Well meaning friends and family

I hear ya!
Hi,
I can certainly relate to you. I have stage 3A Melanoma but most of my friends think thats jus like a cavity or something u cut out and your ok. I wish. Wish people get the facts. Melanoma is one of the deadliest cancers and even stage 1 is dangerous. hard to cath it early when a mole you had all your life is looking like a typical mole! Then it goes bazarck and time the docs get you to surgery its spread! Then people are like didnt u watch yourself? Did you get too much sun? You gotta wear sunscreen...blahblah blah, I did all that I never got much sun less than most my friends,...and so on ...anyhow there are so many things that might cause a particular cancer, yet many think u got it the most common way, which even is not proven 100%, I was on immuno pills for Crohns I got too and I blame that. Anyhow too many people do say ...ahhhh youll be fine its just skin cancer! Give me a break. I hope I will be fine. I know people try to put a good spin on things....what are they to say ...boy you'll be dead in a year or so....lol but people need to get facts and stick with facts.....I think one should say or acknowledge atleast that you have something that is dangerous and tell you they hope all the best for you. Just try to help you out, actions will show a lot. Its hard I know for all involved. Not easy. It's not good though to belittle a serious disease or to tell someone they have false hope or that they have no hope. So take a middle ground. In fact thats what most of us have. A middle ground, a chance to get better but also a chance to not do so. Yes people are better and some worst off than others but that dont mean anything to the specific situation really. Its like a family income, so many make $50000 some more, some only 10000 and so forth, for sure it is hard to live on 20000 and to say some are only making 10000 or are on welfare doesnt help you at 20000 if you cant hardly pay bills, etc...Its better to acknowledge that all these groups of less fortunate people need help. It is unlucky to be sick or get cancer I think. Sometimes lifestyle may increase your risk but many times a lifestyle is pre determined by other conditions , other sickness, family history, job, education and so forth that may be beyond our control. Yes if you smoke all your life that may give you cancer, but even still one cant be certain 100% that caused it. I know smokers who lived to 90+ Yet smoking will increase your risk a lot, so dont do it. Dont get too much sun, etc....but you kinda got to take meds for Crohns disease say for example, that may lead to more side effects. So sickness in my opinion is largely a matter of bad luck, once you ensure you did everythin else right: diet, exercise, etc, to the best you can with your education, and so forth. I read in the New Testament that when we are sick we can be closer to God, and many will call on God when and sadly only when we are sick. Yet God will answer. The meak shall inherit the earth and we must all come to God as a child. We must be humble, and believe totally in your own mind and heart that God is real, then pray and ask him for what you want with no greed or evil at all in your request. I believe in God and I think God still heals today just like he did just 2000 yrs ago which isnt a long time ago. Even if we are not healed it don't mean we are considered less worthy than those that do get healed of cancer. God healed back 2000 yrs ago only some, some to show his power and compassion and to help spread the faith. To God the body is a mere shelter of the soul while we are on Earth. Our soul is just as precious to God as that of anyone healed by God or that of those who are never sick and sail through life. God loves us all. The shorty second of a lifetime, is so small compared with eternity of life for our soul, that we can see how the soul is the crucial thing and important to God, not our body. Even when Jesus 'died' on the cross and he shouted and gave up the ghost and his head fell down, his body stayed there on the cross, yet God left the cross and the death, God is everywhere and in all of us and it is our soul, and our soul too will leave and go to Heaven with God. Therefore any physical pain or infliction on Earth will draw us closer to God and in prayer and reading. I dont blame God for all my sickness, it is just the way things went, I thank God for our chance at everlasting life and the short gifts on Earth that can even create memories that last until the end in our families and friends. Just as not a single sparrow will die on Earth without God knowing, then how much greater are we than a sparrow? Im paraphrasing the bible here. God left the Earth in a sense back 2000 yrs ago but we were told, the apostles and others that we are not left hopeless, we are left with love, and best of all the hope at everlasting life. A way to beat the end of life on Earth, a way to live again. Certainly thse things are within God's power as he is the creator the engineer of it all. Even science is pointing more towards a supreme power and devine creator. Even nature and its patterns and mathematical formulation and following of a formula points to a creator more than just a random event of a big bang. The organization of life contradicts the law of entropy and chaos. as if everything were to get more disorganised and tend to clutter and random then how would something of such order and design and life have formed....well I tell you how, by the power of a creator, God.
God Speed.

