So afraid.

123578

Comments

  • pk
    pk Member Posts: 192
    #82
    MaryRC said:

    something to smile about this evening
    Was sitting here feeling down and sad. My phone rang, my son and daughter in law in Phoenix calling to tell me the news that they are pregnant with their first child. I started smiling and crying. My son said Mom are you ok? I said these are happy tears! Told them I will be out there to see my new grandbaby when he/she is born in Oct. I will be strong and I will be me! I sure needed this tonight!
    Mary

    Mary - you have much to smile about
    Mary,
    I am so happy to hear that you are on the treatment road. It is such a better road to be on than the waiting road. You will be you again and enjoy all the grandchildren that you might be blessed to have. I found that once my husband embraced the treatment, he went forward in a very determined way. We soon leave on a 7 week vacation to St. Simons Island, and he will play golf, eat whatever he wants, and NO Drs. appts. He is also blessed with the ability to not obsess about cancer. Just plain goes forward and doesn't think much about the "what might happen next" aspect of the disease.
    You will be prayed for by many and I KNOW you will manage this well. Keep eating!!!
    Phyllis
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #83
    pk said:

    Mary - you have much to smile about
    Mary,
    I am so happy to hear that you are on the treatment road. It is such a better road to be on than the waiting road. You will be you again and enjoy all the grandchildren that you might be blessed to have. I found that once my husband embraced the treatment, he went forward in a very determined way. We soon leave on a 7 week vacation to St. Simons Island, and he will play golf, eat whatever he wants, and NO Drs. appts. He is also blessed with the ability to not obsess about cancer. Just plain goes forward and doesn't think much about the "what might happen next" aspect of the disease.
    You will be prayed for by many and I KNOW you will manage this well. Keep eating!!!
    Phyllis

    thanks
    I am getting my appetite back. Hope I know soon when my surgery will be. I already have people calling me and saying they will drive me to radiation and chemo, and I havent even had surgery yet.
    Have a wonderful time on St.Simmons Island!! How wonderful. How did your husband not obsess about cancer? I am starting to look forward to it all being over with. I want to get better so I can see my new grandbaby. I had just gotten back from Texas a week before I got my cancer dianosis. I went to Texas to see my Army son and his wife and my 3 little grandkids. I told them I am coming back!!!!
    Thanks to all of you because all of you guys on here have prepared me and I can do it. I will whine, I will cry,( I dont do pain well) But... I will make it.
    Mary
  • pk
    pk Member Posts: 192
    #84
    MaryRC said:

    thanks
    I am getting my appetite back. Hope I know soon when my surgery will be. I already have people calling me and saying they will drive me to radiation and chemo, and I havent even had surgery yet.
    Have a wonderful time on St.Simmons Island!! How wonderful. How did your husband not obsess about cancer? I am starting to look forward to it all being over with. I want to get better so I can see my new grandbaby. I had just gotten back from Texas a week before I got my cancer dianosis. I went to Texas to see my Army son and his wife and my 3 little grandkids. I told them I am coming back!!!!
    Thanks to all of you because all of you guys on here have prepared me and I can do it. I will whine, I will cry,( I dont do pain well) But... I will make it.
    Mary

    Mary
    Don't know how he doesn't obsess about cancer - maybe because he chooses not to research every little detail about the disease - I think that is the healthier way to go. He listens to his Docs, does what they tell him, trusts them, and assumes he will do fine!!! Not everyone can do this. I am just so happy that he can as life is good for him and makes it so much easier for me too. I'm the one who wants to know EVERYTHING!!!! And in some ways this is futile, because it's out of our control anyway.
    Whining and crying are good. Can't wait to hear abour your treatment and the good news that will follow!
    Phyllis
  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #85
    sweetblood22 said:

    wow
    A granchild for you. How incredibly wonderful! Yet another reason to be strong and fight. Congrats!

