Does anyone need to talk and just vent? I am here.

Deb_W

appleyellowgreen said:

Inter-vent-ion
To anyone who's listening, it's time to get venting. It's late. 3:00 a.m. My husband is out of the apartment tonight having a sleep study test done for apnea and I can bang away on the keyboard and no one will wonder who I'm writing to. Yes...who I am online with seems to be one of many, many, many issues that are up for discussion in this house.

In 2005 I rushed my husband to the hospital with a perforated diverticulum. He had neglected a problem. He'd self treated himself and ended up with peritonitis, a temporary colostomy bag and thanks to an off target CT scan, the discovery of lung cancer in both lungs. Thankfully, still in early stages.

Two stomach surgeries and two lung surgeries that year left us exhausted. But...six months later his mother, a 90 old ball of fire from Brooklyn, NY was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma and moved in with us. We wouldn't let her have her chemo in the sub-standard facilities near her, so in she moved. 20 months later, she returned to Brooklyn. She's still a ball of fire (though there is still some lymphoma on her scans) and we are all burnt out.

But, she didn't leave soon enough - Steve's lung cancer became active again three months ago and he has since undergone surgery in Boston. Our dr. from NY moved back to Boston and we followed him. Too good not to follow.

Anyway - I try to take good care of myself and have had more than my hands full with caregiving to two totally narcissistic and frightened people in the house. I am most fortunate that we are in a position to have had some help for his mom, but I feel I'm coming to the end of my rope, even with the help. I'm an artist. It's my work and my therapy. Without it, I'm going to lose it - it being my sanity. I can't work at home because of the fumes from the paints and the glues and hubbie's sensitivity to noise - even crumpling paper and tearing saran wrap. Oh and the constant questions of who are you online with - he's sort of upset that I'm getting into chatting and support groups. It means using and accepting the "c" word as a reality in our home. Of course, I give him all the info I can about his reaching out for help.

No daylight. No exercise. No meditation. None of this is for him. The list of no's from his lips are endless and I am the most understanding and loyal person I know in this situation. But I've got to get a little of me back before I can give any more of me away.

Know what I mean? I could go on and on and on. But will spare you. And, it's late and since he's not here, I'm going to sprawl out in the bed and not worry about brushing up against him; or kicking him in my sleep; or tossing and turning. Tonight it's just me. Of course, I know he's coming back at 7 a.m. and I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's hard to love someone with all your heart and be so damned angry at everything at the same time. Everything being him, the illness, the situation, the cancer, the cold weather - more stuff that's an endless list.

Thanks for listening.

so good to know I'm not alone
I read your comments and felt like I could've written a lot of that myself. I completely understand how on why hand you love this person so much and yet it seems like everything you do is either a nuisance or just not right. I have just started looking for online support groups today as I feel very alone. I'm finding out that I'm really not though.

My husband was diagnosed with Leukemia in Feb 09 and was in remissiom until Sept when he went into blast stage. Our oncologist in Colorado Springs, CO referred us to a specialist in Houston, TX. and we are now in Houston getting a bone marrow transplant. We will have to be here for a minimum of 3 months, which adds to the stress.

It is hard when you feel like you don't have any time at all for yourself and yet feel guilty when you try to get a break. Everything I do seems to either irritate my husband or just be wrong. There are times you just want to scream.



Thanks for sharing and listening. Debbie

pattynonews

ellen93 said:

Feeling Sorry for Myself
Geesh. My husband is the one with cancer. The one with extreme fatique, no appetite, and feeling terrible. Yet, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I feel overwhelmed with all the little details that are now ALL my responsibility, plus the little things that I do for him, plus the fact that I do so much of it completely on my own - since he's often not up to any sort of conversation.

Then, I start feeling bad about myself because I'm being selfish. Yet, it's the way I feel. I'm happy to do all these things, but they seem to never end. Just when I think I'm getting ahead, I remember "oh yeah, I've got to take down the tree," or some other task.

