I lost it

shortscake
shortscake Member Posts: 228
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hello and how is everyone ? To day i lost it i mean lost it i had a person tell me I know how you feel, I was like no you don't know how i feel i have stage 3bc i am going though chemo i have no hair i cant taste anything i try to eat, when i leave home i have to take oxygen with me, i am coughing up stuff all the time so tell me you know how i feel? they just gave me a dumb look and i just walked away, and yes all this happen out in pubic. I hate that i lost it like that but i must say i felt so much better after all that.
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Comments

  • tat2granny
    tat2granny Member Posts: 77
    #2
    Good For You
    I wish I could do the same! I am sick and tired of everyone telling me that it's gonna be ok!! I am just at the beginning of my fight with the beast, and I hope I can be as strong as some of the ladies here. Let's just hope and pray that we all have a healthy and happy 2010!! HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #3
    Sometimes..
    You GOTTA let it all hang out. So don't feel bad. Whoever said that to you deserved the answer he/she.
    What I get a lot is, you'll be fine and god forbid I mention something like I am terrified of the side effects
    of chemo, I get "Gosh it sure is hard to cheer you up". Honestly I don't need anyone to cheer me up.
    What I need is for someone to just shut up and listen.

    So, good for you for speaking your mind.

    NOOW go have a happy new year the best you can, maybe in your jammies?

    Ayse
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    #4
    tat2granny said:

    Good For You
    I wish I could do the same! I am sick and tired of everyone telling me that it's gonna be ok!! I am just at the beginning of my fight with the beast, and I hope I can be as strong as some of the ladies here. Let's just hope and pray that we all have a healthy and happy 2010!! HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!

    tat
    you are a very strong woman
    we walk it one day at a time. pinks hugs comming your way.lots of prays going up every night .
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    #5
    i lost it
    you go girl.you have the right to speek up for your self. i am glade you felt better, the dumb look came from someone that was a hold lot dumb. i love the picture and you name shortscake pinks hugs comming your way ans prays 2.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #6
    LOL LOL LOL~ you know how
    LOL LOL LOL~ you know how babies cry and say NO! when they don't want to do something? And the ladies over a certain age ( say, in their 80's) also get away with saying what is on their mind? Well, I say Sisters Doing Battle with The Beast get that very same pass!

    Happy New Year! :-)

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    #7
    i lost it
    you go girl.
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #8
    aysemari said:

    Sometimes..
    You GOTTA let it all hang out. So don't feel bad. Whoever said that to you deserved the answer he/she.
    What I get a lot is, you'll be fine and god forbid I mention something like I am terrified of the side effects
    of chemo, I get "Gosh it sure is hard to cheer you up". Honestly I don't need anyone to cheer me up.
    What I need is for someone to just shut up and listen.

    So, good for you for speaking your mind.

    NOOW go have a happy new year the best you can, maybe in your jammies?

    Ayse

    Thank you Chen we have
    Thank you Chen we have pemission for that pass and I have also used it.

    Shortscake you must feel like you got a real load off your shoulders even if it was for just a few minutes and I congratulate you!! People just dont understand what we are going thru.

    Ayse, Yes and I have told a few people in a very gentle way to just shut up and listen and if they dont want to listen I dont want to talk. That you'll be fine comment is another bummer for me. I want to say and I repeat this, 'How do you know I'll be fine, are you a doctor and have you been thru cancer treatment". They cant fix it thats why we have a whole group of doctors to treat this ugly disease. The best cheering section I've found is right here from the people who have already or are currently walking this walk.

    People mean well they really do, but they are so baffled and really dont know what to say or how to say it. They cant make us better. This BC is unlike anything I've ever dealt with. It baffles me so I guess i cant expect others to understand what I cant even understand. Peace to all and Happy New Year.
  • xskeetshooter
    xskeetshooter Member Posts: 169
    #9
    i have stage3 also
    why do you have oxygen, srry just wondering because i have the same stage. just finished chemo starting rads on the 11th
  • Sher43009
    Sher43009 Member Posts: 602 Member
    #10
    xskeetshooter said:

    i have stage3 also
    why do you have oxygen, srry just wondering because i have the same stage. just finished chemo starting rads on the 11th

