SAD AND SCARED

chickad52
chickad52 Member Posts: 497
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Today is a sad day for our family as we lost a dear friend to lung cancer. She has been fighting for 4 years, and God finally called her. I am so sad and so scared at the same time. It makes me think about my own life. Is this going to happen to me when ever I have to deal with a death of someone dear to me? I would appreciate anyone sharing with me . I value all of you and your wisdom! Love and Hugs to my blessed pink sisters and brothers, Diane
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Comments

  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #2
    Diane, I personally think
    Diane, I personally think our mortality was put before our eyes when we received our diagnosis of bc. I know, I for one, wondered if I'd be like other family members that had died of cancer and only be alive for 3 months. That was my experience with my husband and my father. But, all cancers are different. I think it's only natural as we morn the loss of dear family and friends to think about our mortality. A better frame of mind at this pint would be to remember all the positive things you can about your dear friend and relish in them at this time. I'm so sorry for your loss, I know it is painful.
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490 Member
    #3
    Diane, (((HUGS))) I
    Diane, (((HUGS))) I understand, my husbands Ex girlfriend died from lung cancer this past July 2nd I believe. We all knew each other. She had the same kind as Dana Reeves. It was a heriditary type. The only blessing was she lived to see both daughters get married and her son graduate from college, she didn't think she would make it that far. Her funeral was July 6th. The day I had an accident with my car,a motorcycle ran into me, I got the call I had an abnormal mammo on my right breast. So, needless to say, it's been a rough summer. I wonder what my future holds, we all do, i believe. It is hard to deal with the death of a family member or friend.
  • tjhay
    tjhay Member Posts: 655
    #4
    Dear Diane, It is natural to
    Dear Diane, It is natural to be sadden by the loss of a friend, esp one who fought so valently (sp). I share your saddness. As far scared, how could you not be, you your self have faught the good fight against the beast. When ever one of our brothers or sisters fall in the battle with the beast know matter what for it takes, we all think could I be next, who will be next? It is natural to be frighten. I would like to think the further each of us gets from our personal battle itself we will be able to deal with that fear more easily. Be able to put it in the proper perspective. Though we will continue to be frightened for those who still battle, saddened that there are still those who have to battle. In time our ability to deal with that fear itself will come easier, not because we become numb but because instead it becomes easier to see the joys that life has offered, and our minds and our hearts will go first to the wonderful things that we shared with that person. We will find ourselves celebrateing there life, and where there is the memmories of shared joy, love, and life there is no room for fear.
    You your family, your dear friend and her are in my prayers today
    tj
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #5
    So very sorry....
    on the lost of your dear friend. I think as we get older our own mortality comes to mind more and more often, especially, when we, ourselves are facing a life threatening disease. I understand what it's like watching a dear friend go through this. My best friend, who is 51 is fighting brain cancer, she's 51. She has the worst form there is, Glioblastoma stage IV. The same type Ted Kennedy had....She and I have been a good support team to one another.

    God rest your dear friend and may you find peace and comfort in the warm memories of your friend.
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #6
    My deepest condolences
    Diane first let me say how sorry I am for the loss of your dear friend, it is always hard to lose someone.

    In regards to the reflection her death has on you your emotions are more than normal. I have lost my mom and my sister along with my sister in-law and two brother in-laws all to cancer. The one the hit me as my possible future the most was my dear sister because she was only 57. She passed from pancreatic cancer and now I am super fearful of it. I can only tell you what my oncologist told me....he said she is not you and your fate is not sewn up with hers. He spent more than 30 minutes explaining how each of our cancers are unique and how we each react differently to treatment. He stressed that her cancer was not my cancer and I need not borrow fear from her demise. It helped to hear it from the lips of my oncologist. I know it doesn't make it better emotionally, but perhaps mentally it will help a tad.

    Truly Sorry for you Loss,

    RE
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #7
    Diane
    I am sending you the biggest and best cyber hugs that are possible! I am so very sorry!