Just venting. I want to reduce the number of things on my mental "to do" list!!!

your not being selfish
Dont be so hard on yourself I lost Jack in Novemeber and I did everything for him and yea there were days I just wanted to quit I was so tired of taking care of him all by my self, I was mad at the nurse they sent because these nurses were getting paid 30.00 plus a hour and alot of them did not know how to suction him and they would fall alseep at night, why be there , I was sitting up all night anyway, Your not being selfish you are just overwhelm with everything going on, I can tell you to take time for yourself but I have been there you dont it is all about the patient, don't get me wrong I loved Jack very much, and I would do it again it a heartbeat, Its not that you are being selfish you are exhausted, I was so happy when his sister finally came over, just so I could take a shower without rushing, One thing I was told when Jack got cancer was Patty be prepared for all of this, Jack has the easy part, you have the hard job, you have to be by his side then some how you have to figure out how to go on when he is gone, I never forgot that , I was like I can do this I have been in the medical field for over 15 years I can do this, but nothing could prepare me for taking care of Jack on my own and watching him go through all that he did and then watching him die, there is so much I think about now , that I wish I could have said, but I would not change anything about taking care of him, but you are not being selfish , your doing a great job, just do the best you can , and let him know you love him, Stay strong, my prayers are with you,

grandmafay

ellen93 said:

Wanting our old lives back
Hi Barbara,

Thanks for your response. Logically, I know that it's normal for us to want our lives back. Who wouldn't? But, somewhere in the back of our heads, some sense of "comparative justice" tells us that we don't have it as bad as our loved ones, so we shouldn't feel this way. Still, this thought doesn't wipe out our emotions and desires for normalcy. So, let's let ourselves off the hook. We don't need to wallow in self-pity, but acknowledging - and mabye even expressing - our true emotions is, I think, essential to our emotional health, as well as to our ability to cope with the situation.

I'm actively looking for ways to take things off my "to do" list, as well as taking people up on offers of help, and looking for low stress enjoyable activities. I'm looking out for number one! My sick hubby comes first, but I'm putting myself VERY close to the top of the list!

Blessings to you.

No Guilt
There is no time for guilt. You are doing the best you can. My husband passed away in Oct. after a six year battle with cancer. He often told me that I had the hardest role as caregiver. Once when I suggested that it would be easier if it was me with cancer, he told me I was selfish and that he didn't even want to think about me having late stage cancer. He didn't think he could deal with it. Actually, we dealt with his cancer as we dealt with everything - together. We shared our feelings, laughed together, and cried together. Now, my greatest fear has come true. I am alone. I am, however, surviving. I have a strong support system with family, friends, and church family. I did call on them to help us through the six years fighting cancer, and now I call on them when I need help. Hang in there, take care of yourself, and remember to say I love you often. Fay

bookgeek71

Hi, I moved to TX last
Hi, I moved to TX last February to take care of my mother who was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer almost four years ago. It's something that I should have done before. The year that she was diagnosed, I was going through a divorce. I was barely able to take care of myself or my two dogs at that time. Her cancer had already spread to her bones when she was diagnosed. She is in pain all the time and on large amounts of morphine. The doctor just gave her muscle relaxants and now she sleeps even more. My problems seem minimal compared to some of these stories. It's tough, though. I don't know anyone in this area outside of the cancer clinic. The only free time that I get to myself is running errands or the occasional aerobics class. I have a younger sister who lives outside of the state. When she visits, she acts like she's on vacation from her life. When she visited at christmas time, she didn't cook once, and only cleaned up the kitchen once. She's scheduled to come visit for another week a few weeks from now. I'm hoping to get some time off from mom, but I'm not sure if it's plausible. I go through such a range of emotions from day to day and I worry that i'm doing more harm than good. Mom was a lot more independent and mobile when I got here. Now, she can barely walk to the bathroom. I just don't know.

grandmafay

bookgeek71 said:

Hi, I moved to TX last
Hi, I moved to TX last February to take care of my mother who was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer almost four years ago. It's something that I should have done before. The year that she was diagnosed, I was going through a divorce. I was barely able to take care of myself or my two dogs at that time. Her cancer had already spread to her bones when she was diagnosed. She is in pain all the time and on large amounts of morphine. The doctor just gave her muscle relaxants and now she sleeps even more. My problems seem minimal compared to some of these stories. It's tough, though. I don't know anyone in this area outside of the cancer clinic. The only free time that I get to myself is running errands or the occasional aerobics class. I have a younger sister who lives outside of the state. When she visits, she acts like she's on vacation from her life. When she visited at christmas time, she didn't cook once, and only cleaned up the kitchen once. She's scheduled to come visit for another week a few weeks from now. I'm hoping to get some time off from mom, but I'm not sure if it's plausible. I go through such a range of emotions from day to day and I worry that i'm doing more harm than good. Mom was a lot more independent and mobile when I got here. Now, she can barely walk to the bathroom. I just don't know.

