I AM LOOKING FOR SOME INPUT

Ritzy

lynn1950 said:

RE, How in the world could your post offend anyone?

You are so blessed to have a daughter who shares her thoughts and concerns with you.I don't remember...have you had the BRCA test? Those results would be good information for your daughter. The best ammunition a warrior can have is information. She is your baby and she is 29. That means that you needn't encourage her and you needn't discourage her. Mostly what she needs from you is your support and love, no matter what her decision is. She will do what is right for her. xoxoxo Lynn

Re, I can understand the fear that your daughter has. I know that you will support and be with her no matter what she decides. I, ofcourse, had a lumpectomy and am so very thankful that I could have one and didn't have to have a mastectomy. My breasts are very important to me and my sexual being, as you alluded to in your post. But, the decision will be hers and she just needs to educate herself totally and to talk with her husband and do what she feels is in her best interest. I don't think there would be a hurry, would there? I pray and wish her the best!

Sue

RE

zahalene said:

Our daughters....
don't have an easy future to face, do they? The new testing and technology presents them with choices we would never have dreamed of having to make. We went ignorantly into our futures simply accepting whatever came because we had no other option. I am not sure which road is more challenging.
The only suggestion I can make is that your daughter AND her husband or significant other or whatever get lots of counseling as well as all the good medical advice they can find before she takes any irreversible step. I know the decision she makes should ultimately be for her and her alone, but the results will greatly effect both their lives. The better prepared they both are, the happier they will both be with whatever she decides, in my opinion.
God bless you all, my friend.

Thank you Zah for you kind
Thank you Zah for you kind words, you are right our daughters do have more options and decisions to make than what was available ten or twenty years ago. I agree the final decision is her's, however it will impact more than her alone.

Love ya,

RE

RE

JmG86 said:

This topic should NOT offend
This topic should NOT offend anyone. It is unfortunately a reality. I don't feel I'm knowledgable enough to advise you, but my heart goes out to you and your daughter. My family also has quite a history. One of my sister's doctors advised her to do a double mastectomy as a preventative measure. After a long time of going to specialists (with her husband) she finally decided against it. We all watched my Mom deal with a double M after her own battle with cancer, and as many of you know, it certainly isn't easy, to be taken lightly.
My other sister after going through chemo and radiation (stage 3) had to change oncologists a few years later. This one also recommended a bi-lateral mastectomy. She was shocked. After all she had been through, why now? He feels it may return, and this would reduce the odds. She is thinking about it(angrily), but seems to be leaning against doing it.
It seems that these days there are so many ways to keep watch, to catch it in the earliest phase. But then again, does anyone even want to deal with it even in the earliest of stages? It's amazing we even have these choices, and some of them so difficult.
God bless you and your family.

Hugs to you and yours
Jm thank you for taking the time to answer my concerns. I am sorry your family has had so much of this nasty illness to deal with. My heart goes out to your sister as she now has to make a decision she thought she had already made. You will all be in my prayers.

RE

RE

Moopy23 said:

Dear RE, of course you did
Dear RE, of course you did not offend with this question. It is a valid concern; you're a mom trying to help her daughter make the best decision.

I think--and I'm only a daughter, not a mom myself--, that I would support her in getting all the facts she needs and making sure she sees the reality of a future with cosmetically re-done breasts. Help her in getting that info and in meeting women who've had bilaterals. Talk to your own onc. and surgeon about it. Then, give her your opinion and thoughts, and stand back and let her decide--and support her every minute, as I know you already do.

Your daughter is blessed to have you, RE, as you were blessed to have your amazing mother. My best to you both.

;-)
I plan to ask my oncologist what he thinks of this when I see him in two weeks and thank you for the idea of talking with others' (rather than her mom :-)) who had had this operation. I truly was blind sighted and did not see this coming so I hope to give more informed advice as I gather more information.

Love the new hairdo by the way, you look wonderful.

RE

RE

Moopy23 said:

Dear RE, of course you did
Dear RE, of course you did not offend with this question. It is a valid concern; you're a mom trying to help her daughter make the best decision.

I think--and I'm only a daughter, not a mom myself--, that I would support her in getting all the facts she needs and making sure she sees the reality of a future with cosmetically re-done breasts. Help her in getting that info and in meeting women who've had bilaterals. Talk to your own onc. and surgeon about it. Then, give her your opinion and thoughts, and stand back and let her decide--and support her every minute, as I know you already do.