    Lex♥
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #8
    So sorry Diane
    I think anytime I am faced with the death of family, friends, even celebraties, I think about my own mortality. But when the death occured from any kind of "cancer" it seems to hit deeper. Then I begin to wonder when my time will be. I allow the thought, but I never hang onto it for very long. Because as we grow older we are faced with more and more deaths of people we knew. Since it is something that will be inevitable, I have decided to only allow the thought temporary space in my mind and then shoo it away and get on with life. I hope your sadness goes away quickly and only fond memories remain. ♥Pammy
  • chickad52
    chickad52 Member Posts: 497
    #9
    THANK YOU
    all so much for your kind words and prayers. It is a great comfort to me to have all of you. I was not doing so well earlier when I posted, but I'm feeling a little better now. I'm just going to focus on being there for the family and do whatever I can to help get them through this difficult time. (BLESS YOU ALL) Hugs, Diane
  • mlmjt1
    mlmjt1 Member Posts: 537 Member
    #10
    HI Diane
    I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Its hard when you lose someone close to you but somehow when you have cancer yourself and someone dies of cancer it just scares you so much more. I never really thought about my own mortality at all until I got hit with this diagnosis in April. Now my life will never be the same because somehow it is always there.

    But you know, it doesnt always have to be a bad thing. Dont you think you live your life just a little differently now? Maybe you hug your kids a little more, say I love you a little more or try to be there for friends a little more...you see the world just a little clearer and cherish it just a little more...and for me thats 1 good thing to come out of this whole ordeal.

    I asked my oncologist yesterday if there is anything more she can do for my breast cancer, is there any more aggressive treatment I can have and she said she was as aggressive as she can be...so I will go about my life, let her do the worrying and will live on hopefully more fully and love just a little more intensely...

    Gentle hugs to you

    LInda T
  • Dawne.Hope
    Dawne.Hope Member Posts: 823
    #11
    mlmjt1 said:

    HI Diane
    I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Its hard when you lose someone close to you but somehow when you have cancer yourself and someone dies of cancer it just scares you so much more. I never really thought about my own mortality at all until I got hit with this diagnosis in April. Now my life will never be the same because somehow it is always there.

    But you know, it doesnt always have to be a bad thing. Dont you think you live your life just a little differently now? Maybe you hug your kids a little more, say I love you a little more or try to be there for friends a little more...you see the world just a little clearer and cherish it just a little more...and for me thats 1 good thing to come out of this whole ordeal.

    I asked my oncologist yesterday if there is anything more she can do for my breast cancer, is there any more aggressive treatment I can have and she said she was as aggressive as she can be...so I will go about my life, let her do the worrying and will live on hopefully more fully and love just a little more intensely...

    Gentle hugs to you

    LInda T

    I'm sorry Diane!
    I'm currently living with and caring for my mom who has battled stage 4 bc for 9 years. It's now spread to her liver and her bones. I was dx six weeks ago and while my situation is different from yours, I am dealing with the same fears and the sadness.

    I agree with mlmjt1 above. It has forced me to deal with not only my mom's mortality but mine as well. While I am really struggling with fear it does make me value each day. Each of one of us doesn't know what is going to happen tomorrow. It makes me a little kinder, a little more appreciative of the little things.

    Again, I love the way mlmjt1 said it, "live on hopefully more fully and love just a little more intensely."

    Again, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

    My prayers are with you,
    d.h.
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #12
    Dawne.Hope said:

    I'm sorry Diane!
    I'm currently living with and caring for my mom who has battled stage 4 bc for 9 years. It's now spread to her liver and her bones. I was dx six weeks ago and while my situation is different from yours, I am dealing with the same fears and the sadness.

    I agree with mlmjt1 above. It has forced me to deal with not only my mom's mortality but mine as well. While I am really struggling with fear it does make me value each day. Each of one of us doesn't know what is going to happen tomorrow. It makes me a little kinder, a little more appreciative of the little things.

    Again, I love the way mlmjt1 said it, "live on hopefully more fully and love just a little more intensely."

    Again, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

    My prayers are with you,
    d.h.

    All I can say is that I am
    All I can say is that I am so very sorry Diane. Wish I could do more.........

    Sue :)
  • chickad52
    chickad52 Member Posts: 497
    #13
    mlmjt1 said:

    HI Diane
    I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Its hard when you lose someone close to you but somehow when you have cancer yourself and someone dies of cancer it just scares you so much more. I never really thought about my own mortality at all until I got hit with this diagnosis in April. Now my life will never be the same because somehow it is always there.

