Half finished with chemotheraphy_Getting rid of baggage

I have been hanging around here for a while just keeping up with everyone. It has been a while since I posted, but I am back now. The chemotheraphy treatments has not been too bad. The side effects of the drugs has been managable. The steroids sends my blood gluclose levels into orbit for a few days right after treatments. I'm managing the diabetes better as I go through the treatments. I have completed 3 cycles and have 3 to go before radiation theraphy starts. I anticipate being through all the chemo and radiation by the end of the year.

I have been able to maintain a positive attitude through all of this. I really do know that I am blessed, even if I have to deal with the breast cancer. I usually work from home the week of treatment and return to work the following week. It helps a lot to be able to go to work when I can.

There is one experience I've had that came out of left field for me. The one person I thought would be there through all this is amazingly absent and somehow it's my fault. I refuse to take the responsibility for someone else's issues. I think it may be a case of a partner not knowing how to accept my illness, and also not knowing how to communicate regarding their feelings or fears. Actually they disengaged the day of my first treatment. I have gone through this much without them until I actually don't want to bother them or be bother with them anymore. I am not alone, because so many caring compassionate people are in my life and want me to know that they are here for me.

My problem with my partner is their way of saying "you know I love you and will do anything for you, just call me and let me know what I can do" (bullcrap). My issue is if you have a very close relationship with someone, they should want to be there even when you don't ask them to be. I am at a point now where it will be better for all involved if I let this individual go on and deal with the things they can and leave me the hell alone. I am really over it all already.

My healing room that I created has been great, especially since I have been a bit down lately.
I think I am being realistic about things and understanding when possible. I get to ride my motorcycle between treatment cycles. Now that the riding season is almost over I have started practicing my shooting since I belong to a winter bullseye league. I am also still taking my piano lessons and teaching myself the electric guitar and mandolin. I do best with the piano for now.

Enough for now, just wanted to come here where I feel like someone care even if I don't know you, I feel a part of this group. I am more than the cancer I am fighting, and I will survive this as I have other circumstances in my life. I am a fighter and always will be, it's just the way I am.

I will keep hanging around in the chat rooms and reading the posts here to keep in touch and keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care and have courage

Nellie