This is turning out to be harder then I thought it would be. DUH!
I feel like I shuold be so happy that the surgery was a success. I get my life back. I can grow old with my husband and be a mother and grandmother. Yet, I am SO SAD! I am afraid that I will continue to be sad even after school and work start.
Reconstruction is going fine although I am disgusted at how I look when I choose to look. I hate the expanders and although I know it's temporary, I feel like a freak with the scars, no nipples etc. The looming medical bills are also stressing us out a bit.
I looked into a support group at the local hospital, but it meets at a time when I can not go. Can't afford private therapy. Sorry to sound so pathetic. I am usually a strong and capable person. Every morning I wake up feeling like I'm in the movie Groundhog Day, living the same damn day over and over. Wow, aren't I just the ray of sunshine you all needed today?
Comments
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I am sorry to hear that you
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad. Would you consider taking an antidepressant?
If so, you might make an appt. with your doctor to get a prescription. I have suffered from depression for years, but medication has helped greatly. I think going through all the BC treatment would have been insurmountable without medication.
In the meantime, I think you are doing the right thing by trying to stay on schedule.
I hope you have a good day today. Hugs & prayers sent your way!0 -
So sorryTux said:I am sorry to hear that you
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad. Would you consider taking an antidepressant?
If so, you might make an appt. with your doctor to get a prescription. I have suffered from depression for years, but medication has helped greatly. I think going through all the BC treatment would have been insurmountable without medication.
In the meantime, I think you are doing the right thing by trying to stay on schedule.
I hope you have a good day today. Hugs & prayers sent your way!
I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad. Your body and your emotions have been going through a lot lately so what you are feeling is completely justified. I agree with Tux ... that you might ask your doctor about a prescription for an antidepressant. Many of us going through the physicaly struggles of cancer have found that the emotional struggles can be just as draining. Personally ... I know I couldn't get through this without the help of antidepressants.
hugs.
teena0 -
MorningTux said:I am sorry to hear that you
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad. Would you consider taking an antidepressant?
If so, you might make an appt. with your doctor to get a prescription. I have suffered from depression for years, but medication has helped greatly. I think going through all the BC treatment would have been insurmountable without medication.
In the meantime, I think you are doing the right thing by trying to stay on schedule.
I hope you have a good day today. Hugs & prayers sent your way!
I just had a bilateral with immediate reconstruction on july 29th. so I'm right behind you!!! I used my own body tissue so I know what you mean about looking at your new body... mine looks just weird!!! I look like a big scary smiley face... My plasic surgeon gave me a book called "reconstructing Aphrodite" it has stories of 21 Women including pictures of thier breasts. That is what I think about when I look at my new body...I do the uuuugggg thing when I look at myself!!! I know I won't look like this forever... It's temporary!!! I'm healing right now (get my last drain out today!!!) and even though I don't have any nipples either I know I will soon.. I was thinking of getting my nipples on for Christmas!!! and maybe having a group of girlfrieds throw me a nipple party!!!
Your still healing too.. be good to yourself... you are a warrior that beat the beast!!! make some goals for yourself... when you look at your body picture it in a few months with nipples and a new outfit!!! You have been through alot physically and mentally... spoil yourself and find the little things in life that make you smile!!! If I lived by you we could go get a massage or a pedicure!!!
HUGZ... Calleen0 -
P.S.Calleen said:Morning
I just had a bilateral with immediate reconstruction on july 29th. so I'm right behind you!!! I used my own body tissue so I know what you mean about looking at your new body... mine looks just weird!!! I look like a big scary smiley face... My plasic surgeon gave me a book called "reconstructing Aphrodite" it has stories of 21 Women including pictures of thier breasts. That is what I think about when I look at my new body...I do the uuuugggg thing when I look at myself!!! I know I won't look like this forever... It's temporary!!! I'm healing right now (get my last drain out today!!!) and even though I don't have any nipples either I know I will soon.. I was thinking of getting my nipples on for Christmas!!! and maybe having a group of girlfrieds throw me a nipple party!!!