    grandchild
    sweet, that is fantastic news!!! I'm very happy for you. You definitely have something happy to look forward to. Take care of yourself and we will all be waiting for Oct to find out if it was a boy or girl....lol.
    God Bless You,
    debbie
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #86
    surgery date
    Got a call awhile ago from the ENT nurse. My surgery isnt until March 29th!!!! I said how can this be? She said the doctor said this will be ok for me.
    I have been wanting to get this behind me.
    I already started on my disabilty time off because I was having stress and depression. Now dont know whether to go back to work until then or just stay home. I dont know if I can go off SDI and back on. I do home health nursing. The agency already found a nurse to do my one patient,while I am gone. sigh.
    Mary
  • stevenl
    stevenl Member Posts: 587
    #87
    MaryRC said:

    surgery date
    Got a call awhile ago from the ENT nurse. My surgery isnt until March 29th!!!! I said how can this be? She said the doctor said this will be ok for me.
    I have been wanting to get this behind me.
    I already started on my disabilty time off because I was having stress and depression. Now dont know whether to go back to work until then or just stay home. I dont know if I can go off SDI and back on. I do home health nursing. The agency already found a nurse to do my one patient,while I am gone. sigh.
    Mary

    Surgery
    Hi Mary,

    I have had, all in all, very good experiences with my medical team. Sometime Joe ain't talkin to Jack, and things get a little out of order. But one thing with me is, I almost wanted to tell em to slow down. Everything has been thrown at me so fast it's been hard to endure at times. As a matter of fact I am now the proud renter, yes renter, of a walk med chemo pump, which is hooked to me now, and it really is no big deal. I had my 1st chemo today-supposed to be yesterday-another story- and it was no big deal. Also had my 1st Amofostine I V and 1st radiation, also no big deal. My tumor was visibly growing at an alarming rate, thus the need for the rush, I think. Met a guy in chemo today same diagnosis as me and he is not even having surgery yet. Chemo and rads 1st,to get rid of the C, then possibly surgery to remove his right tonsil. Every body is different. But Mary, I understood you to say you got a call from your Ent nurse about your surgery date. If that is not want you want to hear, call in the morning, and make an appointment to see the DOCTOR. Do not take no for an answer. Insist, and try to be nice, but get satisfaction. If you do not understand why make them tell you why. I asked for a one on one with my ent and got to see him the day before surgery. I had only talked to him for 10 to 15 minutes in 2 visits combined and to be frank, I did not know what was about to happen to me . The why, what how and such. Be strong and make them help you understand.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you Mary,
    Steve
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #88
    stevenl said:

    Surgery
    Hi Mary,

    I have had, all in all, very good experiences with my medical team. Sometime Joe ain't talkin to Jack, and things get a little out of order. But one thing with me is, I almost wanted to tell em to slow down. Everything has been thrown at me so fast it's been hard to endure at times. As a matter of fact I am now the proud renter, yes renter, of a walk med chemo pump, which is hooked to me now, and it really is no big deal. I had my 1st chemo today-supposed to be yesterday-another story- and it was no big deal. Also had my 1st Amofostine I V and 1st radiation, also no big deal. My tumor was visibly growing at an alarming rate, thus the need for the rush, I think. Met a guy in chemo today same diagnosis as me and he is not even having surgery yet. Chemo and rads 1st,to get rid of the C, then possibly surgery to remove his right tonsil. Every body is different. But Mary, I understood you to say you got a call from your Ent nurse about your surgery date. If that is not want you want to hear, call in the morning, and make an appointment to see the DOCTOR. Do not take no for an answer. Insist, and try to be nice, but get satisfaction. If you do not understand why make them tell you why. I asked for a one on one with my ent and got to see him the day before surgery. I had only talked to him for 10 to 15 minutes in 2 visits combined and to be frank, I did not know what was about to happen to me . The why, what how and such. Be strong and make them help you understand.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you Mary,
    Steve

    surgery
    Thanks Steve, I hope you sail through all your radiation and chemo, and you are back to your normal routine soon.
    I am sorry to everyone for being a whiner and someone told me I am. This cancer,like I am sure for all of you, was a shock to my system. I am someone that very rarely even caught a cold. Never a sick day from work. So here I am sitting home, I had my mind all prepared to go in for surgery, and was told not till the 29th.
    I dont know if I will be posting again.
    Mary
  • stevenl
    stevenl Member Posts: 587
    #89
    MaryRC said:

