How do i help my daughter
laura
Comments
-
My daughters were made part of my team.....
They were both special needs, and since then one has passed away.
But, I told them that I needed them to be on my team, and we will do this together. That there may be days that I don't feel good, and I will need some help with things, and some extra-special hugs. But, as long as we are a team together, we will be doing everything we can to have me end up feeling much, much better. I also told them that when they got scared or had a question, we could call a 'team meeting' and discuss it...it worked VERY well...
I know it's hard, but you need to find something everyday to smile about. This will help both you AND your daughter get thru this. Also, plan something with her AFTER treatment is supposed to end (and you are feeling better)...a 'mommy and me' day.
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Sorry LauraKathiM said:My daughters were made part of my team.....
They were both special needs, and since then one has passed away.
But, I told them that I needed them to be on my team, and we will do this together. That there may be days that I don't feel good, and I will need some help with things, and some extra-special hugs. But, as long as we are a team together, we will be doing everything we can to have me end up feeling much, much better. I also told them that when they got scared or had a question, we could call a 'team meeting' and discuss it...it worked VERY well...
I know it's hard, but you need to find something everyday to smile about. This will help both you AND your daughter get thru this. Also, plan something with her AFTER treatment is supposed to end (and you are feeling better)...a 'mommy and me' day.
Hugs, Kathi
So sorry Laura that your daughter is afraid you will die. Seeing a parent sick when she is so young is very hard on her. Do you go to church? Could she get some counseling from your minister? I don't know if hospital's offer support groups for children. You might call and ask if they do. I like Kathi's post. She has a good idea. Good luck!
Lex♥0 -
Wonderful adviceKathiM said:My daughters were made part of my team.....
They were both special needs, and since then one has passed away.
But, I told them that I needed them to be on my team, and we will do this together. That there may be days that I don't feel good, and I will need some help with things, and some extra-special hugs. But, as long as we are a team together, we will be doing everything we can to have me end up feeling much, much better. I also told them that when they got scared or had a question, we could call a 'team meeting' and discuss it...it worked VERY well...
I know it's hard, but you need to find something everyday to smile about. This will help both you AND your daughter get thru this. Also, plan something with her AFTER treatment is supposed to end (and you are feeling better)...a 'mommy and me' day.
Hugs, Kathi
Laura I think Kathi just gave you the best advice in the world, the more your daughter is involved with what is going on the less afraid she will be, sometimes a little knowledge is not dangerous. Also like most children the more apart of what is going on the safer they feel, if mommy is not hiding things from her then there is nothing to be afraid of. This will be hard for both of you, however it is also a good chance to develop that all important more grown up relationship that will make you and your daughter the best of friends in both of you later years, which you are going to have many of.
tjhay
oh and by the way you are in my prayers0 -
Peace will come your way
I was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer last month. I also have one daughter who is a senior in high school and an adult soon in college. I know this has to be a very scary experience for you and your child. The best advise I could give is first to find strength and support in your church group. Sometimes, churches have girls clubs or youth departments. Getting your daughter involved in other activities will help distract attention from you and your treatments. I know she is concerned, but it will help for her to try to live as normal as possible during this period of your life. Before I found out I had cancer, I adopted the saying; LOVE, LIVE, LAUGH. This is how I decided to live my life. Through the good and bad times. I will be starting treatments during the first week of September and I am praying that I will try to remain positive and not let my faith be waived. I pray that God will continue to strengthen you during this time in your life. This is all so new to me too. I do not have cancer of either side of my family so I was really surprised to her I had it. My daughter stays pretty active in school and church activities, I think that helps her to cope with all that is going on. Be Blessed0 -
I made my daughter part of
I made my daughter part of my Team too. When I had chemo, she came with me, even if it meant she didn't go to school that day. This, of course, is a personal decision, but for us, it was important. We armed ourselves with Mad-Libs, and honestly laughed our way thru chemo. It became a good part of our life's schedule...every three weeks. She went with me to the beauty supply and she helped me try on wigs,and she got to choose the one she liked best on me. We got lots of DVD's and she spent a lot of "snuggle time" in bed with me, as my exhaustion grew. Even tho she knew I would fall asleep, she would faithfully start one of our favorite movies or series~ we loved Anne Of Green Gables, as I had always called her my Anne-Girl and I was her Mirella.
