double post

I never double post

I never double post

Ya'll have a great "normal" day :>)

MaryRC said:

26 days until surgery
I am hanging in there. I am trying to stay positive. 26 days until my neck disection. I am doing pretty good most of the time, but every now and then get some anxiety. Everybody tells me I can beat this. I have to stay positive.
Mary

Stay Positive
Stay positive and surround yourself with positive people. Don't listen to people that are negative or want to tell you stories that don't end positive.

When I was going through treatment and even now. If someone starts telling me a story about another with an illness I politely interject "That if it doesn't end positive, that I'd rather not hear it right now".

I try not to be rude, and I am aware that others get sick, I just don't want that in my mind, I only want positive thoughts in there.

Surround yourself with Faith, Family and Friends that support you.

One thing that my wife and I did, and I still update occasionally is an "Update" email list of friends, family and colleagues. Either my wife or I would keep everyone informed of my progress. When needed, I ask for an extra pray (and still do). You'd be amazed how uplifting it is to have so many people communicating with you....

Good Bless, and hang in there.
John

Skiffin16 said:

Stay Positive
Stay positive and surround yourself with positive people. Don't listen to people that are negative or want to tell you stories that don't end positive.

When I was going through treatment and even now. If someone starts telling me a story about another with an illness I politely interject "That if it doesn't end positive, that I'd rather not hear it right now".

I try not to be rude, and I am aware that others get sick, I just don't want that in my mind, I only want positive thoughts in there.

Surround yourself with Faith, Family and Friends that support you.

One thing that my wife and I did, and I still update occasionally is an "Update" email list of friends, family and colleagues. Either my wife or I would keep everyone informed of my progress. When needed, I ask for an extra pray (and still do). You'd be amazed how uplifting it is to have so many people communicating with you....

Good Bless, and hang in there.
John

Good advice
I second John's sentiments- for all to know as the best advice. Everything in John's post rings true. There is nothing to be gained by the negatives. We all experience them, but the fact of positive end results make the bad experiences nothing more than cause for a greater appreciation of the successful end result. WE ARE ALL WINNERS/SURVIVORS. And, to think in terms of negativity, is to think in terms of weakness, and something else. This ain't no place for that. Lord knows what we all go thru, mentally. But that's a given. In this family of our's, here, we do acknowledge such as fact, but we can only do so as seeing that weak negativity as something insignificant out there in the shadows that can work against us, and thus has no good place in our present, just as it had no place in our treatment past. The negative is something that only matters if we let it/want it to be. We Vets are proof that all can win the battle, and know just how much of a battle it can be; but, just as we are proof that all the battles can be won, we are proof that a negative, or weak, mindset, has no positive place in battle with the C. Oh yes, in treatment one must be real with the Med team, and let them know where the struggle is taking one, but that is not weakness- that is being real, and fighting your fight as best you can. Know, and Believe you can win the battle, as you can and will, and then you realize there is no actual reason for negative thoughts.

Anxiety, yes, of course, but that only concerns the unknown of tomorrow. We all experience it, and that's only natural. Those of us, Mary, who've fought the fight, will all tell you that Anxiety was good for us in preparation, but sorely lacking as a foe in the ring of battle, at least by the end of the fight. As the saying goes, nothing worthwhile comes easy, and it goes without saying that is the path we all have tred. Still, Mary, the worthwhile you will come to know as fact, truly, makes that path a good one to have tred upon. Every one of us, bottom-line fact, are testimony to that.

And as for Faith, Family and Friends, any or all- does ring true, John. And thank you, from all of us w/NPC, for your post, my friend.

Believe.

kcass

MaryRC said:

24 days to go
24 days until my neck disection. I am doing pretty good most of the time. I have bought some cancer survivor books from Amazon. I read the posts on here. I must stay away though from web searching about this cancer. I do this.... and then it gives me a knot in my stomach, and then I start feeling anxious again. My husband told me he was going to take away my laptop if I did it again. He asked what I was doing now and I said I am where I am suppose to be... with people that give me positive feedback. I read all the posts,and I think about all of you.
I am ready for the surgery and the treatments to come. I can do it. I can beat this. I can!!!
Mary

There you go!
Keep a positive attitude, Mary. I'm convinced that it helped me make it through treatment.
When I was diagnosed, I told my dear cousin, who had just survived a serious battle with breast cancer, that I had cancer too. She told me how she'd been told that her chances were very bad, but as she was lying in her hospital bed and coming out of the anesthesia, a thought kept running through her mind. It is a quote from Julian of Norwich, a Christian mystic who lived back in the 1300s: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well."
When I was going through the darkest depths of treatment, a package arrived in the mail. It was a little glass candle holder, with a pewter ring around the hole where the candle goes. On the ring is engraved, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." That gave an enormous lift to my spirits at a time when I desperately needed it, and I will treasure it -- and my dear cousin -- until the day I die.
Now I have that candle holder on the vanity in our bedroom, and I see it every morning and take that saying to heart. It helps me get through the day.
All shall be well, Mary. Keep the faith.

