So afraid.

delnative

MaryRC said:

Thankyou Jim
My PET scan is this Thursday. So far all they know is I have a small lump on the back of my neck,near my hairline. Not very big but had a needle biopsy and it is cancer. Now all the tests, and the waiting and waiting. I am going back to work tomorrow. I was laying around wallowing around in feeling sorry for myself. I am a homehealth nurse and have two special needs kids that need me there to take care of them. My family doctor put me on anti-anxiety pills and I am not going to take more, make me sleepy and I need to be strong to fight this!!! Thankyou for writing to me. How long have you had this cancer?
Mary in California

A little update
Mary: I was diagnosed July 11, 2008 -- my 54th birthday -- and finished treatment in October of that year. I also had a modified radical neck dissection in January 2009 to remove a bum lymph node.
Today I went back to Johns Hopkins to see my radiology oncologist for a routine checkup, something I get every three months.
He scoped my throat -- through the nose, of course -- and made approving noises throughout the procedure. Once he pulled the scope out he said, "Your throat is amazing. It looks like you never had radiation." Now he doesn't want to see me for another six months, instead of three.
Now I had no reason to think anything was wrong, because I had a PET scan in December that came up clear, but still, getting to amaze your doctor is pretty cool.
You see? Not only can you beat this beast, but you can become a medical marvel!

--Jim in snowbound Delaware

cjamesfu

Hello Mary
Sorry to hear the bad news. But it is OK to cry. Remember the five stages of emotion: denial, angony, negotiation, depression and acceptance? The sooner you get to the stage of acceptance the better. I went through them myself when I was diagnosed with NPC. I allowed myself only five days and never to dwell in one stage more than a day. I constantly checked the status of my emotion so it did not go back and forth. I quickly got to the stage of acceptance. At that time, I was calme and able to cencentrate on the strategy and road map to fight the cancer.

MaryRC

delnative said:

A little update
Mary: I was diagnosed July 11, 2008 -- my 54th birthday -- and finished treatment in October of that year. I also had a modified radical neck dissection in January 2009 to remove a bum lymph node.
Today I went back to Johns Hopkins to see my radiology oncologist for a routine checkup, something I get every three months.
He scoped my throat -- through the nose, of course -- and made approving noises throughout the procedure. Once he pulled the scope out he said, "Your throat is amazing. It looks like you never had radiation." Now he doesn't want to see me for another six months, instead of three.
Now I had no reason to think anything was wrong, because I had a PET scan in December that came up clear, but still, getting to amaze your doctor is pretty cool.
You see? Not only can you beat this beast, but you can become a medical marvel!

--Jim in snowbound Delaware

Thats wonderful news Jim
I am so glad that you are free from your cancer! I had another panic attack today but then I didnt take any of my anti-anxiety pills today. Plus havent been eating. I feel better now that I took the pill. Plus my husband came home from work and made me a egg/cheese omlet and said I dont care if you are a vegan , you eat this , you need some protien, so I did just awhile ago and I feel stronger! I have to beat this Jim. I have a 14 yr old son that needs me still. Thankyou for telling me your good news!
Mary

MaryRC

Test tomorrow
24 hours till my PET scan. I seem to be ok and try to be positive until someone calls me to tell me to be positive, then I start crying my eyes out. All this about radiation, and sugery and PEG tubes, frightens me so much. When it is over will I be me again? Even the grumpy me would be good.
Mary

Hondo

MaryRC said:

Test tomorrow
24 hours till my PET scan. I seem to be ok and try to be positive until someone calls me to tell me to be positive, then I start crying my eyes out. All this about radiation, and sugery and PEG tubes, frightens me so much. When it is over will I be me again? Even the grumpy me would be good.
Mary

Hi Mary
Don’t be afraid I been there many of times dealing with this stuff and you know what I am better now then I was then, and you too will be a better person when it is finish no matter what the outcome

marthakmason

MaryRC said:

Test tomorrow
24 hours till my PET scan. I seem to be ok and try to be positive until someone calls me to tell me to be positive, then I start crying my eyes out. All this about radiation, and sugery and PEG tubes, frightens me so much. When it is over will I be me again? Even the grumpy me would be good.
Mary

Being you again
Hi Mary. I relate so much to your fears and unbelief that you have cancer. My husband was diagnosed with throat cancer in November 2009, and we were SO shocked! We are both very active hikers and he has been hiking sections the Appalachian Trail. He was feeling fantastic!

