My beautiful wife is gone

j619_30
j619_30 Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My wife was diagnosed in Oct. 2008 with stage III breast cancer. They said she was borderline stage IV so they wanted to put her thru chemo first, so that the lymphnodes would hopefully shrink. In June 2009 she went had a mastectomy, and shortly afterwards she started radiation treatments. She went back to the doctors on Nov. 16 2009 because she was having trouble breathing. It was then when we found out what we were facing. She was full blown stage IV and she had numerous tumors on her lungs and esophagus measuring 5cm in diameter(thats 2 inches).
She passed away on Dec. 24th, 2009. She left behind a husband of 15 years and 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls, ranging in age from 17 to 2.
It is everything I can do to go on. I find that my emotions are on a very long roller coaster ride. It is so hard to get up and go to work each day because all I want to do is cry. I cry in my home, in the car, in the shower, etc... anywhere where I am alone. I visit her grave pretty much everyday hoping that somehow the pain and loneliness will subside. Although I would give anything for my wife to be alive, including my own life, I know that can never happen.
I wanted to share my story, not because I am looking for sympathy. But because if there is anyone else out there that knows how I feel....know that you are not alone. And for those out there that have any tips on how to cope and deal with the emptiness, and sadness...I am all ears.
I miss my wife.""
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Comments

  • debbie1162
    debbie1162 Member Posts: 36
    #2
    You're not alone.
    May God help you each day. I will pray for you and your family
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #3
    So sorry for your loss. Time
    So sorry for your loss. Time will help to heal you. There are grief support groups to help also.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #4
    Marcia527 said:

    So sorry for your loss. Time
    So sorry for your loss. Time will help to heal you. There are grief support groups to help also.

    I am sorry for your loss.
    I am sorry for your loss. There is a grief and bereavement board and a emotional support board on this site and I think they might be able to help you through this. It's something that only time will diminish but the loss will always be there. I would say try to focus on all the happy moments of your lives together. I hope that soon only happy memories fill your heart.
    Stef
  • TLynn0102
    TLynn0102 Member Posts: 86
    #5
    Marcia527 said:

    So sorry for your loss. Time
    So sorry for your loss. Time will help to heal you. There are grief support groups to help also.

    Know that the Lord will
    Know that the Lord will carry you and your family during this difficult time. As Marcia said grief support groups are a wonderful place to talk with others going through the same thing, please find a group in your area and attend a meeting. If you cannot find one speak to the doctor and they will be able to help. They also have groups for children as well. God Bless you and your family.
  • shortscake
    shortscake Member Posts: 228
    #6
    sorry for your lost
    I am so sorry for you lost, she will always be with you and the family this way she is no longer in pain. I pray that you and your family.I am so sorry i am so lost for words right now that just hurts my heart. i am sorry.
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    #7
    My prayers and thoughts go
    My prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family.

    You might try contacting your local ACS to see if they have a support group(s) for you and your children. My husband lost his Mother to cervical cancer when he was 9 years old, and now he is going through me having IBC. So much of what was not dealt with in his youth is now re-arising. Please find the help you need in dealing with your grief/loss so that you can give your children the help that they need.

    May you find comfort in remembering the good that will always live in your heart.

    Susan
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #8
    There is a a lot of us out
    There is a a lot of us out there that has lost someone close to cancer. I am so sorry for your loss and for your childrens. I lost both my parents to cancer. I don't know what I would do if I lost my husband like you lost your wife. I deal with my having cancer and I am glad its me and not him. I wish I could offer you some words that would help, but honestly I have none.I don't think anything I would have to say would be of help to you. Because I am not or haven't been where you are. There is support groups out there where you would be with others who are going through the same greif as you are. I think there is a support group right here on the csn site. I will keep you and your children in my prayers that God will help you through this.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #9
    I lost my daughter...
    Keep your wife in your heart, talk about her with your kids...that is all we can leave behind..is our memory....

    Comfort yourself in knowing that when she went, the only thing that she could take with her was a piece of your heart...she is safe...


    I read this at the point where I spread my daughter's ashes...

    I'm Free...

    Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
    I'm following the path God laid for me
    I took his hand when I heard His call
    I turned my back and left it all.

    I could not stay another day
    To laugh, to love, to work, or play
    Tasks left undone must stay that way
    I've found that peace at the close of the day.

    If my parting has left a void
    Then fill it with remembered joy
    A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
    Ah, yes, these things I too will miss.

    Be not burdened with times of sorrow
    I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
    My life's been full I savored much
    Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

    Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
    Don't lenghten it now with undue grief.
    Lift up your heart and share with me
    God wanted me now, He set me FREE.