You know what your dynamics with your daughter are, so I am certain you will come up with something appropriate for the 2 of you. Does she know why hair falls out? When I explained to mine that these strong medicines work by keeping cells from growing, and because hair grows too, we can be sure that the medicine is doing a GREAT JOB of getting rid of the cancer! So, losing your hair is a good thing~ I went so far as to say that it was how we would know that the medicine was doing its job on making me well!
Maybe you can find some cool group pictures of a Relay For Life, or the Susan G Komen race for the cure...not to be showing her how many have had cancer, but the thousands who SURVIVED !!!
I know it is hard for kids, and I hope you find the right tools to make this a bit easier for both of you.
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
Thank youchenheart said:I made my daughter part of
I made my daughter part of my Team too. When I had chemo, she came with me, even if it meant she didn't go to school that day. This, of course, is a personal decision, but for us, it was important. We armed ourselves with Mad-Libs, and honestly laughed our way thru chemo. It became a good part of our life's schedule...every three weeks. She went with me to the beauty supply and she helped me try on wigs,and she got to choose the one she liked best on me. We got lots of DVD's and she spent a lot of "snuggle time" in bed with me, as my exhaustion grew. Even tho she knew I would fall asleep, she would faithfully start one of our favorite movies or series~ we loved Anne Of Green Gables, as I had always called her my Anne-Girl and I was her Mirella.
You know what your dynamics with your daughter are, so I am certain you will come up with something appropriate for the 2 of you. Does she know why hair falls out? When I explained to mine that these strong medicines work by keeping cells from growing, and because hair grows too, we can be sure that the medicine is doing a GREAT JOB of getting rid of the cancer! So, losing your hair is a good thing~ I went so far as to say that it was how we would know that the medicine was doing its job on making me well!
Maybe you can find some cool group pictures of a Relay For Life, or the Susan G Komen race for the cure...not to be showing her how many have had cancer, but the thousands who SURVIVED !!!
I know it is hard for kids, and I hope you find the right tools to make this a bit easier for both of you.
Hugs,
Chen♥
for the good advice from all of you. Kathi im sorry for your loss on one of your children. I couldnt imagine losing a child. When i read your post i called a meeting with all three of my kids. The oldest is 15 then 13 and 11. The oldest helped me alot on talking to my daughter and explaining things to her. I was afraid to share it all with her at first because i was afraid she would totally freak out. But i realize now that i should of told her more in the beginning. She is at ease some more now. When we got done with talking i finally took out the clippers and let each of them help me shave my head since i couldnt stand all the strands falling out all over everything. They said i looked cool! I think it will still be a good idea to try to find some kind of support group for all my kids though. I used your words chen on the hair falling out and told her that meant the medicine was working. Thanks again everyone.
laura0 -
Laura,lolad said:Thank you
for the good advice from all of you. Kathi im sorry for your loss on one of your children. I couldnt imagine losing a child. When i read your post i called a meeting with all three of my kids. The oldest is 15 then 13 and 11. The oldest helped me alot on talking to my daughter and explaining things to her. I was afraid to share it all with her at first because i was afraid she would totally freak out. But i realize now that i should of told her more in the beginning. She is at ease some more now. When we got done with talking i finally took out the clippers and let each of them help me shave my head since i couldnt stand all the strands falling out all over everything. They said i looked cool! I think it will still be a good idea to try to find some kind of support group for all my kids though. I used your words chen on the hair falling out and told her that meant the medicine was working. Thanks again everyone.
laura
So glad you got such
Laura,
So glad you got such good advice. And glad you talked more with your kids. We sometimes err in trying to protect them too much and they are more resilient than we think. ALso the unspoken can be so much more frightening than the truth. By I agree, looking into some kind of support for them would be good. A place they can vent and open up with other kids there age. Hopefully there are some kind of groups available like this.