--Jim in Delaware

MaryRC said:

20 days to go
20 days until my neck disection. I have read all I need to know and I am ready to get it over with.
I read all the posts on here. Learning all I can.
I am not sure how long I will be in the hospital, I think the doctor said 2 days or so. See how I feel. Will have plenty of help at home. Hard for me to be the patient since I have been a nurse for so long.
Thanks for all the support I have had.
mary

Neck dissection
Dear Mary -I am in awe of the skills of nurses and so I want to tell you that you are ahead of the game and wish you godspeed. I am the world's worst patient at age 62, being treated by radiation tomorrow after surgery for salivary gland cancer (mucoepidermoid) which also required a dissection around the throat to get to the lymph nodes. I was on the operating table for more than 10 hours, but that included everything so far. This dissection was around the back of my right ear down to the front of my throat (at the bottom) and across. I have to say that the dissection and repair was probably the least of the pain. I have been using Hydrocodone rather than stronger narcotics and that has been a blessing, although I have mostly weaned away from that after four weeks.

I want to say that as the world's worst patient, that if I can get this far at least, so can you. I know it can seem overwhelming, and there are times when I just want to hide away, but hug your friends and family and try to take courage.

Mike

sportsman said:

So Afraid
MaryRC: You are not alone. When diagnosed with this terrible form of cancer I know all of us on this site were probably terrified. I remember crying like a baby the day I left the ENT's office alone. With my faith in God and a tremendous support system I decided I was going to put up the fight for my life and beat this thing. Unfortunately the treatment for this cancer has many devastating and many never ending side effects. I have a number of these. I was like you a perfectly healthly individual that thought I was doing all the right things in regard to my health. Cancer however does not discriminate, it is a equal opportunity sickness. You will need the great support system, tremendous faith and good doctors to help you battle this. Its not easy, but what is the alternative? This site has great information, use it as often as you can. God Bless

feelgood story
Mary and anyone else,

I wanted to tell you about my boyfriends visit to the regular dentist. His dental oncologist required he go for a teeth cleaning because of the chlorhexidine he was using for the thrush. It was the only thing that works for his thrush. So his teeth began to stain and his tongue discolored also. He lives in a small town, maybe 6200 people so there arent many drs of each type there. This is the dentist that he went to see for some jaw pain, thinking some molar or wisdom tooth was trying to pry its way out, or something simple. The dentist didnt like what he saw right away, recommended he go immediately to an oral surgeon for a biopsy. Last Aug was the last time that the dentist saw my boyfriend.

Flash forward to March, he goes in for the cleaning. The dentist was so happy to see him, even though 60 lbs lighter and not quite up to par, still so very happy to see him standing there!! He examined his mouth and was overjoyed at his miraculous recovery so far. My guy doesnt always feel so miraculous about his recovery, since he cant even eat solids yet at 19 weeks post treatment. But to see it from his dentist's eyes, he is a walking miracle and so happy that he was the start of stopping something evil, and it worked. No more tumor. He told my boyfriend that he made his day and then some. I cant imagine for a dr who is in it for the science and to help people, what a pure feeling of "this is why I do what I do" that he must have had. Had my boyfriend just ignored his jaw pain, and the dentist not as keen to see what he thought was there, well, things could be very different right now.
I was so happy for the dentist and his feeling of professional accomplishment, as well as just helping to save a life.

MaryRC said:

8 more days
Eight more days until my neck disection. I am prepared for it. I had my teeth cleaned Thurs and my hygientists sister works at Memorial in the operating room. She is going to look in on me and be sure I am doing good. My hygenist and my dentist are all going to be helping me. Feels good to have so many people there to help me with various things.
I dont know if anybody has had this problem. My husband, thou he is wonderful, he still thinks all I have is a tiny lump on the back of my neck. That my surgery will be nothing, just a couple stitches. I have tried to prepare him for what is going to be done, since he will be there to see me when I get out of surgery. Plus I have tried to tell him about chemo and radiation. I guess that is his way of coping with this. He is taking time off from work to be my "nurse" when I come home.
Mary

just a couple of stitches?
show him a picture of a neck dissection. if you cannot find one, mine is on my expressions page. glad he is taking time off work to help you. he loves you and probably is just scared.

sweetblood22 said:

just a couple of stitches?
show him a picture of a neck dissection. if you cannot find one, mine is on my expressions page. glad he is taking time off work to help you. he loves you and probably is just scared.

It would be good to show him that picture
I am glad that you posted it. It is very helpful.
Stacey