    Good for you! Some people
    Good for you! Some people don't know what to say to us so they put their foot in their mouths. I hate the comment "Well you look good" as if I can't still be sick, scared, angry or any other emotion because I look good.
  • Marlene_K
    Marlene_K Member Posts: 508
    #11
    Don't sweat it
    I guess I see this differently. I've seen a lot of posts about frustration over people that make positive comments like... you'll be fine, or I understand what you're going through, or you look great. I find myself more upset with negative people that seem to respond with sympathy OR that get upset if ever I don't feel good as right away, you can see it in their face and hear it in their reaction, they are worried that things have taken a turn for the worst. I welcome any positive words as I truly believe I've beat this and want to be surrounded by people who are upbeat & positive, even if they may not have gone through it, don't understand it or don't know what they're talking about, I much prefer hearing positive comments. Perhaps it's because I seem to be surrounded by negative, pessimistic people. But I really try not to jump at anyone not matter what they say. I have noticed, however, that more recently, if I say I'm tired or not feeling too well for whatever reason, I usually precede it with 'it's normal... please don't worry; I'm fine'. I don't think anyone really says anything to make us feel 'bad'. Most don't know what to say and I suppose if they say anything at all, they are reaching out to make us feel better and care enough to say anything at all.

    I would say, don't sweat the small stuff, shortscake. Smile and walk away. In the long run (my opinion), it will make you feel better. There is so much that we have to deal with that this should be the least of your worries!
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490 Member
    #12
    Why do people say they know
    Why do people say they know how you feel? they don't unless they are expiriencing the same!ARRGH.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #13
    Marlene_K said:

    Don't sweat it
    I guess I see this differently. I've seen a lot of posts about frustration over people that make positive comments like... you'll be fine, or I understand what you're going through, or you look great. I find myself more upset with negative people that seem to respond with sympathy OR that get upset if ever I don't feel good as right away, you can see it in their face and hear it in their reaction, they are worried that things have taken a turn for the worst. I welcome any positive words as I truly believe I've beat this and want to be surrounded by people who are upbeat & positive, even if they may not have gone through it, don't understand it or don't know what they're talking about, I much prefer hearing positive comments. Perhaps it's because I seem to be surrounded by negative, pessimistic people. But I really try not to jump at anyone not matter what they say. I have noticed, however, that more recently, if I say I'm tired or not feeling too well for whatever reason, I usually precede it with 'it's normal... please don't worry; I'm fine'. I don't think anyone really says anything to make us feel 'bad'. Most don't know what to say and I suppose if they say anything at all, they are reaching out to make us feel better and care enough to say anything at all.

    I would say, don't sweat the small stuff, shortscake. Smile and walk away. In the long run (my opinion), it will make you feel better. There is so much that we have to deal with that this should be the least of your worries!

    I am reading a book by
    I am reading a book by Thomas Graboys Life in the balance. A prominent hear specialist who is dealing with parkisons and dememntia and the changing of his whole life. he talks about the emotional side and it is so validating. I thought it would be depressing but it actually helps me .
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181 Member
    #14
    good for you.
    I bet she will think before saying that again.i been hearing from my kids,that well you could of had it alot worse like some people.Of course I know that it could be worse.And i am very gratful they got mine early.But excuse me its still cancer,I have had 2 surgerys,chemo and finishing rads. next week.Its alot for any of us to go thru.Not to mention all the biopseys and test in between.Take care.I hope I can stick up for myself one day soon also.Love and Prayers.(Pat).
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #15
    Don't remember where I got this
    I When you first tell friends
    that you have cancer
    Some stammer, some stutter,
    they don't have an answer
    They try to assure you
    that will be well
    When mostly you're
    just feeling like hell.
    They all have friends
    or someone they knew
    Who had a cancer
    exactly like you.
    They don't know your treatment
    Or even your pain
    But, gosh, they are sure
    It's completely the same.
    Saying you look great
    Won't do the trick
    I wanted to tell them
    I'll try to look sick.
    Well meaning friends
    who truly do care
    Can't know what it like
    When you're losing your hair.
    They aren't the ones
    with tears flowing down
    The ones wearing scarves
    As they go about town.
    They think that they're helping
    They honestly do
    But I wish they'd back off
    You know you do too.
    What's better than this
    would be cook us a meal
    Or take us to chemo
    Then you'll see how we feel.
    Offer to come and
    clean up my house
    Help with my kids
    Or even my spouse.
    Don't say that you're sorry
    and then stay away
    I can still laugh
    and I can still play.
    And for those of you
    who don't know what to say
    Just say that you're sorry
    Cause I'll be okay.