    surgery
    Thanks Steve, I hope you sail through all your radiation and chemo, and you are back to your normal routine soon.
    I am sorry to everyone for being a whiner and someone told me I am. This cancer,like I am sure for all of you, was a shock to my system. I am someone that very rarely even caught a cold. Never a sick day from work. So here I am sitting home, I had my mind all prepared to go in for surgery, and was told not till the 29th.
    I dont know if I will be posting again.
    Mary

    whining
    My dearest Mary,

    You just can't stop posting. This is where I have gotten most of my help. I don't know who told you were a whiner but we all get down, so they don't understand that we are facing possible death, and they have no idea what that is like. And they certainly have no compassion. It's the compassion that keeps me returning here. Hell, just look at the thread entitled, Lesser evil- pain meds or eating, started by PamM. we ALL whine it is not a problem to be ashamed of. When you speak of me breezing through, it just is not true. i do this to help you understand that it, whatever it is, can be done. Am I having fun? Hell no!
    I do my share of whining and I am 6' 2" 235. Just imagine that big tough guy laying on a gurney about to go through minor surgery for a peg and port and can't even talk to the doctor because the tough guy was crying so bad. At that moment I realized all of a sudden, that I was officially not in complete control and now was a cancer patient. Whining? I carried it way beyond that. Please please Mary get up in the morning with fire in your heart, and do what I said earlier. Make em help you understand. But if you do anything, just don't give up. This battle is winnable. If I didn't think so, I would be out in my sop right now having a beer and a cigarette and just counting the days till I DIE. Believe Mary Believe

    Steve
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #90
    MaryRC said:

    surgery
    Thanks Steve, I hope you sail through all your radiation and chemo, and you are back to your normal routine soon.
    I am sorry to everyone for being a whiner and someone told me I am. This cancer,like I am sure for all of you, was a shock to my system. I am someone that very rarely even caught a cold. Never a sick day from work. So here I am sitting home, I had my mind all prepared to go in for surgery, and was told not till the 29th.
    I dont know if I will be posting again.
    Mary

    Mary
    This is the place for whiner complainers and anything else. I am like Steve please don’t stop posting as there is a lot to learn here and also a way of expressing you feeling so that you don’t get depressed. I am a 5 year survivor and I wish I knew of this place when I was having treatment, just please stay with us Mary.

    God be with you
  • cwcad
    cwcad Member Posts: 117
    #91
    Hondo said:

    Mary
    This is the place for whiner complainers and anything else. I am like Steve please don’t stop posting as there is a lot to learn here and also a way of expressing you feeling so that you don’t get depressed. I am a 5 year survivor and I wish I knew of this place when I was having treatment, just please stay with us Mary.

    God be with you

    Mary Mary Mary
    Ok, you are a whiner. I am a whiner. So what!!! Whine until you get over it. IT is allowed and accepted by me and many others. Please don't employ the head in the sand tactic of dealing with cancer(don't ask me how I know...lol!). If you do not want to post then do not post. But do not stop posting because someone said or thought that you or I or anyone else was a whiner.

    I certainly understand how it can become overwhelming. I am free of cancer almost three years and I am still whining. It was, it has been, and it will continue to be a problem until you/I/we get over it. When the time comes you will know. Until that time... keep connected by returning to the forum. The people here will respond to your needs without regard to the whining.

    Hang in there!!

    Keep the Faith!
  • cwcad
    cwcad Member Posts: 117
    #92
    Hondo said:

    Mary
    This is the place for whiner complainers and anything else. I am like Steve please don’t stop posting as there is a lot to learn here and also a way of expressing you feeling so that you don’t get depressed. I am a 5 year survivor and I wish I knew of this place when I was having treatment, just please stay with us Mary.

    God be with you

    Mary Mary Mary
    Ok, you are a whiner. I am a whiner. So what!!! Whine until you get over it. IT is allowed and accepted by me and many others. Please don't employ the head in the sand tactic of dealing with cancer(don't ask me how I know...lol!). If you do not want to post then do not post. But do not stop posting because someone said or thought that you or I or anyone else was a whiner.

    I certainly understand how it can become overwhelming. I am free of cancer almost three years and I am still whining. It was, it has been, and it will continue to be a problem until you/I/we get over it. When the time comes you will know. Until that time... keep connected by returning to the forum. The people here will respond to your needs without regard to the whining.