I want to wish you well on this journey and I have you in my prayers.
Stef0 -
Lauralolad said:Thank you
for the good advice from all of you. Kathi im sorry for your loss on one of your children. I couldnt imagine losing a child. When i read your post i called a meeting with all three of my kids. The oldest is 15 then 13 and 11. The oldest helped me alot on talking to my daughter and explaining things to her. I was afraid to share it all with her at first because i was afraid she would totally freak out. But i realize now that i should of told her more in the beginning. She is at ease some more now. When we got done with talking i finally took out the clippers and let each of them help me shave my head since i couldnt stand all the strands falling out all over everything. They said i looked cool! I think it will still be a good idea to try to find some kind of support group for all my kids though. I used your words chen on the hair falling out and told her that meant the medicine was working. Thanks again everyone.
laura
Your in my thoughts and prayers! I think you handled everything perfectly. It is way different dealing with adult children (mine are) than little ones. You have a way thougher job, but will build a more deeper bond over this experience. ♥ Pammy0 -
Laura.....lolad said:Thank you
for the good advice from all of you. Kathi im sorry for your loss on one of your children. I couldnt imagine losing a child. When i read your post i called a meeting with all three of my kids. The oldest is 15 then 13 and 11. The oldest helped me alot on talking to my daughter and explaining things to her. I was afraid to share it all with her at first because i was afraid she would totally freak out. But i realize now that i should of told her more in the beginning. She is at ease some more now. When we got done with talking i finally took out the clippers and let each of them help me shave my head since i couldnt stand all the strands falling out all over everything. They said i looked cool! I think it will still be a good idea to try to find some kind of support group for all my kids though. I used your words chen on the hair falling out and told her that meant the medicine was working. Thanks again everyone.
laura
that is so cool that they all helped with shaving your head. What a good idea. Glad you had the talk with all of them too. Sounds like you are on the right track. Have a good weekend.
Love and Light,
Vicki0 -
Laura... I understand what
Laura... I understand what you are going through with your daughter... I have custody of my niece she is 11, she lost her father (my brother) to lung cancer a year ago last April... Telling her of my dx was very difficult... When I sought out answers to help me help her deal with it, I received some wonderful advise, like you are receiving now... One thing that we do, (a suggestion from a memeber here) is... I went out and found some wonderful stationary and a box... we decorated it and placed a slit on top... whenever she has a question or concern that she doesn't want to talk about out loud, she writes it on the stationary, and slips it into the box, I check it every evening, and reply, and she checks it at bedtime... at first there were a lot of "I'm scared notes"... now there are more.."I love you" notes... I talk to her openly about what is happening... (even though there hasn't been too much happening other than tests followed by more tests)... but it has helped her... The cancer society has different support groups for children who's family members have experienced cancer, last year Liz (my niece) even went to a three day camp.. Most importantly keep the lines of communication open... Best wishes....
Hugs,
~T0 -
Baby girltaleena said:Laura... I understand what
Laura... I understand what you are going through with your daughter... I have custody of my niece she is 11, she lost her father (my brother) to lung cancer a year ago last April... Telling her of my dx was very difficult... When I sought out answers to help me help her deal with it, I received some wonderful advise, like you are receiving now... One thing that we do, (a suggestion from a memeber here) is... I went out and found some wonderful stationary and a box... we decorated it and placed a slit on top... whenever she has a question or concern that she doesn't want to talk about out loud, she writes it on the stationary, and slips it into the box, I check it every evening, and reply, and she checks it at bedtime... at first there were a lot of "I'm scared notes"... now there are more.."I love you" notes... I talk to her openly about what is happening... (even though there hasn't been too much happening other than tests followed by more tests)... but it has helped her... The cancer society has different support groups for children who's family members have experienced cancer, last year Liz (my niece) even went to a three day camp.. Most importantly keep the lines of communication open... Best wishes....