    don't remember where I got this but it says it all.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #16
    Kat11 said:

    Don't remember where I got this
    I When you first tell friends
    that you have cancer
    Some stammer, some stutter,
    they don't have an answer
    They try to assure you
    that will be well
    When mostly you're
    just feeling like hell.
    They all have friends
    or someone they knew
    Who had a cancer
    exactly like you.
    They don't know your treatment
    Or even your pain
    But, gosh, they are sure
    It's completely the same.
    Saying you look great
    Won't do the trick
    I wanted to tell them
    I'll try to look sick.
    Well meaning friends
    who truly do care
    Can't know what it like
    When you're losing your hair.
    They aren't the ones
    with tears flowing down
    The ones wearing scarves
    As they go about town.
    They think that they're helping
    They honestly do
    But I wish they'd back off
    You know you do too.
    What's better than this
    would be cook us a meal
    Or take us to chemo
    Then you'll see how we feel.
    Offer to come and
    clean up my house
    Help with my kids
    Or even my spouse.
    Don't say that you're sorry
    and then stay away
    I can still laugh
    and I can still play.
    And for those of you
    who don't know what to say
    Just say that you're sorry
    Cause I'll be okay.


    don't remember where I got this but it says it all.

    That was a poem I wrote a
    That was a poem I wrote a little while back when we were having these discussions about the things people say and what we would like to hear. I do these poems sporadically and this was one of my very favorites because it seemed to sum up the feelings. I am so glad that you liked it and kept it. Thank you for the compliment.
    Stef
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #17
    fauxma said:

    That was a poem I wrote a
    That was a poem I wrote a little while back when we were having these discussions about the things people say and what we would like to hear. I do these poems sporadically and this was one of my very favorites because it seemed to sum up the feelings. I am so glad that you liked it and kept it. Thank you for the compliment.
    Stef

    That Poem...
    Says it all!... Brilliant, it made me shiver. Jxxxxxxxxxx
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #18
    fauxma said:

    That was a poem I wrote a
    That was a poem I wrote a little while back when we were having these discussions about the things people say and what we would like to hear. I do these poems sporadically and this was one of my very favorites because it seemed to sum up the feelings. I am so glad that you liked it and kept it. Thank you for the compliment.
    Stef

    Fabulous poem - says it all

    Fabulous poem - says it all
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #19
    natly15 said:

    Fabulous poem - says it all

    Fabulous poem - says it all

    Hi Stef
    I saved that poem, because it just said so much. I just did not remember where I got it. I have a few others as well and they may have come from you. There is so many new to the site and it fit the post. Thank you
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #20
    fauxma said:

    That was a poem I wrote a
    That was a poem I wrote a little while back when we were having these discussions about the things people say and what we would like to hear. I do these poems sporadically and this was one of my very favorites because it seemed to sum up the feelings. I am so glad that you liked it and kept it. Thank you for the compliment.
    Stef

    Stef
    I am glad that I did not missed your Great poem for the second time.
    Thank you very much,

    I would like to point out that holding emotions related to cancer diagnosis, treatment and daily life is not healthy especially for BC survivors. It has been proved by clinical studies, so please everyone speak up and express your emotions!!! Just tell everyone who is asking how do you REALY FEEL!!!
  • Lynda53
    Lynda53 Member Posts: 210
    #21
    Good for you!
    Sometimes people just do not have a clue what to say. Back in September I asked a friend to stop talking of her distant family, and death etc etc, she did not heed the warning, I said sorry and hung up, and sadly have not spoken to her since. I did ask 1 friend to not speakf sadness but of joy,and it worked.another friend ecently told me she and her fiancee (I introduced them)are sorry not to see me just cant stand to see me sick. Go figure
    There is a googled list for what not to say to a cancer patient that I have handed out from time to time.
    Speak yur mid, speak the truth, some people need to e educated.
    Peace

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