Pity Party

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Comments

  • cats_toy
    cats_toy Member Posts: 1,462 Member
    #22
    nothing wrong with a party
    pity or otherwise, do what you need to do, and let it out. Venting stops you from letting it build up inside and that would be a bad thing. Sorry that your family isn't there for you, but don't let it eat at you. We are here for you, hope you start feeling better soon.
    =^..^=
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #23
    padee6339 said:

    Hi Teena -
    They are not really kids, they range in age - hmmm lets see -
    Elizabeth 20
    Morgan turning 27
    Brian 25 (Godson)
    Adrienne 31
    Andrea 20
    Kristina 23 (Goddaughter)

    Old enough. I know people don't know what to say or how to handle it, but they are not children. One is married (Adrienne)and I get Facebook notes from her all the time. I'd rather a phone call, but then maybe I'm being selfish.

    Have you just called them
    Have you just called them and explained to them how you feel? Or, write a letter to them? I guess they aren't kids, but, maybe they just don't want to deal with this. But, they at least owe you an explanation as to why not. I wish you the best!
  • cats_toy
    cats_toy Member Posts: 1,462 Member
    #24
    tasha_111 said:

    Pat
    When I was half way through chemo and all the way to hell, I phoned my Mum, spoke to her, Dad, My Son and My sister Fiona..........The conversation as follows........

    Me: Hi How are you?

    Fiona: Hi how are you doing?

    Me: Well I'm feeli..............

    Fiona:....I have to go, it's my hand at cards......Byeeeeeeeeeeee

    Me:...Sob

    Tash....that really made me sad, but
    sometimes they just don't know what to say, so the easiest thing is to say nothing. I am sticking with that one. My brother lives in Vegas and I never heard from him by phone or email through my diagnosis, surgery and first chemo. First time we spoke, my mom handed me the phone when he called her. He never asked how I was doing, just ran off a list of things I should and should not avoid foodwise so as not to "catch" it again. I then told him I always ate healthy, we do not eat fast food, we always buy fresh organic vegetables with no bug spray, farm fresh eggs, etc. and guess what? I got cancer!!! gee, what do I do now?
    He couldn't really say anything then but "oh".
    Can't let them drag us down. We need to keep only the positive and happy people around us, and if that means avoiding some family and friends, so be it.
    We will get through it without them if need be.
    =^..^=
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    #25
    You know Pat & J.....
    In all honesty, BEFORE I had bc, if I heard that someone had been dx'd with it, I always thought...."well, it's only breast cancer and they will be fine". I truly did think that.
    I had that idea because bc always seemed to me to be the "cadillac" of cancers...so much money and research has been put into it, that in my own mind, I thought of it as merely an annoyance, and not a killer disease.
    Of course, I know better now! But that is the way I felt then.

    And since being dx'd, I have had other people say to me..."they will fix it and you will be fine." Because they thought the same way that I did.

    Maybe some of your family members also had/have that mistaken view of it. Unless someone acyually sees what we have to go through in order to be cancer free, they may simply not understand. I sure didn't.

    Just a thought.......

    CR
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    #26
    CR1954 said:

    You know Pat & J.....
    In all honesty, BEFORE I had bc, if I heard that someone had been dx'd with it, I always thought...."well, it's only breast cancer and they will be fine". I truly did think that.
    I had that idea because bc always seemed to me to be the "cadillac" of cancers...so much money and research has been put into it, that in my own mind, I thought of it as merely an annoyance, and not a killer disease.
    Of course, I know better now! But that is the way I felt then.

    And since being dx'd, I have had other people say to me..."they will fix it and you will be fine." Because they thought the same way that I did.

    Maybe some of your family members also had/have that mistaken view of it. Unless someone acyually sees what we have to go through in order to be cancer free, they may simply not understand. I sure didn't.

    Just a thought.......

