to post or not to post-just skip this...

chenheart said:

(((((((((HUGS))))))
NO APOLOGIES NEEDED! That is part of the beauty of this place; the instant connections, the intimacy, and yes, the safety of being among Kindred Spirits. Our life stories have a common thread, and the empathy you give to us on a regular basis is now being given back to you today.

I too found myself drowning in a lonely sea...I had been married for 27 years, and for 22 years I was also part of an exclusive, close-knit religion which practices shunning. I found myself on the outside of that religion looking in~ with none of the people I knew being able to even acknowledge my existance.

I moved away, and didn't know a soul! I did meet my sweet, wonderful Reggie, but like you and your hubby, he was part of a community who knew him as part of a previously married couple. I got BC in less than a year after meeting him. That part of my life thankfully worked out wonderfully, and we are still together 7 years later and deliriously happy.

Interestingly enough, I also spent much of my time in BC treatment going to court to become the legal guardian/foster mom of my niece. Her mom , my sister was also "challenged", with substance abuse, and stability issues... The court system did NOT know I was battling the Beast for the same reasons you stated~ I didn't want my physical health to sway the court. I was awarded custody! And she is now 24 years old, and the light of my life.

As for your boss who ignores your dx, here's the general, yet true statement regarding men/women. Men, for the MOST part, are Fixers, while Women are Nurturers. When men cannot fix something, ( as in BC) they ignore, abdicate, or get angry.
Women jump right in and make food, take your kids for the day, offer rides, cry, make a Spa Day appointment or watch a Chick Flick with us! And wheras we don't mind at all being the giver, we women have a hard time asking for help and being on the receiving end. As if it somehow reflects poorly on us as women. Letting the gender down or something.

Balderdash!

You are a woman dealing with this lousy hand you were dealt. It doesn't matter if you are a loner, or the life of any party~ BC stinks! The emotions will ebb and flow; some days will be better than others, and you are in the midst of decision-making.

I know I repeat the phrases I like, and one of my favorites of late is: "We do what we have to do, so we can do what we want to do."

Feel free to come in and vent anytime you want! Afterall, this is a support group! We can't fix what you perceive as wrong, and you probably don't want us to! But you have been validated, and you are worthy, and will get through this with all of us surrounding you! So much for being a loner~ well, at least we are an invisible group! LOL

Hugs,
Claudia

dmc_emmy said:

T-this sounds vaguely familiar
Taleena,
"It's okay", isn't that what you told me when I apologized for having my little pity party and dumping on all of you? I asked for hugs and the hug train started. I felt so loved.

Well, I think it's time for a hug train to start for you Taleena. Consider it done.

As you can see, from everyone who posted here, we love and care about you. Sometimes, life just gets in the way of our healing process; when we think we are handling everything quite fine. I think you are a lot like me (probably a lot like many of us here) who feel alone and feel that they need to show their strength by being everything to everybody and being the best at it.

I had a 8.0 GPA, too, and when I lost it I felt so stupid and like a true loser. After weeks of feeling this way, I finally got over it, though I am still disappointed with myself. Sounds like you are an perfectionist in an imperfect world (join the team!). We perfectionist have to stick together.

Taleena, it's great to care, but sometimes caring too much, especially when it's out of your control, can be devastating. You are a giver. Don't be so hard on yourself. If it's meant to be, everything with your little niece Liz will work out as it should. The courts, in time, will make the right decision. I know this from my own personal experience with court battles. The best thing you can do for Liz (and for yourself) is just to be there for her and to let her know that you will be there for her (that's all she asked for, remember?).

As for work, we all deal with challenges differently. I, too, was hurt when people I thought were my friends seemed to ignore my illness. In retrospect, I realize that they had to come to terms with it in their own way-just like each of us.

My I suggest that you read the "Desederata" (sp?) find some peace..."go quietly among the noice and haste" my friend and we will be quietly walking right along side you.

Peace,
dmc

ladybug22 said:

good
good for you comming here . sorry you have so much on your plate. the sister and brothers can help a lot if we just open up dump it out makes the load lighter we love you

aurora2009 said:

Sorry I'm late
Teleena
As you know I'm new here, but probably just like you I've read all the posts old and new, and yours are some of the ones that stick out the most for me. It' okay to be down sometimes and it's okay to vent, that's what we're here for right?

I really can't add anything more than what the other ladies have all ready said, just know that we are all here for you, just like you've been here for us.

As for your Boss, pull him aside and talk to him, that's what I had to do with mine. I know he knew that I had BC, but he hadn't talked to me about it either. It turns out he just didn't know what to say, in the long run he almost made me cry, because he was more concerned than I realized, he just didn't know if I wanted to talk about it.

It seems like alot of here us have alot in common, we're all strong and have alot on our plates. I'm a manager at my job, I run 3 departments and have 20 people under me, at the same
time I also organize all the fundraisers we as a company contribe to (ironically including this one).
I also go to school full time and have only 1 class left, before I graduate. (I'm thinking about droping it until fall so the pace won't be so hard, I don't want my grades to suffer either).
And last but not least I am the sole bread winner in the family, I support 4 people and everything rest's on my shoulders, a few years back when my husband had a knee surgery, the roles in my home changed, he ended up being the one to stay home and be the at home parent and I ended up in the working force. I love my job and it's worked out fine for us until now.

Sometimes I feel like it's all to much but so far I haven't even sat down and cryed about this whole BC, My time is coming believe me and when it does I'm gonna need you there, so don't feel bad about feeling down and needing to vent. It's your time now and we're all here for you.

I hope you're feeling better today.
Aurora