Your still healing too.. be good to yourself... you are a warrior that beat the beast!!! make some goals for yourself... when you look at your body picture it in a few months with nipples and a new outfit!!! You have been through alot physically and mentally... spoil yourself and find the little things in life that make you smile!!! If I lived by you we could go get a massage or a pedicure!!!
HUGZ... Calleen
I bet there's more than one support group in your area... I found one through the breast center where I had my MRI and genetic testing done. It meets in the evenings...
HUGZ....Calleen0 -
The good news is...Calleen said:P.S.
I bet there's more than one support group in your area... I found one through the breast center where I had my MRI and genetic testing done. It meets in the evenings...
HUGZ....Calleen
I have to remind myself of the progress. I looked at the calendar before and was actually shocked that it has only been two and a half weeks since my surgery. Maybe I'm unrealistic in expecting so much so soon. Today I walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I was quite an athlete before surgery, but this was what I could do, so I did it. I have a friend coming over to "hang out" by the pool at 1:00. Promised my daughter we would finish the sock monkey that we started yesterday. Made the bed and walked the dogs. Brought the garbage cans up from the curb. Emptied the dishwasher. Okay, little things are important and they do add up.
I really don't want to take antidepressants. I took them in my early 20's for an eating disorder and I did not like them at all. I also ended up in the ER due to complications related to percocet after surgery, so I am anti-meds. For me, not anyone else.
Thank you guys for your support. It means so much to have this forum.0 -
I can not say that I knowguitarmom2 said:The good news is...
I have to remind myself of the progress. I looked at the calendar before and was actually shocked that it has only been two and a half weeks since my surgery. Maybe I'm unrealistic in expecting so much so soon. Today I walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I was quite an athlete before surgery, but this was what I could do, so I did it. I have a friend coming over to "hang out" by the pool at 1:00. Promised my daughter we would finish the sock monkey that we started yesterday. Made the bed and walked the dogs. Brought the garbage cans up from the curb. Emptied the dishwasher. Okay, little things are important and they do add up.
I really don't want to take antidepressants. I took them in my early 20's for an eating disorder and I did not like them at all. I also ended up in the ER due to complications related to percocet after surgery, so I am anti-meds. For me, not anyone else.
Thank you guys for your support. It means so much to have this forum.
I can not say that I know what you are going through, because I don't... I haven't been there.. but I want you to know we are all here for you... the little things may sound little but they are not they are instead milestones that will lead you to the other side of being able to do all the things that you want to do... come here and laugh at our silly stuff... it will help brighten your day... Remember you are not alone...
♥ ♥ & hugs
~T0 -
Just want you to know thattaleena said:I can not say that I know
I can not say that I know what you are going through, because I don't... I haven't been there.. but I want you to know we are all here for you... the little things may sound little but they are not they are instead milestones that will lead you to the other side of being able to do all the things that you want to do... come here and laugh at our silly stuff... it will help brighten your day... Remember you are not alone...
♥ ♥ & hugs
~T
Just want you to know that you are not alone. But, you should look into a support group. Almost every cancer center has them and they are great.
Hugs, ♥ Lex0 -
Just give yourself someguitarmom2 said:The good news is...
I have to remind myself of the progress. I looked at the calendar before and was actually shocked that it has only been two and a half weeks since my surgery. Maybe I'm unrealistic in expecting so much so soon. Today I walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I was quite an athlete before surgery, but this was what I could do, so I did it. I have a friend coming over to "hang out" by the pool at 1:00. Promised my daughter we would finish the sock monkey that we started yesterday. Made the bed and walked the dogs. Brought the garbage cans up from the curb. Emptied the dishwasher. Okay, little things are important and they do add up.
I really don't want to take antidepressants. I took them in my early 20's for an eating disorder and I did not like them at all. I also ended up in the ER due to complications related to percocet after surgery, so I am anti-meds. For me, not anyone else.
Thank you guys for your support. It means so much to have this forum.