When we first got the call I went into sort of a trance - nothing seemed real to me. We couldn't sleep until we finally got the full diagnosis and found out it was probably caused by the HPV-16 virus and was very curable. I immediately got online and learned much more than I could handle about PEG tubes, teeth, weight loss, etc. etc. It scared me to death.... I didn't even tell my husband about all I was learning!

But now he is past his 7 chemos and has only 11 more radiation treatments. The PEG tube is NO BIG DEAL and I highly recommend it! This is not fun, by any means, but you will find some sort of normalcy after the first shock reaction fades.

I have been thankful for the anti-anxiety drug, Ativan. There are times that Kent has really needed some help, and it does the trick. Keep eating! I agree with your husband -- protein!

I'm so glad you are posting on this site. I just joined and I wish I had found it earlier!

Martha

Hondo

marthakmason said:

Being you again
Hi Mary. I relate so much to your fears and unbelief that you have cancer. My husband was diagnosed with throat cancer in November 2009, and we were SO shocked! We are both very active hikers and he has been hiking sections the Appalachian Trail. He was feeling fantastic!

When we first got the call I went into sort of a trance - nothing seemed real to me. We couldn't sleep until we finally got the full diagnosis and found out it was probably caused by the HPV-16 virus and was very curable. I immediately got online and learned much more than I could handle about PEG tubes, teeth, weight loss, etc. etc. It scared me to death.... I didn't even tell my husband about all I was learning!

But now he is past his 7 chemos and has only 11 more radiation treatments. The PEG tube is NO BIG DEAL and I highly recommend it! This is not fun, by any means, but you will find some sort of normalcy after the first shock reaction fades.

I have been thankful for the anti-anxiety drug, Ativan. There are times that Kent has really needed some help, and it does the trick. Keep eating! I agree with your husband -- protein!

I'm so glad you are posting on this site. I just joined and I wish I had found it earlier!

Martha

Hi Martha
Welcome to CSN, I too like most people did not find CSN until I was years passed treatment, but I am so glad to be part of it now.

Take care

pk

marthakmason said:

Being you again
Hi Mary. I relate so much to your fears and unbelief that you have cancer. My husband was diagnosed with throat cancer in November 2009, and we were SO shocked! We are both very active hikers and he has been hiking sections the Appalachian Trail. He was feeling fantastic!

When we first got the call I went into sort of a trance - nothing seemed real to me. We couldn't sleep until we finally got the full diagnosis and found out it was probably caused by the HPV-16 virus and was very curable. I immediately got online and learned much more than I could handle about PEG tubes, teeth, weight loss, etc. etc. It scared me to death.... I didn't even tell my husband about all I was learning!

But now he is past his 7 chemos and has only 11 more radiation treatments. The PEG tube is NO BIG DEAL and I highly recommend it! This is not fun, by any means, but you will find some sort of normalcy after the first shock reaction fades.

I have been thankful for the anti-anxiety drug, Ativan. There are times that Kent has really needed some help, and it does the trick. Keep eating! I agree with your husband -- protein!

I'm so glad you are posting on this site. I just joined and I wish I had found it earlier!

Martha

Marth
Welcome to the site. My husband too was diagnosed with cancer -base of the tongue. He completed his last rad/chemo on Sept. 28th. He had is first PET scan on Jan 5th. and it came back clean - an A+ result. He is now pretty much back to his old self outside of missing a few pounds and his taste is still off. Other than these 2 issues, he is active and not fatigued and can eat anything. Hang in there.
PK

Kent Cass

pk said:

Marth
Welcome to the site. My husband too was diagnosed with cancer -base of the tongue. He completed his last rad/chemo on Sept. 28th. He had is first PET scan on Jan 5th. and it came back clean - an A+ result. He is now pretty much back to his old self outside of missing a few pounds and his taste is still off. Other than these 2 issues, he is active and not fatigued and can eat anything. Hang in there.
PK

mary and martha
Mary- yes, you will be you, again. Trust me- you will emerge from this a better you than you now are. This is typical, with many of us. There really no need to be afraid, though we all have been, to varying degrees. The only real thing in front of you is the business of getting this thing taken care of. You got a job to do, now, and that is priority-one. Try to just focus on that. Trust me, and...

