Does anyone need to talk and just vent? I am here.

blk1978 said:

I'll vent
I need to vent after everything that has just happened. I am 31 and have been taking care of my mom since my dad died 15 years ago. 8 years ago my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. Being the youngest of 4 and the only one living at home, it was natural that I would take care of her. I received help from one of my siblings. My 2 older sisters just took advantage of me being there....until yesterday. One of them visited Mom and made sweeping changes that I have been trying to make for the past year. She convinced Mom to sell the house (the very house that we all grew up in and she spent her life with my dad) and allow other people to visit her until we move her so I don't have to drive 30 minutes every day to see her. As I was enjoying my coffee this morning with my fiance (I am trying to plan a wedding in the middle of all of this - after putting my life on hold for so long to take care of Mom) I got a phone call that said (and I quote) "I'm hungry. Can you come over to make me soup? No one's here to watch me like you said would happen." First off, I never said that would happen. My sister did. I was told by her to stay home and enjoy my Sunday. She hopped on a plane back to Florida after doing her damage and leaving the mess for me to clean up AGAIN. She is the saint and I'm the horrible daughter who can't do anything right. Just ask my mom. She'll be the first one to tell you that I can't do anything right.
Signed,
The Bad Daughter

StarLitSkyyz said:

Vent for the ones venting to me..
I guess i need to vent FOR my parents. They are caregivers to a family member and have been for the past 7/8 years. They vent to me. They are going through financial turmoil. They house my aunt who was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer stage IV. I honestly dont understand how all the cancer/chemo/treatments work or if she is in remission, i do know that the cancer has spread to other parts of her body and recently they have found a "different" kind of BC in her other breast. The entire time she has lived with my parents she has been mean, cold, unkind, ungrateful, etc. She gets disability and/or SSI. She spends all this money paying off credit card bills. And then she continues to apply for new credit cards and i dont know how, but she gets them. She then uses these credit cards to buy anything and everything. Every time my mom turns around UPS, FedEx or USPS is at the door with a big brown box addressed to my aunt. They have turned their dining room into a bedroom for my aunt who can barely walk. So that she has full access to the downstairs.. kitchen, living room, back yard, front yard. They built a handicapped bathroom in the two car garage, because at one point she was wheel chair bound. My dad has drawn all that he can draw from his 401K to help with my aunt and finances. My mother can't get or keep a job because she takes my aunt to her appointments. My aunt refuses to schedule appointments at the same time or same days. There is one taxi service that is paid for by disability or whoever. But it only applies to one treatment she gets. My mom has to take her to the various other treatments. The three of them are depending on only one Income.. my dads. They have talked about possibly filing for bankruptcy this new year.. and might even have the house forclosed on them. They have lived in this house for 20+ years.. and as it stands the house is falling apart around them. My dad has tried to keep up with the repairs.. as the years go by he is getting older and suffering from his own illnesses such has high blood pressure. Achy joints... etc... There is no where else for my aunt to go as far as family is concerned because they all live out of state. One uncle cant afford to take care of her as he has a special needs child. One Aunt could possibly afford it, but my aunt who has cancer refuses to relocate. The only other option would be for her to move into a hospice type home. Though she can still manage to take care of herself.. She refuses to pay my mom rent or give money for gas. She refuses to stop spending on her credit cards. I guess my mom is at a point now where if she wants help from my aunt financially, she will have to take her to court. Emotionally my mother is just not ready. I worry so much about my parents and my aunt. I, looking through the window, see two people who have never lived their life together not having to take care of someone, spiraling downwards, and my aunt who treats them as if they aren't doing enough. I have suggested to my mom to go to these groups with other caregivers and talk about this stuff to get it off her chest to see what others go through. But she refuses. I think she feels like she is betraying her sister by talking about their issues to strangers.

Thank you for "listening".

