how did you cope with a cancer diagnosis

idlehunters said:

Hello
I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. Is there any way you can get her here...in front of your computer to listen to some of our stories...our TRUTHS??? Hearing certain key words on feelings that she is feeling...that she may have not mentioned to anyone else...even family...will make her realize we are like her. My family tried supporting me in every way possible. But I knew they didn't really know what was going on inside me...how could they?? they weren't dying of cancer...... Get her to talk to US...we will try to help her...I am speaking for the whole board...but I know they will help. I was a crying...hopeless... faithless fool before these people made me get my head out of my butt. They showed me how to save myself. I was ate up with Cancer...now I have NONE! In 9 months. and YES...your Mom HAS to have HOPE....FAITH....and FIGHT.... no one can do it for her....

Jennie

Stage 4
Stage 4 cancer, now in remission, but had it not been for this site, don't know how I would have known that the light at the end of the tunnel.. was hope. Tell Mom to hop on board, we are here for her. Cancer if life ever changing, but, I am a better spirit today then a year ago.

I have four daughters, I let them know what can happen and hope for the best. I love them and they love me, devastation is a small word for what they will feel, when I am gone or vice versa, but I hope that they will hold my love in their hearts, as you all should do your Moms Love now, love hard, love deep, and move forward!

Take care of yourself and do what your doing, love your bff....we need that!

As for one year to live, bite me (no disrespect), get a second opinion!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I got MAD!!!! (But sad first)
How DARE something like this try to take my life!!!!

My first dx, stage III rectal cancer, came with dire words...37% survival to 5 years, 6 months' survival otherwise....I just always figured that I was part of the 37%!!!

And then, 6 months after my treatment for that, my 'time to die' so to speak, I was dx'ed with stage II breast cancer. That one, sorry to say, ultimately, I just laughed at...I figured if I could beat the odds on the first, this one was easy...and it didn't involve a body part that I used everyday during treatment!!!

Now, I said untimately. At first, I had my moments, like your mom, of sadness and depression. I had my pity parties, too...but only allowed myself 24 hours for each party. One oncologist I went to for a 2nd opinion for my second cancer said, in response to my "I'm so weary" statement, "I know, Kathi...but you worked so hard the first time, why would you throw all that away by not fighting as hard as you can this time, as well?"

Hugs to you and mom...it's natural to be sad with a cancer diagnosis...but ask her oncologist if there is a counselor she could talk with to help her thru the nasty bits..

Hugs, Kathi

Kelly41
I am so sorry about your mom's diagnosis. She is scared right now, probably thinking about friends and family who have passed from cancer years ago and the suffering they endured and she is terrified. It is not like that today. My hubby was diagnosed in 2009, Stage IV, at age 61, and he is doing better than expected. Read her our story. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, none of us do, but George continues to work, his engery level is very good, he is as sassy as ever, and continues to do the things he likes to do, he jokes, he laughs and enjoys life. Chemo is no fun but is very doable with the meds today. Family support is very important and that is what mom needs now. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Best Wishes - Tina

Cancer diagnosis is really
Cancer diagnosis is really something not easily to be accepted especially as a healthy person,suddenly one day got cancer.It really takes a while to let your emotion sink in.When my husband got diagnosed,the first several weeks were really hard.We didn't know where to start,how to talk.We both a kind of kept silence.I was crazy with looking for all kinds of information on line.Finally I found this site,where I get lots of supports and hopes.I think really getting involved in with the disease,understand it and all the treatments,it is really helpful.That means you have to be your own advocate.Hope for the best for your mom and your family.Good luck with the Mayo clinic appointment.Take care.

coping
I am 62 and never in a million years did I ever expect to hear I had cancer and when I did I had my colon removed along with a large tumor 34 nodes and 19 were cancerous now I am on chemo and when I came home from the hospital recovering from very major surgery hurting with every step I took all I wanted to do was have some one tell me it was going to be alright. You go into a stage of denial and than into a stage of mourning and than you get mad as hell and you say to yourself I am not going to let this beat me I will not give into the monster and than you do start to fight. For me I had to go through all the others before I wanted to fight and now believe me I am fighting with all my might. I am a very brittle diabetic take 4 shots a day and 2500 mg of oral medican to try to keep it in check and most of the time it is not in control can't walk more than 30 feet by myself but I am alive and until my name comes up in the book of life to go to heaven I will be here fighting for my life. Will be praying for your mom to get through all this in a hurry and want to fight we all will be fighting for her.