Take Time Off
If you know your sister is coming, let her know in advance that you are tired both physically and emotionally. Plan to take a few day away whether it's day trip or over night. You need that time. Also, is hospice involved? If so, have them come while your sister is there. You will be a better caregiver if you take care of yourself. As for the care you are giving, I'm sure you are doing it well. These final stages are tough to watch. Just do the best you can. Fay

cabbee

Angry

I am very angry at my husband and I know I should not be-He was recently diagnosed with lung cancer,yet to start treatment, and I know he is trying not to smoke so much , but when I see him with a cigarette it makes me crazy;I am scared and angry that I will be left behind and i cry almost every day-i am recently retired and most of my friends still work and have fallen out of touch with them,so right now pretty isolated;any suggestions would be appreciated, thanks.

grandmafay

cabbee said:

Angry

I am very angry at my husband and I know I should not be-He was recently diagnosed with lung cancer,yet to start treatment, and I know he is trying not to smoke so much , but when I see him with a cigarette it makes me crazy;I am scared and angry that I will be left behind and i cry almost every day-i am recently retired and most of my friends still work and have fallen out of touch with them,so right now pretty isolated;any suggestions would be appreciated, thanks.

Very Sorry
I am very sorry that you are going through this. Of course you are angry and scared. Those first few weeks after a diagnosis is really hard. The future is such an unknown and your life has taken a dramatic turn. Cancer is scary. Having said that, I need to add that new treatments are happening every day. Many people are living for many years with cancer. We have a lot more survivors than we did just a few years ago. I can understand to a large degree what you are going through. I had also only been retired for a short time when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. The primary thing I remember during those early days was the phrase, "but we're supposed to grow old together," running through my head. After the first recurrence which actually hit us harder than the original diagnosis we came up with a plan. We were going to consider treatment as buying time. He was going to buy as much time as possible, and we were going to make as many memories as possible while we had that time. I don't know what your husband's prognosis is, but I do know the fear of being left alone. Cancer changes your life no matter what the prognosis. You realize that you are mortal and that your loved one is mortal. You mourn the life that was and the one you had planned. Anger is the first stage of the mourning process. I don't know if any of this helps. Sometimes just knowing that others have and are going through similar situations helps. You are not alone. Most here have felt many of the same things you are feeling. Take care, Fay

cabbee

grandmafay said:

Very Sorry
I am very sorry that you are going through this. Of course you are angry and scared. Those first few weeks after a diagnosis is really hard. The future is such an unknown and your life has taken a dramatic turn. Cancer is scary. Having said that, I need to add that new treatments are happening every day. Many people are living for many years with cancer. We have a lot more survivors than we did just a few years ago. I can understand to a large degree what you are going through. I had also only been retired for a short time when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. The primary thing I remember during those early days was the phrase, "but we're supposed to grow old together," running through my head. After the first recurrence which actually hit us harder than the original diagnosis we came up with a plan. We were going to consider treatment as buying time. He was going to buy as much time as possible, and we were going to make as many memories as possible while we had that time. I don't know what your husband's prognosis is, but I do know the fear of being left alone. Cancer changes your life no matter what the prognosis. You realize that you are mortal and that your loved one is mortal. You mourn the life that was and the one you had planned. Anger is the first stage of the mourning process. I don't know if any of this helps. Sometimes just knowing that others have and are going through similar situations helps. You are not alone. Most here have felt many of the same things you are feeling. Take care, Fay

Angry
Thankyou for the kind words-life has been a roller coaster ride since October;We will see the thoracic surgeon tomorrow and oncologist on Monday and maybe get some direction;my husband still doesn't believe that it is really cancer and thinks they will find they made a mistake ;he is probably not a good candidate for surgery because of emphysema, but we will
see what the surgeon says-thanks again for your support,and that is a great dog you have there.