    Hang in there!!

    Keep the Faith!
  • Pam M
    Pam M Member Posts: 2,196
    #93
    MaryRC said:

    surgery
    Thanks Steve, I hope you sail through all your radiation and chemo, and you are back to your normal routine soon.
    I am sorry to everyone for being a whiner and someone told me I am. This cancer,like I am sure for all of you, was a shock to my system. I am someone that very rarely even caught a cold. Never a sick day from work. So here I am sitting home, I had my mind all prepared to go in for surgery, and was told not till the 29th.
    I dont know if I will be posting again.
    Mary

    Don't Ditch Us, Mary
    Mary,
    Please don't stop posting. Whether you realize it or not, every time you post, other people benefit. I'm way ahead of you in treatment, and still learn things reading here. It was a while before I would post here, but I read all the posts. Even if you did whine (I hope it wasn't a family member who said that - a few of my family members have given unfair opinions of people who post on these sites), so what - you've got a right. Steve's right - my "Lesser Evil" thread is a huge whine, and I'm normally a "tough guy" - oh, and I whine or grump about something every day now.
    I, too, would really suggest you talk with dr, and tell him that you cannot wait that long. Tell him you feel unable to carry on "normal" life without the surgery - lay all your cards out - no need to feel embarrassed about feeling "weak".
    I hope it goes well. I'm sure dr. knows what he's doing, but there's no way I'd want to wait, either. When you're getting rid of something unwanted, NOW is better than later.
    Let us know how it goes,

    Pam
  • micktissue
    micktissue Member Posts: 430
    #94
    MaryRC said:

    surgery
    Thanks Steve, I hope you sail through all your radiation and chemo, and you are back to your normal routine soon.
    I am sorry to everyone for being a whiner and someone told me I am. This cancer,like I am sure for all of you, was a shock to my system. I am someone that very rarely even caught a cold. Never a sick day from work. So here I am sitting home, I had my mind all prepared to go in for surgery, and was told not till the 29th.
    I dont know if I will be posting again.
    Mary

    If I didn't have this place to whine . . .
    Don't know really what I'd do without all the people here. I hope you stay on Mary.

    Best,

    Mick
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #95
    MaryRC said:

    surgery
    Thanks Steve, I hope you sail through all your radiation and chemo, and you are back to your normal routine soon.
    I am sorry to everyone for being a whiner and someone told me I am. This cancer,like I am sure for all of you, was a shock to my system. I am someone that very rarely even caught a cold. Never a sick day from work. So here I am sitting home, I had my mind all prepared to go in for surgery, and was told not till the 29th.
    I dont know if I will be posting again.
    Mary

    WINNER not whiner
    Mary,

    Maybe you just misinterpreted what they said. In our thoughts, you are a winner. You have confronted your illness, you have and are continuing to educate yourself, You have accepted the fact that it's going to be a rough road, you have fears, and you express those fears openly.

    All of those things are healthy and I hope that someone that has walked this same path is not the one saying you are whining.... This is a road that can only truely be appreciated and understood from others whom have walked the same path....

    John
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #96
    Skiffin16 said:

    WINNER not whiner
    Mary,

    Maybe you just misinterpreted what they said. In our thoughts, you are a winner. You have confronted your illness, you have and are continuing to educate yourself, You have accepted the fact that it's going to be a rough road, you have fears, and you express those fears openly.

    All of those things are healthy and I hope that someone that has walked this same path is not the one saying you are whining.... This is a road that can only truely be appreciated and understood from others whom have walked the same path....