Hugs,
~T
I'm so glad to hear that you have engaged your daughter and made her part of your team. I hope you are able to find a place for her to get support.
My baby girl is 31. Believe it or not she had the same fears as your 11 year old when I first told her about the BC. "Mommy I need you, please don't die". I spent some time explaining my cancer to her and she felt better but still scared.
My suggestions if you want to make her feel active in your care: Take her wig shopping.
Let her help find hats and head wraps. If you're the sewing type, take her to the local fabric store and find some fabulous fabric so you can make head wraps together. I think the tlc site offers instructions on how to tie wraps, for an 11 year old this would be great. Also, many local cancer societies have "beauty days", where you can go with a guest for a makeover.
I'm not as far along in my treatment as you are, but belive me I will be using each and every tool that I suggested to you
Love and Peace
Roberta0 -
Read Kathi's post. I think it will help you Belle.KathiM said:My daughters were made part of my team.....
They were both special needs, and since then one has passed away.
But, I told them that I needed them to be on my team, and we will do this together. That there may be days that I don't feel good, and I will need some help with things, and some extra-special hugs. But, as long as we are a team together, we will be doing everything we can to have me end up feeling much, much better. I also told them that when they got scared or had a question, we could call a 'team meeting' and discuss it...it worked VERY well...
I know it's hard, but you need to find something everyday to smile about. This will help both you AND your daughter get thru this. Also, plan something with her AFTER treatment is supposed to end (and you are feeling better)...a 'mommy and me' day.
Hugs, Kathi0 -
My daughter was 18 when I
My daughter was 18 when I was diagnosed, and i was very upbeat and positive about it. She sobbed the most when i lost my hair, she said thats what made me look sick. I took her to chemo with me, she was scared to death, but she met my nurses and a couple friends that i had made there. That helped her understand what was going on. The place I go to is brand new, so it is very impressive. We also planned a trip to the mall for new clothes and makeup for me and talked about new hairstyles for when my hair grew back. I know it is hard, but please try to stay positive. There are support groups for children, if there is a social worker at your oncologist office, she will be able to help you. Take care0 -
Laura, I am so glad that youlolad said:Thank you
for the good advice from all of you. Kathi im sorry for your loss on one of your children. I couldnt imagine losing a child. When i read your post i called a meeting with all three of my kids. The oldest is 15 then 13 and 11. The oldest helped me alot on talking to my daughter and explaining things to her. I was afraid to share it all with her at first because i was afraid she would totally freak out. But i realize now that i should of told her more in the beginning. She is at ease some more now. When we got done with talking i finally took out the clippers and let each of them help me shave my head since i couldnt stand all the strands falling out all over everything. They said i looked cool! I think it will still be a good idea to try to find some kind of support group for all my kids though. I used your words chen on the hair falling out and told her that meant the medicine was working. Thanks again everyone.
laura
Laura, I am so glad that you talked to your children about what is happening with you. Kids can take the truth. They don't like the "not knowing." I pray that they will stay strong for you and that your road will be easy.
Hugs, Leeza0 -
Pitt and for others that need helpmeena1 said:My daughter was 18 when I
My daughter was 18 when I was diagnosed, and i was very upbeat and positive about it. She sobbed the most when i lost my hair, she said thats what made me look sick. I took her to chemo with me, she was scared to death, but she met my nurses and a couple friends that i had made there. That helped her understand what was going on. The place I go to is brand new, so it is very impressive. We also planned a trip to the mall for new clothes and makeup for me and talked about new hairstyles for when my hair grew back. I know it is hard, but please try to stay positive. There are support groups for children, if there is a social worker at your oncologist office, she will be able to help you. Take care
Pitt, this is an excellent thread with lots of good info on how to tell your children about what is happening to you. I hope this helps!