Cindy

grandmafay

cabbee said:

Angry
Thankyou for the kind words-life has been a roller coaster ride since October;We will see the thoracic surgeon tomorrow and oncologist on Monday and maybe get some direction;my husband still doesn't believe that it is really cancer and thinks they will find they made a mistake ;he is probably not a good candidate for surgery because of emphysema, but we will
see what the surgeon says-thanks again for your support,and that is a great dog you have there.

Cindy

Moose
The dog is Moose. I bought him as a birthday present for my husband a little over a year ago. He is our 4th lab. He's 18 months old and is really good company. He still thinks he's a lap dog, too. I don't know what I would do without him.
Fay

Tina Blondek

paulmylife said:

husband dying
Hello, I saw your post and decided to send a note. The day after Christmas and can't quit crying. Paul has had colon, liver, lung, brain cancer for 3 years.

I thought I was coping pretty good but on Dec 16th they found another shadow in the brain. I am so scared. I think he is giving up....sleeps all the time. I feel like I have already lost him. I pray and pray but cannot stop crying. I feel as tho I am losing my mind. Nothing seems to help. I cannot bring myself out of the depression. I know there is nothing anyone can do. I thought if I said it to someone it would help but don't think that is the answer. Thanks for listening...

Keep your chin up!
Hi Paulmywife,
Hope today is finding you in a better place. I am a caregiver for my dad. He has survived esophageal cancer, and now has mets to his liver.I have been where you are, more than once. I have a strong faith in God. My faith is what has carried me through this whole journey. What I find most helpful is this site, getting to know people who are going through all of the same emotions as me, writing a journal. We have a family journal. Me, my dad, and my mom all write in it. It is most helpful. Have you considered going to therapy or getting help for the depression? There are a lot of anti depression meds. Best of luck. Keep us posted. Prayers are being said for you and your husband.
Tina

Tina Blondek

grandmafay said:

Moose
The dog is Moose. I bought him as a birthday present for my husband a little over a year ago. He is our 4th lab. He's 18 months old and is really good company. He still thinks he's a lap dog, too. I don't know what I would do without him.
Fay

You are not alone
Hey Cindy and Fay,
I enjoyed your posts. Just knowing you are both going through the same caregivers problems as i am! I have a chocolate lab. His name is chocolate, and he is going to be 8. He is a doll. Big goof ball, and still loves to sit on our laps!! Labs are the best. Moose is a great name.

Anyway....I am a caregiver for my dad, Ray, 71 survived esophageal cancer 11/08. Now a year later he has mets to his liver. He spent 8 days in the hospital week before christmas, with a blocked bile duct. He was jaundice, dehydrated, and anemic. Fought me for days about needing to be in a private room. Was ready to totally give up. Begging me to let him go. The shared rooms and semi private rooms are bad. It was rough. Prayers were answered though, finally got him into a private room after 3 days and nights of hell. Dad did a complete turn around in the private room. He had to have a stent put in his esophagus to open it up more due to scar tissue, had to have stent put in blocked bile duct. He is supposed to start chemo for the mets to the liver within the next 3 weeks. Right now he is recovering from the stent procedures, is tired and weak. He has lost about 30 lbs this past year. We have to get him "beefed" up for the chemo treatments.

Oh!!! did I forget to mention my brother, who lives in Nj and tries to come see us at least once a year? once he heard of dad's dx he ran and hid his head in the sand. When dad said he was ready to give up and wanted to come home to die, my brother said he refuses to come see dad. He will come after he has dyed. What is wrong with this picture? And....my mom...god bless her. They will be married 51 years 1/24. She is not well herself. She is a diabetic, has a heart condition, nauropathy, etc.... She does her best. Mom and dad do get on eachothers nerves, that is for sure. We have started a family journal, which we all write in. This has proved to be very helpful.

Oh!!!again...I am married 17 years and have one daughter, 9 years old. My husband and daughter tend to feel left out a lot of the time. What about us? Whats for dinner? Where is my laundry? How come the house is messy? Did you feed the animals? UGH!!!! Give me a friggin break you guys! Y'all know how to do all of these things.....do them!!

