What to do...
Comments
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That's a tough one.
All of us who have had the Cancer experience are changed by the experience but I don't know of any books that directly address that. The problem is that even if you found a book, she still may not believe it. Our egos can want to be right and close us down to new information even if it is helpful. I have read several books by Dr. Bernie Seigel that address that changing our stressful living situations can help us heal physically as well as mentally. But I don't thing that's what you are looking for in this situation.
Does it really matter what this person thinks? We are all on our own journey and she may not be ready for the advanced degree we received due to breast cancer. Not the way I would have wanted to grow as a person, but I am definately different in so many ways.
I hope someone else with have book suggestions.
Roseann0 -
hate to say
I hate to say but sound like she didn't deal with her sister cancer and the hubby of her sister didn't deal with his wife having cancer, cancer changes people in diff ways and with the husband being a jerk and still one i think there were a lot of problems there before bc came in to their life, and the sad thing is i am sure the sister was not there for the sick sister also, there is a lot of things that this family needs to work out along with the bc. all you can do for them is pray for them.0 -
Yes, I feel having cancer
Yes, I feel having cancer DOES change you. My own situation is a bit different only because I also found out I have Celiac Disease and need a "Gluten-Free'diet for the rest of my life, which can/does/will affect my family for the rest of my life. It is almost like my breast cancer is all but forgotten, but believe me, it is always in the back of my mind. I think my husband went through more with this Celiac thing, more trips to the hospital, hospital stays of 3,6, and 4 days in a 5 week timeframe, where as the breast cancer,lymphpectomy was a few hours for the surgery and stay, a a few Dr. visits that he took off from work for to take me. I did the Radiation ALL ON MY OWN, for initial consultations and treatments.I found out that my Radiation deal cost 50,000 if not more, luckily we have Insurance!Within the last few months we probably ran up over 100,000 in costs. It is amazing just how little Ins pays the Dr.s and hospital.
But I agree with you that if someone hasn't walked in our shoes, they just don't know how a Cancer diagnosis impacts on us.0 -
I don't know anyone like
I don't know anyone like this but, I do know that this woman should be thanking God that she has not have had to face cancer herself. If she had, I wonder if she could just "get over it". As you said, cancer is terrifying and stressful, painful and life changing. I am 3 and 1/2 years out and am still struggling emotionally with it. This woman seems, cruel, indifferent and ignorant.0 -
over the years You have someEil4186 said:I don't know anyone like
I don't know anyone like this but, I do know that this woman should be thanking God that she has not have had to face cancer herself. If she had, I wonder if she could just "get over it". As you said, cancer is terrifying and stressful, painful and life changing. I am 3 and 1/2 years out and am still struggling emotionally with it. This woman seems, cruel, indifferent and ignorant.
over the years You have some people who get it and some who dont. especially around anniversaries. Usually I just figure they arent worth it. but its harder when it is a family member who may need support. i am sure the loss of her marriage has not helped her along her journey. and she needs supports.
So to get this woman to be more understanding and supportive would be good. But i think the most you can do is pray as shortscakes says. I am sure there are books out here, isnt one Tell me what you need Or something like that? I will ask the social worker when i go in on thurs.0 -
Thank you allcarkris said:over the years You have some
over the years You have some people who get it and some who dont. especially around anniversaries. Usually I just figure they arent worth it. but its harder when it is a family member who may need support. i am sure the loss of her marriage has not helped her along her journey. and she needs supports.
So to get this woman to be more understanding and supportive would be good. But i think the most you can do is pray as shortscakes says. I am sure there are books out here, isnt one Tell me what you need Or something like that? I will ask the social worker when i go in on thurs.
so much for your help. I have always been here to support my husbands cousin and will continue to do so for the rest of my life, she means the world to me. I will try some of the suggestions offered and wait to hear about the book Carkris will ask about. It is very frustrating when you have to deal with the people who just don't get it and you are at a loss for what to do. It is a sad sad situation. Again, thank you all your words are very valuable. Hugs
Tracey0 -
My sister thought I was for sure dying....
until SHE was diagnosed, as well. Then, for awile, it was all about her...and she finally understood where I had been. I didn't let it show (or tried not to...lol) that some of the things that bothered her when I was fighting my battle, were the same things she shared that were very important during her battle...
I pray that your cousin doesn't ever have to learn tollerance the way my sister did...but, the old 'walk a mile in my shoes' saying fits very, very well...
Hugs to you for trying to fix the situation. But, sometimes, well, it can't be fixed by anyone other than the 2 involved.
Hugs, Kathi0
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