♠♥ Noel ♠♥0 -
How to tell young children
Thank you for posting all of these. I am in my room crying right now. There were some great ideas. As I figure out how to post and navigate this site, I'll let you know what develops. Thank you so much for responding. I needed to hear from someone. Thank you. Liz0 -
Welcomepitt said:How to tell young children
Thank you for posting all of these. I am in my room crying right now. There were some great ideas. As I figure out how to post and navigate this site, I'll let you know what develops. Thank you so much for responding. I needed to hear from someone. Thank you. Liz
Hi! In he middle of feeling afraid and alone, and overwhelmed~ this site lets you know that we are a huge family of Kindred Spirits. We really do understand; and this is such a safe place to land and be heard! Crying is allowed, and somtimes even encouraged! Feel free to ask anything you need to as you maneuver your way through this maze of treatment and life decisions as you beat the monster call Breast Cancer. As one of our wise sisters in pink once said "You are our past, and we are your future."
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
I have to tell everyonechenheart said:Welcome
Hi! In he middle of feeling afraid and alone, and overwhelmed~ this site lets you know that we are a huge family of Kindred Spirits. We really do understand; and this is such a safe place to land and be heard! Crying is allowed, and somtimes even encouraged! Feel free to ask anything you need to as you maneuver your way through this maze of treatment and life decisions as you beat the monster call Breast Cancer. As one of our wise sisters in pink once said "You are our past, and we are your future."
Hugs,
Claudia
That each and every response was wonderful that i got from each of you. My children, especially my baby daughter at 11 are doing so much better. Im checking into church groups and acs groups for all of them and even myself. Its all such a hard journey, and its so hard watching your children hurt and be afraid for you when you are the one that is supposed to be doing the protecting and helping them. We have come a long way in this short week or so and i owe it to all the support from my sisters here at the wonderful place of heart.
laura0 -
Hi Laura, Sorry I'm late onlolad said:I have to tell everyone
That each and every response was wonderful that i got from each of you. My children, especially my baby daughter at 11 are doing so much better. Im checking into church groups and acs groups for all of them and even myself. Its all such a hard journey, and its so hard watching your children hurt and be afraid for you when you are the one that is supposed to be doing the protecting and helping them. We have come a long way in this short week or so and i owe it to all the support from my sisters here at the wonderful place of heart.
laura
Hi Laura,
Sorry I'm late on this one. You have been given some great advice!!! My niece was 9 yrs. old when I was diagnosed. What helped her was having her friends part of our process(she is an only child) and her teachers, counselor and principal to know at school. She was allowed to go to the counselors office anytime she felt she needed it(as long as she didn't abuse it). Surprisingly, her friends were her best support. I was kind of a show and tell project but Sarah, my niece had all of the answers to her friends' questions. A support group is a great idea and if they don't have them for children of b/c, they really need to start. Especially when we are being diagnosed younger and younger. I hope that you and she find the perfect fit for both of you.
I'll be sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
Love and gentle hugs,
Donna
PS My niece and used to make designs on my bald head with stick on rhinestones! It was siily fun and yes I went out that way.0
Discussion Boards
- All Discussion Boards
- 6 CSN Information
- 6 Welcome to CSN
- 121.9K Cancer specific
- 2.8K Anal Cancer
- 446 Bladder Cancer
- 309 Bone Cancers
- 1.6K Brain Cancer
- 28.5K Breast Cancer
- 398 Childhood Cancers
- 27.9K Colorectal Cancer
- 4.6K Esophageal Cancer
- 1.2K Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine)
- 13K Head and Neck Cancer
- 6.4K Kidney Cancer
- 671 Leukemia
- 794 Liver Cancer
- 4.1K Lung Cancer
- 5.1K Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin)
- 237 Multiple Myeloma
- 7.1K Ovarian Cancer
- 63 Pancreatic Cancer
- 487 Peritoneal Cancer
- 5.5K Prostate Cancer
- 1.2K Rare and Other Cancers
- 540 Sarcoma
- 734 Skin Cancer
- 653 Stomach Cancer
- 191 Testicular Cancer
- 1.5K Thyroid Cancer
- 5.8K Uterine/Endometrial Cancer
- 6.3K Lifestyle Discussion Boards