Ok...I am done for now. Thanks for listening!! Keep in touch.
Tina

jooliep

grandmafay said:

Hard Conversations
Yeah, those conversations are hard. My husband of 42 years died Oct. 20, 2009. He fought stage 4 colon cancer for six years. He chose to fight knowing that he was just buying time, and he bought more than we expected. I told him from the beginning that it was his body and his choice. I always felt guilty when we talked about end of life and after his death issues. I felt like I was thinking about me instead of him. When I told him that I felt that way, he told me that he wanted to talk about them. He felt like we needed to deal with those things because he wanted to know that I would be ok. His greatest concern about dying was me. Yet, those conversations were still hard. In fact, I just teared up writing this and remembering them. Caregiving for a terminally ill spouse is very hard in so many ways. I can honestly say though, that I was prepared for the business side of things. The emotional is a whole different thing. Take care, Fay

Hard Conversations
I teared up myself reading your post. My husband was diagnosed with advanced gastric cancer in July of 2008, and died 9 months later. I was terrified to admit I was worried about what would happen when he died, and felt so selfish for daring to worry about finances. One of his life insurance policies was about to end, and his employment status was up in the air (General Motors). He finally had to bring up the topic, and like your husband, he was most worried about me. Fortunately, things worked out, and at the end, when we both knew the time was getting close, I was able to assure him that I would be ok, and pointed out to him all the ways that he had provided for me. He went downhill and died very quickly after that conversation, and I know that it was one we had to have for him to go in peace and escape the suffering.
I have now been diagnosed with breast cancer myself, and I am grateful every day to him that it is possible to work as little as I need to for the time being, and that our house is safe. I hurt for those who are struggling with cancer, and trying to support a family and hold onto a job and their home at the same time. God blessed me with Brett.

jooliep

grandmafay said:

Moose
The dog is Moose. I bought him as a birthday present for my husband a little over a year ago. He is our 4th lab. He's 18 months old and is really good company. He still thinks he's a lap dog, too. I don't know what I would do without him.
Fay

Dogs
My Sam has been an invaluable source of comfort since my husband died in April, and even more so since I have been diagnosed with cancer myself. Some mornings, he is the only reason I get up. And if I nap too long, he takes it upon himself to make sure I am still breathing. Dogs are such a wonderful gift from God!

cabbee

grandmafay said:

Moose
The dog is Moose. I bought him as a birthday present for my husband a little over a year ago. He is our 4th lab. He's 18 months old and is really good company. He still thinks he's a lap dog, too. I don't know what I would do without him.
Fay

Pets
Moose-Great name for a dog! Pets are a great help,mine probably think I have lost it,I am crying so much when noone else is around;
We have appointment with Oncology today and i am so scared and nervous,bu tired of waiting for this treatment to start,so guess I have to suck it up and deal with it.
Thanks again fot the support.
These are my 2 angels plus we have the cat who is in charge of every body-they bring a whole new dimension to our lives

grandmafay

cabbee said:

Pets
Moose-Great name for a dog! Pets are a great help,mine probably think I have lost it,I am crying so much when noone else is around;
We have appointment with Oncology today and i am so scared and nervous,bu tired of waiting for this treatment to start,so guess I have to suck it up and deal with it.
Thanks again fot the support.
These are my 2 angels plus we have the cat who is in charge of every body-they bring a whole new dimension to our lives

Hi Again
We got Moose on a trip to Montana so the name seemed fitting. We knew then that my husband's time was limited. Some thought we were crazy to add another dog to the mix. We already had an aging basset hound. Somehow I just knew it was the right thing. My husband loved labs and he and Moose had a lot of "guy time" as my husband called there times sitting together. Our basset hound died the week before my husband. What a blessing Moose has been! We also have a cat. He thinks he is in charge as well. It is amazing how much comfort animals bring to our lives. Hope your appointment goes well. Fay