Try
TRY to get your mother to this website,it will help her alot.And tell her all the statistics are wrong,according to them I should be dead now,but I'm doing better than I was before the surgery.Every time I would look at the stats I would get depressed,so I quit looking at them.It helped alot to talk to cancer survivers,ask questions,get information.This is a good place for your mother to come to.It can help her with solid information,not rumors.She needs to keep a positive attitude,with her family ,and friends helping,that makes a big difference.I will pray that everything turns out ok.

hope is always there
Hi Kelly, I was fortunate that I have a strong faith and my family has been very supportive. My sister gave me the book :praying through cancer" and it really helped the "cloud" lift. If she won't read it read it to her. There is a lot of hope, progress and more drugs on the horizon for us stage IV survivors. Give her pictures of her family and gently remind her why it is worth the fight. When I feel down I picture my 4 kids and loving husband and I get up and continue fighting. God has been the lead and healer in my life and continues to be. God bless you
JIll

tootsie1 said:

Sorry
I'm so sorry about your mom's diagnosis. It's really a hard hit when you first find out about cancer, but learning what you can does help. Each patient has to deal with the diagnosis in their own way. I think the best thing you can do is listen to your mom snd be there to support her.

*hugs*
Gail

Kelly............Its Time........
that you took complete control of your family. Its time for a family team meeting and everyone needs to attend. Its time to get dad and brother on board towards making the household run not letting it fold. It seems that you have taken on the daunting task of caregiver, first of all I commend you for the simple fact that you are very strong to do this and someone has to be that rock for others to see Hope when there seems not to be any. You will fill those shoes for your family.
You need to have a family meeting where you will suggest that there will be no more pessimistic attitudes around mom, she doesn't need anymore bad feelings around than she has to have. Then everyone needs to be assigned the tasks and relied upon to complete them when needed without fail or question. The household must still operate as it did before, its just the tasks are being done by others until the Matriarch (mom) is back in her Kingdom (house)and is ruling the roost again.
Mom and Dad and brother and you dear need to realize that this journey is a journey of small victories. Lots of disappointments but we all know these will happen so we celebrate the small wins we get between the letdowns. Never set yourself up to think something profound is going to immediately happen, sometimes it does but most of the time it is a slow journey that all of you must travel. Its not over in a week or month, you are most likely looking at at least a year before any drastic changes are made with chemo surgery etc it is normally that long before you will get a respit. It will go fast and the appointments and treatments they will zoom by and before you know it it will be a year. If there was anything that I thought you will need the most is PATIENCE. This is a very slow process and you have to give it its time to work. Your mom will face a new normal after the battle is over. She may have an ostomy, she may be fine or have to do maintenance chemo for life, but she will find the real meaning of the beauty of life through this journey and so will all of your family. She will see what its like to really see the minute' things that most just pass by, she'll see the beauty of life itself as will you because you'll share the journey that she goes through right with her. You'll know when it happens, it will be like"so this is what lifes treasures really are", you'll see and she will also, just wait and see.
You Kelly have taken on a tremendous job, but a job that you wouldn't give to anyone else. I feel the love and bonding that you keep in your heart for your mom, dad, and brother, and you will make all of them very, very proud when all is complete.
Use your knowledge and this forum as the basis of your guide through this and stay away from anything negative. We have all the answers you need if you run into trouble.
There is also another thing I need to say to you...theres no way that her Dr can tell her how long she has and he should have his butt whipped for playing that card. Look at it this way, what on earth gives him the right to play God ? or the knowledge ? He says 1-3 years for mom, I say he is out of options for himself which shows me he is not who you need taking care of mom, so if you have to go to another town or even city and get mom top notch medical team of "Cancer" Drs not simply a small town surgeon that may do one surgery like this a month or year.
OK, Now tell Mom that she is going to have to get her "big girl panties " on if ya'll are going into war with this...You have to always have the attitude that this will not win, that gives people the hope that they need to fight and prosper over this crap....We all try and hold on long enough for "the cure" to come along or another medicine that will buy us another 6 months or year or two years. Do you or your mom or dad or brother know how many different treatments are likely to come along in 1-3 years ? Do ya? That to me is enough to brighten my day just knowing that people are fighting and testing everyday to make sure that people like us live to be 120 years old.

Kelly, you have taken the role as caregiver...a warning for you to be aware of..It is sometimes harder on the caregiver than it is the patient. You need to remember this at all times and be SURE TO TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF, no matter what. If you aren't healthy then everyone else will suffer for it. When you need to vent then vent. when you need to cry, then cry. But do it as a mental stress relief exercise. Then its back to the work of the caregiver, just simply make sure that you take some "you" time. Its healthy for you.