gthufford said:

Test results, other results
Longingforhope,

Just thinking about you and the test results and the other news you were expecting. I hope and pray that all is good with you, and hope you are having a wonderful time in FL.

BTW - I looked you up and made you a friend of mine on this website. Not sure what that means, but we could all use another friend!

Another friend Great!
Thanks for adding me, now we can send private e-mails too. That's what adding a friend entitles you too.

I do try to be positive and I think you and I do have alot in common. Some days are just dark and I have to vent and my family and few friends that have stuck by me get tired of hearing it so I come to my online family for an ear and support.

At diagnosis we should be given this website in our cancer handbook they give us. This truly is a lifesaver.

Come and chat with us soon there are some new men recently dx that could use some positive male influence.

Keep the faith

Hope

gthufford said:

Green50 - Dancing through Chemo
Green50,

Thank you so much - and God Bless You. My wife is on a journey that I can't comprehend, only support. As both a caregiver and patient, you have a very unique perspective that I respect and appreciate.

I have tried to get my wife to shift her attitude, only to be met with her rolling eyes that tell me that I just don't understand. I've given up on that, and really now just focus on meeting as many of her needs as I can - which lately is just making sure she can sleep as much as possible.

That doesn't keep me from being positive, which is one of the things that my wife loves about me, I just sometimes have to be careful what I say around her.

We just had our 1 year anniversary of the cancer diagnosis (cancer free so-far!), but my wife says that she won't be able to be comfortable until after 1 year after the Chemo is done. That will be Aug 2010 - which I suppose will be here soon enough. In the grand scheme of things, this is not that much time to wait - especially for someone who I love more today than ever.

Thanks again - you are in my prayers as well.

Family Update
My daughter is finally feeling better after 3 ct scans and 3 chest x-rays rounds of visits to different specialists including the last one to the Pulmonologist at Cleveland Clinic. The verdict varies but the things we know for sure is that her thymus is growing into ther lungs but is not cancerous, she has nodules on her thyroid that they will contine to monitor and her cough of 9 months finally went away. Oh and lets don't forget the atypical moles she had and the mri showed no cancer or spreading but she will be watched for melanoma now. The poor kid is 18 and just moved to South Carolina,she starts College in Aug and really didn't need all of this.

Hub's scan showed no evidence of disease but they made sure we knew it can return any day. They are so uplifting! He is continuing Interferon shots 3 times a week, I have gotten quite good at them, until November.

We have moved to Florida and the weather and sunshine agree with us. Even our pets love it. My 15 yr old is going to do online high school and start at the community college this fall.

Life is different but better in many ways and we can actually think about something besides cancer now. I believe God made the ocean so we would feel close to him during the rough times.

Hope all of you are doing well. You are in my prayers.

Hope

well meaning friends and family
As many others have long ago stated every one tells you what you should or shouldn't do,but being a psych major,I know every one is different,therefore,every one does and feels a different way. I am so tired from his friends and family members,who we haven't seen or heard from in five years calling and showing up. If these people loved him so much,then where have they been up until now?
They do not understand why he does not want to see them,and being the good wife,I just keep saying he's either asleep or doesn't feel well today. The stress can be so overhwelming when your trying to be nice and deal all at the same time. But,this is his cacner and his fight,therefore,in my mind the rest do not matter,and I have vowed to allow him to do as he pleases,reguardless of the others.