khoward

Venting!!
My soulmate, my husband was diagnosed 1/22/2008 with stage IV colon cancer-spread to liver and lungs. He is 58. At 50 he got his colonostomy and was told come back in 10 years. His parents (still alive and kicking at 88) never had cancer, he never smoked, didn't drink, worked out everyday and ate healthy so wasn't considered high risk. In December of 07 he noticed that his side would hurt after jogging a mile or so. Went to doc and that's when they found it. Chemo isn't working anymore and now he is under hospice care. I have never had any friends-we spent all our time together, went everywhere together and we met working together. We have never felt comfortable when the other wasn't around. I have some family but they have their own problems. My husbands family is a mess. Nobody know what to say and neither do I. I am finding it very hard to watch him die. He had such dreams. We have 2 young grandchildren and his dream was to take them hiking the grand canyon, his favorite place. I promised him that I would do it. He wanted to do good things for people and that is what he did and still tries to do. We are religious and attend church at least 3x a week (Roger can't go anymore) but I just have a question that I haven't the nerve to ask our Pastor, why does God want to cause a good man so much pain and grief before he takes him home? Roger know there is a better place for him so he is begging God to take him but so far His answer is no, why?

santafe2323

khoward said:

Venting!!
My soulmate, my husband was diagnosed 1/22/2008 with stage IV colon cancer-spread to liver and lungs. He is 58. At 50 he got his colonostomy and was told come back in 10 years. His parents (still alive and kicking at 88) never had cancer, he never smoked, didn't drink, worked out everyday and ate healthy so wasn't considered high risk. In December of 07 he noticed that his side would hurt after jogging a mile or so. Went to doc and that's when they found it. Chemo isn't working anymore and now he is under hospice care. I have never had any friends-we spent all our time together, went everywhere together and we met working together. We have never felt comfortable when the other wasn't around. I have some family but they have their own problems. My husbands family is a mess. Nobody know what to say and neither do I. I am finding it very hard to watch him die. He had such dreams. We have 2 young grandchildren and his dream was to take them hiking the grand canyon, his favorite place. I promised him that I would do it. He wanted to do good things for people and that is what he did and still tries to do. We are religious and attend church at least 3x a week (Roger can't go anymore) but I just have a question that I haven't the nerve to ask our Pastor, why does God want to cause a good man so much pain and grief before he takes him home? Roger know there is a better place for him so he is begging God to take him but so far His answer is no, why?

She asked the Blessed Mary for help.
I can relate and until my mother prayed the rosary and asked the Mary for help, she remained in pain and resentment. My mother received last rights about two weeks before her passing. As her caregiver, I knew that was what she needed but on her terms. When the appointment was made for the priest to come, she was satisfied and seemed prepared. When my sister tried to move the appointment up sooner concerned that her health was turning pooper, she was upset and would not allow anything to be rescheduled. At the appointment she dressed and readied herself for that private meeting. Afterwards you could see the contentment. Five days before she died, she started having horrible bed sores. As I called hospice in to help make her feel better she asked me " Am I dying?" Mom, I do not know. I'm just trying to make you feel better."

You know that comment was so telling and her frustrations were so visible then. I started telling her I was loving her with every action. I wasn't making her better. In her eyes I was KEEPING her here. She became mad at me, but hospice care stepped up the medicine for pain and management (she would not accept pain meds at their appropriate levels until after the bedsores started). Finally, she started to decline. I layed down on the bed next to her's and slept briefly at 2AM waking to check her status. At 6 AM I woke and asked her if she wanted anything. I could hear her breathing. I asked one more time if she really did not want any oxygen. I told her I hope the meds are helping and I loved her. And it was ok if it is time for you to go, I'll be fine. And she took her last breath.

I don't know if anything in this helps you. But for me and my mother... I needed to reasure her that her baby daughter would be ok. She needed to make sure her relationship with the God was right. We asked Mary for a bit of help. And I kissed her goodbye.

coosa123

need help
Hi, I am the caregiver of my great Aunt who has alzhemiers and my Mother has lung cancer for the second time. This all started in May of 08 we all moved to Fl from Ga. After being down here for 2 monthes my Mother had to have a triple bypass. When she was being released to come home they found the first spot on her right upper lobe and wanted to do surgery but she could not at that time because of everything with the bypass. So her doctors followed it for 6 monthed and told her it was starting to grow. That is when she told them to do the operation. They took out her upper right lobe. She was doing ok after the surgery. than they pulled out the last tube which had already started growing to her and she has had pain with that ever since. Well while all of this with my Mother is going on my Aunt is greating worse with the alzhemiers. She is starting to hit on my Mother and just becomes more than I can handle so we have had to place her in a nursing home than had to move her because of them hurting her with all of this I feel very guilty for not being able to do more for her. After my Mothers surgery for the lung cancer she went in for her 3 month pet scan and that is when they found the small cell lung cancer. She is now having chemo and seems to be doing ok. In the middle of all this we no longer have my Aunts money to help pay the bills that are in her name and my Mothers and I have not be able to find a job plus I have my own health issues I suffer from PTSD and fibromyalgia. Which I have a court hearing for my disablities in November of 2010. Thanks for listening and if you have any ideas I welcome them. I really do not want to lose our home but I don't know where to turn and I hate what it would do to my Mother. She has enough to deal with just with the cancer. But I THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING GOOD AND BAD BECAUSE HE IS MY SALVATION HE PAID THAT DEBT FOR ME ON CALVERY.