Kelly, you have come into a place we call home, we talk about everything from poop to peanuts so don't be shy. Most are set against joining here and understandably so but after they see that love, that family oriented feelings that are shared in here everyday, its an honor to be friends with the people in here, the "Semi Colons" are the best around. We have one of own right now that is going into Hospice and we have mourned all day, I have teared up all day while I was working. But you see, we are family here and this is our second home, when you posted in here at that moment you became part of our family, now, you dear, and your family are at home also. Welcome Home...we love you all.......Love and Hope , Buzz

Buzzard said:

Kelly............Its Time........
that you took complete control of your family. Its time for a family team meeting and everyone needs to attend. Its time to get dad and brother on board towards making the household run not letting it fold. It seems that you have taken on the daunting task of caregiver, first of all I commend you for the simple fact that you are very strong to do this and someone has to be that rock for others to see Hope when there seems not to be any. You will fill those shoes for your family.
You need to have a family meeting where you will suggest that there will be no more pessimistic attitudes around mom, she doesn't need anymore bad feelings around than she has to have. Then everyone needs to be assigned the tasks and relied upon to complete them when needed without fail or question. The household must still operate as it did before, its just the tasks are being done by others until the Matriarch (mom) is back in her Kingdom (house)and is ruling the roost again.
Mom and Dad and brother and you dear need to realize that this journey is a journey of small victories. Lots of disappointments but we all know these will happen so we celebrate the small wins we get between the letdowns. Never set yourself up to think something profound is going to immediately happen, sometimes it does but most of the time it is a slow journey that all of you must travel. Its not over in a week or month, you are most likely looking at at least a year before any drastic changes are made with chemo surgery etc it is normally that long before you will get a respit. It will go fast and the appointments and treatments they will zoom by and before you know it it will be a year. If there was anything that I thought you will need the most is PATIENCE. This is a very slow process and you have to give it its time to work. Your mom will face a new normal after the battle is over. She may have an ostomy, she may be fine or have to do maintenance chemo for life, but she will find the real meaning of the beauty of life through this journey and so will all of your family. She will see what its like to really see the minute' things that most just pass by, she'll see the beauty of life itself as will you because you'll share the journey that she goes through right with her. You'll know when it happens, it will be like"so this is what lifes treasures really are", you'll see and she will also, just wait and see.
You Kelly have taken on a tremendous job, but a job that you wouldn't give to anyone else. I feel the love and bonding that you keep in your heart for your mom, dad, and brother, and you will make all of them very, very proud when all is complete.
Use your knowledge and this forum as the basis of your guide through this and stay away from anything negative. We have all the answers you need if you run into trouble.
There is also another thing I need to say to you...theres no way that her Dr can tell her how long she has and he should have his butt whipped for playing that card. Look at it this way, what on earth gives him the right to play God ? or the knowledge ? He says 1-3 years for mom, I say he is out of options for himself which shows me he is not who you need taking care of mom, so if you have to go to another town or even city and get mom top notch medical team of "Cancer" Drs not simply a small town surgeon that may do one surgery like this a month or year.
OK, Now tell Mom that she is going to have to get her "big girl panties " on if ya'll are going into war with this...You have to always have the attitude that this will not win, that gives people the hope that they need to fight and prosper over this crap....We all try and hold on long enough for "the cure" to come along or another medicine that will buy us another 6 months or year or two years. Do you or your mom or dad or brother know how many different treatments are likely to come along in 1-3 years ? Do ya? That to me is enough to brighten my day just knowing that people are fighting and testing everyday to make sure that people like us live to be 120 years old.

Kelly, you have taken the role as caregiver...a warning for you to be aware of..It is sometimes harder on the caregiver than it is the patient. You need to remember this at all times and be SURE TO TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF, no matter what. If you aren't healthy then everyone else will suffer for it. When you need to vent then vent. when you need to cry, then cry. But do it as a mental stress relief exercise. Then its back to the work of the caregiver, just simply make sure that you take some "you" time. Its healthy for you.

Kelly, you have come into a place we call home, we talk about everything from poop to peanuts so don't be shy. Most are set against joining here and understandably so but after they see that love, that family oriented feelings that are shared in here everyday, its an honor to be friends with the people in here, the "Semi Colons" are the best around. We have one of own right now that is going into Hospice and we have mourned all day, I have teared up all day while I was working. But you see, we are family here and this is our second home, when you posted in here at that moment you became part of our family, now, you dear, and your family are at home also. Welcome Home...we love you all.......Love and Hope , Buzz

I raise my glass....
Buzz, you are the BEST!!!! GREAT advice!!!! Come to think of it, I had a 'family meeting' at the beginning, too...and even eventually told my emotionally disturbed daughter (THAT was tough...she got worried if I would sneeze!) who supported me wonderfully!