    John

    wont stop
    I wont stop posting, this is what got me through my ENT appt last week. I have always been a whiner when I dont feel good. My husband says he is use to it and when I am laying down quiet is when he worries. I was upset when my doctor said it wouldnt be until March 29th for my surgery. I was ready to go in and get it done!
    Now one part of me is saying I should take this time until surgery to stay home and get rest ( I never take time off in 15 yrs) or go back to work till then. I am already on SDI and so unless I cancel it, I cant work. Then if I cancel then have to reapply. My work is heavy with my boy patient,lots of lifting and I get hurt ( kicked, and head butted).
    I think I have excepted the fact that I have cancer. I just want it to be gone. I am ready for all to come. But I will whine :)My husband took care of me after my shoulder surgery, and boy was I ill from the anesthtic! Shoulder never did hurt. My husband told me to stay as long as I can this time in the hospital.
    Thankyou all for being so kind to me. I wish none of this has happened to any of us, but it has and I have to be strong like all of you .
    Steve and Mick, I hope your treatments are going well for you. I think about you all.
    Mary ( the whiner in Northern California
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #97
    Skiffin16 said:

    WINNER not whiner
    Mary,

    Maybe you just misinterpreted what they said. In our thoughts, you are a winner. You have confronted your illness, you have and are continuing to educate yourself, You have accepted the fact that it's going to be a rough road, you have fears, and you express those fears openly.

    All of those things are healthy and I hope that someone that has walked this same path is not the one saying you are whining.... This is a road that can only truely be appreciated and understood from others whom have walked the same path....

    John

    wont stop
    I wont stop posting, this is what got me through my ENT appt last week. I have always been a whiner when I dont feel good. My husband says he is use to it and when I am laying down quiet is when he worries. I was upset when my doctor said it wouldnt be until March 29th for my surgery. I was ready to go in and get it done!
    Now one part of me is saying I should take this time until surgery to stay home and get rest ( I never take time off in 15 yrs) or go back to work till then. I am already on SDI and so unless I cancel it, I cant work. Then if I cancel then have to reapply. My work is heavy with my boy patient,lots of lifting and I get hurt ( kicked, and head butted).
    I think I have excepted the fact that I have cancer. I just want it to be gone. I am ready for all to come. But I will whine :)My husband took care of me after my shoulder surgery, and boy was I ill from the anesthtic! Shoulder never did hurt. My husband told me to stay as long as I can this time in the hospital.
    Thankyou all for being so kind to me. I wish none of this has happened to any of us, but it has and I have to be strong like all of you .
    Steve and Mick, I hope your treatments are going well for you. I think about you all.
    Mary ( the whiner in Northern California
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #98
    Skiffin16 said:

    WINNER not whiner
    Mary,

    Maybe you just misinterpreted what they said. In our thoughts, you are a winner. You have confronted your illness, you have and are continuing to educate yourself, You have accepted the fact that it's going to be a rough road, you have fears, and you express those fears openly.

    All of those things are healthy and I hope that someone that has walked this same path is not the one saying you are whining.... This is a road that can only truely be appreciated and understood from others whom have walked the same path....

    John

    wont stop
    I wont stop posting, this is what got me through my ENT appt last week. I have always been a whiner when I dont feel good. My husband says he is use to it and when I am laying down quiet is when he worries. I was upset when my doctor said it wouldnt be until March 29th for my surgery. I was ready to go in and get it done!
    Now one part of me is saying I should take this time until surgery to stay home and get rest ( I never take time off in 15 yrs) or go back to work till then. I am already on SDI and so unless I cancel it, I cant work. Then if I cancel then have to reapply. My work is heavy with my boy patient,lots of lifting and I get hurt ( kicked, and head butted).
    I think I have excepted the fact that I have cancer. I just want it to be gone. I am ready for all to come. But I will whine :)My husband took care of me after my shoulder surgery, and boy was I ill from the anesthtic! Shoulder never did hurt. My husband told me to stay as long as I can this time in the hospital.
    Thankyou all for being so kind to me. I wish none of this has happened to any of us, but it has and I have to be strong like all of you .
    Steve and Mick, I hope your treatments are going well for you. I think about you all.
    Mary ( the whiner in Northern California
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #99
    Skiffin16 said:

    WINNER not whiner
    Mary,

    Maybe you just misinterpreted what they said. In our thoughts, you are a winner. You have confronted your illness, you have and are continuing to educate yourself, You have accepted the fact that it's going to be a rough road, you have fears, and you express those fears openly.

    All of those things are healthy and I hope that someone that has walked this same path is not the one saying you are whining.... This is a road that can only truely be appreciated and understood from others whom have walked the same path....

