(((((((Mary Ann))))))) A special hug as I feel my recurrance has taken you to a dark place.

I hear such discouragement in some of your posts since I recurred. I'm so sorry to have taken you to a darker place, even if it is just temporary and fleeting. I want to tell you that I allowed myself to believe that I had beaten this thing (for the most part anyway) and am so glad that I allowed myself that special joy and rest and contentment throughout my remission. I encourage each and ever one of you to BELIEVE in your remission and try not to be waiting always for the other shoe to drop.

Being 'prepared' for recurrance is over-rated. Stop preparing yourself, sweetheart, for something that most likely will never come. And if it does come,...being mentally prepared is a small trade-off for many month and years that you could be living within the ease and joy of being optimistic and feeling secure in your own health.

I understand that 'knowing' with a greater degree of certainty might cause you to change how you allocate your time (less work/less cleaning etc.). You want to live without regrets, and I understand that. But don't be so quick to assume that you would immediately give up the 'normalcy' of your perfectly wonderful everyday life. ((((((hugs))))))

((((((hugs)))))) to all my UPSC Sisters whose peace of mind was momentarily shaken by my recurrance. You'll see. I'm going to fool them all and live another 20+ years!