Just give yourself some time. You are still so new out of surgery. And, I don't take, nor have I ever, taking antidepressants. So, glad to hear that you aren't. Try a support group, or the Reach for Recovery program thru ACS. Hope you feel better!
♠♣Susie♠♣0 -
Know the movie - Been there
Just know - it does get better, and getting help dealing with the stressors is a good thing. I don't know if you are going to a big cancer treatment center. If you are, then the social worker is someone who can help. I couldn't afford the therapist I wanted to go to, so I applied for a scholarship for counseling through our tiny local hospital and received it! Don't give up. I do use anti-depressant and anxiety meds, and for cancer recovery this is not uncommon. You have just gone through a major, life altering surgery! It is important to talk with someone who really understands cancer. Keep coming here. We're behind you every step of the way. ♥Lynn♥0 -
time
I agree with some of these posts - take your time. It takes a great deal of time to absorb everything.
I had my mast. in January. I thought my breasts looked hidious after surgery...yes, I was grateful to be alive, but I wanted what I had before (nipples, jiggly boobs..) Can't have it anymore - gone. At the time of my surgery, I was 100% for getting the nipples tattoed on, now I'm not so sure.
Enough time has passed that I realize they are only visible to my husband and myself. His thought is 'why go through the pain of getting tattoos?" He loves me as I am, and I'm slowly agreeing with him........
A big hug to you and I hope that you can work it out.
Jill0 -
Give yourself time -
time to adjust to the new normal. Time to heal, both physically and mentally. Time to laugh and cry. They're all very important! It really hasn't been long since your surgery, and all parts of you have some adjusting to do.
If you really feel best with a schedule, make one up for yourself, but go easy on what you're requiring of yourself.
1. Get out of bed
2. Smile at yourself in the mirror
3. Get dressed in comfy clothes and walk the dogs (that counts as exercise, too)
4. Eat something nutritious - then eat something just because you like it!
5. Hug the kids
You get the idea. And schedule in time to check the boards for support. There's an unbelievable amount of help, right here.
((((gentlehugs))))0 -
Vent away
Thats what we are here for and it is totally natural for you to feel so sad still. I sure do. Im going through the reconstruction part with expanders too and feel very ugly and unattractive as well. We have to realize though what we have been through till now and what is still to come and realize that we are winners and beautiful people. Thats real hard to do, but we have to try to stay positive. You sound like you have alot more going on that you are fighting in your life too and im sorry for that. You are in no way pathetic, you are only human and you deserve to express how you feel. If you didnt or wouldnt then you would go crazy. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers
laura0 -
I am very sorry that you aretgf said:So sorry
I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad. Your body and your emotions have been going through a lot lately so what you are feeling is completely justified. I agree with Tux ... that you might ask your doctor about a prescription for an antidepressant. Many of us going through the physicaly struggles of cancer have found that the emotional struggles can be just as draining. Personally ... I know I couldn't get through this without the help of antidepressants.
hugs.
teena
I am very sorry that you are feeling so down. I hope that we can somehow encourage you and lighten up your day.
♥Love, Jeanne♥0 -
Sorry that you are so sad.lolad said:Vent away
Thats what we are here for and it is totally natural for you to feel so sad still. I sure do. Im going through the reconstruction part with expanders too and feel very ugly and unattractive as well. We have to realize though what we have been through till now and what is still to come and realize that we are winners and beautiful people. Thats real hard to do, but we have to try to stay positive. You sound like you have alot more going on that you are fighting in your life too and im sorry for that. You are in no way pathetic, you are only human and you deserve to express how you feel. If you didnt or wouldnt then you would go crazy. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers
laura
Sorry that you are so sad. It happens to all of us at one time or another. I will put you in my prayers. Hope you feel better soon!
Leeza0 -
Only 2 weeks!jnl said:Sorry that you are so sad.
Sorry that you are so sad. It happens to all of us at one time or another. I will put you in my prayers. Hope you feel better soon!
Leeza
I think you are right that you are rushing things a little. You only had surgery 2 weeks ago and quite normal that you should be feeling down right now. Ask in the cancer center for a social worker..he or she is there to talk to or show you the right direction to go.
