Finished my initial treatment protocol today. Need to re-define myself as a 'survivor OUT of treatm
Can any of you remember this day and the days that followed it? Statistically, with my Grade 3 / Stage 3 aggressive cancer, I have a 60% chance that my cancer battle is over and won. And I have a 40% statistical chance that this is just a welcome lull in the action. Being who I am, I choose to believe that I am now cancer-free and CURED. I will allow myself to be hopeful and happy and am already planning a celebration party and a fall vacation trip. I will deal with recurrance if and when it happens, but I'm going to start easing myself away from my cancer 'battle mode' and the cancer focus of my thoughts and my days. Starting TODAY. Does anyone really do that? Cancer Chapter complete; close the book??
Can I really pack away my wig and give away my huge hat collection and use my assortment of funny cancer shirts for cleaning rags?? Could it really be OVER?? And how soon will I get comfortable in my new identity and pick up my life again where I left off last year?
Comments
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You are now an "alumn"!
Linda,
I concluded treatment on April 18, 1982 with mixed emotions. Of course, I was relieved to be done with all the vomiting, nausea, and the rest of it, but I was also apprehensive about the future, like the Linda Blair character in "The Exorcist", the feeling of dread that the demon could return in the sequel. And, there was the thing about coming to terms with my marriage, now that the struggle was, at least for now, over.
Would this mean a resumption of my previous life, which was unsatisfying, or a personal renaissance? Alas, it was not to be. Divorce, a new job, a crusade for meaning, a series of failed relationships, travel, loss of family, a return to school, a new career, becoming the sole surviving member of my family, all following in the wake of 04/18/82. What remains is still an "undiscovered country".
Love, Courage, and Congratulations!
Rick (Terato-carcinoma, Class of '82)0 -
Congratulations!
Awesome news, Linda! Congraulations for recognizing that you are a survivor, something you have been, incidentally, since the very day they diagnosed you, in my humble opinion.
Clearly, we all deal with that NED (No Evidence of Disease) announcement differently. I have a feeling based on your previous posts in this joint that you are going to handle it very well indeed. There WILL be, in your case, that 40% of irritating doubt and worry, particularly when any former symptom shows up (in my case, if I cough, I wonder; if my jaw hurts, I wonder).
Live your life, Linda! Do exactly as you have clearly been doing all of this time: enjoy every moment of every day with the awareness that most of us never have until we die, that you are indeed mortal, and that every moment is indeed precious.
Again, congratulations on an excellent report from your doctors!
As some of us folks like to belt out on occasions such as this: WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!
(Um, that was totally out of character ).
Take care,
Joe0 -
Congradssoccerfreaks said:Congratulations!
Awesome news, Linda! Congraulations for recognizing that you are a survivor, something you have been, incidentally, since the very day they diagnosed you, in my humble opinion.
Clearly, we all deal with that NED (No Evidence of Disease) announcement differently. I have a feeling based on your previous posts in this joint that you are going to handle it very well indeed. There WILL be, in your case, that 40% of irritating doubt and worry, particularly when any former symptom shows up (in my case, if I cough, I wonder; if my jaw hurts, I wonder).
Live your life, Linda! Do exactly as you have clearly been doing all of this time: enjoy every moment of every day with the awareness that most of us never have until we die, that you are indeed mortal, and that every moment is indeed precious.
Again, congratulations on an excellent report from your doctors!
As some of us folks like to belt out on occasions such as this: WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!
(Um, that was totally out of character ).
Take care,
Joe
Yes Linda your reactions are very understandable. Mine were similar when I finished treatment. I felt very disoriented and knew things had changed but wasnt sure what or how.
Part of me wanted to rejoice and yet I was afraid to believe I might have beaten this thing. Nine months post treatment I am still processing the whole experience. Be patient with yourself and be good to yourself. If you find planning a vacation or celebration appropriate go for it. We only get one life and it is so precious. Enjoy each day as it comes.0 -
Celebrate the New Your Linda
Linda, I am a 19 year survivor of ALL (Acute Lyphoblastic Leukemia) and went through a successful BMT (Bone Marrow Transplant) back in 1985. I was a part of a 2% population of worldwide of ALL patients that had the opportunity to be treated with a BMT. I only spend 1 year of treatment and they did not have the internet or post treatment network groups but seminars. We faced the same challenges and questions then as many do now after finishing treatment but we had to find support when we could through other patients or support groups. The experience only makes you grow with new perspectives on life but be encourage to move on and see this as a part of life as a cancer survivor. Back then they gave us a cancer free ticket after 5 years after your follow up and the percent rate of the cancer returning was at a much higher rate. You cannot focus on that as long as you follow through with what is required because many of us know life is full of other circumstances but you must stay positive and celebrate your new beginings. Continue to live a normal life, reach goals, travel, go back to school, enjoy your family and know your experience will always be a part of your life. Give yourself time to reflect on the experience that made you grow because it was real but you "survived" - It is not the essense of Linda so take one day at a time and continue to live for the day with the energy you have for that day, tomorrow will take care of itself. Back in 1985 it was still a tabo but today, it a proud achievement. . . as the young kids say today . . . YOU GO LINDA !0 -
congratulations
My last chemo treatment was on Halloween in 2007. They took off my pump 2 days later and I was done. I was a very happy camper. I had my reversal in Dec 2007. I have had alot of problems from this. I have had many good days but some very bad days. I go to at least one cancer support group each week. This group has helped me deal with the bad days and to live and enjoy my life. I thought once I was done with treatment I would go about my life sort of like I did after my 2 c-sections and after I fractured my foot. Oh no I have allowed the what if thoughts to creep in. Only you will determine when you'll pick up your life again. I keep going to group because they are like my family now. Also hopefully I can help someone who is struggling with the beast. Pack your wig away and give the hats away and go full speed ahead. Congratulations on beating the beast. Hugs for you!!!0
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