to post or not to post-just skip this...

taleena

chenheart said:

(((((((((HUGS))))))
NO APOLOGIES NEEDED! That is part of the beauty of this place; the instant connections, the intimacy, and yes, the safety of being among Kindred Spirits. Our life stories have a common thread, and the empathy you give to us on a regular basis is now being given back to you today.

I too found myself drowning in a lonely sea...I had been married for 27 years, and for 22 years I was also part of an exclusive, close-knit religion which practices shunning. I found myself on the outside of that religion looking in~ with none of the people I knew being able to even acknowledge my existance.

I moved away, and didn't know a soul! I did meet my sweet, wonderful Reggie, but like you and your hubby, he was part of a community who knew him as part of a previously married couple. I got BC in less than a year after meeting him. That part of my life thankfully worked out wonderfully, and we are still together 7 years later and deliriously happy.

Interestingly enough, I also spent much of my time in BC treatment going to court to become the legal guardian/foster mom of my niece. Her mom , my sister was also "challenged", with substance abuse, and stability issues... The court system did NOT know I was battling the Beast for the same reasons you stated~ I didn't want my physical health to sway the court. I was awarded custody! And she is now 24 years old, and the light of my life.

As for your boss who ignores your dx, here's the general, yet true statement regarding men/women. Men, for the MOST part, are Fixers, while Women are Nurturers. When men cannot fix something, ( as in BC) they ignore, abdicate, or get angry.
Women jump right in and make food, take your kids for the day, offer rides, cry, make a Spa Day appointment or watch a Chick Flick with us! And wheras we don't mind at all being the giver, we women have a hard time asking for help and being on the receiving end. As if it somehow reflects poorly on us as women. Letting the gender down or something.

Balderdash!

You are a woman dealing with this lousy hand you were dealt. It doesn't matter if you are a loner, or the life of any party~ BC stinks! The emotions will ebb and flow; some days will be better than others, and you are in the midst of decision-making.

I know I repeat the phrases I like, and one of my favorites of late is: "We do what we have to do, so we can do what we want to do."

Feel free to come in and vent anytime you want! Afterall, this is a support group! We can't fix what you perceive as wrong, and you probably don't want us to! But you have been validated, and you are worthy, and will get through this with all of us surrounding you! So much for being a loner~ well, at least we are an invisible group! LOL

Hugs,
Claudia

Okay Claudia.. can you send
Okay Claudia.. can you send me the book? I really want to read it that way I can figure out just how to handle the middle part.. seeing how you have shared how the story ends. Thank you.. I really get the impression that you understand.

Hugs, Love & Friendship

~T

taleena

Akiss4me said:

TALEENA!!!
Yikes...I woke up this morning and screamed at the women in the mirror. How did I let my daughter talk me into going from blond to brunette? Now I know when everyone tells me it looks good....they are lying!! Cowards....can't tell me the truth (hmmmmm...which means they are afraid of me! Might have some leverage here!).
On a more serious note....feeling sorry for myself for making such a HUGE mistake (not like a couple bottles more of hairdye couldn't fix) I decided to hop on board and read some post. (I think more to keep me away from the mirror!).
Then I came across your post. OMG....I'm from NJ!! And never had any friend's (husband had them all!). And am somewhat of a loner too. And realized that it is so good to know someone that you have so much in common with.
Dump anytime, Taleena. Believe it or not, alot of times when I read what you post I feel like I was dictating to you my feelings. So just pour them out there because while it helps you to get it off your chest, it helps me to read it!!
Hang in there, you have a lot on your plate!! Let you feelings have their moment. They will pass eventually and you won't feel so overwhelmed. And remember, we are all here for you!! Hugs.........:) Pammy


PS) Claudia said it with such wisdom! Thanks Claudia

Thanks Pammy... and I am
Thanks Pammy... and I am sure that your hair actually looks good.. you just need some adjustment time.. we are creatures of habit.. therefore we buck change.. so.. give it a few days.. maybe it will grow on you.. literally!

Hugs, Love & Friendship

~T

dmc_emmy

taleena said:

Thank you EVERYONE
okay.. no more acting like a "One Legged Man at an Arse Kicking Party" as Tasha so eliquently put it! Girl.. no matter what kind of mood I'm in.. you can always make me laugh..!

I just wish that life would throw the crisises one at a time.. at least then I would feel like I had the chance to catch them all. I know my emotions are raw.. hell.. haven't had time to even mourn the loss of my father... let alone deal with all the crazies of my sister in law.. add cancer to that .. and well .. maybe not Cibyl.. but how about the Three Sisters of Eve?