I'll be thinking of you and hope you feel brighter soon.0 -
Only 2 weeks!jnl said:Sorry that you are so sad.
Sorry that you are so sad. It happens to all of us at one time or another. I will put you in my prayers. Hope you feel better soon!
Leeza
I think you are right that you are rushing things a little. You only had surgery 2 weeks ago and quite normal that you should be feeling down right now. Ask in the cancer center for a social worker..he or she is there to talk to or show you the right direction to go.
I'll be thinking of you and hope you feel brighter soon.0 -
I love what you said.........Calleen said:Morning
I just had a bilateral with immediate reconstruction on july 29th. so I'm right behind you!!! I used my own body tissue so I know what you mean about looking at your new body... mine looks just weird!!! I look like a big scary smiley face... My plasic surgeon gave me a book called "reconstructing Aphrodite" it has stories of 21 Women including pictures of thier breasts. That is what I think about when I look at my new body...I do the uuuugggg thing when I look at myself!!! I know I won't look like this forever... It's temporary!!! I'm healing right now (get my last drain out today!!!) and even though I don't have any nipples either I know I will soon.. I was thinking of getting my nipples on for Christmas!!! and maybe having a group of girlfrieds throw me a nipple party!!!
Your still healing too.. be good to yourself... you are a warrior that beat the beast!!! make some goals for yourself... when you look at your body picture it in a few months with nipples and a new outfit!!! You have been through alot physically and mentally... spoil yourself and find the little things in life that make you smile!!! If I lived by you we could go get a massage or a pedicure!!!
HUGZ... Calleen
about feeling like you're living the movie Ground Hog Day! I'm feeling alot of the same things and my surguries were not even as invasive as yours (1st lumpectomy then partial mastsectomy. I am also one of those people who runs better having a schedule, right now the kids are out of school, and life just seems off balance for me. I took 2 weeks off after my last surgury and have decided to take 2 more weeks off as a personal leave of absence. I just need the time to get back on track. Like you I have family stress (mom) and finacial stress, etc. etc, etc. Stuff I would nornmally deal with just fine, but lately it just all seems overwhelming. I'm thinking about asking the doctor for something when I see her this Friday, but I'm afraid to too. I've never had a problem with depression before, so this is new for me. But I also feel sad alot too. I guess it's not uncommon.
I wanted to offer you some positive words here but somehow they eluded me, I do know that this will pass, so just hang in there and I will too.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Aurora0 -
How are you doing with radsTux said:I am sorry to hear that you
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so sad. Would you consider taking an antidepressant?
If so, you might make an appt. with your doctor to get a prescription. I have suffered from depression for years, but medication has helped greatly. I think going through all the BC treatment would have been insurmountable without medication.
In the meantime, I think you are doing the right thing by trying to stay on schedule.
I hope you have a good day today. Hugs & prayers sent your way!
How are you doing with rads Tux?
I thought you had started them, but, you haven't said anything lately.
I hope you are doing ok.
Remember, lather up with the creams.
Hugs ♥Lex♥0 -
Hi quitarmom2, I had a masectomy back in November, I had expanders put in at the time, Now I need to have the expander taken out and an implant put in. Do you know what type of reconstruction you will be having? I hate the expanders also, it is so hard and uncomfortable. I really was not prepared for this. I found a great bra, it is IPEX from Victoria secret, so i do not have a problem wearing any type of clothing, I am hoping someone has some suggestions,0
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Hello Meena1 and welcome. Imeena1 said:Hi quitarmom2, I had a masectomy back in November, I had expanders put in at the time, Now I need to have the expander taken out and an implant put in. Do you know what type of reconstruction you will be having? I hate the expanders also, it is so hard and uncomfortable. I really was not prepared for this. I found a great bra, it is IPEX from Victoria secret, so i do not have a problem wearing any type of clothing, I am hoping someone has some suggestions,
Hello Meena1 and welcome. I had a lumpectomy, but, others will give you more info that have gone thru what you have.
Good luck!0
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