JUST A RELIGIOUS JOKE MY DAD SENT ME TODAY IT MADE ME SMILE SO I DECIDED TO SHARE
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering..
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES.....
Comments
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Another Joke
Irish Confessional:
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."0 -
LOLPhillieG said:Another Joke
Irish Confessional:
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
Oh Phil you made me laugh out loud that was quite funny I am going to send it to my dad who will get a big kick out of it. He went to Catholic schools in San Francisco and still jokes about the nuns with the rulers. Thanks again for the laugh!0 -
My husband is half Irish andPhillieG said:Another Joke
Irish Confessional:
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
My husband is half Irish and grew up Catholic. He'll like this one.
RE: My husband talks about the nuns and rulers also. How funny!0 -
hee hee heePhillieG said:Another Joke
Irish Confessional:
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
Hey there Phil I sent your joke on to my daddy and here is his response:
"..I like your Irish joke....Probably very true.........
love U,
dad"
I knew he would like it thanks for helping me put a smile on my 79 year old dad's face, he is a tough rare breed that I love a ton and am quite proud to call my dad.
RE0 -
Love your photo RERE said:hee hee hee
Hey there Phil I sent your joke on to my daddy and here is his response:
"..I like your Irish joke....Probably very true.........
love U,
dad"
I knew he would like it thanks for helping me put a smile on my 79 year old dad's face, he is a tough rare breed that I love a ton and am quite proud to call my dad.
RE
Glad he liked it. I did 8 years at a catholic school. The stories about the nuns were true! I saw many a hand get cracked with the metal edge of the ruler and a few heads get smashed into blackboards.
They actually had us put on a minstrel show in the 3rd grade. I had to walk home in black-face. I wish I had photos of it, people find it hard to believe. This was back in 19650 -
The truth comes outMarcia527 said:My husband is half Irish and
My husband is half Irish and grew up Catholic. He'll like this one.
RE: My husband talks about the nuns and rulers also. How funny!
Marcia, us kids didn't make up the ruler stuff, it was true!!!
;-)0 -
OKAY HERE IS ANOTHER SILLY JOKE
DISCLAIMER: This one is so bad you are gonna groan but it made me smile so here goes....
Who Should Make the Coffee?
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."0 -
Fresh GROAN coffee!RE said:OKAY HERE IS ANOTHER SILLY JOKE
DISCLAIMER: This one is so bad you are gonna groan but it made me smile so here goes....
Who Should Make the Coffee?
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."
Love it RE!
-p0 -
A Joke
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'0 -
Thanks PhilPhillieG said:A Joke
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Love it ;-)0 -
:-DPhillieG said:A Joke
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Very cute joke, sounds like a couple of the little ones who live with me.
RE0 -
Steve Martin: Atheists Don't Have No Songs
Pretty clever Steve Martin Video about religious hymns.
I hope you all can enjoy it for what it's worth...0
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