Your daughter is blessed to have you, RE, as you were blessed to have your amazing mother. My best to you both.

;-)
I plan to ask my oncologist what he thinks of this when I see him in two weeks and thank you for the idea of talking with others' (rather than her mom :-)) who had had this operation. I truly was blind sighted and did not see this coming so I hope to give more informed advice as I gather more information.

Love the new hairdo by the way, you look wonderful.

RE

RE

pinkkari09 said:

Your daughter
Boy, this is a tough one, my daughter is 20 and stands beside me through all of my treatments. I don't know how I would react if she posted the idea that your daughter has. BC runs in my family also, not as strong as you have noted but it's there. I totally agree with her having the brca test done, information is power. And I guess at this moment I would really pray that the test comes back negative. Ultimately in the end it's your daughters decision, however; you being there with supportive ideas is wonderful, and your conflicting feelings are ok too. As of now I pray your daughters test comes back negative so she can resume her life with regular mammograms and not such an extensive surgery.
Best wishes,
Kari

:-)
Thank you Kari your prayers are appreciated! I will keep you and yours in my prayers as well, our daughters and our son's need to be vigilant.

Hugs,

RE

RE

fauxma said:

First, this is not at all
First, this is not at all offensive.
Next, have you had the gene test done? Could you have it done? And then if you don't have the gene would that mean she couldn't have it or could she have it if you don't? Does she want to have the bilateral masectomies only if she has the gene? I am asking this because I had a neighbor who has 4 sisters who all had breast cancer as did their mom, but none of the sister's had the gene. I am not in a position to advise you but if you had the gene test done and it was negative that might help set her mind at ease or if you do the gene then she would be able to do the test to see if she actually has it. It is such a hard decision, but you are a great mom and will be there supporting her with whatever decision she makes. She will also be seeing a genetics doctor to do the test and they can help counsel her. Hard as it would be to lose her breasts, the piece of mind she might receive from this might indeed outweigh that loss. There is so much not known about cancer and some of cancers we share in families may come from genetic links not even known right now. And some of them might be from environmental, health habits, eating habits and other exposures we share with them. I honestly don't know what I would do to advise my daughter so I can't help you that way. But I can be hear to listen and I can send my prayers that she will use her counsel in making this decision. This is the one aspect of cancer that bothers me the most. That I may pass along some trigger to my child or her children. I can deal with this when it is me but my heart breaks when it is someone I love, like my family, my friends and my dear cyberbuds. I must have a little guy in me cause I want to fix it when it is someone else.
All you can do Re, is love her and support her in her decision. Because just like all of us, ultimately it will be her decision.
Stef

THANK YOU!
You are right Stef when you say in the end it is her dicision. In response to your questions my sister had the gene testing and she did have it. I have chosen not to have the testing done, I have had cancer 3x so it seems to be a mute point. She has said she would consider the double mast. and hysterectomy if the was a gene carrier. So much to consider, however none of it will be decided tomorrow so there is time to obtain the knowledge to make a educated decision.

RE

RE

mimivac said:

Your daughter
RE, I think your daughter is being very proactive in getting the gene testing done. Given the cancer history in your family, I think it is absolutely the right choice. Even if some people in the family have a mutated BRCA 1 or 2 gene, it doesn't mean everyone in the family will. It is just luck of the draw on that one. I would suggest that the two of you start from there. Of course, we know that testing negative does not necessarily mean she is in the clear for life (though that would be nice, wouldn't it), but it would definitely be good news. I think thoughts of a bilateral mastectomy may be a bit premature. You don't have the information yet to make that choice. I think she should get the testing and make sure to talk to a certified genetic counselor about the results, no matter what they are. The counselor will not only talk about the BRCA genes, but also hereditary issues for someone who tests negative but still has a strong family history. If she tests positive, there is no hurry to have the surgery. She can get several opinions and take her time in deciding. Meanwhile, she can be closely monitored with mammograms and MRIs, if necessary. Also remind her that there are people who have had cancer who choose to have lumpectomies and are doing fine. There is more than one option here.