    John

    wont stop
    I wont stop posting, this is what got me through my ENT appt last week. I have always been a whiner when I dont feel good. My husband says he is use to it and when I am laying down quiet is when he worries. I was upset when my doctor said it wouldnt be until March 29th for my surgery. I was ready to go in and get it done!
    Now one part of me is saying I should take this time until surgery to stay home and get rest ( I never take time off in 15 yrs) or go back to work till then. I am already on SDI and so unless I cancel it, I cant work. Then if I cancel then have to reapply. My work is heavy with my boy patient,lots of lifting and I get hurt ( kicked, and head butted).
    I think I have excepted the fact that I have cancer. I just want it to be gone. I am ready for all to come. But I will whine :)My husband took care of me after my shoulder surgery, and boy was I ill from the anesthtic! Shoulder never did hurt. My husband told me to stay as long as I can this time in the hospital.
    Thankyou all for being so kind to me. I wish none of this has happened to any of us, but it has and I have to be strong like all of you .
    Steve and Mick, I hope your treatments are going well for you. I think about you all.
    Mary ( the whiner in Northern California
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #100
    Skiffin16 said:

    WINNER not whiner
    Mary,

    Maybe you just misinterpreted what they said. In our thoughts, you are a winner. You have confronted your illness, you have and are continuing to educate yourself, You have accepted the fact that it's going to be a rough road, you have fears, and you express those fears openly.

    All of those things are healthy and I hope that someone that has walked this same path is not the one saying you are whining.... This is a road that can only truely be appreciated and understood from others whom have walked the same path....

    John

    wont stop
    I wont stop posting, this is what got me through my ENT appt last week. I have always been a whiner when I dont feel good. My husband says he is use to it and when I am laying down quiet is when he worries. I was upset when my doctor said it wouldnt be until March 29th for my surgery. I was ready to go in and get it done!
    Now one part of me is saying I should take this time until surgery to stay home and get rest ( I never take time off in 15 yrs) or go back to work till then. I am already on SDI and so unless I cancel it, I cant work. Then if I cancel then have to reapply. My work is heavy with my boy patient,lots of lifting and I get hurt ( kicked, and head butted).
    I think I have excepted the fact that I have cancer. I just want it to be gone. I am ready for all to come. But I will whine :)My husband took care of me after my shoulder surgery, and boy was I ill from the anesthtic! Shoulder never did hurt. My husband told me to stay as long as I can this time in the hospital.
    Thankyou all for being so kind to me. I wish none of this has happened to any of us, but it has and I have to be strong like all of you .
    Steve and Mick, I hope your treatments are going well for you. I think about you all.
    Mary ( the whiner in Northern California
  • MaryRC
    MaryRC Member Posts: 114
    #101
    Skiffin16 said:

    WINNER not whiner
    Mary,

    Maybe you just misinterpreted what they said. In our thoughts, you are a winner. You have confronted your illness, you have and are continuing to educate yourself, You have accepted the fact that it's going to be a rough road, you have fears, and you express those fears openly.

    All of those things are healthy and I hope that someone that has walked this same path is not the one saying you are whining.... This is a road that can only truely be appreciated and understood from others whom have walked the same path....

    John

    wont stop
    I wont stop posting, this is what got me through my ENT appt last week. I have always been a whiner when I dont feel good. My husband says he is use to it and when I am laying down quiet is when he worries. I was upset when my doctor said it wouldnt be until March 29th for my surgery. I was ready to go in and get it done!
    Now one part of me is saying I should take this time until surgery to stay home and get rest ( I never take time off in 15 yrs) or go back to work till then. I am already on SDI and so unless I cancel it, I cant work. Then if I cancel then have to reapply. My work is heavy with my boy patient,lots of lifting and I get hurt ( kicked, and head butted).
    I think I have excepted the fact that I have cancer. I just want it to be gone. I am ready for all to come. But I will whine :)My husband took care of me after my shoulder surgery, and boy was I ill from the anesthtic! Shoulder never did hurt. My husband told me to stay as long as I can this time in the hospital.
    Thankyou all for being so kind to me. I wish none of this has happened to any of us, but it has and I have to be strong like all of you .
    Steve and Mick, I hope your treatments are going well for you. I think about you all.
    Mary ( the whiner in Northern California

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