    Hugs, Kathi
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
    #10
    So sorry about your wife, I
    So sorry about your wife, I lost my Mom to cancer two years ago and now I'm stage III. I'm positive your wife would want you and the kids to remember her before she was sick. Time will help heal....find support for sure, it's always good to talk with others going through the same thing as you are. I have to tell you, the tears really fell when I read your post, which means my prayers going up for you and your family right now are that much stronger :) Stay strong (as best you can) and hold on tight to those good memories....and remember, "when your down to nothing, God's up to something" He doesn't give us more than we can handle....She is no longer in pain and she is free, and she is with you ALL the time now.
    BIG HUGS,
    Kari
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #11
    My mon passed when I was 14
    My mon passed when I was 14 years old. Talk about your wife with the children, cry with the children, and get the necessary professional support for the family. This will impact their lives forever, but they can learn how to deal with it. My prayers are with you and your children. God didnt bring you this far to abandon you or your children. This is a painful time, but in time there will be healing. Please seek out all the help that is available. Hugs and prayers.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #12
    natly15 said:

    My mon passed when I was 14
    My mon passed when I was 14 years old. Talk about your wife with the children, cry with the children, and get the necessary professional support for the family. This will impact their lives forever, but they can learn how to deal with it. My prayers are with you and your children. God didnt bring you this far to abandon you or your children. This is a painful time, but in time there will be healing. Please seek out all the help that is available. Hugs and prayers.

    What GREAT advice!!!
    And a wonderful pic, as well!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • LadyParvati
    LadyParvati Member Posts: 328
    #13
    I'm am so sorry.
    You and your children must feel devastated. I just want to share something I learned from a devastating loss my sons and I experienced when they were 7, 4.5, and 20 months old: it's *OK* to cry together. As parents, we usually think we have to be strong for our kids, and I was trying to do that. I found that once we all sat down and cried together, we all felt much closer and more confident with each other. My oldest son thought I wasn't upset about what had happened, so it reassured him to know that I was heartbroken too. They all, even the littlest, tried to help our "team" out as much as they could. Not forever--don't expect too much of them, they're still children!--but there was better feeling among us that we all shared the loss, and that helped us work together and support each other even when they remembered to be children.

    Hold each other.
    Sandy
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    #14
    So very, very sorry...
    What you are living through now is my very worst fear. I can't even begin to think of how I could carry on if I lost my beloved Moopy. So all I can offer you is my earnest prayer that you and all the other loved ones your beloved wife has had to leave behind can move forward, day by day, as best you can - in the knowledge that she is at peace now and praying for all of you too.

    God bless,
    Joe
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #15
    I understand how you are
    I understand how you are feeling. I lost my husband to cancer when our daughter was just 2 years old. It all happened so quickly that I didn't have time to prepare. The thing that kept me going was my daughter and my memories. It does take time because the initial days are very surreal. It does get easier with time but the loss will be in your heart forever. My daughter is now 24 years old and a beautiful person. She is sad that she didn't personally get to know her dad but she does know all about him through pictures and stories. Take your time to grieve but know that you will be okay. Keep your wife's memory alive and make sure your children grow up and know who she was. I'm sending a big (((hug))) to you. Take care and feel free to come here and share your feelings......we really do care!
  • cher1949
    cher1949 Member Posts: 4
    #16
    My prayers are with you
    Only time will heal ... blessings on your journey.
  • pgrace35
    pgrace35 Member Posts: 122
    #17
    Your loss
    There are no words for you and your family. She fought a long battle and had strengh through it all I'm sure. She is no longer suffering, but for you it is a true loss and I'm so sorry for you and your children. Sending my prayers to all of you, you have each other and will need each other to get through this. God Bless.
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #18
    Heartfelt condolences...
    ... for the loss of your beloved wife.

    Here on the Breast Cancer Board - you are amongst survivors and their caregivers. Some just beginning their journeys, many in the middle, and some further into their survivorship.

    For specific support during this time of intense grief, and for help in coping...

    There are also two other groups here that might be better suited for your needs at this most difficult time: In Loving Memory - where you could post a tribute to your wife, and Surviving Caregivers - where you will find those who are walking/have walked along the path you now travel.

    Best wishes to you.
  • newbiefromcananda
    newbiefromcananda Member Posts: 234
    #19
    I am so sorry to
    I am so sorry to hear...please no that I will be thinking/praying for you and your family...no you are not alone xoxoxoxoox Lisa
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #20
    My thoughts and prayers go
    My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. May she rest in peace and let her love and memories surround you and your children. God Bless you all!
    Pat
  • marilyndbk
    marilyndbk Member Posts: 238 Member
    #21
    I am so sorry about your
    I am so sorry about your wife and will be praying that God gives you and the children the strength to carry on. There are so many ways to remember your sweet wife for the courage and grace she lived her life. Give the kids a hug for me and know you are not alone. Marilyn

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