    CR

    Why are
    people who have never had it still so afraid to talk about it?! Even if they say something stupid-still!! It's like bc is contagious and you're going to get it if you get too close or talk about it! Or are people just afraid that it could happened to them so they don't want to talk about it,I don't know.
    Don't know if I'm just being paranoid or not( my husband thinks it's just her quiet personality),but it seems like sometimes the neighbor woman across the street tries really hard to ignore me(seems like it started when I was diagnosed and especially when I lost my hair). Her husband on the other hand always smiles when he sees me and will ask how I am.(Maybe that's just his personality)
    Pat and Tash,I am sorry about the neglect from your family members.I'm not too good at visiting, myself,(as we live a distance from any of our families) but if a family member was battling a disease like this-you can bet I'd want to be there!
    Sometimes I wish that people would just get over their feelings and think about the rest of us!!Oh well,I'll get off of my soap box!
    Oh,and Pat-nice hat! I like it!!
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #27
    CR1954 said:

    You know Pat & J.....
    In all honesty, BEFORE I had bc, if I heard that someone had been dx'd with it, I always thought...."well, it's only breast cancer and they will be fine". I truly did think that.
    I had that idea because bc always seemed to me to be the "cadillac" of cancers...so much money and research has been put into it, that in my own mind, I thought of it as merely an annoyance, and not a killer disease.
    Of course, I know better now! But that is the way I felt then.

    And since being dx'd, I have had other people say to me..."they will fix it and you will be fine." Because they thought the same way that I did.

    Maybe some of your family members also had/have that mistaken view of it. Unless someone acyually sees what we have to go through in order to be cancer free, they may simply not understand. I sure didn't.

    Just a thought.......

    CR

    Facebook idea
    I think Mimi is right and it will give you something to do. All the young adults are on facebook. I know my kids are and they are close to the same age as you have mentioned. Send them all a message, tell them how you miss them. They might think you are just fine and don't need them. Another thing, maybe they just don't know what to say. Give it a try. If that does not work we can have another party with you and help you through it. Your home, check with your village/city. They may have some idea's for you to get some free help on fixing your home. Sometimes church's, the high school, community service have the help you may need. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #28
    Thanks Everyone!
    Thank all of you for your kind words, support, and hugs and love. I needed that! I am going to the ocean for a week starting next Wednesday and will chill out and think things through while I'm there. I'm taking my Mom home and when I come back I will truly be alone. Maybe I need that time to get myself back to normal. I know my feelings for those who vanished with my dx will weigh heavily for a time, but then, I can start thinking rationally and get really angry enough to blast all of 'em! LOL

    I'm taking my 'puter with me so I will not be far from you all. You have been my strength and have given me courage I never would have found in myself.

    As far as the brownies go, ha ha ha, I think they'd prefer a couple of cases of beer! They live on Stouffers and Maryland crabs. That's what I can get for them, a bushel of crabs - they might work for food!!!! haha

    Sincerely, all of you have been so comforting and kind and I hope this website never ever disappears.

    Pat
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #29
    padee6339 said:

    Thanks Everyone!
    Thank all of you for your kind words, support, and hugs and love. I needed that! I am going to the ocean for a week starting next Wednesday and will chill out and think things through while I'm there. I'm taking my Mom home and when I come back I will truly be alone. Maybe I need that time to get myself back to normal. I know my feelings for those who vanished with my dx will weigh heavily for a time, but then, I can start thinking rationally and get really angry enough to blast all of 'em! LOL

    I'm taking my 'puter with me so I will not be far from you all. You have been my strength and have given me courage I never would have found in myself.

    As far as the brownies go, ha ha ha, I think they'd prefer a couple of cases of beer! They live on Stouffers and Maryland crabs. That's what I can get for them, a bushel of crabs - they might work for food!!!! haha

    Sincerely, all of you have been so comforting and kind and I hope this website never ever disappears.

    Pat

    I hope you feel better and
    I hope you feel better and find strength to make yourself happy!

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