I even threw in "Now, there will be times when I will be to tired (read sick) to talk much to you, but it doesn't mean I don't love you....just remember that!"

Hugs, Kathi

Buzzard said:

Kelly............Its Time........
that you took complete control of your family. Its time for a family team meeting and everyone needs to attend. Its time to get dad and brother on board towards making the household run not letting it fold. It seems that you have taken on the daunting task of caregiver, first of all I commend you for the simple fact that you are very strong to do this and someone has to be that rock for others to see Hope when there seems not to be any. You will fill those shoes for your family.
You need to have a family meeting where you will suggest that there will be no more pessimistic attitudes around mom, she doesn't need anymore bad feelings around than she has to have. Then everyone needs to be assigned the tasks and relied upon to complete them when needed without fail or question. The household must still operate as it did before, its just the tasks are being done by others until the Matriarch (mom) is back in her Kingdom (house)and is ruling the roost again.
Mom and Dad and brother and you dear need to realize that this journey is a journey of small victories. Lots of disappointments but we all know these will happen so we celebrate the small wins we get between the letdowns. Never set yourself up to think something profound is going to immediately happen, sometimes it does but most of the time it is a slow journey that all of you must travel. Its not over in a week or month, you are most likely looking at at least a year before any drastic changes are made with chemo surgery etc it is normally that long before you will get a respit. It will go fast and the appointments and treatments they will zoom by and before you know it it will be a year. If there was anything that I thought you will need the most is PATIENCE. This is a very slow process and you have to give it its time to work. Your mom will face a new normal after the battle is over. She may have an ostomy, she may be fine or have to do maintenance chemo for life, but she will find the real meaning of the beauty of life through this journey and so will all of your family. She will see what its like to really see the minute' things that most just pass by, she'll see the beauty of life itself as will you because you'll share the journey that she goes through right with her. You'll know when it happens, it will be like"so this is what lifes treasures really are", you'll see and she will also, just wait and see.
You Kelly have taken on a tremendous job, but a job that you wouldn't give to anyone else. I feel the love and bonding that you keep in your heart for your mom, dad, and brother, and you will make all of them very, very proud when all is complete.
Use your knowledge and this forum as the basis of your guide through this and stay away from anything negative. We have all the answers you need if you run into trouble.
There is also another thing I need to say to you...theres no way that her Dr can tell her how long she has and he should have his butt whipped for playing that card. Look at it this way, what on earth gives him the right to play God ? or the knowledge ? He says 1-3 years for mom, I say he is out of options for himself which shows me he is not who you need taking care of mom, so if you have to go to another town or even city and get mom top notch medical team of "Cancer" Drs not simply a small town surgeon that may do one surgery like this a month or year.
OK, Now tell Mom that she is going to have to get her "big girl panties " on if ya'll are going into war with this...You have to always have the attitude that this will not win, that gives people the hope that they need to fight and prosper over this crap....We all try and hold on long enough for "the cure" to come along or another medicine that will buy us another 6 months or year or two years. Do you or your mom or dad or brother know how many different treatments are likely to come along in 1-3 years ? Do ya? That to me is enough to brighten my day just knowing that people are fighting and testing everyday to make sure that people like us live to be 120 years old.

Kelly, you have taken the role as caregiver...a warning for you to be aware of..It is sometimes harder on the caregiver than it is the patient. You need to remember this at all times and be SURE TO TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF, no matter what. If you aren't healthy then everyone else will suffer for it. When you need to vent then vent. when you need to cry, then cry. But do it as a mental stress relief exercise. Then its back to the work of the caregiver, just simply make sure that you take some "you" time. Its healthy for you.

Kelly, you have come into a place we call home, we talk about everything from poop to peanuts so don't be shy. Most are set against joining here and understandably so but after they see that love, that family oriented feelings that are shared in here everyday, its an honor to be friends with the people in here, the "Semi Colons" are the best around. We have one of own right now that is going into Hospice and we have mourned all day, I have teared up all day while I was working. But you see, we are family here and this is our second home, when you posted in here at that moment you became part of our family, now, you dear, and your family are at home also. Welcome Home...we love you all.......Love and Hope , Buzz

YOu said it
Buzz,
You are the best!
Kathy