Another thing to think about, RE: although not pleasant to contemplate, having a bilateral mastectomy does not guarantee that your daughter will not get breast cancer. Just ask all the women who have had chest wall recurrences. Finally, if she does test positive for BRCA, I think the ovaries might be a bigger issue. As you know, ovarian cancer is much harder to detect and is often caught at a late stage. Having her ovaries closely monitored or removed after she is done having children would be highly recommended in that case. She could also look into taking Tamoxifen as a preventative. There are many choices and that's a good thing. I wish you and your daughter luck in navigating this tough issue. Many people stick their heads in the sand, and I commend your daughter for taking charge of her health. She is definitely her mother's daughter.

Mimi

Mimi thank you for your
Mimi thank you for your comments you are right, it will not guarantee that she will not get bc after all is said and done. I did suggest to her that she may want to have a complete hysterectomy since she has stated she is done having children and since my mother died of ovarian cancer. I had not thought of Tamoxifen and will mention it to my oncologist, my sister took it for 5 years with little side effects. Although taken aback by her question I was very pleased that she had thought this out and was looking or support and input. Thank you again as I truly appreciate your comments.

Love,

RE

RE

cats_toy said:

wow RE, that is a tough choice
Your daughter is concerned, rightly so, and it has to be tough for all of you. I know my sister, does not want to get the test, says she doesn't want to know. I was concerned for her when she said that, but we all have to make our own choices. We have me, my mom, and my mom's sister in our family diagnosed with the beast, so she does have some concerns too. She has chosen to be pro-active with the mammos & MRI's.
You do not have to apologize for any topic brought up here. That is why this place is here, for us, and for any types of concerns, comments, questions, etc. that we may have.
I hope your daughter does well, and I am sure, no matter what she does, you will be there for her.
Also, sex is sex, and we all adjust no matter the circumstances. Hopefully, she will not have to find out what it might be like without.
On a lighter note, me and my Frankenboobie are sexy as hell!
=^..^=

:-)
Thanks for the lighter side, you made me laugh as I must admit my Frankenboobie is sexy as hell as well!!! Come to think of it I am betting once my new one is done it will be "all that" as well!

RE

tjhay said:

My oh so dear Re
I truely
My oh so dear Re
I truely wish that I could return all the words of wisdom that you have passed on to me. There is no way I could ever understand the fears that you face for your daughter. I am sure though that you understand the fears that she faces. Heck you yourself were once in her very place.
You and I have talked about a few times of my getting a profolatic mastdectomy. For me it does not lower the chances of reocurance enough to go through the surgery at this time. So I am not doing it. However that is my informed decision. I guess the point I am trying to make, is the more information she has the better she would be better able to decide what would be best for her and her young family.
I know that one of your biggest fears is that your daughter would follow in these perticular foot steps that you, your sister, and your mother have walked. You were relatively young (not that you still are not) when you face the decision of a masdectomy, not to be personal but wern't you and your guy able to move past that?
You and your family are in my prayers Re, and just as you have always been here for me I am here for you.
love
tj

Lil SIs
Well first he moved past the lumpectomy then 9 years later he pushed for me to get the double mast. which did not happen only had one totally removed and he was fine with that, it was I that after two years decided I needed to have reconstruction. Thank you for your support and prayers I appreciate it!

Love,

RE

RE

To All of You
Thank you so much for your comments and concerns. Reading all of your comments have given me much to think about and I appreciate each and everyone of them. I am so glad this site is here for each of us, it is a wealth of information and support.

Hugs to all,

RE

Akiss4me

RE said:

To All of You
Thank you so much for your comments and concerns. Reading all of your comments have given me much to think about and I appreciate each and everyone of them. I am so glad this site is here for each of us, it is a wealth of information and support.

Hugs to all,

RE

Opps...
Somehow, I missed this yesterday. I really can't add anymore except that I hope when all is said and done, everyone is prepared and comfortable with her decision. In the end, you supporting her decision is what will matter most to her. Hugs and smiles. ♥Pammy

patti anne

daughters
I have 4 daughters, ages 21-15, and I think that I want them to be tested. They already know they have to be on top of things...self exams, mammograms, etc.. but this would be just one more proactive step. I did not have the test, but wonder if I should?