    But you know, it doesnt always have to be a bad thing. Dont you think you live your life just a little differently now? Maybe you hug your kids a little more, say I love you a little more or try to be there for friends a little more...you see the world just a little clearer and cherish it just a little more...and for me thats 1 good thing to come out of this whole ordeal.

    I asked my oncologist yesterday if there is anything more she can do for my breast cancer, is there any more aggressive treatment I can have and she said she was as aggressive as she can be...so I will go about my life, let her do the worrying and will live on hopefully more fully and love just a little more intensely...

    Gentle hugs to you

    LInda T

    Thank You Linda
    I do look at things differently. Thank You for that! Hugs, Diane
  • chickad52
    chickad52 Member Posts: 497
    #14
    chickad52 said:

    Thank You Linda
    I do look at things differently. Thank You for that! Hugs, Diane

    All I Can Say
    is (Thank You All!) Talking to other is such a great comfort, especially those that understand what we are going through. Hugs and Prayers Diane
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181 Member
    #15
    Diane
    Hi,sorry about your friend.I to have just lost a very close friend.And i think a world without my friend just don,t feel right.I miss her.It has also like you made me wonder will I be here for several years or maybe not,I so want to see my Grandchildren grow up.I also am in so much pain from my first Chemo.I know i will get through it but I don,t think I relized what a battle it is going to be.The pain in my joints is terrible.I,ll say a prayer for you.God Bless.(Pat).
  • elm3544
    elm3544 Member Posts: 748
    #16
    So very sorry for your loss.
    So very sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going through. I lost a close friend shortly after I was diagnosed. You are in my heart!
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    #17
    tjhay said:

    Dear Diane, It is natural to
    Dear Diane, It is natural to be sadden by the loss of a friend, esp one who fought so valently (sp). I share your saddness. As far scared, how could you not be, you your self have faught the good fight against the beast. When ever one of our brothers or sisters fall in the battle with the beast know matter what for it takes, we all think could I be next, who will be next? It is natural to be frighten. I would like to think the further each of us gets from our personal battle itself we will be able to deal with that fear more easily. Be able to put it in the proper perspective. Though we will continue to be frightened for those who still battle, saddened that there are still those who have to battle. In time our ability to deal with that fear itself will come easier, not because we become numb but because instead it becomes easier to see the joys that life has offered, and our minds and our hearts will go first to the wonderful things that we shared with that person. We will find ourselves celebrateing there life, and where there is the memmories of shared joy, love, and life there is no room for fear.
    You your family, your dear friend and her are in my prayers today
    tj

    Well put
    tj-thank you!
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #18
    Diane,
    I am so sorry for the
    Diane,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend... My deepest and sincerest condolances. I too think that anytime a death hits so close to home, it causes us to reflect on our own mortality... when it is caused by the beast that we are all fighting it even hits closer... The recognition of our mortality I don't believe is a bad thing... I think it is a reminder of how precious this gift of life is, the importance of creating memories, and though bad things happen in life it is so worth living and continuing to fight for.

    I know from my own personal experiences, that prior to my dx, when a death occured, I contimplated mortality, but not to the extent that I do now... every day we chose to live...though fear lerks close at times, I choose to not allow it to control me, but rather to control it... I do this by trying my best to find enjoyment in each day, even on bad days.. I've had a few of those lately... But bad days help us to find even more enjoyment out of our good days....Some people say that fear isn't good... I disagree...I believe a certain level of fear is absoluely normal and healthy...

    Morn the loss of your friend, it is a sad loss...but remember also to celebrate.... celebrate her life...

    ♥ & hugs to you my friend...

    ~T
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #19
    sorry for your loss
    Sorry to hear of your loss. It is only natural to question your own mortality when a love one passes, esp now as we question our own mortality ever since that dreaded day we received that diagnosis.

    It's okay to morn your loss and your fear.

    My deepest sympathy to you and your family... ((((HUGS))))
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #20
    e_hope said:

    sorry for your loss
    Sorry to hear of your loss. It is only natural to question your own mortality when a love one passes, esp now as we question our own mortality ever since that dreaded day we received that diagnosis.

    It's okay to morn your loss and your fear.

    My deepest sympathy to you and your family... ((((HUGS))))

    So very sorry Diane......

    So very sorry Diane......
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #21
    survivorbc09 said:

    So very sorry Diane......

    So very sorry Diane......

    ;(
    I am so sorry for your loss Diane.

    Hugs, Leeza

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