I AM LOOKING FOR SOME INPUT

zahalene said:

Our daughters....
don't have an easy future to face, do they? The new testing and technology presents them with choices we would never have dreamed of having to make. We went ignorantly into our futures simply accepting whatever came because we had no other option. I am not sure which road is more challenging.
The only suggestion I can make is that your daughter AND her husband or significant other or whatever get lots of counseling as well as all the good medical advice they can find before she takes any irreversible step. I know the decision she makes should ultimately be for her and her alone, but the results will greatly effect both their lives. The better prepared they both are, the happier they will both be with whatever she decides, in my opinion.
God bless you all, my friend.

Thank you Zah for you kind
Thank you Zah for you kind words, you are right our daughters do have more options and decisions to make than what was available ten or twenty years ago. I agree the final decision is her's, however it will impact more than her alone.

Love ya,

RE

Moopy23 said:

Dear RE, of course you did
Dear RE, of course you did not offend with this question. It is a valid concern; you're a mom trying to help her daughter make the best decision.

I think--and I'm only a daughter, not a mom myself--, that I would support her in getting all the facts she needs and making sure she sees the reality of a future with cosmetically re-done breasts. Help her in getting that info and in meeting women who've had bilaterals. Talk to your own onc. and surgeon about it. Then, give her your opinion and thoughts, and stand back and let her decide--and support her every minute, as I know you already do.

Your daughter is blessed to have you, RE, as you were blessed to have your amazing mother. My best to you both.

;-)
I plan to ask my oncologist what he thinks of this when I see him in two weeks and thank you for the idea of talking with others' (rather than her mom :-)) who had had this operation. I truly was blind sighted and did not see this coming so I hope to give more informed advice as I gather more information.

Love the new hairdo by the way, you look wonderful.

RE

pinkkari09 said:

Your daughter
Boy, this is a tough one, my daughter is 20 and stands beside me through all of my treatments. I don't know how I would react if she posted the idea that your daughter has. BC runs in my family also, not as strong as you have noted but it's there. I totally agree with her having the brca test done, information is power. And I guess at this moment I would really pray that the test comes back negative. Ultimately in the end it's your daughters decision, however; you being there with supportive ideas is wonderful, and your conflicting feelings are ok too. As of now I pray your daughters test comes back negative so she can resume her life with regular mammograms and not such an extensive surgery.
Best wishes,
Kari

:-)
Thank you Kari your prayers are appreciated! I will keep you and yours in my prayers as well, our daughters and our son's need to be vigilant.

Hugs,

RE

mimivac said:

Your daughter
RE, I think your daughter is being very proactive in getting the gene testing done. Given the cancer history in your family, I think it is absolutely the right choice. Even if some people in the family have a mutated BRCA 1 or 2 gene, it doesn't mean everyone in the family will. It is just luck of the draw on that one. I would suggest that the two of you start from there. Of course, we know that testing negative does not necessarily mean she is in the clear for life (though that would be nice, wouldn't it), but it would definitely be good news. I think thoughts of a bilateral mastectomy may be a bit premature. You don't have the information yet to make that choice. I think she should get the testing and make sure to talk to a certified genetic counselor about the results, no matter what they are. The counselor will not only talk about the BRCA genes, but also hereditary issues for someone who tests negative but still has a strong family history. If she tests positive, there is no hurry to have the surgery. She can get several opinions and take her time in deciding. Meanwhile, she can be closely monitored with mammograms and MRIs, if necessary. Also remind her that there are people who have had cancer who choose to have lumpectomies and are doing fine. There is more than one option here.

Another thing to think about, RE: although not pleasant to contemplate, having a bilateral mastectomy does not guarantee that your daughter will not get breast cancer. Just ask all the women who have had chest wall recurrences. Finally, if she does test positive for BRCA, I think the ovaries might be a bigger issue. As you know, ovarian cancer is much harder to detect and is often caught at a late stage. Having her ovaries closely monitored or removed after she is done having children would be highly recommended in that case. She could also look into taking Tamoxifen as a preventative. There are many choices and that's a good thing. I wish you and your daughter luck in navigating this tough issue. Many people stick their heads in the sand, and I commend your daughter for taking charge of her health. She is definitely her mother's daughter.

Mimi

Mimi thank you for your
Mimi thank you for your comments you are right, it will not guarantee that she will not get bc after all is said and done. I did suggest to her that she may want to have a complete hysterectomy since she has stated she is done having children and since my mother died of ovarian cancer. I had not thought of Tamoxifen and will mention it to my oncologist, my sister took it for 5 years with little side effects. Although taken aback by her question I was very pleased that she had thought this out and was looking or support and input. Thank you again as I truly appreciate your comments.

Love,

RE

tjhay said:

My oh so dear Re
I truely
My oh so dear Re
I truely wish that I could return all the words of wisdom that you have passed on to me. There is no way I could ever understand the fears that you face for your daughter. I am sure though that you understand the fears that she faces. Heck you yourself were once in her very place.
You and I have talked about a few times of my getting a profolatic mastdectomy. For me it does not lower the chances of reocurance enough to go through the surgery at this time. So I am not doing it. However that is my informed decision. I guess the point I am trying to make, is the more information she has the better she would be better able to decide what would be best for her and her young family.
I know that one of your biggest fears is that your daughter would follow in these perticular foot steps that you, your sister, and your mother have walked. You were relatively young (not that you still are not) when you face the decision of a masdectomy, not to be personal but wern't you and your guy able to move past that?
You and your family are in my prayers Re, and just as you have always been here for me I am here for you.
love
tj

Lil SIs
Well first he moved past the lumpectomy then 9 years later he pushed for me to get the double mast. which did not happen only had one totally removed and he was fine with that, it was I that after two years decided I needed to have reconstruction. Thank you for your support and prayers I appreciate it!

Love,

RE

Marcia527 said:

My Mom died of ovianian
My Mom died of ovianian cancer and my sister and I had breast cancer and another sister had uterian. The only one who had the gene testing was the sister with breast cancer which it was negative. I don't have daughters but did mention to my sons that men can get breast cancer also. I don't think they are worried about it because men breast cancer is rare but I wanted to tell them anyway.

I AGREE
I agree Marcia that our son's need to be aware as well. I met a male bc survivor two years ago while having blood drawn. He was 82 and had had bc some 15 years earlier, he was a gem! I tell my son periodically to watch for it and he is very health concious so he does check. Sorry to hear that you too lost your mom to ovarian, no fun to lose our mom's.

Hugs,

RE