Patti

mimivac

patti anne said:

daughters
I have 4 daughters, ages 21-15, and I think that I want them to be tested. They already know they have to be on top of things...self exams, mammograms, etc.. but this would be just one more proactive step. I did not have the test, but wonder if I should?

Patti

Being tested,
Patti,

Whether or not you should be tested depends upon a lot of things, including your personal preference. Do you have a lot of cancer in the family? Particularly younger cancer? You can also talk to a genetic counselor before being tested about whether you and/or your daughters should be concerned. Good luck.

Mimi

Marcia527

My Mom died of ovianian
My Mom died of ovianian cancer and my sister and I had breast cancer and another sister had uterian. The only one who had the gene testing was the sister with breast cancer which it was negative. I don't have daughters but did mention to my sons that men can get breast cancer also. I don't think they are worried about it because men breast cancer is rare but I wanted to tell them anyway.

RE

Marcia527 said:

My Mom died of ovianian
My Mom died of ovianian cancer and my sister and I had breast cancer and another sister had uterian. The only one who had the gene testing was the sister with breast cancer which it was negative. I don't have daughters but did mention to my sons that men can get breast cancer also. I don't think they are worried about it because men breast cancer is rare but I wanted to tell them anyway.

I AGREE
I agree Marcia that our son's need to be aware as well. I met a male bc survivor two years ago while having blood drawn. He was 82 and had had bc some 15 years earlier, he was a gem! I tell my son periodically to watch for it and he is very health concious so he does check. Sorry to hear that you too lost your mom to ovarian, no fun to lose our mom's.

Hugs,

RE

RE

Marcia527 said:

My Mom died of ovianian
My Mom died of ovianian cancer and my sister and I had breast cancer and another sister had uterian. The only one who had the gene testing was the sister with breast cancer which it was negative. I don't have daughters but did mention to my sons that men can get breast cancer also. I don't think they are worried about it because men breast cancer is rare but I wanted to tell them anyway.

I AGREE
I agree Marcia that our son's need to be aware as well. I met a male bc survivor two years ago while having blood drawn. He was 82 and had had bc some 15 years earlier, he was a gem! I tell my son periodically to watch for it and he is very health concious so he does check. Sorry to hear that you too lost your mom to ovarian, no fun to lose our mom's.

Hugs,

RE

mimivac

Marcia527 said:

My Mom died of ovianian
My Mom died of ovianian cancer and my sister and I had breast cancer and another sister had uterian. The only one who had the gene testing was the sister with breast cancer which it was negative. I don't have daughters but did mention to my sons that men can get breast cancer also. I don't think they are worried about it because men breast cancer is rare but I wanted to tell them anyway.

breast cancer's link to colon cancer
Marcia, there are some studies that suggest that persons with BRCA mutation can also be more suseptible to colon cancer, so that is something that your sons should be aware of as well. Hopefully, nothing like that will ever happen, but it's good to know and be proactive.

Mimi

Marcia527

mimivac said:

breast cancer's link to colon cancer
Marcia, there are some studies that suggest that persons with BRCA mutation can also be more suseptible to colon cancer, so that is something that your sons should be aware of as well. Hopefully, nothing like that will ever happen, but it's good to know and be proactive.

Mimi

The problem is my sons are
The problem is my sons are in their thirties and think they are invincible. They don't see the doctor very often. I guess I didn't either at that age. Actually I don't think they even recommend testing at that age. I don't know if we are mutants are not. Alto I think a mutant gene is responsible for Parkinson's. I don't know. Life is not so simple anymore. Maybe it never was, we were just ignorant.

mimivac

Marcia527 said:

The problem is my sons are
The problem is my sons are in their thirties and think they are invincible. They don't see the doctor very often. I guess I didn't either at that age. Actually I don't think they even recommend testing at that age. I don't know if we are mutants are not. Alto I think a mutant gene is responsible for Parkinson's. I don't know. Life is not so simple anymore. Maybe it never was, we were just ignorant.

Invincible
Hey, I understand that feeling. It was one I had not too long ago.... I don't think they recommend any kind of regular screening of men your sons' age unless there is a strong family history or a mutated gene. The studies are mixed for colon and breast cancer link, so I don't know that a doctor would recommend any regular screening. It's just so hard to know what the right thing to do is. I think we WERE a bit ignorant before and sometimes, well, ignorance is bliss... Wish I had more answers.

Mimi