Martha- I also learned to be thankful for the PEG tube. You two have a short ways to go, but the light at the end of the tunnel is just up around the bend. You are close...

Believe.

kcass

debbiejeanne

delnative said:

A little update
Mary: I was diagnosed July 11, 2008 -- my 54th birthday -- and finished treatment in October of that year. I also had a modified radical neck dissection in January 2009 to remove a bum lymph node.
Today I went back to Johns Hopkins to see my radiology oncologist for a routine checkup, something I get every three months.
He scoped my throat -- through the nose, of course -- and made approving noises throughout the procedure. Once he pulled the scope out he said, "Your throat is amazing. It looks like you never had radiation." Now he doesn't want to see me for another six months, instead of three.
Now I had no reason to think anything was wrong, because I had a PET scan in December that came up clear, but still, getting to amaze your doctor is pretty cool.
You see? Not only can you beat this beast, but you can become a medical marvel!

--Jim in snowbound Delaware

medical marvel
Jim, that is AWESOME!!!!!!!!1 I am sooooooooooooo happy for you. I can't wait for the day that the rest of us also get to type that. I think you should celebrate because you are a Medical Marvel!! Again, fantastic news that we are all glad to hear. Praise God for miracles!
Debbie

Pam M

delnative said:

A little update
Mary: I was diagnosed July 11, 2008 -- my 54th birthday -- and finished treatment in October of that year. I also had a modified radical neck dissection in January 2009 to remove a bum lymph node.
Today I went back to Johns Hopkins to see my radiology oncologist for a routine checkup, something I get every three months.
He scoped my throat -- through the nose, of course -- and made approving noises throughout the procedure. Once he pulled the scope out he said, "Your throat is amazing. It looks like you never had radiation." Now he doesn't want to see me for another six months, instead of three.
Now I had no reason to think anything was wrong, because I had a PET scan in December that came up clear, but still, getting to amaze your doctor is pretty cool.
You see? Not only can you beat this beast, but you can become a medical marvel!

--Jim in snowbound Delaware

Yes!
Excellent to hear your throat is in such good shape; clean PET even better.

marthakmason

pk said:

Marth
Welcome to the site. My husband too was diagnosed with cancer -base of the tongue. He completed his last rad/chemo on Sept. 28th. He had is first PET scan on Jan 5th. and it came back clean - an A+ result. He is now pretty much back to his old self outside of missing a few pounds and his taste is still off. Other than these 2 issues, he is active and not fatigued and can eat anything. Hang in there.
PK

Thanks for encouragement
Thank you PK for the encouraging words! I know my husband is as the "sick and tired of being sick and tired" stage. It's good to know life can return to almost normal!!
Blessings!
Martha

marthakmason

Kent Cass said:

mary and martha
Mary- yes, you will be you, again. Trust me- you will emerge from this a better you than you now are. This is typical, with many of us. There really no need to be afraid, though we all have been, to varying degrees. The only real thing in front of you is the business of getting this thing taken care of. You got a job to do, now, and that is priority-one. Try to just focus on that. Trust me, and...

Martha- I also learned to be thankful for the PEG tube. You two have a short ways to go, but the light at the end of the tunnel is just up around the bend. You are close...

Believe.

kcass

Looking forward to the light
Thank you Kent. (My husband is Kent, too) It has been a hard week, but we are trying very hard to focus on the future.

P.S. I like your picture!

Martha

MaryRC

PET today
I had my PET scan today. Laying there in that tube I didnt feel alone. I kept dozing off and I would hear voices from people telling me everything was going to be ok. I would wake up and doze off again, hearing friends and family saying again its all ok. Got up when over and went home and was able to eat. Trying to stay positive here. Wont know results until Monday at 9:45am. Then I will know I guess what all is going to be done for me.
Mary

Hondo

MaryRC said:

PET today
I had my PET scan today. Laying there in that tube I didnt feel alone. I kept dozing off and I would hear voices from people telling me everything was going to be ok. I would wake up and doze off again, hearing friends and family saying again its all ok. Got up when over and went home and was able to eat. Trying to stay positive here. Wont know results until Monday at 9:45am. Then I will know I guess what all is going to be done for me.
Mary

Mary
We will all be waiting to hear how your PET went, good or bad, we will all be here for you. Sometimes in out struggles when we have nothing left to give, we need to learn to rest our burdens at the feet of Jesus.