StarLitSkyyz said:

Vent for the ones venting to me..
I guess i need to vent FOR my parents. They are caregivers to a family member and have been for the past 7/8 years. They vent to me. They are going through financial turmoil. They house my aunt who was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer stage IV. I honestly dont understand how all the cancer/chemo/treatments work or if she is in remission, i do know that the cancer has spread to other parts of her body and recently they have found a "different" kind of BC in her other breast. The entire time she has lived with my parents she has been mean, cold, unkind, ungrateful, etc. She gets disability and/or SSI. She spends all this money paying off credit card bills. And then she continues to apply for new credit cards and i dont know how, but she gets them. She then uses these credit cards to buy anything and everything. Every time my mom turns around UPS, FedEx or USPS is at the door with a big brown box addressed to my aunt. They have turned their dining room into a bedroom for my aunt who can barely walk. So that she has full access to the downstairs.. kitchen, living room, back yard, front yard. They built a handicapped bathroom in the two car garage, because at one point she was wheel chair bound. My dad has drawn all that he can draw from his 401K to help with my aunt and finances. My mother can't get or keep a job because she takes my aunt to her appointments. My aunt refuses to schedule appointments at the same time or same days. There is one taxi service that is paid for by disability or whoever. But it only applies to one treatment she gets. My mom has to take her to the various other treatments. The three of them are depending on only one Income.. my dads. They have talked about possibly filing for bankruptcy this new year.. and might even have the house forclosed on them. They have lived in this house for 20+ years.. and as it stands the house is falling apart around them. My dad has tried to keep up with the repairs.. as the years go by he is getting older and suffering from his own illnesses such has high blood pressure. Achy joints... etc... There is no where else for my aunt to go as far as family is concerned because they all live out of state. One uncle cant afford to take care of her as he has a special needs child. One Aunt could possibly afford it, but my aunt who has cancer refuses to relocate. The only other option would be for her to move into a hospice type home. Though she can still manage to take care of herself.. She refuses to pay my mom rent or give money for gas. She refuses to stop spending on her credit cards. I guess my mom is at a point now where if she wants help from my aunt financially, she will have to take her to court. Emotionally my mother is just not ready. I worry so much about my parents and my aunt. I, looking through the window, see two people who have never lived their life together not having to take care of someone, spiraling downwards, and my aunt who treats them as if they aren't doing enough. I have suggested to my mom to go to these groups with other caregivers and talk about this stuff to get it off her chest to see what others go through. But she refuses. I think she feels like she is betraying her sister by talking about their issues to strangers.

Thank you for "listening".

quig801 said:

Just some basic help.
Hi, I'm 56 years old and am currently taking care of my wife of 34 years who now has stage IV rectal cancer. She was diagnosed in late Aug and went through 38 days of 24/7 chemo with 28 radiation courses. We found out that her cancer has metastasized into her lymphatic system and into her liver. It is a small cell really aggressive type cancer so our Oncologist has giver her two to three months to live without any further treatment and one to two years if she starts more chemo. She has decided not the go with the chemo treatments so now we just kinda deal with her situation day by day. Right now she feels alright and is starting to get her appetite back but she still is losing weight. I am past the denial stage but I still have trouble of being too honest with my wife when we discuss things concerning the future. I try to be hopeful and upbeat with her which I can do most of the time but sometimes the dark side of things will creep into our conversations (like her life expectancy) and I am afraid of hurting her feelings. I am completely out of my league here so any advice or thoughts would be helpful. Thanks

Barbara53 said:

me too me too
Ellen,
It was one of those days when I felt like crying as soon as I woke up, but like you I feel like I have no right to feel sorry for myself. But I do! My mom is my patient, and in the last year I've spent about a third of my days taking care of her. This does not work so well when you're self employed, so now I have no time and no money either. I'm an emotional wreck, but the rest of my family members -- including mom -- seem to be doing okay. Makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, but them Mom will tell me how much she appreciates what I do and I blow my nose and keep on trucking. It has been months since I did not feel overwhelmed.

Just venting. I want my old life back!