Barbara53

khoward said:

Venting!!
My soulmate, my husband was diagnosed 1/22/2008 with stage IV colon cancer-spread to liver and lungs. He is 58. At 50 he got his colonostomy and was told come back in 10 years. His parents (still alive and kicking at 88) never had cancer, he never smoked, didn't drink, worked out everyday and ate healthy so wasn't considered high risk. In December of 07 he noticed that his side would hurt after jogging a mile or so. Went to doc and that's when they found it. Chemo isn't working anymore and now he is under hospice care. I have never had any friends-we spent all our time together, went everywhere together and we met working together. We have never felt comfortable when the other wasn't around. I have some family but they have their own problems. My husbands family is a mess. Nobody know what to say and neither do I. I am finding it very hard to watch him die. He had such dreams. We have 2 young grandchildren and his dream was to take them hiking the grand canyon, his favorite place. I promised him that I would do it. He wanted to do good things for people and that is what he did and still tries to do. We are religious and attend church at least 3x a week (Roger can't go anymore) but I just have a question that I haven't the nerve to ask our Pastor, why does God want to cause a good man so much pain and grief before he takes him home? Roger know there is a better place for him so he is begging God to take him but so far His answer is no, why?

good grief
After my father died of cancer, I went to a few sessions of pastoral counseling to help me stop crying. The counselor recommended a little book called Good Grief, which is available at most Christian book stores. It might help a little as you struggle to put things in perspective. Do talk with your pastor, though, or perhaps find a prayer partner in your church. Fully embrace your church family, and let those good people help you through this terrible time.

ruthelizabeth

coosa123 said:

need help
Hi, I am the caregiver of my great Aunt who has alzhemiers and my Mother has lung cancer for the second time. This all started in May of 08 we all moved to Fl from Ga. After being down here for 2 monthes my Mother had to have a triple bypass. When she was being released to come home they found the first spot on her right upper lobe and wanted to do surgery but she could not at that time because of everything with the bypass. So her doctors followed it for 6 monthed and told her it was starting to grow. That is when she told them to do the operation. They took out her upper right lobe. She was doing ok after the surgery. than they pulled out the last tube which had already started growing to her and she has had pain with that ever since. Well while all of this with my Mother is going on my Aunt is greating worse with the alzhemiers. She is starting to hit on my Mother and just becomes more than I can handle so we have had to place her in a nursing home than had to move her because of them hurting her with all of this I feel very guilty for not being able to do more for her. After my Mothers surgery for the lung cancer she went in for her 3 month pet scan and that is when they found the small cell lung cancer. She is now having chemo and seems to be doing ok. In the middle of all this we no longer have my Aunts money to help pay the bills that are in her name and my Mothers and I have not be able to find a job plus I have my own health issues I suffer from PTSD and fibromyalgia. Which I have a court hearing for my disablities in November of 2010. Thanks for listening and if you have any ideas I welcome them. I really do not want to lose our home but I don't know where to turn and I hate what it would do to my Mother. She has enough to deal with just with the cancer. But I THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING GOOD AND BAD BECAUSE HE IS MY SALVATION HE PAID THAT DEBT FOR ME ON CALVERY.

If you're in FL
Check with someone about the homestead act. No, not the one that concerns your property taxes. There is one that protects a house from seizure (I think) if the owner goes into a nursing home, etc. I found out about that years ago when my mom was in a nursing home. I don't know exactly who to tell you to ask, but you do need to check it out.

Hope that helps a little.