Take Care

Skiffin16

MaryRC said:

PET today
I had my PET scan today. Laying there in that tube I didnt feel alone. I kept dozing off and I would hear voices from people telling me everything was going to be ok. I would wake up and doze off again, hearing friends and family saying again its all ok. Got up when over and went home and was able to eat. Trying to stay positive here. Wont know results until Monday at 9:45am. Then I will know I guess what all is going to be done for me.
Mary

My PET
I was glad to finally have the PET initally. I remember having a bout with diverticulitus at the time. I wasn't sure what was going on and had been really nervous and upset (sound familiar)...anyways, I remember lying there, my stomach hurting and cramping. I thought of course the cancer had spread, first thing I guess we all think. Anyways, I remember thinking well at least whateve I have, they'll see it and we can know where all of the areas that we need to attack.

It was kind of funny in some ways. I go from a few days earlier to thinking I'm gonna die, I have cancer. To having the tonsil removed and only showing a very small area where the tonsil was and the effected lymphnode lighting up...it was such a relief to only see those small areas. I don't know why really, LOL. I mean after all I still had cancer, and I still had to go through the treatment. But some how seeing that small area gave me hope and a positive outlook on kicking butt.

So think of it as a positive thing. You'll know exactly what you're in for, and you won't have any surprises down the road hopefully.

God Bless and stay positive girl...
John

GRAVEY

Get yourself to an ENT also
Get yourself to an ENT also Mary. I had a cancerous lymph node removed from the right side of my neck. I went and had a PET/CT scan done, it came up negative. My ENT was going to remove my tonsils and do biopsies of my tongue and throat also, and when I was under, before he removed anything, he saw the spot on the base of my tongue. I know PET/CTs are like the best they have, but If I were to have left it at that, who knows where I would be right now. It took my ENT to physically look and find my Primary source of cancer.

Good luck and Godspeed to you. And know that we all here will listen to any of your gripes, fears, worries, whatever you feel like talking about, thats why we're all here, to help each other

GRAVEY

delnative

MaryRC said:

PET today
I had my PET scan today. Laying there in that tube I didnt feel alone. I kept dozing off and I would hear voices from people telling me everything was going to be ok. I would wake up and doze off again, hearing friends and family saying again its all ok. Got up when over and went home and was able to eat. Trying to stay positive here. Wont know results until Monday at 9:45am. Then I will know I guess what all is going to be done for me.
Mary

Please keep us informed
I'm sure all of us here are hoping (and those of us who pray, praying) for a positive result.
Have a nice weekend, and keep your loved ones close.

--Jim, up to his a*s in snowbound Delaware

stevenl

GRAVEY said:

Get yourself to an ENT also
Get yourself to an ENT also Mary. I had a cancerous lymph node removed from the right side of my neck. I went and had a PET/CT scan done, it came up negative. My ENT was going to remove my tonsils and do biopsies of my tongue and throat also, and when I was under, before he removed anything, he saw the spot on the base of my tongue. I know PET/CTs are like the best they have, but If I were to have left it at that, who knows where I would be right now. It took my ENT to physically look and find my Primary source of cancer.

Good luck and Godspeed to you. And know that we all here will listen to any of your gripes, fears, worries, whatever you feel like talking about, thats why we're all here, to help each other

GRAVEY

Weekend
Hi Mary,
Well got that part out of the way, that's good. Enjoy your weekend now and enjoy your husband and son
and we'll get started again next week on your journey. But if you need anything please write us. We are here for you.

Praying for you,
Steve

MaryRC

GRAVEY said:

Get yourself to an ENT also
Get yourself to an ENT also Mary. I had a cancerous lymph node removed from the right side of my neck. I went and had a PET/CT scan done, it came up negative. My ENT was going to remove my tonsils and do biopsies of my tongue and throat also, and when I was under, before he removed anything, he saw the spot on the base of my tongue. I know PET/CTs are like the best they have, but If I were to have left it at that, who knows where I would be right now. It took my ENT to physically look and find my Primary source of cancer.

Good luck and Godspeed to you. And know that we all here will listen to any of your gripes, fears, worries, whatever you feel like talking about, thats why we're all here, to help each other

GRAVEY

Hi, I do have an ENT. On the
Hi, I do have an ENT. On the first visit there she ran a scope of somesort down my nostrils and couldnt see anything. I go to see her on Wednsday. Thankyou for the reply. I hope you are doing good.
Mary