Last night

Hi
Maybe he is moving towards acceptance and him voicing his fears will help with this. These feelings have always been there and it is good he is talking about them. I have to say I rarely talk of death, only because it either makes people feel weird around me or really sad, but the thoughts are still there

I am sorry you are having to deal with this horrid disease, {{hugs}} and stay strong.

Coming to Terms
I agree here...he is finally acknowledging that there could be an end at some point - and he's unsure of that because it's the UNKNOWN and that scares all of us.

I agree with Buzzard = him verbalizing his feelings is a good thing and by saying them outlous he is sharing with you what he truly feels and wants to tell you but up to this point has not, because as Men, we want to project the image that all will be ok, even if we feel that things are not or won't be.

He is probably scared about nothing left to do - I remember those thoughts as well and they are very sobering for all of us.

And as Buzzard so wisely said...just give him the space to reveal his feelings, he's still the same strong man he was before.

Best of luck and thanks for your post.

-Craig

Sandi
I am a caretaker like you. My husband has mets to liver and lungs. Our only child lives outstate (we are in Michigan, she is in Chicago). It is just the two of us at home so with no kids to have around making noise you have more time to think without interruption. It always bothers George a lot when she leaves to go back home to Chicago. She is such a daddy's girl, totally. So, your son going back to college could be making hubby sad. Add to that the blues some feel after the holidays are over and you are alone again and the dark thoughts creep in. Let him talk it out if he wants to and just listen. Try to get away for a weekend if you can and do something fun and upbeat. Hopefully, the blues will pass. That's all I got. Tina

Shayenne said:

Actually
Is a good thing to let his feelings out at what he's really thinking. I am sure he knows it isn't right now, but "at this time".

What I seem to do is if something is going on with the kids, or something going on in Wes's family, I will throw in "When I'm not around anymore, (I want him to do this or that with the kids)"....you know what I mean? I just talk sometimes in a future sense of "if I'm not around, I hope this or that happens, and for him to make sure so and so does this or that" and he isn't crazy when I do that, he says I'll be around long enough to make sure this or that is done, but also in my heart, I know I may not be here for a long time, no one knows how long they have, but I just try to vocalize how I hope things will be done for so and so, and maybe it's just his way of trying to vocalize himself as well, for when or if something happens.

I didn't confuse did I??? LOL

Hugsss!
~Donna

I did that as well Donna
I did that as well Donna and still do. Example- in the hospital before surgery, I was on the verge of breaking down. And why? because if something horrible happened in surgery and I didn't make it I didn't want my children to find out via a phone call. It was important to me that the family that was with me know who to get ahold of. My mother refused to even listen to me, as though not hearing it would mean I would be ok. My sister, bless her, took down the name and phone number of a friend I wanted notified, one that would go and be with my children if needed. I immediately felt better. I do it now- I think of it as being pieces of information that are important to me to get out and make sure they are heard. And it always relates to my children.

To Sandi- I know you are scared. And probably would prefer your husband wouldn't talk like this. He needs to get it out, speak it, hear it, deal with it and then move forward. Now is the time to go deep, find the strength within and tell him that no matter what happens, you are in this together. That if and when the cancer returns, you two will deal with it like you have dealt with everything else up to this point. I think more than anything he wants you to know his reality and what he is facing. Perfect opportunity to take his hand, look him in the eye, tell him you love him, and no matter what happens, you will get through this together.

Also I want to suggest the possibility of short term counseling, for you, for him, for both of you. I think a number of life alterning events have been thrown at you and you may need somebody to help you both sort through these events to move forward.

pluckey said:

Buzzard and the others say
Buzzard and the others say it so well - My sister and husbnd get very mad at me if I say anything "negative", anything not positive in the survival sense. they think it'll make me die sooner or something, not being strong and positive 24/7.

for me, and others with cancer, we need to test the waters - we need to say things out loud, the what-ifs, the scary and sad stuff - so that it won't be so bad if we need to really deal with it all. Not sure if it makes sense, but I think what I'm saying is we often need to put the words "out there" instead of just in our crazy heads!

Peggy

you got it sissy girl..............
that last sentence sums it all up.....buzz

Sandi1 said:

Thank you
Again, I want to say thank you. A few days later, he confided in me that he is feeling a little down. He had been on a chemo break and was feeling really good, he said he was dreading Tuesday when he has to go back on chemo, it makes him feel yucky, always feeling nausage and bad taste in his mouth. On those days, I try to make meals for him that have alot of spice and always try to have lemon sherbert, or lemon meriagne pie (his favorite) to cleanse his palet. By Saturday, he will be back to his old self again.

So, Thank you again - we are doing fine. Just dealing with the two of us in the house and my son calling every day (cause I think he's a bit homesick, but he won't admit it) so were good.

Thank you
Sandi

bad taste in his mouth
when he starts chemo back and gets that metal taste in his mouth have him eat yogart any flavor he likes it takes the chemo taste out of your mouth....

Sandi1 said:

Thank you
Again, I want to say thank you. A few days later, he confided in me that he is feeling a little down. He had been on a chemo break and was feeling really good, he said he was dreading Tuesday when he has to go back on chemo, it makes him feel yucky, always feeling nausage and bad taste in his mouth. On those days, I try to make meals for him that have alot of spice and always try to have lemon sherbert, or lemon meriagne pie (his favorite) to cleanse his palet. By Saturday, he will be back to his old self again.

So, Thank you again - we are doing fine. Just dealing with the two of us in the house and my son calling every day (cause I think he's a bit homesick, but he won't admit it) so were good.

Thank you
Sandi

bad taste in his mouth
when he starts chemo back and gets that metal taste in his mouth have him eat yogart any flavor he likes it takes the chemo taste out of your mouth....