You know.. I am fairly close with the President of the company I work for (unfortunately she's in Chicago).. and recently she told me that I should write a book, but that I would have to sell it as fiction... because no one would believe that all of "that" could happen in just one persons lifetime... and only by the age of 42! Trust me there are days I truly wonder if my life is for some higher powers twisted jokes... lol

They say.. that God never gives us more than we can handle.. I say.. I am beginning to think that he is just a little too confindent!

But I do find much comfort that I have all of you! And that my friends comes straight from that place that I keep safely protected behind a wall of concrete cynder block bricks!! (the heart)!

Maybe it's just PMS... hum.. well.. I know this too shall pass.

Good night

Hugs, Love & Friendship

~T

T-well at least you have PMS!
At times I wish I was still it instead of of post-PMS (otherwise known as menopause thanks to the chemo). At least with PMS you know when it might hit you. As for having unexpected menopause, ugh...that's another story!

My husband just approached and said, "You love that computer!" I think that was a hint to get off and begin my day. No more procrastinating the house-cleaning that awaits me. I have already assigned the dusting to my hubby (blind or not, he sure can buff those table tops, though I did catch him dusting without removing things the last time I volunteered him--men!)
dmc
Oops, sorry if I offended you "1 Percent," no offense intended. Just girl talk.

taleena

jk1952 said:

I know exactly what you mean

I know exactly what you mean when you say you are a loner. I'm someone who scores as an extreme introvert when I take personality tests, and I would much rather be alone when I'm not feeling well. For the most part, people tire me out. But, from time to time, I simply need someone to listen to me and maybe offer feedback. But, we need to be careful who we choose as a sounding board, since as you've found many people can be real Debbie Downers.

You have been through more this year than many people have experienced in a lifetime. Your brother's illness and death, the fight to keep your niece, concerns for your sister, your dad died a little over a month ago, your mother's experiences with BC and her attitude, and you were only diagnosed about a month ago. You have a right to be scared, angry, depressed, and an 'emotional wreck' (your words). You haven't had a break in months, and this whole BC thing is so new. Time really does help to heal, and you haven't had any time.

Although I know that it's really hard to tell your sister that you don't want her to go with you to the oncologist, don't feel guilty about it. You and your husband are a team, and you deserve to have only him with you. Also, don't be afraid to do a few things for yourself. Maybe you and your niece could rent some chick flicks, make some popcorn and watch the movies together. It might help to take your mind off of everything else for a few hours, and let you share some time with her. Or, a nice hot bubble bath. Anything that will help you feel pampered.

Believe me, hormone therapy will be a breeze compared to what you're going through now. And, at some point in time, BC won't be constantly on your mind, and you'll start feeling much better.

Joyce

Joyce, thank you so much for
Joyce, thank you so much for the encouragement.. I hope you know how much I appreciate it... I sometimes forget just how much has been going on in such a short time.. If I were on the outside looking in, I would have said the same things you did.. I guess sometimes when we are looking from the inside out, it's harder to be as understanding with myself.

I guess that's why I have you all... sometimes just need a reminder.

Thank you again

Hugs, Love & Friendship

~T

taleena

dmc_emmy said:

T-this sounds vaguely familiar
Taleena,
"It's okay", isn't that what you told me when I apologized for having my little pity party and dumping on all of you? I asked for hugs and the hug train started. I felt so loved.

Well, I think it's time for a hug train to start for you Taleena. Consider it done.

As you can see, from everyone who posted here, we love and care about you. Sometimes, life just gets in the way of our healing process; when we think we are handling everything quite fine. I think you are a lot like me (probably a lot like many of us here) who feel alone and feel that they need to show their strength by being everything to everybody and being the best at it.

I had a 8.0 GPA, too, and when I lost it I felt so stupid and like a true loser. After weeks of feeling this way, I finally got over it, though I am still disappointed with myself. Sounds like you are an perfectionist in an imperfect world (join the team!). We perfectionist have to stick together.

Taleena, it's great to care, but sometimes caring too much, especially when it's out of your control, can be devastating. You are a giver. Don't be so hard on yourself. If it's meant to be, everything with your little niece Liz will work out as it should. The courts, in time, will make the right decision. I know this from my own personal experience with court battles. The best thing you can do for Liz (and for yourself) is just to be there for her and to let her know that you will be there for her (that's all she asked for, remember?).

As for work, we all deal with challenges differently. I, too, was hurt when people I thought were my friends seemed to ignore my illness. In retrospect, I realize that they had to come to terms with it in their own way-just like each of us.

My I suggest that you read the "Desederata" (sp?) find some peace..."go quietly among the noice and haste" my friend and we will be quietly walking right along side you.

Peace,
dmc

DMC... thank you so much.. I
DMC... thank you so much.. I just want you to know how much I appreciatetall of your encouragement.. and your input... I will see if I can find the book!

Take care my friend!

Hugs, Love & Friedship

~T

taleena

CR1954 said:

T............
I'm afraid that I don't have any real words of wisdom for you here. I'm sorry that you have such a huge amount of stress in your life right now, and I wish I could help you in some way.

Just want you to know that you are very much loved and cherished here. So please don't hesitate to post, regardless of your feelings or emotions, at the time.

Huge bear hugs coming your way!

CR

CR.. I will remember that...
CR.. I will remember that... Thank you so much!

Hugs, Love & Friendship

~T

taleena

ladybug22 said:

good
good for you comming here . sorry you have so much on your plate. the sister and brothers can help a lot if we just open up dump it out makes the load lighter we love you

I've never really thought of
I've never really thought of this place as a dumping ground.. but truly I am glad it's here and can be used as such...

Thank you ladybug!

Hugs,

~T

aurora2009

dmc_emmy said:

T-well at least you have PMS!
At times I wish I was still it instead of of post-PMS (otherwise known as menopause thanks to the chemo). At least with PMS you know when it might hit you. As for having unexpected menopause, ugh...that's another story!

My husband just approached and said, "You love that computer!" I think that was a hint to get off and begin my day. No more procrastinating the house-cleaning that awaits me. I have already assigned the dusting to my hubby (blind or not, he sure can buff those table tops, though I did catch him dusting without removing things the last time I volunteered him--men!)
dmc
Oops, sorry if I offended you "1 Percent," no offense intended. Just girl talk.

Sorry I'm late
Teleena
As you know I'm new here, but probably just like you I've read all the posts old and new, and yours are some of the ones that stick out the most for me. It' okay to be down sometimes and it's okay to vent, that's what we're here for right?

I really can't add anything more than what the other ladies have all ready said, just know that we are all here for you, just like you've been here for us.

As for your Boss, pull him aside and talk to him, that's what I had to do with mine. I know he knew that I had BC, but he hadn't talked to me about it either. It turns out he just didn't know what to say, in the long run he almost made me cry, because he was more concerned than I realized, he just didn't know if I wanted to talk about it.

It seems like alot of here us have alot in common, we're all strong and have alot on our plates. I'm a manager at my job, I run 3 departments and have 20 people under me, at the same
time I also organize all the fundraisers we as a company contribe to (ironically including this one).
I also go to school full time and have only 1 class left, before I graduate. (I'm thinking about droping it until fall so the pace won't be so hard, I don't want my grades to suffer either).
And last but not least I am the sole bread winner in the family, I support 4 people and everything rest's on my shoulders, a few years back when my husband had a knee surgery, the roles in my home changed, he ended up being the one to stay home and be the at home parent and I ended up in the working force. I love my job and it's worked out fine for us until now.

Sometimes I feel like it's all to much but so far I haven't even sat down and cryed about this whole BC, My time is coming believe me and when it does I'm gonna need you there, so don't feel bad about feeling down and needing to vent. It's your time now and we're all here for you.

I hope you're feeling better today.
Aurora

taleena

aurora2009 said:

Sorry I'm late
Teleena
As you know I'm new here, but probably just like you I've read all the posts old and new, and yours are some of the ones that stick out the most for me. It' okay to be down sometimes and it's okay to vent, that's what we're here for right?

I really can't add anything more than what the other ladies have all ready said, just know that we are all here for you, just like you've been here for us.

As for your Boss, pull him aside and talk to him, that's what I had to do with mine. I know he knew that I had BC, but he hadn't talked to me about it either. It turns out he just didn't know what to say, in the long run he almost made me cry, because he was more concerned than I realized, he just didn't know if I wanted to talk about it.

It seems like alot of here us have alot in common, we're all strong and have alot on our plates. I'm a manager at my job, I run 3 departments and have 20 people under me, at the same
time I also organize all the fundraisers we as a company contribe to (ironically including this one).
I also go to school full time and have only 1 class left, before I graduate. (I'm thinking about droping it until fall so the pace won't be so hard, I don't want my grades to suffer either).
And last but not least I am the sole bread winner in the family, I support 4 people and everything rest's on my shoulders, a few years back when my husband had a knee surgery, the roles in my home changed, he ended up being the one to stay home and be the at home parent and I ended up in the working force. I love my job and it's worked out fine for us until now.

Sometimes I feel like it's all to much but so far I haven't even sat down and cryed about this whole BC, My time is coming believe me and when it does I'm gonna need you there, so don't feel bad about feeling down and needing to vent. It's your time now and we're all here for you.

I hope you're feeling better today.
Aurora

Aurora.. thank you so much..
Aurora.. thank you so much.. I really appreciate your response, and yes, I am feeling better today.. well, a littel.. I just dropped one of my classes for the summer semester..and knowing what's around the bend, but not quite sure how it will be for me I dropped two of five classes I was going to be starting in August.. hope I made the right decision.

Take care.. and I will be here for you as well.

~T